The hipster beater is coming for you – you mother fucking attention-starved piece of shit.
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Haha…is that a portable record player?
Please universe, please…harm this “man” I don’t care how you do it, just get it done!!!
That’s no man. That’s a beta male.
And the Meghan’s body language says “I don’t know this douchebag from Adam, so don’t even ask. Please rescue me!”
So let me get this right… You’re going to carry a bunch of records around with you, along with a battery powered? record player and go to get a beer?
What a dick!!!! I’m shocked he’s not wearing an Old school, brick style Motorola cell on his belt too….
I was gonna say a Motorola Dyna-Tac, circa 1993
Complete with matching “invisible clear” motorola beeper
MOTOROLA DPC 550 and a BRAVO PLUS PAGER
BRAVO PLUS! YESSS lol!
Any guess on the album? I’m all in with: The Rural Alberta Advantage – Departing
It’s got a Capitol Records label on it, I know that for sure.
My guess is the soundtrack to the “Last Rebel” by Ashton, Gardner, and Dykes.
It’s that vile, talentless band from the FreeCreditScore.com commercials.
Hahaha my most hated ad-campaign- maybe in a close tie with anything that involves Flo from Progressive. Terrible, terrible.
Those stupid bastards. Their career will go nowhere, just like the band who did the previous commercials. Does anyone even know their name (either one)? Who gives a flying fuck.
If hope the Hipster Beater smashes his “gear” to smithereens. With a stickball bat.
Their name is the Victorious Secrets – how “ironic” – the ultimate hipster band of talentless hacks. You can go to the FreeCreditReport Facebook page and rag on them. There are others who hate them equally. The only other ads I hate more are the squealling pig for Geico.
WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL
Was that the one with the drooling retard Canadian who had to lip sync dubbed lyrics because his English was so fucking bad?
That was the original band. They held a contest and awarded the franchise to these talentless, sellout hacks. I don’t know how it is in NYC, but these fucking commercials come on at every fucking break. Tell me the singer isn’t a total fucking hiptard.
crap! now i’m getting to the point where i’m starting to actually feel sorry for these clueless little fuckwads…which, oddly enough, still doesn’t stop me from wanting to hit him in his funky-bearded face with his own portable record player.
I honestly think that this dude did it on purpose & sent it to you. But the one you got from the winter at the alligator lounge with gentrified homeless boy & disco man was epic.
Hey doofus:
Why pretend to be a vinyl afficiando and then ruin your record and with that crappy stylus (needle) that will destroy any good vintage record, your fucking poser?
Yeah…seriously.
I like those record players actually. As a DJ and vinyl collector of almost 15 years, they’re nice. I mainly like those for traveling, record hunts, sampling records with Native Instruments Maschine and making tracks when I’m away.
Of course, this is all done in the comfort of a hotel room or a friends’ house/apartment…not in the middle of the street at some pretentious coffee shop so that some lifestyle/fashionazi blogger can snap a picture of me to put on their cheeky blog…no.
To quote 90′s Brooklyn…this is L.A.M.E. (Look At Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Everyone!)
And I thought we had it bad in LA with these assholes. There is such thing as asking for it
It’s the Victrola Snob from Mr. Show. (skip to 2:00)
“Oh I only listen to this type of music, oh I’m not part of the mainstream, oh I an obvious dickhead who tries so hard to be unique” Blah fucking blah. Shit like this makes me want to just scream!!!!
But you got to admit, David Cross is doing a perfect imitation of a hipster. He only listens to viYNilll.
I wonder if this dipshit realizes that his artisanal, hand-crafted records are made from petroleum byproducts.
No they’re not – they’re VINYL!
You know, that organic stuff that people have been growing on rooftops since 2010. Like, you don’t know anything.
Bet you’ve never even been to a vinyl farm!
My Mom came across a box of my old 80′s punk and classic rock vinyls a few months ago and I told her to let me see what’s in them before tossing them. I can either A. Toss them out B. Sell them on Craigslist to stupid hipsters or C. Repurpose them by taking the L train to Billyburg and going all Shawn of the Dead on douche wads like this. Head shots for everyone!
