Park Slope Parents vow to change Brooklyn!

Ahhhh yes – Park Slope, Brooklyn. The place where smug, identical, inbred-looking, upper class yups come from around the country to breed and impress each other while skipping around the “nabe” with bags of expensive groceries and microbrews. Also, Park Slope is the place where many North Brooklyn hipsters graduate to after transplanting from fly-over state suburban settings to Williamsburg, Greenpoint and Bushwick a long, long, long 7 years ago to teach us pre-historic and uncultured New Yorkers what music, coffee, alcohol, art and food is.

Link: NEW YORK POST – Park Slope Yups to ban Ice Cream from parks.

Not an April Fools joke – the NY Post reports today that a number of Park Slope parents are joining forces to prevent ice cream and icee vendors - a Brooklyn staple –  from selling their products in Prospect Park; making statements like:

“I should not have to fight with my children every warm day on the playground just so someone can make a living!”
 
Of course not yup cunt! The world should revolve around you, your little brats Palmer, Linus, Matilda and your nasally thick eyeglass framed beardo husband Ethan, right??? Didn’t you know there were non-Waspy white people and non-white people that make a few bucks in the street when you were fascinated by Brooklyn via reading the Brownstoner blog and other various message boards when you were planning your move from Michigan? Didn’t you read the complaints your species was already making on those boards about the icky natives that are an obstruction to your homogenized lives around here? Oh you poor thing – having to argue and teach your children things? The horror!
 
These extremely irritating Park Slope parents are horrible parents. If not being raised by a nanny, their infants and toddlers are confined to their Strollersaurus Rex, or some snot and Cheerios play center or sitting and screaming in a some smug bar so Mommy or Daddy can get their drink on and discuss the happenings in “their” new community. By the time the kids are around 4 or 5 and are unleashed on society, like a park, they have no idea how to control themselves. They will not take no for an answer. Instead of teaching their kids, basically from the time they are able to walk and get their hands into things – that you can’t always get what you want or you have to earn rewards, the kid ends up feeling entitled. This sense of entitlement lasts until about 40 when they are still asking their parents for “ice cream”, a metaphor for rent at this point.
 
I guarantee you, if some pasty, emaciated lumberjackish beardo walked through the playground with a cart that said “Colby’s Organic Seaweed Smoothies” on the side or “Holly’s Frozen Breastmilk Parfaits” these Park Slope parents would be doing cartwheels with cash in hand.
 
 

233 thoughts on “Park Slope Parents vow to change Brooklyn!

  1. I have to deal with these smug transplants everyday and their children are little brats

  2. How very sad for the Park Slope people to have their neighborhood invaded by people who move in strickly to change the neighborhood. If they don’t like the area they move into, go back where they came from! It use to be people assimilated into a neighborhood…now they move in and try to change it to “their way”. Why should everyone else have to adapt to the way they live? It seems to me if we don’t like something, we don’t buy it! These people, if they don’t like something, they want to ban it…for everyone. The church bells have been chiming for generations…our kids adapted to the sound of the church bells ringing…so can theirs. Keep the faith Park Slopers…you come from strong stock…and you are the kind of people who like ice cream, candy and a beer in a great corner bar. Stand up and let the interlopers know this is your neighborhood too. It sounds like a horror movie from your posts but YOU and your families were there first. Wishing you well from a former Brooklynite from the greatest generation yet…strong, smart, loving people who raised their kids to respect their elders, mind their manners, be kind and polite and who gave them a pop on their fannies when they needed it!

    • “It use to be people assimilated into a neighborhood…”

      This has NEVER been the case. New York City is constantly changing, and has been so since its beginnings. It is the nature of neighborhoods to change with generations as demographics change. No use getting mad about it, just live your life.

    • Here, here!!! They claim to be all accepting and all loving. I saw a sign in front of a new bar/ restaurant that read “come in and see what we are all about”. As soon as I stepped in the doorway all the employees heads popped up and I got a death stare. I must have had “native” written on my forehead. They make me feel like an outsider!!!!

  3. Ho about this for a novel idea- CONTROL YOUR LITTLE SNOT NOSED KIDS, YOU YUPPIE TWUNTS

    • What the what? Dishonorable discharge and life sentence busting rocks in Ft. Levenworth for this crime. Article 13 this civilian MoFo on GP until we can find grounds for more serious court martial and summary punishment. over?. I’m thinking this shit is a serious case of terrorism…

      • Here’s an easier link to the video…

        • Seriously, do you like raping my ears? Only USMC or USArmy bands should be allowed to perform our National Anthem. You’re killing me over here.

