More hipster beating testimonials.

There I was on an early Tuesday morning at 2pm in McCarren Park – getting some exercise by lifting home made Q-tip dumbbells when a cinder block crashed on to my head from about 100 yards away.Parker

I was having some trouble bringing my Grandma’s rusty 1950 Schwinn bicycle that I bought back from an Ohio junkyard for only $2000 down the Bedford avenue L train steps. So he wrapped the bike around my neck and kicked me down the stairs so I didn’t miss the train.Ethan

A group of 14 year old Puertoriqueno girls were chasing me as I left a pretentious bar celebrating my 38th birthday but he helped me get away by stuffing me into the back of a garbage truck where I found a perfectly half decayed head of lettuce and a moldy cupcake – thus beginning my life of freeganism dumpster diving.Josh

One time I helped a group of real Brooklyn kids have a stick ball game that needed a bat. He dragged me out of Egg – where I was having $25 french toast topped with rooftop asparagus – wrapped a little bit of electricians tape around my legs and said ‘end of story’.Chase

So I’m shopping for ski hats one fine New Brooklyn 95 degree summer day in Wesley’s World of Wool Hats when somebody cracked me in the jaw. When I awoke I was crazy glued to a chair at a desk with a stack of paper and a note that said “Write 10,000 times- ‘ I will not be an attention starved fucking idiot and wear ski hats in the summer in Brooklyn’ ” - Hayden

103 thoughts on “More hipster beating testimonials.

  1. Post like this are the reason why I keep a supply of shop towels on my desk….

    Last Friday I strolled into a real 18th Ave. Brooklyn pizzeria and tried to help the 70 year old Italian “pizziola” how to properly make an authentic
    New York Style pizza. I woke up in an empty warehouse sitting in a chair. On the table in front of me, just out of reach, lay my I-phone, ringing with text messages for unpaid internship positions. Next to it was a note: YOUR CHAIR IS RIGGED WITH A PRESSURE SWITCH WHICH WIRED TO ABOUT 100 POUNDS OF C-4. YOUR CHOICE, BEARDO.


  2. Question:
    The NY TImes I already know about, but…
    WTF is up with NY1? Is NOTHING safe these days?!?
    Did anyone else here see that promo for that new Restaurant Review show on NY1 this morning?!?!
    It starts out like this: the words “backyard chicken coops?” flashes across the screen, followed by a visual of same. Then: “Rooftop Gardens?” I thought they were joking or something.
    I was staring on the screen in disbelief, until this ugly, snaggle-toothed megan appears on camera w/the ugliest smirk I’ve ever seen , talking about how she’s going to educate all us uncultured types about the great quirky, artisanal cuisine that abounds in NYC (read: Williamsburg) … apparently it’s based off a magazine called “edibles,” I don’t remember I was just trying to be careful b/c my kid was in the room and all I wanted to do was scream: GET THESE FUCKING HIPSTERS OFF MY TV!!!!!”

    • We’ve got a version of “Edible” here in Dallas, too. Every issue is complimentary, with the warning “You’d better subscribe, because soon it won’t be free and you’ll miss out!” Considering that the only people reading it are the ones writing for it, and the only people writing for it work for the urban chicken coop manufacturers and obscenely overpriced garden centers advertising in it, I’m sure that they’re just LOADED with subscribers who can’t wait to read another word.

      • lol so that explains what it is @ least… still don’t know why they call it “edible”… unless it’s like, “Hey look at meeeeeee! I was walking in my quirky ‘Schwick neighborhood and stepped in some dog shit! And guess what! It’s EDIBLE!”

      • Nothing is really truly GM free anymore anyway. So its all bullshit , yo.

    • I’m waiting for the day when they whine about Brooklyn being too congested, yet petition for more buildings to allow for more roof top gardens.

      My father was a farmer in Italy. Let me re-phrase that – my father – a man with a fifth grade education was a farmer from a country that is the Alpha dog of Euro-Agriculture. At 74 he still plants a garden that’s over 1/3 of an acre. Recently I showed him photos of the rooftop nonsense going on in Brooklyn. Here were his comments:

      “Isn’t that were all those facories and chemical companies used to be. I’d be afraid to take a p*ss up there”.