I vote C. And remember to switch to the cricket bat when you run out of records.
Actually, that would be a waste of good punk and classic rock records. Just start with the cricket bat.
ROFLMAO!!
That reminds me of people who think the steaks they get in restaurants or grocery stores grow on meat trees. I actually had one lady tell me she likes veal but also hates the idea of baby animals dieing. I said,”What the hell do you think VEAL is?”. She wouldn’t believe me. So I asked where she thought it was shipped from and she said,”they just take it off shelves where they grow it.”
omfg people are not gettinger smarter in the ‘information age’, they’re getting rapidly dumber…David Cross nails the hipster hive mind perfectly and the other guy whose name I don’t know has the stoneydumdum thing down…too bad the server wasn’t James Cagney, he could’ve shoved the jelly doughnut in that stoners pie hole!
I believe it was a grapefruit half, not a jelly donut. A classic cinematic moment.
oh gawd…sounds like a typical hipster pretention to correct someone who’s opinion you didn’t bother to comprehend in the CONTEXT OF THIS THREAD….way to miss the point betaKat and ensure you ‘straighten out’ any jelly doughnut/grapefruit confusion for all us idiots….
but you don’t have the talent of the lint in Cagney’s dead dirthole you little prat, so how about you dial that impulse to correct down a few notches ( it’s not attractive on you anyway )…try to mow down the reference if you must, but you’ll never mow down the late great James Cagney….who, I have a feeling, would happily shove your grapefruit right through the back of your head…
Your euro-hipster accent betrays you.
Get some zan accessories to complete the look
https://www.google.com/#q=retro+iphone+cases&hl=en&prmd=imvns&source=univ&tbm=shop&tbo=u&ei=ZYKpT5wbje-CB7P3hcQB&sa=X&oi=product_result_group&ct=image&resnum=2&sqi=2&ved=0CNoBEMwDMAE&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=18d2392641d85303&biw=1022&bih=612
Zany
Quirky
Whimsical
Authentic
Quixotic
Oh, and did I forget to say “FUCKING LAME”????
Someone needs to secretly invent one of those that shoots drills directly in to the dickwad’s skull the first time he makes a call.
I meant to say: drills directly into. Sorry, my fingers aren’t very obedient today.
I liked it better the original way you said it.
Every hipster claims to be an artist or D.J. (Like that episode of “King of the Hill”.) So some are going to try and prove it or stand out from the others. Otherwise this dude would pass for normal.
We were warned as kids not to step on those sidewalk cellar doors, and they’re just sitting on top of them. Accident waiting to happen.
They open upward and outward toward the sidewalk. Underneath there’s stairs, and elevator, or a delivery chute. But it would be fun to watch the doors pop open and suash the dickwad like Wylie Coyote. Accomplished by an Acme elevator, of course…
The two most desirable snatchable objects are iPhones and Beats headphones.
Don’t worry, somebody will relieve this dude of all his little toys soon enough.
LOL!!!
- a portable turntable AND big headphones. outdoors (check)
- piles of vinyl (check)
- artisanal-organic-poseur-individual craft beer (check)
- facial hair (check)
- vintage jacket (check)
- hot, thin white chicken with bangs, who doesn’t give a s*** about him because she’s hipster as well – check
- digital camera to register videos of their “interventions” and “insights” – check
- hanging around in business time – check
have I forgot anything?
please Diehipster, beat him ASAP.
Will do.
You forgot the turtleneck
well observed, sir. and what’s this yellow stupid thing nearby? a flower?
IED? Please?
This takes the cake.
And as a heads-up, I think you guys are going to get his next Number One Fan out that way before long:
http://www.yorknewstimes.com/news/article_e9991cb6-9860-11e1-aff3-0019bb2963f4.html
Palaeontology joke: how much do you want to bet that “Tyrannosaurus Rex Gold” here is actually more of an Incisivosaurus kind of guy?
Dinosaurs and Hipsters have a few things in common:
1. Brains the size of a pea.
2. Outsized resource footprints and dietary requirements.
3. Completely unable to adapt to sudden environmental changes (which smaller animals survived nicely)
Wait a few more years until ex-hipsters are fighting tooth and nail over who gets to give the blow-jobs at the Port Authority.