          • What blows my mind is the utter lack of GUTS in this version of the song. This is a song about courage and these skinny-jeans dudes remove any bit of GUTS from the song.

          • And they never had to hump a ruck and a M-16. IF you didn’t serve, S.T.F.U.! Shut up your sissy-ass, singing-ass. Seriously, why would you do this? Have you no fucking shame?

        • Ugh this will be stuck in my fucking ears now. Excuse me while I go barf.

        • NO! You fucking stand at the position of attention. This is not a fucking folk song. This is our fucking National Fucking Anthem! God damnit, you should have to get a permit to perform this.

        • Hipsters ruin everything they touch.

        • What’s worse, a whole stadium full of basketball players and military men not turning around and beating those shits to pulp right afterwards.

          Next year it will be Pomplamoose.

          • Hey the fray is an awesome band. I am not a hipster but I have been listening to them for a while now. They were around before the hipster epidemic.

          • All three of them are filthy hipster douche rags.

          • Oops, sorry, all four of them!

          • and your point? Looks like they jumped on board!

          • I noticed a USMC firing party there – shame they don’t issue them ball ammo. That shit goes WAY beyond disrespect. Total BULLSHIT. And those millionaire basketball player fucks just hanging out like it was the hood instead of putting their hands over their hearts – they should be deported to Somalia. FUCK that makes me MAD.

        • That is an insult to our National Anthem. Those idiots should be ashamed of themselves. The guitars were completely out of tune!! If your hipster art band MUST play our national anthem like a bunch of preschoolers(please don’t), at least tune up beforehand!! The singing was completely soulless. The Playskool drum and tamborine was out of rhythm and I just wished he would stop and put the toys back in the toybox..

          They can’t play this off as ironic or it’s-performance-art-you-don’t-get-it. It SUCKED, plain and simple.

    • You raped my fucking ear drums with this shit. Why did you do this? Warn us beforehand, ok…NSFA (Not Safe For Americans)

    • There is a standard for performing our National Anthem. There is a vocal range that is requred… If you aint got it,and you know you can’t deliver, then stand down, ok… Our sacred National Anthem should only be performed by professionals who have rehersed it; by orchestras that have studied classical performances. This is not a reality show contest. Leave this to the pros. Do not debase it by pretendending to be a contestant on American Idol.

      This is why it is best left to Army or Marine Corps bands. They have discipline and training, unlike hypstrs and indulgent mommies who won’t let their toddlers eat fucking ice cream.

  4. Thy can be as pathological, helicoptering, ultra paranoid, over protective, vegan lactose free, free range organic Gowanus slime grown locavore superfund site chicken farmed food, trying to keep them away “from the type of people who eat candy and Italian Ices” as much as they want, but it won’t stop some of their special hell spawn growing up to be these bunch of EDPs: crustypunks.blogspot.com I suspect a lot of those had helicopter parents in back in Cul De Sac Ville

  5. The feces of park slope children is harvested for mast brother’s chocolate.

  6. I love you! Can we print this article on a billboard or something…..?
    These damn yups need to be put in there place! I am 28 years old and have witnessed
    The most ridiculous shit from these people. I started babysitting around the neighborhood when I was 12, I had other jobs but always came back to child care when in need of some fast cash. after being a teachers assistant in park slope for four years. I had to leave the job those kids and parents are f****** aliens. I was starting to feel I didn’t want any children of my own because of their behavior. I can sit here and tell all the horror stories but do not want to torture myself any further. tell your kid NO n if they argur backhand that mouth,it works!

    • “tell your kid NO n if they argur backhand that mouth,it works!”

      Yeah and if it doesn’t just go to the broom handle they will get the point sooner or later.

      • Not sure if that sarcastic but it does work,I was a punk ti my pops said YOU THINK YOUR TUFF,he squared off one on one and earned me a lesson

  7. This will be the last straw…if they decide to end this part of Brooklyn that was loved by us as far back as i remember plus helps feed these hard workers in an economy that only Zoey and Linus can thrive in I will personally put an end to this Hipstet shit in brooklyn,take it as warning,not a joke…no ices in parks because your brat is crying hipsters will not feel welcome in this borough,trust me…and FUCK OFF AREADY

  8. Ah, enlightenment … show us the way, young parents! Age and experience have nothing on your new found enlightenment! Have mercy on us, Molly and Heather!

