I’m a bit disappointed with the Brooklyn Cyclones organization. They are going to make a “Williamsburg Night” on Thursday, July 5th to attract the bearded, skinny jean wearing crowd. As much as I dread seeing even one hipster in Coney Island, I must say even the people who run the Cyclones are betting on a bunch of fully grown adult toddlers from Wiscofornia to show up in ball crushing, filthy, sweaty tight jeans and beards in the middle of the summer. What normal person wears such uncomfortable clothes in 80-90 degree weather? It’s all about the “look at me” factor. It always is. If they aren’t wearing their fucking hipster uniforms they feel like they are just pieces of garbage floating endlessly into space – no purpose on Earth. Once they are in uniform they start feeling the eyes on them; it feels good – even if those eyes are saying “you stupid fuck – how can you wear a ski hat and 13 year old girls jeans in this weather?”
I guess this is just simply another case of “marketing to the hipster” – so can you really blame anyone who does it? I mean, it’s so fucking easy; you’re dealing with people who have practically unlimited amounts of leisure time and cash. My only problem with this is that they are coming down and being exposed to Coney Island and normal Brooklyn which will give these ‘urban pioneers’ ideas to ‘help‘ us and bring ‘culture‘. On the bright side, what’s one thing that is plentiful in a baseball stadium? BATS! Hopefully this is just a trick to get a few hundred of them to show up and once they do the staff locks the gates, hands out bats to the normal Brooklynites and we get to pound on these bearded scumbags.
If you show up with a beard you get prizes and if you are wearing effeminate tight jeans you are allowed to run the bases after the game. There will even be genuine Williamsburg Music and Art! Wow Wow WOWWW! After all though, these interloping sheep might not even show up when they find out this isn’t kickball.