Like yah!!!! Are you like, between the ages of like, 25 – 40 and like, want to act like a child in summer camp? Well then join the team of Brokelyn.com tonight as they kick off the summer in true hipster transplant fashion with a summer camp themed night in a beer garden in none other than the magical land discovered by progressive pioneering creative types: WHIMSYBURG!
If you don’t know about Brokelyn.com; it’s a website run by a bunch of transplants who would like to help their readers understand Brooklyn culture and save money on important things like PBR, coffee, rooftop films, rooftop veggies, yoga mats, and bicycle related stuff. Just check out the list of activities planned for tonight:
- Make new friends scavenger hunt
- Friendship bracelets, macaroni art, popsicle stick sculptures, etc.
- Ping pong, bocce and ladder ball tournaments
- Best of Brooklyn raffle (win a brand new bike from Ride Brooklyn, among other sweet prizes- Water balloon toss
- Sweater fondling and/or refrigerator humping
- Spin the bottle
- Makin’ out behind the mess hall
Yes, this is what Brooklyn has become: coddled, nasally, snarky, adult toddlers from Midwestern cul-de-sacs living in $2000 a month apartments who make macaroni art and friendship bracelets while the rest of us normal people watch in awe as Brooklyn becomes a pussified liberal arts campus for perpetual infants with child molester moustaches, lice farm beards, and extra small $150 designer lumber jack shirts.
This is more depressing than watching Abe Vigoda eat oatmeal.
I think I’m gonna take my cue from Frank Capra and jump off a f**cking bridge.
Hopefully, thousands of 13 year old i-Phone deprivedPuerto Rican girls will descend on these lice infested sheep like werewolves and wipe them out.
god bless deprived puerto rican girls–we need lots more of them in this sad sack bklyn.
wtfman, is this real life?
Jesus, dude, GROW THE F@CK UP!!!
Those “activities” look like recess at the senior center. WTF? Where’s the wood chipper ride?
WTF..is sweater fondling and fridge humping (I feel like puking after just re-typing those words) the way hipsters masturbate?
I want to know when they are having Douche Canoe Paddling.
The only sweater-fondling will be between identical bearded asexual male hipster couples wearing matching knit hats, wallet chains and plaid shirts.
What in the fucking fuck?
Look, I understand how one can’t find flex-time ‘work’ that pays for your $2600 studio apartment and your crippling iProduct addiction, what with your underwater basketweaving degree and fear of non-labeled coffee, but this is just flaunting it in everybody’s face!
That said, didn’t these manchildren make a grave error by listing the address, date and time, thus giving potential assailants plenty of opportunity to end this scourge once and for all?
I’m hoping that they’ll start taking bath salts and just do us all a favor and eat each other. If only it could just be marketed as an ‘organic’ ‘fair trade’, ‘locally’ made, ‘yoga vitamin energy’ drink.
That said, didn’t these manchildren make a grave error by listing the address, date and time, thus giving potential assailants plenty of opportunity to end this scourge once and for all?
Slingshots and buckets of frozen fish should be distributed to all neighboring buildings with roof access.
This
No. Fucking. Words.
I wonder if they’re going to charter those little “short buses” for, like yah, “special” kids like them?
SOMEDAY THIS WAR IS GONNA END. SOME DAY.
They broke Brooklyn.
Speaking of broke Brooklyn…I think I may have a solution to 2 serious issues. A 60 ft sink hole opened up in Bay Ridge today due to all of the underground streams that run through there. Since it is a unique situation even by sinkhole standards I say we fill the hole with water for the next week, charge a $3 admission fee and invite them all over for a rilly kewl swim. We could apply their parents money to fix the infrastructure. We’ll let the underground current take care of the rest. A Win-Win!
No. We do NOT want to encourage them to come down here below the line. Besides, a few might survive and find their way to the neighborhood permanently.
My sons friend just got a lifeguard job at McCarren pool. He said so far there are not many hiptards because they actually have to share the pool with the locals. This kid is only going into his junior year in HS and has already worked more this week than most of them have worked all year. I may just take a bunch of Real Brooklyn kids up for a swim if that’s the case.
Hey, y’all just come down to Tampa. Our hipsters ain’t supported by their parent creatures. With that said they’ve got a few hipster bars but then again we’ve got a specific bar for everyone. And our douche-Olympics are limited to kick ball.
I’ve got some friends who’ve lived in that city for a number of years. My understanding is there are no real hipster enclaves since the yupsters started building condos in Ybor back in the early 90′s. One joked that the city was cool for about ten minutes back in 1988. Then came the hordes of wannabe’s and the real artists moved out into the rural areas to avoid infection. Sometime in the mid 90′s, a small percentage of wannabe’s defected and went to Brooklyn on their trustfunds.
