Today, as I was clipping the brake lines on all the 84,789 illegally chained bicycles in North Brooklyn I ran into Logan and Jeb – two 33 year old emaciated beardos from Kalamazoo – who were having a paper airplane race in front of their $2300 a month studio as they waited for the mailman to deliver their monthly gentrification allowance from Daddy. So, I hosed them down with lighter fluid and rubbed their twig limbs together which caused a spark which ignited those two pieces of fucking shit into flames who burned happily ever after. End of story.
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U can just imagine you strutting down the street, whistling while happily snipping brak lines
Excellent!
Although – shouldn’t you have used whale oil instead of lighter fluid. Keeps within the hipster theme.
Also:
http://gothamist.com/2011/09/19/neill_and_renae_holland_bon_chovie.php
Check ou the photo section and “about” section of their site.
Neill and Renae suck. And i hope Jon Bon Jovi sues their asses off. But he is probably blissfully unaware of their existence. Which of these possibilities do you think would hurt them the most ?
Almost definitely the latter. They would get immeasurable joy if he considered them important enough to sue.
Looooook attttt meeeeeeeeee!
While driving to lunch a few minutes ago, I passed by a large upscale pizza place in the shopping center.
Standing in front of about five outdoor tables was the type of guy I hate slightly less than hipsters, the over coiffed, obnoxious, bklinged out, South Jersey Frankie Valli wannbedouchebag guido.
There he was – in a yellow shirt pink clam diggers and loafers with no socks – yelling into a ye-olde phone headset – connected to his i-phone via a coiled extension cord.
People were walking in. as they were he would eye them up to see if his new toy or grandiose deals he was making would catch anyone’s attention.
So in a long roundabout way – yes – the latter is the preferable method. ignore them.
Guys like him and the Jersey Shore and the Saturday Night Fever casts have all but vanished from Brooklyn. Considering what has been replacing them since the late 60s, I kind of miss them. Damn that Verrazano Bridge !
(I’m in a really bad mood today. Not even DieHipster’s burnt offering of Logan and Jeb has been able to dislodge the dark cloud floating above my head. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.)
I may never forgive you for that link. Why did you make me read their site? Haha
C’mon..everybody knows hipsters are too cool for brakes on their bikes. Bike safety is so mainstream.
doesn’t stop them assholes getting in our faces or wasting our tax dollars about it.
And now they’re begging for money for their “business” on a kickstarter-type website:
http://gothamist.com/2012/05/09/artisan_anchovy_makers_bonchovie_ne.php
Watch the video, for the horror that is that woman: someone on Hipsterist put it best (yes, there is a loyal opposition there) —
“maybe if that flame-haired Megan stopped moving her lips around so awkwardly when she speaks her voice wouldn’t be so grating. Just a suggestion.”
http://brooklynpaper.com/stories/35/19/dtg_cooperpark_2012_05_11_bk.html
Ahhh…thinly veiled hipster racism is slowly rearing it’s (lice-infested) ugly head. again.
So barbecuing is bad because of the garbage, but throwing parades for fortysomething transplants who want a very special birthday is something that the area MUST allow. Hmmm…and what city agency is responsible for cleaning up that mess and preventing unruly crowds from ruining the area with their noise pollution, I wonder?
Oh look, the main woman opposing it is a transplant. Color me surprised.
http://www.facebook.com/sondra.braeutigam
Typical though, they come in to Brooklyn and start talking about how real New Yorkers should do things.
This was the most derpy comment of all
““This is just the one truly green part of a very small park where people can have a picnic, take a walk, and ride scooters…When you put a bunch of open flames and hot coals in that area, you make it a dangerous place for us.,”
How fuckin’ stupid do you have to be to crash into a bbq pit while taking a walk or riding scooters? Darwin Award anyone
Let’s translate, shall we?
“When you put a bunch of black people and hispanic people in that area, you make it a dangerous place for us.”
They need to go back to where they came from. How dare they dictate to where they feel no one should be allowed to have a good time for the summer. I’m telling you guys The hipsters and yuppies are the new prejudice people in the future. NYC won’t be a place for any ethnic group to live in if we let them take over. I swear its even to the fact they make the upper east side look like saints, not that I have anything against the UES. But these transplants are really trying to play the race card.
this is what me (and a bunch of other people on here) have been saying…
Hipsters try to paint themselves as most progressive and tolerant when really they are the most regressive and intolerant people out there.
Trying to turn NYC into some bitchmade pussy ass Apple commercial for adults who can’t handle life in the big bad city…
These assholes live here for a few years and seem to think they know what is good for us or that we should accommodate them 100%. Of course Bloomberg will fucking cave to their wants as usual.
What’s wrong with a small fire in order to create a family get together via BBQ. Me and my “gang” grill hot dogs and burgers, usually ruin the chicken, and I love the only time of year My family has enough time to do it. Hipster go ride your scooter down the respective walkway and leave the park to us grown folks. Up keeping beehives on 100 yo roof tops are fine, but let my little brother grill a hot dog, in the summer, by the river, on a hot sunny day, with my family, sneaking a mainstream beer, in our own little piece of park, with a bbqed burger, and my kids playing in the grass, maybe kickball, or badminton, enjoying the fresh air, without Caleb, calling officers about our over enthusiasms, enjoying a Sunday, in the park, Where I grew up in, and winced moved. And there you are Caleb barking up the wrong tree and didn’t expect my cousin’s attempt to throw you over the railing, in the east river, when you asked us to keep it down, because you were meditating. Dude. Go home. Wtf is wrong with you people, I will piss in your treehouse.