      “A few tomato plants I can understand. But a whole garden? All that weight, that mess….is the landlord a retard?”

      And finally:

      “Farmland is cheap outside of New York City”. Why are they doing this in Brooklyn?” What do they charge for a tomato?

      I guess he would have to get in MFA in Neo-Goth Lego Architecture before becoming truly enlightened.

      • I want to meet your father one of these days. I’m dead serious. I can only hope some of his common sense will rub off.

        • Trust me Tex, my dad is simply a product of his era. Every adult in my family and on my block were like him. Bck in the day people would say, “he’s a good guy”. Brooklyn and Texas are full of people like him.

          But compared to the delusional, MFA wielding windsocks infesting our cities, guys like my dad look like a rocket scientist.

      • Your father sounds like what my grandfather would have sounded like if he were still alive! BTW, my grandfather lived on the corner of 15th Ave. and 66th St. for most of his life and had an amazing garden behind “the club” on New Utrecht Ave. between 65th and 66th for decades.

        • I lived in Carroll Gardens. My family moved to PA in 1975. I moved back to work in NYC in 1983. I lived with my aunt on 67th between 18th and 19th.

          Funny, though. I know live 20 minutes from Philly. My nine year old and I go there all the time (he loves architecture and people watching).

          He’s an up and coming hipster hater thanks to two events. The guy in a coffee shop off 2nd Street who ran his hand through his hair, the wiped his nose before handling his food.

          Recently, while crossing the street, he got side swiped by some whimsical a**weed in girl jeans, scarf and a peter pan hat riding the wrong way down the street while texting. He got bruised up to the point where he missed his chance to qualify for the Junior Olympics. His mother yelled and the guy took off..while giving the finger.

          So whenever he sees the Heineken commercial with the hipster and his Asian girlfriend I have to pull out the Marlon perkins dart gun and put him down before he goes batsh*t.

          • If you come back to your aunt’s house, let me know. I live within walking distance. We can get a cannoli at Villabate.

    • Oh, by the way, DieHipster predicted it first. What happens when your local transplant decides to get out of urban chicken and goat keeping and go back to playing the kazoolaphone? That’s right: they get dumped off on animal rescue centers with little “Please Love Me” tags on them:

        • They definitely need to clear it out, if only for potential bird lice and other disease issues. If the new tenants want to put in a chicken coop of their own, fine and dandy, but the existing ones should leave everything in the condition it was in when they arrived. (Heck, I’ve had to tear out garden plots when I moved from a rental house, and it just comes with the territory.)

      • That’s why we call them hipsters. They are the post-modern embodiment of lacking conviction. Just another fad in the end. Not like their “livelihood” was in real danger.

      • We have that problem with hipsters and college students as well, except they don’t even take the animals to a shelter.
        After semester was over, the Megan downstairs moved out, abandoning her cats in an empty apartment.
        Oh, and her major? Veterinary Science.
        I wish I was kidding.

    • NY1 frequently features these asswipes in a segment called “” where some ugly Megan in Buddy Holly glasses slurps on a smoothielattecrapuccino as she signs off. I ride the L train every day from First to 8th and I am so nauseated by these ugly, ski cap-wearing, scruffy, smelly wastes of space that I miss the days when the L train was the domain of the boyz from the hood and the Polish and Ukrainian cleaning ladies who used to ride in large groups for safety. What happened to those ladies?

  3. I was advertising on Craigslist for couchsurfing spaces so I could get to SXSW to show off my latest semen paintings, and he told me “I can get you to Austin a lot faster.” So he shoved a fireworks rocket up my ass, aimed me southwest, lit it, and made sure that everyone back home in Dogfelcher Falls, Ohio saw me as I passed overhead at 50,000 feet. I can’t wait to see what he does to get me to Maker Faire in California! – Kyle

    • Bit of butthurt in the comments….