One thing dinosaurs & hipsters DON’T have in common:
Dinosaurs wind up in museums — hipsters wind up in their BFF’s parentally-funded former-Williamsburg-abandoned-warehouse art gallery.
FUCKIN AYE WHERE WILL IT END??
As a life long lover of music and an avid record collector since 1985, I will tell you yes that little player is chill in concept, but no that dude is not a genuine collector. Actually that player is only good for second hand who gives a shit beater records if your camping or something…but HELLO DICKFACE thats why iPods exist.
I love vinyl and love records. I have old hardcore punk ep’s worth big money and I love just looking at them because they were handmade by real motherfuckers that did it for the love of it and its part of my childhood. Bands like Black Flag, Minor Threat, The Germs, Misfits, Agnostic Front, etc. Classic underground American hardcore gems. At the same time I have original Stones, Who, Sabbath, etc as well as classic Mingus, Coltrane, Ornette Coleman, Gene Krupa, etc. I know my shit and I love the hunt for vinyl and eyeballing my collection of 25 years.
I will tell you point blank…I would NEVER bring them shits to a Goddamn BAR to drink and fuck around with. I’ll DJ yeah, but not sit there with cans on the head (or like MCA said “ear goggles”) and heavily analyze the music for all to see. Gee…I WONDER if any shithead asked him “wow like what are you listening to dude? Vinyl is like so weird and old school”.
Bet you that stack of LP’s is worth about $6 but homeboy payed about $80.
This is the musical equivalent of the hipster who pulls out the incredibly obscure book and reads it in public, desperately hoping that some cute girl will come up, ask him about it, and take him home instead of setting him on fire.
this seems far worse to me. its so bad that its shocking
So much of the attitude is fashion and so much of the fashion isn’t complimentary on their part. They dont’ care about history or the past. They don’t care about where these things come from. They ornament their lives out of a deep cynacism imo. It’s more about mocking than respect and they don’t see mto really understand the difference.
What’s sadder, deeply sadder to me, is knowing that we’ve got a whole new wave of men and women veterans who’ve seen stuff they’ll never forget if htey had ten lifetimes to do it. Meanwhile, their peers have been playing. Is it any wonder that vets find it so hard to transition when there’s been this fundamental shift in their own characters and it stands in stark opposition to their hipster peers? These brave men and women who carry internal wounds and memories and many of them quite literally opt to disappear from society altogether. I can think of two or three fairly well known stories of battle fatigued vets just not being able to find ‘home’ again, get disconnected more and more every day, then disappear into the woods.
When the option is to mix with these superficial, vain babies and suffer in silence in order to do so, I can’t blame any of them – not one – for making an extreme decision to abandon their former lives in totality.
I don’t mean to be heavy about it, but it is heavy. I bet none of the hipsters, NOT ONE, in any of the pictures and vids on this site has EVER volunteered time at their local VA.
Their frame of reference for volunteer work is to spin records at after parties. Thanks for ‘contributing’, assholes.
I worry about the future of this country, but there is hope: the new Greatest Generation. The men and women who have returned from these wars are our next generation of leaders. And thanks to IAVA – http://IAVA.org – they are getting the same GI bill that our fathers and grandfathers got after WWII. So, we will have a new generation of tried and tested leaders with an education. That is what made this country great in the 20th century, and that’s what will keep us great.
I work with a young woman who served in Iraq in ’03. Even though females are not allowed in combat MOS’s she was a combat engineer and served on the front line. So all these hipster fucktards don’t matter for shit when we got a new generation of real leaders coming up. This is the organization she founded http://WarriorReliefFund.com .
Props to her!!
Well, that whole ‘female don’t serve in combat’ thing is a public relations trip.
If I stick you in a forward supply squadron, your enemy is out to get YOU. Cut the supply lines. IOW, it is a misnomer to think there is a ‘safe’ position inside the theater of war which by default is combat which is destruction of people and property.
There have been many, many not so public operations involving women. With lack of formal paper approval, one does not leave paper trails. There’s nothing to see, you see?