Fuck this shit. First Williamsburg yupsters want to ban Mr. Softee trucks and helado carts, then Hooters, and now park grills?! I’ve been going to park grills for years! At least I can tell others that San Francisco isn’t so crazy because we have a Hooters and our parks have grills for charring mammal flesh.
Don’t you see? Eating animal flesh is unhealthy and barbaric so they want us to go vegetarian or vegan (yet fish doesn’t seem to count as meat).
Went there and just had to post a reply. Thanks, Pat.
Wow – the quotes of the hipster/yupsters opposing it!
“…there’s going to be a lot more noise, smoke, and liquor, and we’re worried about the aftermath.” — the aftermath, like it’s Hurricane Katrina or something, rather than a few grills.
“We’re already in an incredibly industrial area so air quality is already an issue and this is just going to add more stuff to the air.” — nonsensical enviro-hysteria.
“…very small park where people can have a picnic, take a walk, and ride scooters, When you put a bunch of open flames and hot coals in that area, you make it a dangerous place for us.” — “a dangerous place for us” — this, I can’t get. What, they’ll fall into the grills by accident while jogging?
This racism is far from thinly veiled!
Hmm, what about all fucking trash these hipster douches leave behind after their shitfests or Occupy crap? Transplanted Ally had do deal with these fucks when they’re drunk and they are far from orderly.
I’m not one for any type of race baiting but hipster racism is quite rampant. Just like that bitch on the hbo show ‘girls’ or janine garofalo.
Sorry forgot the link:
http://www.racialicious.com/2012/05/02/a-historical-guide-to-hipster-racism/
I work in a lucrative industry that is in high demand, and hipster girls are always the same people who look for welfare hand outs. They always have the same broke college girl excuse “I didn’t know, please help me rectify it”. I say “Ok I will instruct you on how to resolve your issue”.” They say please do it for me.” I say, no thank you, with your pizza face and dirty dress. ( pimp juice )
I can see it now…
they’ll want kids to stop playing baseball in the fields and streets…
then they’ll want people to stop playing basketball in the basketball courts…
Then they’ll want little kids to stop having any sort of fun in the streets (jump rope, playing with water guns, etc.)
then they’ll want old people who’ve been living there for decades to stop going to the park and feeding the ducks and pigeons with bread crumbs…
then they’ll want to get rid of anything that normal city folk do so that these xenophobic fucksticks can feel “safe”….
I swear to god, hipsters are ruining big cities worldwide…give em an inch and they want to take everything!
Some excerpts from Brooklyn Paper’s Police Blotter, May 9th:
77th Precinct
Prospect Heights
Major heist
A crafty thief stole $78,000 worth of property from a moving van on Prospect Place overnight on April 30.
The 32-year-old victim told cops she was in the process of moving and called it quits for the day at 2 am, leaving the parked vehicle between Underhill and Vanderbilt avenues. When she returned at 10:30 am the next day, she discovered that her stuff was gone.
Pointed
A thug robbed a man at gunpoint on St. Johns Place on May 4 — making off with $15,000 worth of electronics.
The 30-year-old victim told cops he was between Washington and Underhill avenues at 2:10 am when he was approached by a man with a gun.
“Give me your backpack,” the brute demanded. The victim handed over his satchel containing the gadgets and the thief fled.
Now who has $15,000 worth of electronics in a backpack at 2:30 in the morning? I men besides the theif? A Canon 5D, an iPhone and a macbook pro would not cost 1/2 that. I think this is a cover so daddy send the next 3 months rent. Deserves to get hsi shit jacked
http://sanfrancisco.grubstreet.com/2012/05/del-popolo-wood-oven-pizza-truck-launch-san-francisco.html
Yup. This is exactly what I need to catch fire in front of me in a traffic gridlock.
On a bridge.
Every single one of these joshes seriously has a red beard. WTF???
JC I cant even escape them on my days off now! I, like many of the original people where I live, enjoy beers on the stoop or going to a local bar and shooting the shit. Po Since the invasion force has swept the neighborhood, they snear and snark while im smoking having a beer and talking on the phone with the guys. Im even polite and pack it in at around 21:30. And i clean up after myself.
However, when i come home from my 12-16 hour
night tours on the weekends, i find cigarette butts and empty PBR and “artisinal hand crafted” bottles and cans everywhere. Thank god im defecting below the line with blessing i hope in june lol
Brice, Harrison, and Harper caught the beating on their IPhones; fortunately, a real 12 year old Brooklyn native jacked their iPhones, and as soon as their phones were gone, I ran up to them and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them so hard that they flew through the front of Egg, and splattered against the wall. It is now the only true work of art in occupied North Breukelen.
Reminds me when I was a kid there was this nasty old couple lived in one of the houses on the block. They hated the fact that us kids would play in the street. One day we were playing curb
ball and the Spalding landed on their lawn and quick as a ninja the old dude came flying out of his door, snatched up the ball and went back into the house with it.