Housing 4 Hipsters?

I can see it now! Some spatula-physiqued Logan with women’s jeans, an XX Small lumber jack shirt, Elvis Costello hat and glasses, child molester moustache, and kickball under his arm walks into this event and says: “Like ya, I need affordable housing but like, ya, I’m not a hipster”.

Now, I’m not a fan of lazy, non-working, drug abusers getting public assistance (even though that’s what many hipsters are as well), but giving assistance to a 30 year old kickballing DJ/barista/poet/photographer/graphics designer who grew up licking cookie dough off mommy’s mixing spoon in his cul-de-sac McMansion is fucking ridiculous. I’m really curious though as to how many people will show up to this event being that it’s called “Housing 4 Hipsters” since no hipster ever admits to being one.

Link: ArlingtonNow.com – Housing 4 Hipsters

25 thoughts on “Housing 4 Hipsters?

  1. This is infuriating. If they base housing eligibility strictly on income the place will get loaded with hipsters. Sounds to me like they don’t want genuine low income people because they are the wrong race and color. Rather skirt the issue and full it up with people with low actual income because gifts and parental subsides don’t count. This stinks and should be investigated

    • As a landlord, I’ve learned (the hard way) that there are very, VERY few people who will keep a rental unit clean and free of damage. Unless they have a significant financial stake in the property they will destroy it.

      Same goes for the macaroni sculpting, edamame collective that will be occupying this development. The units will be purchased, but mommy and daddy will be paying the bills. In some ways is worse because as “owners”, they can now do what they damn please. Nothing’s stopping them from their zany antics. And once they start living together, empty units will be rented out. Then you have crime. To thugs this place will be like shooting fish in a barrel.

      If I were to build housing units for these losers I would look to Soviet era/prison
      Architecture for inspiration – 100% poured concrete construction, pitched roofs so you can’t plant gardens, bare cement floors and concrete furniture integrated into the structure. No gardens. No lawns.

      • Good point. With the concrete walls, at least you can sandblast it when Ethan and Zoey are finished gluing action figures to the ceiling. (I watched a similar program start up in Portland, when the hipsters started complaining that rents were too high. No shit: it was because they were willing to shiv each other just to say “I lived in Portland,” and Daddy’s money was no object. The program was officially started with the idea of helping people who legitimately couldn’t afford to live near downtown any more because of the cost, such as the innumerable actual workers in Downtown’s office buildings and restaurants. Before you know it, the program was nothing but a subsidy for alleged models who couldn’t get million-dollar contracts, wannabe weekly newspaper writers, and innumerable dolts who figured that gluing shit onto shit was “Art”.

        • Geez we sound like survivors of a nuclear apocalypseexchanging info: Asheville’s gone too!?!?! SH*T!

        • Comment should have been posted to your post below.

          These programs never work. If you don’t have legitimate home ownership, it’s a waste of money. And it’s always those that need the housing who get shafted.

          They want to start a porgram like this about 1 mile from my house. Locals have been fighting it for ten years. The reasoning bheind it is – give poor folk a shot at good schools and a nice neighborhood. My reasoning is – we pay out the nose for our schools and way of life. Fix your own neighborhood and schools.

          In other news, my cousin – who lives in Brooklyn – bought 8 or nine buildings in Northern Liberties section of Philly about ten years ago. Price: about 40-50K apiece. The rents now are through the roof He fixed them up, tried to be an upstanding, resposnible landlord. Then the hipster infestation hit full force. He has more trouble with these whimsical trustafarians than he did with normal tenants who’s worst crime was not regularly pay the rent on time. Now he’s up there every other week – painting, replacing drywall because the a**weeds got creative with murals, delaousing the apartments, clearing out trash, disinfecting, fixing the roofs because of the rooftop gardens etc.

          • Oh, just wait until the helicopter parent lawsuits start, especially if Josh and Meghan are into their cocaine. “My Joshie couldn’t have been on heroin! I know him! He’s my son…daughter…whatever! If YOU were watching his every move, then you could have prevented him from ODing on that eight kilos of Chinese rocks that magically appeared in his apartment! How DARE you not watch out for him?” (We get that on a regular basis out here, particularly next to Southern Methodist University. Yupster ODs on really bad shit, it comes out that said yupster snorted up half of Antarctica every weekend, and the parents sue the apartment building because it didn’t have enough security cameras to keep out the riffraff who obviously conspired to make Precious Snowflake look bad.)

      • I’ve heard landlords say the best tenant is the one you don’t remember.

        As a renter, I plug holes, keep vermin away, don’t destroy the appliances, don’t make a fuss, call the super promptly if there’s any problems and pay relatively on time. My biggest problem is that the only reason rentals are affordable in the long term is because of rent regulation.

        Thankfully, I don’t live in a hip neighborhood, where the buildings have exploded thanks to quick turnover straight past the rent regulation phase, and are actually worse buildings to live in. One bad tenant and everybody near him has bugs, water damage and god knows what else, and transplants who don’t have to pay for themselves are just bad tenants.