Go on about various branches job codes all you like, but men and women are in the same danger and die and lose body parts. The problme in thinking ‘women don’t do combat’ is so out of touch with reality it’s absurd and more importantly, it does terrible things for the female vets who are lucky enough to return home alive but whose minds are as scarred or injuries as real as their brothers in arms. But what ACTUALLY happens is what has happened: 6,000 homeless female vets. It’s not uncommon for male vets to feel a sense of social isolation on return, it’s doubly so for the females who don’t come home to a ‘warrior myth and culture’ embedded for them in the media.
And both groups, of course, have to contend with the lunkheaded idiocy of people who have never served, served in peace time only, or hate those who made the choice to serve. All three groups just adore their turn at playing armchair general EVEN IN THE FACE OF a combat veteran. And a combat vet is anyone from a combat zone.
Anyway, without going into this in any further detail, my primary point was only that for every one veteran that has a distinctly ‘good’ transition back into the civilian sector, there are many who do not and it has NOTHING to do with the content of their character which, whem stood against the fashionista’s of fun, makes them look like hundreds of thousands of angels. O/O
‘Squadron’? ‘Job codes’? Hipster much?
Nope, decorated vet and a long line of military service in my family.
Any other questions Gordork?
My bad. Your squadron comment threw me. In the Army I served in there aren’t squadrons.
I think we see that in every generation(seems we have a war about on that schedule). i can remember guys “going native” in VN in the 70′s, and being told not to wear my uniform while on leave back home in NY because it was too dangerous to do so (providing one of the possible reasons for “going native”). And there were the equivalent of our hipsters waiting for us when we got home. Little overprivileged bastards wound up making piles of money while we were away, and ended up in luxury jobs and government positions while we mostly had to fix our own heads when we got back.
The VA we have now is a vast improvement over what it was then. And you know what? I haven’t seen one beardo or Meghan there. Ever. Fucking poseurs…
/Rant
Sorry…
Moral of story. Soldiers are confused idiots who are lied to and come back to nothing after fighting for nothing. What the fuck has that got to do with wop nigger spick jew landlords selling out there own communities because of greed. Half people here act like they don’t live a lie..
“bastards wound up making piles of money while we were away, and ended up in luxury jobs and government positions while we mostly had to fix our own heads when we got back.”
what does that say about the intelligence of your decision?
“The greatest generation”, dont make me laugh.
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. We fought so you could be here to say that, punk.
Fuck you, you fucking fuck! They are indeed our Greatest Generation. This country has an all volunteer force. Say what you will about how we got into these wars, but they volunteered.
Keep living in your goddamn fantasy world where no country has an army and the skies are full of rainbows and unicorns. Typical new age hipster bullshit.
And if you are one of those EU hiptards then go pick up a fucking history book before you criticize.
Wow, way to totally disregard the personal sacrifice people are willing to make to even the generalized ideal of ‘Freedom’. Got problems with that do you?
Hmm…well…you can rightly fuck off. Or better, tell us all about how often you’re willing to put your life on the line for others? Once in a while? That one timel, a couple of years ago, when you let someone else take your place in line at Urban Outfitters?
Yeah, I bet you’re a real prince. It must bother you deeply that your peers have a helluva lot to be proud of while you, on the other hand, simply consume things and take up space.
Carry on asshole, carry on. Someone will be along shortly to laugh behind your back while you stumble in the dark, clutching your tech toys and Gluten Free diet bible close to your shallow little heart.