      • And how much do you want to bet that the biggest Goatse impersonators there are all making plans for getting that kewl weekly newspaper job that they KNOW is waiting for them in Portland? “Why can’t some rich guy start up a new magazine just so they can hire me as editor and get me out of my parents’ basement?”

    • One of the comments: “Outside of maybe Portland, Oregon and Williamsburg, Brooklyn, it [hipster] has little meaningful value as a cultural label.”

      Try Austin, Oakland, Dublin, Dallas, Montreal, Toronto, Berlin, Chicago and about two dozen other places around the globe where these Chia Pet-faced, pool cue-physiqued blow-hards are ruining life for everyone concerned…

      • We need a “Hipster Demolition Day” at a White Sox game sometime this summer……light a bunch of obscure records on fire after the game and make Wicker Park cry.

      • “Outside of maybe Portland, Oregon and Williamsburg, Brooklyn, it [hipster] has little meaningful value as a cultural label.”

        If that were true, we wouldn’t get the “King of the Hill” episode “Lady and Gentrification”.

        • You have to remember that “meaningful value” in this context means “used as something other than a profanity”. Whiners like this would jump all over the term “hipster” if it wasn’t seen in so many places as a step below “chickenfucker”.

    • We’ve got that whole “we’ve got to attract the creative class” bullshit going on here in Dallas, too. No matter how stupid the idea, lots and lots of developer welfare is justified with “Well, Portland does it!”

    • I’m not quite sure why hipsters are flocking to DC. I keep seeing the same drivel of hipsters who moved there, then cry it’s too conservative and dowdy for them, and start looking into moving to NYC instead.

      Meantime, VA was one of my options to move to, along with Dallas. Shit, nowhere is safe anymore. Maybe I need to try Houston.

      • If it helps, Houston’s got it bad, too, mostly from dingleberries who can’t afford Austin and can’t handle San Antonio. (I will say that Dallas has one good mechanism in place against the hipsters. After decades of watching good restaurants and clubs getting “discovered” by SMU brats and then destroyed and discarded, we’ve learned to keep things as quiet as we can about the good things out here. Only idiots advertise to attract the hipster contingent, and they always, ALWAYS get what they deserve when the little darlings get bored and abandon them.)

        • I was considering Dallas seriously because I have a few friends out there, and from what I can tell Austin is losing it’s soul like NYC is. I also have a friend who has an apt for me if I move to Houston. I may visit next month God willing if I find a flight that’s under $350.

          When I was contemplating Austin and inquired on a real estate site, I was shocked that upon hearing I was from NYC, they all assumed I wanted to be downtown or in the “hip” area. I said no, no, no, give me the blue collar working class areas to look into, I don’t need to be where the action is. They still didn’t listen to me. *sigh*

          • Truth be told, Austin lost its soul back in the Eighties, when everyone let the greedheads take over before the oil bust in 1986. Rents and mortgages were already bad before then (mostly thanks to University of Texas grads who can’t figure out what they want to do when they grow up but who don’t want to leave Sixth Street while doing so), and it got worse during the dotcom boom. Between the SXSW hangers-on who sit around waiting for someone else to “discover” them and the Bruce Sterling asskissers waiting for the Singularity to turn them into superheroes instead of Cat Piss Men, I’d sooner move to Lewisville, and lower than that I can’t get.

          • New York isn’t losing its soul. It’s losing a couple of good neighborhoods. If New York can survive the all-consuming hydras of NYU and Columbia – who would have eaten lesser cities whole – New York can survive anything.

    • How about we light a few up at a gNats game? Or even better, a “Running of the Hipsters” through Anacostia at 1 am…

    • Personally, nothing wrong with trying to get more art into an area. Too bad the real life end result is attracting a couple of true talented creative types and a couple hundred no-talent wannabes. Handful of wheat. Silo full of chaff.

  4. I was just walking by the corner of 18th St. and Chestnut St. in Philadelphia. That’s arguably the most expensive corner of real estate in the city.