        • Speaking of bad tenants…in the apartment I used to live in, some hipster idiot living above me decided she wanted to take a bath. But since she was too impatient (and probably out of adderall) to wait for the tub to fill, she decided to run errands in the meantime. Next thing I know, water is leaking through my bathroom fan. Because of her idiot mistake, four apartments inherited water damage. Luckily, my leak was only in my bathroom, so very few of my possessions were ruined. When we confronted her about it, she said “Oh, sorry, yeah, I didn’t realize it would fill up so quickly!”.

          • As a landlord, thank you Nalano.
            Ive had this apartment, it was a revolving door of roommates. So I got a call one day about a broken light fixture. So I got in and there it was…
            next to the light that was supposed to be there was a hole in the ceiling with a poor POOR DIY light fixture hanging. Supposedly one of the past roommates thought he needed a light RIGHT on that spot (1 feet away from the main kitchen light) and decided to saw a hole, tap into the electrical wire and attach his home depot light…then realized the hole was too big and what did this hipster do? stuff the hole with of all things toilet paper…next to electrical wire.
            God help you New Yorkers. If the landlord isnt blowing a gasket, a future tenant moving in after the hipster will end up burning to death

      • I have never trashed a property. Whats the point?

        I hate hipsters. That is all.

    • That’s right, Swamp Yankee. “Affordablity” is a relative term.I wouldn’t be surrpised if the city doesn’t incorporated hipster versions of charity programs like “Latte on Wheels” or miso soup kitchems.

      • As idiotic as this is, it still beats all of the sociology classes covering the “Star Wars” series.

  2. die hipster,

    I arise in my shitty dayton st house in lovely Flint MI to your postings. It brightens my dreary rain day in the ghetto. I prefer to say the “boys wearing their sisters jeans”, because it looks like their entire outfit came from a little girls closet. I thought it was a “white” only trend, but even some blacks and latinos are now converting over to the Hipster. Please keep up the good work, hopefully we can spread the message to the west side of michigan near grand rapids where a shit ton of these clown shoes reside.


    • Grand Rapids is overrun? Aw, shit. I wasn’t surprised that Ann Arbor was lost, but it had been lost since the Seventies. (Honestly, hearing about the Traverse City vineyards and subsequent wankery, I’m surprised that Manistee hasn’t been invaded, too.)

  3. It seems that out here in South Jersey there are desperate hordes of pepole who will do anything to hispter-ize any community for the sake of either getting in on the ground floor of low real estate prices or for the privilege of saying they lived there before it was cool.

    But it’s the catchphrases that make me crazy: “Vibrant Art Community”. “DIVERSITY”, Unique…quirky, hip, energized.

    The blue print is the same. Ask any property manager and the last thing he wants occupying one of his building is an art gallery. All the shops in all these places are the same: Art ART ART ART COFFEE LATTE ART CUPCAKES ART. How f**cking diverse can you be when you’re exactly like the hipster commune 510 miles down. If you really wanted diversity you’d open up a drycleaners and a f**cking hardware store.

    And screw “vibrant” and “Quirky”. When i walk down Main St. I wanna see normal people doing normal things. I don’t want a carbon copy of Bedford Ave – a daily scene that looks like a a parade annoucing the arrival of the circus complete with a ringmaster, Uncle Sam on stiltis, acrobats, brass band, cats on leashes and Pennywise the Clown swinging from a lampost.

    • lol

    • Well, Bedford Ave USED to be that way all the way through the early part of the last decade. Regular places to get stuff done and only a few new “quirky” places run by hard working people who made it themselves – and then cashed out when the rents skyrocketed and it became more work pleasing the fucktards than it was worth. Now its a freak show raining money via debit cards.

    • here’s how it works:

      those assholes move in thinking their ‘Art’ and coffee cupcake shit is enough to support them. They all fuck each other in massive orgies while smoking crack, or whatever hipsters do, and produce children. Soon they desire their neighborhoods to be safe, secure, stable – basically all the things hipsters despise and ridicule. Soon enough, their hood becomes everything they wished to escape from.

  4. Another great way to blow through your parent’s retirement income!

  5. I am FED UP with these hipster commies

  6. This article and the comments got me thinking about a few issues that are tangential to the “hipster problem.”
    One is that, outside of the major hipster areas, hipster has a totally different meaning. I know a lot of people from “unhip” areas who, when first seeing a “hipster city,” get pretty excited, because it’s at least cooler than the sprawl-ville they came from. I imagine that whoever came up with “Homes 4 Hipsters” was one of those people- a person so distant from hipster culture that it actually sounds kind of cool to them.
    The comment about “Regular places to get stuff done and only a few new “quirky” places run by hard working people who made it themselves” made me sad not only because I can imagine Bedford Ave was a nice place back then, but because it got me thinking about a big problem with cities: the kind of people who want “regular places to get stuff done” tend to move out of cities, leaving only hipsters behind. Sure, sometimes hipster + the skyrocketing rents they bring *are* the reason these people move out.
    But it’s not only that. It was the original white flight – made possible by cheap gas and minimal traffic in the 20th century – that paved the way for hipsterification in the first place, and, if we don’t want hipsterification to continue, we shouldn’t repeat the mistakes of our parents.
    In other words, if you’re sick of hipsters, don’t move to the burbs- that’s one more valuable regular person the city can’t stand to lose.

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