Tampon’s got some ‘splainin’ to do LOL
Well actually most of the Ybor condos got built during the boom. But I honestly couldn’t tell you what was there before except that it scared off the party people on 7th ave. I also can’t comment on artists, not my thing, I just fix shit at work, fix cars and drink. I will say that yuppies of the sweeter type seem to be the ones that moved into the condos, but definitely no trust fund joshies. With that said come check out the dirty shame down here. Or if you’re hipster-luscious go to the bricks or Orpheum.
Is the Ritz theater still open in Ybor? Played there awhile back. I think it was owned by the same guy who owned the Masquerade in Atlanta.
Tampa hipsters are here in Brooklyn. I know of one of them(who’s now married to an accountant that pays for her art supplies, says she’s “from” Brooklyn) who adamantly claims she was a founder of the Tampa hardcore scene. But when you do the math she was 10 years old when she “founded” that scene. Fuck these people.
Every summer camp needs a slasher to come out of the woods and pick off campers one by one…
Paging Jason Voorhees!
The second sentence is the best. “…as we kick it off retro-summer camp style with a massive shindig in the rad beer garden…”
Here we go again this time it is SUMMER CAMP.
SOMETHING I LAST DID WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD
Stupid fucks.
That can’t be fucking real. Say it ain’t so, Joe. Say it ain’t so.
I heard a rumor that the balloon toss will feature piss balloons. But I could be wrong.
My God, I thought it was a joke…of course, I should know better by now. You guys should sabotage this thing somehow, like fill up some high powered water guns with vinegar and shock and awe them back to their lofts.
If the movie “Carrie” taught us anything, it’s that dumping pig blood on everyone and burning the place down makes a great finale to immature hiptard activities.
They traveled from the midwest all the way to Brooklyn just to go to CAMP?
Stupid fucks.
Hipster fashion. A waste of money! ► http://www.casely-hayford.com/
When did thick beards ever become high fashion???
Is that the same beardo or multiple beardos (like the Little Bit O Luck Take Five guys)
It’s hard to tell, many beardos look alike.
And they claim to be productive members of society. THURSDAY NIGHT? Gee, I’d love to go out on Thursday night but I have to GO TO FUCKING WORK THE NEXT DAY!
Don’t forget; they have to go to work too. Although its at noon to: blog, make coffee, make art, assist an assistant production assistant, take pictures of each other, and ride bikes. Rough life – like, yah.
I wouldn’t be surprised if “Assistant to the Assistant Production Assistant” is an actual credit on one of their stupid youtube “documentaries.” You know, the ones that are 2 minutes long and 45 seconds of that is credits.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I thank god every night I live in Queens (Woodside) and work in a Hipster/ transplant-free environment (construction). You real Brooklynites have got to be fuming at what’s happened to your borough.
We are fuming but the law prohibits us from taking corrective action. What a shame.
We are. I live in Williamsburg and don’t like to leave my building anymore on the weekends. It’s a fucking annoying zoo of stereotypical fucktards from every corner of the earth.
I used to live in Woodside when I went to High School. I hope you remain a hipster-free zone.
So true. I live in Wburg and the weekends are THE WORST! Thank God I work in Queens. They haven’t taken over yet like Manhattan and North Brooklyn. In 10 years, only the Bronx will be true NYC folks.
I pray for rain every weekend. Or a good nuking from orbit!
http://brooklynpaper.com/stories/35/26/24_moonhooch_2012_06_29_bk.html
Bernard getz, line 3…..
I’ll give hipTURDs this much: They are truly innovative when it comes to stealing, bastardizing and ruining an artform or subculture.
“Music today is heavily influenced by synthesizers,” saxophonist Michael Wilbur. “They pump it into our ears….” Heavily influenced?? Are you f’n kidding me, that’s ALL it is! Because like, like yah, that’s because EVERYBODY who’s parents buy them their MacBooks is a DJ!!! For all the money spent on iShit, they do a great job of making it all sound EXACTLY THE SAME.
“They play a style of music that’s often composed on MacBook Pros”….well, DUH!
PRESENTED BY DANIELLE TOPOROFF
BROUGHT TO YOU IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE SKYELAB MUSIC GROUP
http://WWW.SKYELABMUSIC.COM
Cinematographer: Chris O’Konski
We are Moon Hooch – a Brooklyn-based collaboarative trio (Mike Wilbur – tenor saxophone, Wenzl McGowen – tenor saxophone, James Muschler – drums) that formed in the summer of 2010. Our music is a fusion of house, dance, drum and bass, jazz, world, and classical music. Our mission is to make people dance and be happy.
