Today, as I was harpooning hipsters doing the back stoke in the pristine waters of the Gowanus Canal I noticed Zach and Parker taking pictures of each other with the Kentile sign as a back drop for extra Brooklyn grittiness to post on their urban adventure blogs. So I tied them up with their designer scarfs, dragged them to Modell’s and whacked them across the face with every golf club and baseball bat in stock. End of story.
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Get some fresh material already.
I’m gonna take a wild guess here and say that you either wear beta male scarfs or you enjoy hanging around the Gowanus canal in the name of art – “Shane”.
Nah, you’ve just been making the same joke for 2+ years. Come up w/ some new shit.
Look at the pictures of you guys posted to this site. Talke about “same thing”.
I don’t care about hipsters one way or the other, but I do care about comedy. You can’t just do one bit over and over. It’s hacksville. You sycophants are enablers.
I call bull on ya’ Shane and with your own words…
“I don’t care about hipsters…”
Right, that’s why you’re here, huh? LOL Because you just don’t care that much?
No one has announced themselves as comedians or students of Comedy, so your disappointment is related to your expectation on something subjective and slightly nebulous.
Which also happens to be a hallmark trait of hipsters with a mindset of entitlement. Good luck with that
I mean to each their own, but I have a hard time believing any read ‘harpooning’, and lol’d.
The fact you chose “shanedawg” as your username alone screams “hipster”. Most people don’t use names that try to show some fake ass street cred.
it’s from Eastbound & Down
Don’t you have some cruelty free cross stitching to attend to, Snowflake?
HERRO STEVIE! HERRO TREY!
LET’S HAVE GAY SEX NOW!!!
LOL@ harpooning.
Pristine Gowanus Canal Haha!
‘Shane! Come back!” Ehh,no.
A harpoon is the perfect weapon for a canal full of Meagans. THAR SHE BLOOOOOWS!!!!
And blow she does !
I’m on the G train to work (7 more work days left here thank God) and right at Flushing Ave. some hipster gets on and starts taking pictures on the train. Last week it was a guy on Bedford who decided to take pictures of the freaking bus stop!! I burst out laughing and said “Oh geez, everything is fucking art to these schmucks”, to which he replied as he escaped into a cafe “everything is art!”. I almost doubled over laughing at that point. What a fucking pussy.
I am happy to report I will not have to work in Greenpoint/Williamsburg much longer. No more will I have to see these idiots every day around my job. Granted, I will still be taking the F train, but now it will be to Gravesend instead of Bensonhurst. I have not spotted a single beardo in that area as of yet. Hopefully it stays this way.
Beardos, coyotes, tornadoes wanna-be Carrie Bradshaws all want to be urban and now the space shuttle wants to be urban too. Like Yah!
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpt53-DlnY4&version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0%5D
The Horror of HBO’s Girls
http://exiledonline.com/the-horror-of-hbos-girls/
Lena Dunham is getting hosannas from critics for exposing her nude doughy depressing body in humiliating ways throughout the show—makes it all so “real,” somehow. They’re all calling Dunham “the voice of her generation,” and maybe she’s the body of her generation too. She must’ve known she could count on critics to dutifully take dictation when she had her character Hannah ironically describe herself as “the voice of my generation…or of a generation.” You can picture them all noting it down carefully, muttering, “’Voice of generation’…oh, yeah, that is GOLD.”
Going out to dinner for Hipster Free Italian food. This place isn’t cultured or expensive enough and probably too mainstream for them.
Literally just heard in the R train: “omg like her parents are nit helping her at all, it’s so horrible. I have so much respect for her” smmfh. Its called growing the fuck up and being an adult!
Yeah, god for freaking bid these semi-adults actually take care of themselves like healthy, legal adults do.
Not to them…no, Mom and Dad must work ANOTHER two decades to fund their baby lives till they’re 40 year old whiners instead of 20 year old whiners. Mom and Dad are two entitites to manipulate with tears, tales of woe, and copious amounts of childish guilt ( e.g.”But howww am I gunna leee-iv here Dad if I can’t pay my rennnnnt!!! *sniff, sniff for affect* ).