Don’t feel compelled to answer. I’m sure I’m wayyyyyyyyyyy off track lol
My cousin is a Green Beret in the Special Forces and I can still fuck him up in a fight. Survival of the fittest you idiot. Funny how brooklyn losing to hipsters. I wont sacrifice shit for anyone, mediocre and stupid thinking. I take what I get, and never give more than I have to and take everything back if I can. Last war that was about freedom, was WWII which my grandfather served in. My other grandfather a Marine. He would also ridicule Iraq and current Army. This war is to perpetuate the fear that is necessary to limit our citizens “privileges” for optimal business. Meaningless war. We sell the guns to our enemies, C.I.A. admits it. We sell the afghani drugs to our niggers. You know about Hal-Burton, Blackwater, do you know anything? War about freedom? These kids who join are too stupid to know there mouths from there asshole, or they are wanting to be $$ hitmen, fulfill their violent FANTASY like my cousin. So dont tell me jackle, you fucking joker, HAHAHA. Fantasy, fantasy is the point. YOUR FANTASY, Your dumb mediocre fantasy. Your stupid wars to try and give meaning to your otherwise automatic existence, a war about nothing to give meaning to nothing! Simpleton, An expendable little dog of war.. Lets weep, lets weep, My crocodile brothers.
I laugh at your morals. Your FANTASY. This planet is war, and the dumb (brain)dead soldiers ain’t winning!
HAHAHAHA.
Haha you are way of track stupid cunt faggot-nigger kike spick wop cracker piece of garbage. Go suck some trannies dick on 42nd street and swallow its cum, spit it out and stick it in your ass and shit out a little soldier boy and send him off to be killed. While I’m making mad dough, fucking hot young girls and doing coke. Getting in touch with the GOD, bitch. Licking your wives wet cunts while you’re diggin ditches at your office buildings!
Look at me do push ups with my faggot friends and get shot!
Haha Look at me get blown up by roadside bomb!
Look at the family I hate and my porn collection, and my fat hairy stomach \ and watch me get into my Ford focus and go to work!
Look at my fat wife!
Look at me and my family go to Wal Mart, and my daughter that is a whore!
Look at my dead son that was murdered in ARMY, I made him a MAN!
I understand hating hipsters and all, but dont you EVER drag service men or women into this bullshit, EVER. I’ve served and dedicated my life to serving this country for over 6 years and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with your petty “struggles” against hipsters. How vile and disappointing coming from a from a supporter of diehipster.
So did I so stand down and get yoru panties out of a twist. You seem to have forgotten the basic tenent of your oath which was to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. That covers free speech sport. And that’s what they’re doing here and that’s OK, wether you approve of it or not.
What are you going to do for the rest of your life? Use your TIG to silence others? Tsk tsk…someone needs to go through boot camp all over again OR, hey, probably is so full of shit about having been in uniform that the myth has become fact in your own head.
Either way, carry on…
Omg In my school there’s like some kid who like the “Look at me!” kind of guy and he one time had a boom box and was playing it loud throughout the halls in the dorm and one time I was in class and we heard Journey playing as loud as day and disrupting our class. I think this guy with this record player needs to grow up cause if Andy from Toy story did then so can this trust fund hipster can.
holy shit, that is actually the worst hipster picture I’ve ever seen. And I can’t tell what’s worse: the guy for obvious reasons or the girl who came along just to be seen with him.
She looks like she’s embarrassed and drinking that beer to forget he’s there. If the beer didn’t cost $8, she’d probably throw it at him or pour it into his Fisher Price toy.
I’d be willing to bet a penny farthing that the chick is his sister lol
Why is everyone protecting the woman?
no shit. she’s his hipster girlfriend/sister
Notice the douchebag doesn’t have a drink in front of him.
He has to keep a clear head while he’s mixin’
So… when the next generation comes up in 20 years and they have mind-meld technology, what, they’re going to want to use the retro-tech of Facebook and Twitter (which I have already abandoned as being a fad, albeit a very large fad)?
I’ll be getting back to you via mimeograph (what we used in high school). Wait for my call from my WWII Army walkie talkie. Ancient tech IS NOT cool. Nothing cool about it.
If you got to front with this lame ass shit, go see a shrink so you can get over it. Either that or face the fact that you will never get pussy again because of your cornball shit.
“Ancient tech IS NOT cool. Nothing cool about it.”
This. There’s a reason why we longer use hand-crank telephones or send hand-written or typewriter-created messages through pneumatic tubes.
But these pasty attention-starved too-sensitive-for-this-world parentally-funded fuckos didn’t get the message. Anything to postpone GROWING UP.
“Look at me! LOOOOOOK AAAAAAT MEEEEE!!!!!”
