A couple of weeks ago someone in Staten Island saw a hipster with a LQQK AT ME license plate and sent in a picture. Well over the weekend at the movie theater at Sheepshead Bay I see this car parked outside. It’s obviously a twizzler-bodied hipster who wants everyone to know what his limbs look like. So I’m standing there wondering why a fucking interloping gentrifier is all the way down in Sheepshead Bay? He can’t be seeing a real movie that makes it to a national chain of theaters – he only watches horrible indie films on Bushwick rooftops. Then I figured he must be trying to sell artisanal popcorn to the theater and probably drove down Bedford Ave – the only street he knows in Brooklyn - that actually goes all the way down from Greenpoint to Emmons Ave in Sheepshead Bay. So anyway I hid behind the Jordan’s Lobster Dock fisherman statue until he came back to his car. I jumped out and said “Hey you fuckin’ Josh” and I clotheslined him. I stuffed him in his trunk and drove a few blocks over to Roll N Roaster. I dragged him in the back, handcuffed him with an onion ring I found on the floor and threw him in the dumpster which put a smile on his face since he sustainably get his groceries from dumpsters on his freegan adventures. So I took him out and simply tossed him in the bay. Maybe by now one of the fisherman found himself a new fishing pole named Josh?
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