    And along comes a young woman wearing all black, with super short wavy hair bleached to some odd color lying between gray and blonde. It made her look about 45 although she was maybe 25. And as she was walking by with a glassy look in her eyes, she was strumming a — ………………………………….wait for it………………………………… — FUCKING UKULELE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I had this unusual urge to be violent. But I controlled myself.

    • How did manage to control yourself with that ukelele just begging to be bashed into her skull? I have yet to post my South Philly anti-hipster rant and I’m about to commence beatings of my own.

    • That must be their new signature hair color now that Pippi Longstocking red is so played out. I saw at least 3 women last week with some silvery gray / platinum blonde color hair that just made them look 10-15 years older.

      I’ll stick to being brunette thanks.

  5. q tip dumbells lol you’re too much dude

  6. This website always leaves me howling.

    • Rocco Perna, is that you?

      Damn it, you need to father my future babies.

      J/K. Just saying.

    • If you’re growing in the city and it’s not this stuff, you’re doing it wrong.

      The Jamaican dude who keeps me supplied, grows his own and makes $1,000 a night, mostly off students and hipsters. I can’t even make sense out of growing anything else to consume in the city.
      Back in my day, if you were cool, you rented some basement in the East Village. covered the walls with graffiti and slept on an old mattress. I couldn’t even imagine why anyone would grow food down there when food is plentiful in NYC.

      • Thats not even a pound (16 ounces) right there. If you’re paying rent in manhattan and trying to grow weed YOU’RE A FOOL.

        Rent > profit.

        What would be way, way, way more profitable would be to produce meth (DONT DO IT, IT IS ILLEGAL) like the one in Manhattan a few years ago (2006).

        • I was making the point that if you grow anything less profitable than weed in the city, you’re a moron. Hell, I wouldn’t even grow weed in Manhattan. A Brooklyn warehouse maybe.

          What I meant was, growing something as low profit as argula or spinach anywhere in NYC makes no sense at all when you could buy a field 1,000x as big upstate for the price of one month’s rent in Billyworld.

          • But then no one would see how crafty Zach and Meeeeeegan are!

            So of course they gotta garden in the city…even though it doesn’t make sense at all financially.

          • Hipsters will often take up “rooftop gardening” for a variety of reasons.

            Most commonly, it’s in the hope that people will start to refer to him as, “Asher The Rooftop Gardener” — instead of their old nickname, “Asher The Pedophile”.

            Of course, it never works. They’re hipsters, afterall.

  7. I love how the first reporter’s name is Megan.

  8. Internet tough!

    I love Wes Anderson movies they’re so quirky… and so does my Korean girl friend

  9. Futulele – It’s an iPad/iPod ukulele.

    All we need is a RealDoll with hair bangs and the digital future of hipsters is complete.

    • If only I had the time / patience / intestinal fortitude to develop a kazoolaphone app I could finally start seperating hipsters and yups from their parent’s money!!

    • Stuff like this makes me want apple producta less and less.

    • It’s about nothing but sleaze. Canadians used to have class. it’s sad to see how far they’ve fallen.

      • Many people confuse Toronto with the rest of Canada, but that’s an honest mistake. In the west (the normal part of Canada) Toronto is disparagingly referred to as ‘CFU’ — as in, Centre of the Fuckin’ Universe.

        In Alberta, there’s no nude yoga, trust me. Unless someone wants a steel-toed boot up the ass.

        • There’s no nude yoga anywhere else but in Toronto, either. Any self-respecting Newfie would go Kurosawa on the ass of one of these needledicks doing this in public, too.

    • I’d like to try that but my mother always said it’s rude to point.

  10. So, like, the other day, I was chilling in the latte grotto at the Bedford Avenue Mall waiting for the new vinyl to come in across the street, and this hater dude like walked up to me, totally grabbed my iPad out of my hands and stuffed it down the front of his pants and rubbed his junk on the screen, and then told me that girls in New York shave their legs. Then the hater, racist, processed food addict whipped out a can of that Flexseal stuff (the handy rubber sealant in a can) and sprayed it all over my face and mouth, like totally sealing my eyes shut. Then he like went psycho and pulled a handful of feathers out of his pocket and threw them like, all over my face. Pervert. By the time 911 got there, they had to like rush me to the ICU and laser the stuff off my face, and he had like totally fled. I am like completely disfigured now like that lady whose face got ripped off by that chimp, and there’s a reward for his capture, my dad’s law firm is offering. It’s like a million dollars. Sha! Asshole.