  9. These are the same people “BROWNSTONE BETTYS” that got dodge ball banned in the elementary schools because their little Max might get hurt. Instead of teaching him how to play,, oh wait daddy can’t because daddy was too much of a SISSY to play himself! These are the same people that call themselves “BROOKLYNITES” can you imagine! To this I saying, No way! Simply because they never played stickball in the street, know what chips on a spaldene are or had an eggcream with a Charlotteruse is. When it comes down to it, it’s not the kids fault. Its the big dopes that do not know what the word NO and its meaning . There’s a lot to be said for those of us who
    attended the school of hard knocks that Brooklyn is known for, ex. Manual Training/ John Jay aka Jungle Jay right here in the heart of PARK SLOPE. That’s why we will survive the invasion of brownstone bettys and their beats who can’t have an ice cream or an Uncle Luigi’s Italian ice.

  10. i hate to disagree with the general sentiment of this website, as a native new yorker, who grew up in bensonhurst and now lives in park slope, i remember when neighborhoods where so segregated that if you ventured beyond your “zone” you had to fear getting jumped or mugged, though i agree that these people should parent their fucking kids and that their fucking annoying, ill take them over the mamalukes one used to find aimlessly wandering the streets of brooklyn back in the day, at least now i can go for a jog around the park at 10 pm and not worry about getting into some shit over nothing with a bunch of bored belligerent teenagers

    • Well said. I remember those days as a native Brooklynite. And I’d rather deal with annoying hipsters than criminals and asshole teenagers — which are still in abundance, only more at random.

    • I have to call bullshit on this reasoning. I grew up in Bensonhurst, too. (Born in 1965.) I never feared getting jumped in Bensonhurst (or Bay Ridge or Borough Park). And I wasn’t a total “tough guy” either. So it’s not as if I intimidated anyone.

      Yes, neighborhoods were more segregated in past, but that was mainly based on stupid ethnic/racial fear. Much of that is gone now (although there are still some neighborhoods in Brooklyn where you can still get jumped if your skin color doesn’t match). Replacing the mainly down-to-earth people with clueless, condescending hipsters and holier-than-thou yuppies is NOT a reasonable substitute.

    • Yes, but we still learned a valuable lesson…It’s called respect. It made us who we are. We grew up to be respectful adults. If you told me No, it was No, period. These kids can’t cope with that word.

      And don’t fool yourself, the more gentrified a neighborhood gets the more crime. So hold onto your Rolex!

  11. I think anyone who wants to ban ice cream ought to be buried alive in Rocky Road. But, in fairness, if you actually read the Post article this story amounts to:

    1) Someone said something stupid on the internet;
    2) A few people agreed with that person;
    3) Others told her she was dumb;
    4) Then nothing happened

    I know Park Slope is an easy target, but there are better things to get on the neighborhood for. Like anything involving the retards at the coop.

  12. OK. Someone posted this on Facebook, so I decided to read it since I have very strong feelings about the changes in Park Slope and who is here now. I have never heard of this blog prior to this article and I regret that I haven’t because I’ve been missing out. I say shit like this daily and have many discussions with my family about it. I’ve lived here for 27 years and I miss everything about the neighborhood I grew up in and despise everything it is turning into. This blog is amazing. Thank you.

    • I think the word on this blog is starting to get out in a big way…

      • The word must be getting out. This is almost like part of my evening entertainment while I watch the NetFlix. Dude that owns this site needs to monetize and get paid off all of the hipster hate.

        • Agreed. Maybe run some ads on the site. Although it might be tough to find sponsors for something called “Die Hipster”!!! LOL.

          • oogle adSense. And given the content of this site, I can only imagine what kinds of ads would get served up. That would be real interesting. But you have to admit, it would be pretty cool to get paid not from doing business with hipsters but for hating on them. How’s that for fucking irony?

          • Google adSense

          • A little toooo ironic, yeah I really do think…

          • So, what do you do for a living?

            I hate on hipsters.

            There’s money in that?

            Yep.

          • How’s the joke go? “What makes you a hipster? You say things are ‘hipster’.” Readers of this site consume many of the same goods as the people it makes fun of.

          • I breathe air and drink water. Am I a hipster?

          • No, just a virgin.

          • That’s deck

          • Yes, we consume it, shit it out and that’s that! We don’t go around expounding on the benefits of latte vegan mahi mahi aeoli free range sustainable crap.

          • But only if it’s artisanal hate.