Get to know us better in this interview:
http://musicsaveslivesx.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/interview-with-moon-hooch/
and check out our Halloween Subway Rave here:
http://moonhooch.bandcamp.com/
Where the fuck is the Transit Police when this shit happens? There has GOT to be some rule or regulation that says they can’t block the platform like this. Fucking quiche eating douchenozzles!
where is a nice scud missile when you need one?
has this guy been posted here before?
the authentic homelessness experience, yah
I’ll bet that somewhere along the line this fucking yupster vagrant gets rolled and has his phone get carpet bombed. Asshole.
No, but his cousin from Toronto keeps posting here ad nauseum. The one who’s probably grown tits by now and selling his assets in the Meat Packing District.
Give this guy a call and tell him what a lameass dick he is. Bet his dad owns a penis-pill factory too.
Still going strong! What happenned to all the idle threats of shutting down this blog? Like ya?
“rock some short shorts and tube socks (don’t forget clean undies, just in case they get strung up the flag pole)”
NO NO NO NO PLEASE DON’T DO THAT!!!
OMFG I can’t believe this is real, and they’ve really got “sweater fondling” on the list. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like something a pedophile would do.
I made a coaster out of popsicle sticks once. I think I was in the third grade at the time.
I hate hipsters just as much as anyone, but you are forgetting one thing: your hipster infestation isn’t from the midwest. We don’t make pussies like you coast people. Look at the “About” section from Brokelyn.com and tell me where you see someone from the Midwest. Spoiler alert: they are all coasties.
http://brokelyn.com/about/
Get your facts straight.
Last I checked, the “Look at MEEEE” posterboys for yupster infestation, The Mast Brothers – are from IOWA! Let’s not forget Ohio Party, Little Wisconsin, and all the Liberal Arts staycationers from Kansas to Missouri that love telling everyone they are “from Brooklyn”…. I do agree that there are many spoiled ATM-siphoning trust funders from the Northeast suburbs that have decided they want adult playtime in GRITTY gentrified Brooklyn, but there are plenty of red-bearded pussies flocking here from your precious Midwest.
That’s just one small group. It’s known that NYC’s infestation comes from all over; the Midwest, the west coast and parts of the east coast as well. Location is becoming less and less the cause it seems. But the bulk of it is definitely the Midwest. ( I don’t hate Midwesterners; just the reject pseudo artist poseurs that hail from there)
The “Rockabus”. God, I don’t even live in New York and I know that it’s better to take a subway for $2 to go to Rockaway.
http://brokelyn.com/the-rockabus-review/
I guess if you have unlimited funds, you won’t think twice about spending almost $20 when $4 will do (for a trip that takes the same amount of time). And of course, because these people are perpetually 14, the ride from Wimpyburg to the beach is in a school bus. And check out the cringe-worthy beardo in the second row.
Hi friends! Actually, barely anyone on Brokelyn is from the Midwest; we’re mostly tri-state area born and bred, with quite a few NYC natives on staff, and several from New Jersey. If you would like to argue being from NJ is worse than being from Ohio, you may have a case there, but please don’t assume that just because you don’t like something means that it comes from the Midwest.
I know this site is notoriously anti-fun, and that is fine if you prefer to pass your summer days simmering in whatever darkened den of fantasy beatings and ye olde Brooklyn fetiishism you’ve created, but I there is nothing wrong with having a big, cheap outdoor party with free beer that some 800 people wanted to attend. It’s clear Diehipster is firmly on the take of the anti-s’more, anti-summer-jamz lobby.
Also, If you have ever read our site — instead of, I don’t know, guessing what you think it’s about? — you’d see that the meat of our content is service journalism that can be helpful to lots of Brooklynites, not these hipsters you keep going on about, whoever they are: no-insurance health care guides, lists of sites to search for jobs, car service price checks, how to legally open a fire hydrant, etc. Although I think I read on this site that only hipsters read the internet while REAL Brooklynites get their news from Sal at the corner who the papers sometimes.
Also, I have four jobs and barely get by, as do a lot of our writers and readers, and I’ve yet to meet anyone who survives off their parents. If you guys can point us to one, maybe we can turn it into a story and give you something else to link to!
Tim
Brokelyn.com
Hey Timmy boy! Before anything, thanks for your ‘par for the course’ comment: “Sal from the corner who reads the paper sometimes”. Don’t ever change Timmy.
Next, it’s funny how today you describe the party as “nothing wrong with having a cheap party with free beer”. But on the site it was all about 9 year old summer camp activities. I understand it would hurt your argument on here if you really mentioned what the party was about.
Lastly – and validated by your own words – nobody from Brokelyn is really from Brooklyn.
