There I was on an early Tuesday morning at 2pm in McCarren Park – getting some exercise by lifting home made Q-tip dumbbells when a cinder block crashed on to my head from about 100 yards away.Parker

I was having some trouble bringing my Grandma’s rusty 1950 Schwinn bicycle that I bought back from an Ohio junkyard for only $2000 down the Bedford avenue L train steps. So he wrapped the bike around my neck and kicked me down the stairs so I didn’t miss the train.Ethan

A group of 14 year old Puertoriqueno girls were chasing me as I left a pretentious bar celebrating my 38th birthday but he helped me get away by stuffing me into the back of a garbage truck where I found a perfectly half decayed head of lettuce and a moldy cupcake – thus beginning my life of freeganism dumpster diving.Josh

One time I helped a group of real Brooklyn kids have a stick ball game that needed a bat. He dragged me out of Egg – where I was having $25 french toast topped with rooftop asparagus – wrapped a little bit of electricians tape around my legs and said ‘end of story’.Chase

So I’m shopping for ski hats one fine New Brooklyn 95 degree summer day in Wesley’s World of Wool Hats when somebody cracked me in the jaw. When I awoke I was crazy glued to a chair at a desk with a stack of paper and a note that said “Write 10,000 times- ‘ I will not be an attention starved fucking idiot and wear ski hats in the summer in Brooklyn’ ” - Hayden