I couldn’t believe what I saw so I showed my brother this sad picture and his instant reply was “What a papa head.” (Papa means potato in spanish by the way)
Don’t say potato head, that will just encourage them to break out their vintage Mr Potatohead toys
Shit – it’s too late!
http://www.geekosystem.com/big-dad-bioshock-mr-potato-head/
…speechless…almost like this dude is determined to live in the 70′s, regardless of what year it is. Same for the other Meghans in the pic.
No… I’m pretty sure nobody in the 70s was that stupid.
This.
Back in the early-mid seventies we’d have “50′s day” at school. Poodle skirts and greased-back hair was the order of the day. BUT JUST FOR ONE DAY….NOT EVERY DAY.
All I want to do is run into this attention whore and snatch the headphones off his greasy head smack him with them and break his records.
“Hot chick drinking in front of me? Nah, I’d rather work on projecting my thin veneer of derivative clichés as a personality.”
Again, why is the woman exempt from any criticism?
LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Dick. Head.
Oh he DEFINITELY gets the award…wow…that is just unbelievable…if hipsters weren’t such attention-seeking, self absorbed, pretentious assholes, i might think it was staged.
he so deserves to have a gang of kids armed with baseball bats run up on him and beat him and his fucking toys into a repurposed mass of blood, bone, plastic, vinyl and whimsy!
And now the hipsters will have another reason to have a party. Must be nice, not haveing to get up for work in the morning:
http://gothamist.com/2012/05/08/celebrate_maurice_sendaks_life_toni.php
Like Adam Yauch, Sendak’s gonna get co-opted by the bedbug farms to show how “cool” and “retro” they are…
BTW, “Where The WIld Things Are” movie was a piece of sh!t.
Yeah, I went there.
I didn’t even bother watching it. The book was the TRUTH. Timeless, classic and perfect.
Hell, they already have. The only thing more hipster cliched than the deliberately ditzy girl with the plastic tiara (the one whose mating call is “Like, I’m SOOOOOOO drunk!”) at a party is the asshole in the Max costume.
Somewhere in a high school yearbook, class of 1999 in Bumblefuck Nebraska, this social reject was voted “most likely to live a vapid, pointless existence of zero achievement”. And so this loser lives down to expectations desperately pretending to be ‘cool’ and seeking attention with his 1960′s beatnick getup in Brooklyn, NY- paid for by mommy and daddy of course. Even the plain looking chick looks as if she were wishing she was somewhere else.
Make that “class of 1989,” and you’ve nailed it. If that guy isn’t pushing 40 and still playing this idiotic game, I’d be honestly surprised.
I bet there are going to be mroe ‘look at me, i’m moving to new york CITY’ vlogs on youtube as the months go by…brooklyn seems to be the Mecca now on the hipster trail of tears…the holy grail of their sojourn through self, self, and even MORE self!!!
It’s making me not even want to visit NYC now.
I really want to go to that cafe dressed in my wife beater and gold chains and act as obnoxious as I can,I will make The Situation and Snooky look like god fearing bible thumpers.Drink about 10 Bud Light Platinums chased with Vodka shots and get all REALLL MUTHAAA FUKKKINNN BROOKLYYNNN UP IN THIS MUTHA FUKKAAAAA
Oh yeah. I would pay good money to witness that.
Same here.
I got syndication rights on Fox.
That Aqua color turntable, is that made by Fisher-Price?
Playskool, actually. 75 D-cell batteries extra.
I want to strangle him with his own headphone wires and then open hi skull by beating him over the head with that goddamn Fisher-Price turntable.
What an insecure attention-starved fuckhead.
And then I’ll skullfuck that chick right on the table.
(record begins playing sctratchy, warbly music from 1950’s instructional films. We hear the confident voice of an old timey radio broadcaster)
Welcome to the Coronet Educational Series number 231 – “How to Be a Hipster!”
Are you bland? Do people walk buy without even noticing you? Is your life boring and bereft of meaning?
Well! No need to worry! By following the instructions on this long playing vinyl record , it won’t be long
Before everyone will stop and stare at you while thinking, “WHAT A PRETENTIOUS, ATTENNTION STARVED D**CHEBAG! I really want to get to know him!