  11. It’s getting personal. Some goddamned attention whoring hipster invaded the Game Developer’s Conference in San Francisco. I never expected them to set foot in such a place. I was wrong. Mr. Phil Fish is pictured in the article below. Face seems to match. As does his gall to call himself an “independent game publisher”. (Working on the same cheap 8-bit looking platformer for 4+ years and still not published. I’ve seen better stuff on Newgrounds.) He decides he’ll be an edgy indie publisher and tells a Japanese national that ALL video games from his country suck. (Tekken, Metal Gear, Legend of Zelda, Super Mario, Sonic the Hedgehog, Final Fantasy, Fatal Frame, Silent Hill, Heavy Rain, Demon Souls, Binary Domain, Resident Evil, Monster Hunter, Disgea, House of the Dead, Kingdom Hearts, Street Fighter… )

    As for proof of how shitty his game looks, check out part of this growing thread on NeoGaf for pictures:
    As the thread goes on, others even remark how much of a douche hipster Fish looks like.

    • I figured that it was just a matter of time. You can’t go to a film distributor’s conference and swing a cattle prod around without hitting some hipster douchebag whose sole knowledge of film distribution comes from reading Film Threat all day. That won’t stop him from literally bodychecking people away from reporters to tell everyone “Everything I do is brilliant and everyone else sucks.”

      • I stand doubly corrected. FIsh’s Fez game looks like a ripoff of Paper Mario and Cave Story; Japanese games. Which makes him unoriginal like a typical beardo. He also tweeted that FInland’s games suck. No professional tact.

      • Sir, I would like to quote you on the Phil Fish issue.

  12. Chevy goes beardo….awwwgh!

    • In other words, they’ve decided to follow Subaru’s and Toyota’s lead in subsidizing bad hipster bands in order to get new ad jingles. Let ‘em: every time Chevrolet tries to go for the beardo crowd, the only thing it does is make the ad firm rich.

      • It’s odd that car makers are targeting the very demographic who can’t even pump their own gas let alone change a tire. Then again – the dealerships willprobably make a killing on
        things like monthly serpentine belt replacements and stale tire air exchanges.

        • You got it. Actually, a lot of it is in the name of “brand recognition”, so that when Josh and Zoey move back to Dogfelcher Falls to raise their kids, they’ll already have the brand of minivan embedded in their heads. Besides, all the Chevrolet execs know or care about is whether they’re pushing enough of a youth demographic so that they’re not seen as making cars only for Grandpa. (Go ahead and laugh, but that’s pretty much what killed the Oldsmobile brand. Nothing short of torpedoing could get rid of the perception, pretty much set by the Seventies, that Oldsmobiles were for alter kokkers. It wasn’t true, but if Marketing Research says it is, it is.)

        • “It’s odd that car makers are targeting the very demographic who can’t even pump their own gas let alone change a tire.”

          Never mind that — they’ve been marketing cars to people who have a hard time driving, let alone changing a tire!

          How else do you explain all the shit they’ve got now (much of it forced by government mandate)? ABS, air bags, automatic traction control, TPMS (‘cuz checking tire pressure is complicated!). It’s a wonder people didn’t previously need Gus Grissom, an engineering degree, and two special slide rules just to figure out when to turn on the windshield wipers — it was that complicated.

          How did anyone ever use one of those tricky manual transmision thingys? And parallel parking without robotic assistance? Forget it.

          Rooftop gardeners don’t have time for such trifles. Less horsepower, more cupholders!

          And since they can’t be bothered to master an automobile, you know they sure as shit can’t figure out a street map. Hence, GPS.