  13. we true new yorkers grew up on marino’s and ralphs italian iceys. cmoon yuppies if u moved to nyc, is because you wanted to b part of this culture. did any of u yuppies ever look at documentary’s from old NEW YORK?

    • Also, any bagel they eat is “absolutely the best bagel in Brooklyn, guaranteed!”.says they. You could give them cat litter and shape it like a bagel and they would swear by it. Those icees were the best. A close second was the piragua man on the corner. Viva Puerto Rico!!!!

  14. I was born and raised in Brooklyn. I am originally from East New York but I was raised in Mill Basin yes I am a minority. The times when I would go to Brownsville or East New York I can only claim someone tried to rob or jump me once. Yes it was by a minority but I do remember one day I was going to school and I was jumped but luckily a teacher had seen me trying to fend off the people and justice was served. It does not matter what skin you have it matters on how educated and self positive you are as a person. For people saying they rather have hipsters or yuppies around rather than hoodlums. The people on here and me as well aren’t saying that we rather a bad neighborhood but why should you take things from a neighborhood or a childs life because you feel that they are too good for so called an ice cream. Its the whole fact that people who are coming from other parts of the country are moving in and not taking the traditional urban city life to use or appreciating it. a lot of us on here are finding the small and postive things that made our childhoods worthwhile in an amazing city if not borough but sadly it is slowly changing into a dulled down place only to make look interesting for people of the hipster and yuppie groups.

  15. Self expression my behind. Had i allowed my children to express themselves in the manner in which these tykes ‘express’ themselves i would have been sporting a few blackeyes, possible infected bites, etc… Where have they learned that behavior? Are mommy and daddy knocking themselves around behind closed doors? Where do they pick up the language and the mean spirited way they speak to other children not to mention aduilts? I taught in a P.S. primary school and was drained by the daily nonsense from both parents and children. Bottom line, they are assholes in every sense of the word. They spew nothing but shit and hot foul smelling air- You move into MY neighborhood and end up looking at the long time residents, like myself, my children and grand children as if we dont belong. Go away! I love the ice cream and icee trucks in our parks! Why should those of us who enjoy a treat while in the park be deprived because you are a lousy parent??? GO AWAY!!!

  16. Sup there, credit for writing this blog site. It gifted me something insightful to look over whilst i wasn’t busy at work. I book-marked so i’ll in all probability be back again to read other well written articles and releases in the future. Take care,

  17. I was born and raised in the LES, moved my family to the Bronx The commute is not as convenient but thank god I did. Italian ice? Arguing with child? Give the lil guy/gal a treat. They are kids. Thank god I will most likely never associate my family with park slope nazis. Kids at bars? When did that become cool and a cool treat at the park isn’t?

  18. What happened to Brooklyn? It was once a tuff town where men were men and women were women. Now it’s a place where it’s almost illegal to walk the street without a cup of coffee and your graying shelter dog. It’s easier to find a parking spot than to find an ounce of testosterone. All these androgynous interlopers destroying the fabric of Brooklyn with thousands of condo buildings. They all dress and act alike. They come from small towns and reinvent themselves. They don’t realize they look like drones wearing used jeans. What a bunch of posers.

    • Yes, great description. They claim to be individuals but they are fooling themselves!

  19. Love those useless anecdotes reported by the New York post…What is next, an article about parents wanting to ban those 3 minute horsey rides that cost a quarter in front of convenience stores?

  20. I love it when these people get mugged and robbed, they deserve it.

    • Yes, they are so predictable. They don’t feel that they must be careful when walking around because the neighborhood belongs to them, silly!

  21. “I should not have to fight with my children every warm day on the playground just so someone can make a living!”

    BS. Fight? Are you serious? If you do not learn to say no to your children now, It will only get harder to do it later. You are not preparing your children for future rejection and when they don’t get the job they want, or their bf/gf breaks up with them or they don’t live the dream life you are ill preparing them for, they will become seriously and psychologically depressed and not be able to address emotional issues. They could become negatively introverted. All because you can’t say no. Say no and say it once. Stay out of the playground, you are not ready for it.

    • Yes, they will turn around and commit patricide. Parents beware, you had better build yourselves a bunker to protect yourself from Clarice!

      • PS… I love this site. Glad I found it. Thanks for the amusement! Now it is beddy bye time. Hopefully to sleep, perchance to dream… that my beloved Brooklyn is still just that. Nighty night. Don’t let the bedbugs…oh never mind.

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