And when Mom and Dad are retired and want to enjoy what’s left of their golden years, there will be Megan and Josh..divorced, six kids, broke again and wanting more help.
‘voice of a generation’…yeah, that’s a pretty weak voice at that…
Don’t you know: 40 is the new 20 and 50 is the new 30!
Like the way in “Sex and the City” they all want to settle down (marry a billionaire, get a rent-free apartment, jewelry, servants, a personal chauffeur, free vacations in Dubai without husband and plenty of studs and pool boys – oh, and the husband better not cheat when she’s gone) and have kids before they turn 50.
You know it’s all possible once you move to New York, get a rent-controlled apartment on the Upper East Side and give blow-jobs for breakfast, lunch and dinner for about 10 years while exploring your sexuality and writing magazine columns about men, men and men.
Remember Jabba the Hut/food stamp chick from a couple of posts back?
http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-me/it-happened-me-i-was-rejected-food-stamps
Looks like she’s been shopping, shopping, shopping non-stop since then.
http://www.broadist.com/
http://www.xojane.com/issues/notes-food-stamp-office
Great! She’s not the only one. Here’s an ex wannabe actress who married a starving artist, got pregnant and spends her food stamps at Trader Joe’s. AND uses her English Lit skills to write a poignant and beautiful essay about her plight.
Start posting comments now.
That shadood chick needs to spend about six years in Somalia and then try to convince everyone why her polka dot fetish is so appealing that everyone else should wear them too. And good gawd…she’s the oldest looking 25 year old I’ve seen in a while. In one shot she looks 50. Must be all the parties and after parties.
Her post on ‘other babes’ she’s seen online tells it all though…she is most attracted to women who are virtually carbon copies of herself. I think that particular type of narcissism is unique to hipsters. Identity with others similar to ourselves isn’t unusual; it’s when they must be practically xeroxed of ourselves that there’s a problem.
A lot of men will like a woman more who shares similar interests or ethics as themselves, but few expect the women to also dress like them and like all the same bands and eat the same exact way etc etc. The hipster is continually looking to see themselves reacted back to themselves and uses others to do that. People as commodity, nevermind the clothes.
The best part is when she talks about how the farmers market is part of her ‘self care’ ritual and it reminds her of home. Pfft…omg, what try hard, contrived, douchery. I bet her family prays on their knees every night that she never comes back home until that bent attitude is gone because otherwise, she’ll be totally intolerable with self-righteous disdain towards them when she does her obligatory home visits.
“Mawwwmmm….why are you eating that?!!”
“Daaaduh…sports are just a patriarchal reinactment of oppression and exploitation of warrior classes, with hints of homoeroticism built in. Why are you watchinnnngggg thaaaat?”
The most humane thing to do them imo is cut them totally off financially. Too bad NY can’t institute a ‘if you haven’t paid taxes into this state within six months of application for food welfare, then you ain’t gettin’ it champ…too bad, so sad…’
Her parents moved and didn’t leave a forwarding address; that’s why she’s trying for food stamps. And she’s way too ugly to be a hooker, so she’s trying to be a “writer.”
She has an Iphone too..Unreal.
Scroll down to the fourth picture – it looks like she’s either picking her nose with her thumb or getting ready for a practice blow job. Either way – UGH…
And check out the “authentic” picture of her in her blue paisley dress front of her parents’ cul de sac. We already knew that’s where she’s REALLY from, and there’s the photographic proof.
Brooklyn-based, my ass. Fuck outta here.
The Jabba the Hut chick thinks she has some sort of fashion sense, but not a single one of her outfits actually look good on someone as dumpy as her.
Why do all the Megans pose knock-kneed and pigeon-toed in their photos? Is this a thing with them now? Do they think this makes them seem cute and girly? Do they think this makes up for their skanky PBR drunken behavior, “authentic-gritty-urban” saggy tattoo sleeves, piercings and cankles?