STEP ONE Looking the part.
Choose a crowded outdoor bar or cafe’ on a busy street. For maximum hipster cred you should be sitting there while listening to these instructional LPs
On an record player that’s at least 4 decades older than you and big prominent retro 70’s headphones. Now let’s talk about your clothes…
STEP TWO Wardrobe.
Hipsters, although living in 2012 must embrace fashion and technology from the old days. This is known as “Irony” and is the foundation of the hipster persona.
OK. Now are you ready?
Do you have a 70’s porn mustache? Great!
How about a vintage camel hair blazer? Excellent!
Skinny jeans, black turtleneck and Hush Puppies with argyle socks? Stupendous!
Now look in the window? Do you resemble Donald Sutherland’s character in “Animal House”? Wonderful! Let’s moves on to:
STEP THREE
Accessories
To complete your look you’ll also need something quirky to display your superior intellect and whimsical nature – like a lego model of Frank Lloyd Wright’s “Falling Water”
Or maybe a “Paint by Number” set portraying dogs playing poker, purchased at the local flea market. Obscure or political literature works well too. Just make sure to hold it up
In full view for other to see. Some good reading material to consider are newspapers like PRAVDA, IL PROGRESSO or something where all the headlines look like military commands like in DER SPEIGEL.
STEP 4
Playing the part.
You don’t want to give yourself away as an H.I.T. (Hipster In Training) so you need to bury the cover of this LP with other record selections. Be quirky and creative in your search for obscure
Tunes! For example – there’s nothing wrong with having Johnny Cash, Dead Kennedy’s , Leonard Nimoy does Momma Mia and Bobby Sherman all in the same pile.
As usual. Make sure they’re prominently displayed – even if you have to move the dishes of the people sitting at the next table.
OK. Let’s order a drink. First rule. The drink should be expensive, obscure and small. It should be sipped – like really bad cough syrup. For example – do not order a large Coke. UGH! Bad hipster!. Instead – when the waiter comes over, take an inordinate amount of time, roll your eyes, remove your headphones and say, “I’ll have a Bushwick 2010 absinthe” or a “ Harvey Keitel on the rocks – light on the verbena”. If you’re feeling confident, When approached by the server, pretend to throw a fit and say something utterly self-important like “WHAT?! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M AN ARTIST!?!”
Is there a “Meghan” sitting nearby, she’s probably acting like you’re annoying. This is all part of the parry and thrust of the female courtship ritual. Look her over. Engage her with an obscure comment. For example, “If she’s reading “The Life and Times of Orson Welles”, lean over to her and say, “I’ve always felt Welles did the world an injustice by not including a m*sturbation scene in “Citizen Kane”.
……Side A of this recording is almost complete. Please flip over to Side B: “i-Phones, Rape whistles and chants of “Shame”. The hipster’s guide to self defense”
So sick how this is actually true!
Nailed it.
“Harvey Keitel on the rocks”. Priceless. I’d take Harvey Keitel any way, any time. Bad Lieutenant indeed! Very bad.
Something else to shove inside that empty, vapid head:
http://www.tanga.com/deals/06078600ce/hype-bluetooth-retro-phone-handset
What this dipster shitster needs is to have those records shoved into his mouth like they were going to do to the kid with his credit card in Green Street Hooligans. An improvised surgical smile for the snarky pseudo-intellectual. Fuckin’ die, you attention whore.
“I’ve always felt Welles did the world an injustice by not including a m*sturbation scene in “Citizen Kane”.
Shhhhhhhhh. Rosebud is a sled. And Joseph Cotton is “just old.”
Here’s a link to plenty of Hipster smashing fun:
http://angryrunnerhappywalker.wordpress.com/category/video-s/
It things like this taht give the hipsters hope:
http://gothamist.com/2012/05/09/record_for_rothko_orange_red_yellow.php
I really need to find a way to sepereate these richers from their money.
Although I imagine this “artist” is dead, and the money is probably just going to another “art” collector?