Not true, we do have a few Brooklyn natives on staff, although apparently not your part of Brooklyn, which is in some sort of 1984 alternate universe where bikes or young people never existed, a golden land where everyone is clean shaven and the economy is based solely on tire-repair shops and pizza dough instead of gourmet mayonnaise, which sounds like you were here before it was cool, so you win. But you caught us: some of us have moved around once in awhile in our lives don’t see a problem with experiencing different parts of the country instead of our hometown. Not everyone feels the need to defend their place of birth against outsider incursions like some modern-day cantankerous Night’s Watch.
I’m sorry we like games, crafts and s’mores and you don’t. I’m sure a DieHipster party would be a laugh riot. Everyone sitting around reading actuarial tables drinking Bud Ice, tie-dying Ed Hardy shirts and grunting with longing for the days when Gates Ave. was a horribly dangerous place to be. You guys make being an adult sound really fun.
Timmy boy. I think you’ve had too many artisanal microbrews as you wrote your next bike lane article this morning because I have no idea what you’re talking about. Tie dying Ed hardy shirts?
Go get ready for Hump the fridge and macaroni art. And remember – youll never be a Brooklynite. Never.
cool! I guess I’ll just have to be a productive member of the community instead.
Productive member? Walking around with lattes and a pubic beard is productive? Or wait – informing Niew Breukelenerites about free beer, farm supplies and freshly painted bike lanes is productive? You’re just another carbon copied, rent raising granola boy. And let me tell you; if you need four jobs to stay afloat here – you’re doing something wrong. You may not be the trustfund type who raises rent – but when people like you cram 4 roommates into a 3 bedroom and come up with 3000 to satisfy the landlord, you’re just as bad. Now go write a review of an new age sustainable organic restaurant that will fail within 9 months.
you’re such a hipster.
Forget it, Tim. It’s brain dead internet tough guy town.
Your comment really does nothing to help your cause, so I just have one question for you Tim. Was “Sweater fondling and/or refrigerator humping” a real activity at this “big, cheap outdoor party with free beer” or was that something that DH added to the list for comedic affect? If it was a real thing, what is it, and how exactly is it fun?
Have you seen Wet Hot American Summer? It’s a reference to that. Or is that movie not mainstream enough for you guys?
No I actually don’t really watch a lot of movies, mainstream or otherwise. Only when I’m dating a chick who likes to watch movies will I waste 2 hours of my free time on what usually is an over acted, under writen, predictable pile of crap.
The hollywood joints too, but especially the “indies”…
So since I’m such an uncultured rube, you still haven’t anwered the question — it’s not something that’s fun then?
won’t make sense out of context, but it’s in re: the odd habits of the chef from the movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpoBor-BTWo
I’m pretty sure Timmy here just owned this comment thread. Also, just an observation: isn’t hating on stuff that other people do/like one of the cornerstones of being “hipster”? There’s a lot of that going on here for a group of people who hate hipsters.
This article/the comment thread is way more pretentious and annoying than the party itself. Even if you think the Brokelyn party is stupid, whining about your poor little burrough being taken over by people you don’t like is the most annoying thing I’ve seen in a while.
Timmy owned nobody. For all his “woe is me, I’m a white guy and I have four jobs” privileged lament, he still finds the time to frequently blog – you now, just like people do who have a hard time making ends meet (!). You’re part of the problem right there.
The borough IS being taken over by people MOST people don’t like and they’re ruining it for everyone.
I meant “know”…whoops….People who blog while they’re supposedly down and out is an insult to actual poor people…
BZZZZT! Wrong! Please refer to the following link: http://diehipster.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/look-what-i-found/
It covers the 24 Standard Hiptard Responses (SHRs). Yours comes close to being a variation of SHR #7 which basically attempts to accuse DH of being a hipster in some vain attempt to shame him/her into silence.
If TIMMAAAAY! conducted some simple research before getting extremely butthurt and letting the whole WWW know about it, he’d realize DH is NOT anti-Ohio or anti-Transplant. I have friends from Ohio (who also hate hipsters and agree w/ the sentiments expressed on DH) and currently live in Minneapolis which is like a nesting/breeding/cloning center for hipsters. It’s been made clear on this blog that the venom is directed at hipsters (and to an extent, Yupsters) – not transplants from the midwest who come to the city to make an honest living.
The accusations made against DH have run the full gamut of “throw whatever we have at the wall and see what sticks” as evidenced by the link I posted.
JR, only real New Yorkers understand the point of this blog. Obviously, you aren’t one. No one cares about you. We want our city back. That’s the point. Now fuck off.
Oh, believe me some of us outsiders understand understand this blog all too well. What hipsters have done to NYC, they have done to other cities. Hipsters, no matter where they are, always behave as such.
Pingback: Go back to Ohio? Guide for ex-pats defends Ohio to NYC transplants | Brokelyn