I see an awful lot of these knock kneed pigeon toed cankled frumpy Megans paired up with skinny twisted up Twizzler-limbed bow legged Joshes. Spaying and neutering should be made mandatory for those wastes of space. I’m afraid we’re going to see more and more of these crybabys applying for food stamps as mom and dad cut them off/go broke after using all of their retirement savings on them, while they wait years and years for that big publishing, fashion design, laptop food critic or art museum curator job to drop out of the sky into their entitled laps. I have a feeling we’re going to see more and more of them blogging away, crying about this, as one by one, the parental funding dries up.
Since they’re all so “broke” maybe Brooklyn Flea and some of those gentrified artisinal pickle, artisinal soda fountains, pretentious coffee shops, Masturbation Bros., Roberta’s rat hole pizza place and all the kute kupkake shoppes should start taking EBT cards, since that’s where these idiots all feel entitled to shop. But yeah…not so much. And it would be too much too ask for those places to -gasp- lower their prices so these brokeass Meegans that wanted all that sh!t in the first place can keep shopping there!
And guys just keep flocking to Chelsea.
That is one homely fireplug.
You wanna hurl? Look at Time Out New York’s latest “Apartments” issue. Full of parentally funded 20-something students, writers, and artists with $2600 pads in Brooklyn, discussing their personal decorating style.
HAHA,this was done by the writer Gusto…hes getting alot of beef about it on Animal.com
replied to wrong post,sorry
Regarding Rule No. 7 – “Do Not Go To The Bronx” …
Why would anyone WANT to go to the Bronx?
For the hipster, it has to do with some sort of vague artistic credibility leading to bragging rights in a condescending tone of voice to other hipsters. When they are not actually having conversations with each other, they imagine themselves having conversations with each other and each new one is an opportunity to impress.
They also consider venturing into these areas as ‘pioneering’ such as our forefathers did. What the hipster will NEVER have to do, is clear acres and acres of land, which is insanely hard work even with the tools we have now but no way could these pasty butts handle doing it by hand or on the cheap. So, they move into depressed areas of cities and start the gentrification process. That period in time where the area is depressed or gritty or whatever else they actually consider ‘edgy’ as compared to mainstream society, works for these pioneers because they like to take pictures of homeless people, junkies, graffitti, and trash and then hang it up on their bathroom walls and publish it to their blogs.
I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if they purposely took on the Bronx for no other reason than spite.
oh nooo…hate to report this but in the spirit of friendly transparency feel I should and if for no other reason than to help you brace yourselves and also be on the look out for him:
38 year old beardo, fancies himself as looking much younger though ( his words )
considers himself incredibly attractive
a perpetual philosopher always ready to challenge every opinion around him
thin as a rail, pasty, and white
hails from Ohio
will have a guitar and keyboard
will vlog about the experience
he’s a friends little brother…was in cali and had to go back home to the rents in Ohio, worked as a waiter and part-time massage therapist ( won’t detail what that work really meant ), and has now decided to head down to Austin ‘for a couple of months’ and then: “I’m moving to Brooklyn…should be cool…so yeah….”
Some predict he’ll OD in austin or, he and his weird/borderline mentally ill personality may not survive long in Austin…but Brooklyn bound he is determined to be…name?
Ian
Shocked? lol
I can hear his introductions now,”Hey, I’m Ian, I’m 38 but I can tell you all can see that I look more like 28. Yeah, I do, you’re right. Anyway, really happy to be here in Brooklyn. Oh, and I’m also an actor so if someone could help me with that, that would be cool. Also, I’ll hold a yoga class in my crib every Thursday night at 6pm. Meanwhile, can someone spot me a 50, just till my parents wire me some spending money?”
The hipster trail of tears still continues to point to Brooklyn as its host city. Brace yourselve. Band together, close ranks