As an art student this is full of crap. I wouldn’t spend a penny on that work of shit. I get so made for artist that paint with technique are barely living off anything. I wish we had the days of renaissance art down to early 20th century. A shame, if I’m rich one day I will pay someone big money to paint a very beautiful portrait.
I feel the same way when I walk into the modern art section at the Met
I go to the MET often there are some Modern art that I like but most just don’t cut it for me, I spend most of my time in the European painting section.
Fucking Rothko, don’t get me started….the guy committed suicide, probably because he finally realized he was a fraud and a no talent hack.
They should all suicide… since its kinda like a trend
How do you cross your legs like that? I mean, the dick gets in the way…even when flaccid
If one doesn’t have a dick, then it should be easy enough.
The women (the one drinking the beer and the one in the back) seem like they really don’t wanna be there…
If I was a woman and had to deal with such piss poor excuses for men, I wouldn’t wanna be there either.
You’re a bunch of cunts.
As someone on this board once said, “Id say the same about you but you lack depth and warmth”.
+1
And don’t you love the erudition, too? Usually, I have to go to an English Lit major whose publishing career was cut short when Borders went bankrupt to find that level of communication skill. Or was demonstrating his skills as a Goatse impersonator the whole purpose of that little whine?
You come to a site where a whole lotta hatin goin on and thats the best you got? Cunts? For God’s sake, man, put some effort into it!
I think he did put effort into it. After all, he’s a hipster. I went to Brooklyn(Based)Vegan a few months ago and checked out the comments sections of the posts. Their best insults are either grade school level or recycled from insults previously tossed at them. It made me wonder how they got stuck with undeserved reputation of being “creative”.
This guy may also be a contender, I guess dumbass doesn’t know that proximity to magnets
can corrupt digital files:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/man-implants-magnets-keep-ipod-ready-160934948.html
Back in the Nineties, I made extra money as an MRI model. I can stand being in an MRI for up to four hours at a time, so I was getting paid $40 an hour to sleep in a noisy, rattling tube while magnetic fields scanned my innards. After hearing stories from the techs about how you had to be honest about everything from work history as a welder to pins in your legs because the MRI magnets didn’t care, I honestly look forward to the fun the first time this shithead has to go in for an MRI and “forgets” those magnets.
The article said he’s a hipster, but he doesn’t have the look. He doesn’t have a douchebag beard, he looks like he’s been in the gym at some point, and he has a job. Also, the video doesn’t have 15 seconds of credits at the end. He also lives in some place hipsters come from, not go to.
I feel bad for his tagalong. Look how embarassed she is.
Hopefully she is just a stranger who sat down to share the table.
If they are friends, then he is an even bigger douchebag than just for the turntable thing: What kind of asshole wears headphones when in the company of friends?!
Lame is everywhere, this is Stuyvesant Town, the Oval:
http://stuytownreport.blogspot.com/2012/05/public-safety-breaks-up-hookah-and.html
Hey? Is that a portable Douche?
Even in Belgium we face the invasion!
http://wp.me/p2kuvn-4V
Enough with the question of what is a hipster. You know one when you see one.
I’m not given to violence in the slightest, so it’s a mark of how intensely annoying I find even a two dimensional, second-hand representation of this hipster cock-end that I want to never stop kicking him in the head.
I still haven’t found the butthurt article where he sees himself on this site and calls mommy to call Jacoby and Meyers to call Dog the Bounty Hunter to track down DH and sue him for trauma.
hes cute alright and the girl seems nice
The best thing here is that the plastic record player and terrible headphones offer absolutely no audio value, and completely negate the augmented quality that a vinyl record would supply. So as if it wasn’t already obvious this guy is just a major douche. If the guy had had the stones to bring out a proper turntable, with some 50 pound lithium ion battery source, a nice headphone amp, and some thousand dollar headphones I’d still think he was a giant douchebag, but at least his audiophile credentials would be intact. Now he just looks like a child listening to some Alvin & The Chipmunks Christmas Album!
He has a significant hearing loss and is “reading braille” along with hearing the vibrations and rhythm….
Uh huh. Colon tissue getting in the way of his auditory canals, is it?