Today, just as I was about to release a cage full of rats into Whole Foods to scare all the local, sustainable, organic, rent-raising saviors of this city – I saw Ethan the lolly-pop shaped, Pringle man impersonating, barista academy graduate asking people how to get to the nearest Apple store so he can stand there and pull up art blogs on the floor model Macs for all to see how cultured he is. So I tied him to a stop sign with his head phones and repeatedly bitch slapped him across his inbred face for the rest of the afternoon as a bunch of real New Yorkers watched and sang No Sleep Til Brooklyn. End of story.
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