          And if they still end up lost in Hooterville, surrounded by unartistic people and Republicans, at least they’ll have mobile Internet until OnStar sends the towtruck to take them back to mommy’s for Rice Krispy treats, so they can blog and tweet through their harrowing ordeal, and make an appointment for post-traumatic stress counselling.

          “Then again – the dealerships willprobably make a killing on
          things like monthly serpentine belt replacements and stale tire air exchanges.”

          Don’t forget the headlight fluid extended warranty for an additional $2700.

          But hey, this is made the same people who brought us the Fiero and Volt. What could go wrong?

          Oh, wait, nope. It’s a Daewoo from South Korea, so we’re pretty safe there. At least you know it’ll be the Bic Lighter of cars.

          And that’s good, isn’t it?

          Never mind, it’s fun, and besides, Daddy’s paying for it.

    • Somebody needs to tell them that’s a cesspool overflow they’re playing in. Oh, never mind.

  13. The “istole” report is up at the Brooklyn Paper.
    My favorite is a guy robbed a high end clothing store in Park Slope:
    A thief with good taste swiped thousands of bucks worth of designer clothes from a boutique on Seventh Avenue on March 1.

    A 25-year-old witness told cops that the shoplifter used a screwdriver to open the front door of Rivet, an upscale clothing shop near Union Street, at 6 am. He then grabbed a pair of Adriano Goldschmied jeans worth $2,250, a $777 blazer, and a $210 handbag before jumping in a black car and driving north.

    Lets see what this “high-end” store in Park Slope actually sells shall we:

    Casual, comfy style and a well-curated selection of denim are the calling cards of this Park Slope boutique. Hardwood floors, a tin ceiling, white-painted exposed brick walls and an antique sewing machine on display give the small shop an air of Americana, but the racks are filled with contemporary must-haves from brands like Hudson and Paige. Women can cozy up in supersoft American Vintage V-neck tees ($68), LAmade gauzy cotton cowl-neck sweaters ($85) and Minnie Rose cashmere ponchos ($198). Dressier options include Joie boxy silk tanks ($150–$200) and Bobi ruffle-necked frocks ($60). Men will dig Alternative Apparel tees ($36) and plaid button-downs ($68), as well as Penny Stock mock-collar jackets ($115). Yet Rivet’s denim might be the biggest draw, with Adriano Goldschmied cigarette jeans ($168) and Mavi straight-legs ($98) for women, and Joe’s classic dark-wash jeans ($189) and J Brand’s raw denim straight-leg styles ($180) for men. Ladies can complete their new looks with a Clava simple leather handbag ($125–$225) or a pair of buttery leather Matt Bernson loafers ($190).

    Oh goodness me, Adriano Goldschmied cigarette jeans ($168)?
    American Vintage V-neck tees ($68)?
    plaid button-downs ($68)
    J Brand’s raw denim straight-leg styles ($180) for men

    So essentaill over -priced t-shits, lumber jack shirts and skinny jeans. hipster store much?

    • I’m reminded of one of Dave Berg’s old strips in Mad magazine in the Seventies. You see this poor schlub listening to his daughter go on and on about how she only paid $75 for this peasant skirt, $55 for this peasant blouse, and $100 for these peasant boots. She finally comes out of the bathroom and asks “So isn’t this chic? Isn’t this hip? How do I look, Daddy?” Dad then yells back “Like the daughter of A VERY RICH PEASANT!”

    • Also, if this is anything like a similar theft here in Dallas last week, the perp probably ran to the next big hipster store either to make an exchange or insist upon a refund. That’s becoming quite the thing among Dallas hipsters: steal an item off a store mannequin, run off, drive up to far north Dallas or the burbs of Allen and Frisco, go to another branch of the same store chain, and demand a refund. Something tells me that the price of Peruvian flake cocaine is ridiculously high these days, because they keep doing it even after the previous perp gets caught.

    • For a store that sells such pricey items (even if they look like crap), their security must suck. A screwdriver? Was it sonic?

    • Anyone can buy those things online (if you actually wanted them)for half the price. Alternative Apparel? Sounds pretty close to American Apparel. Like yah, it’s like American Apparel, but it’s not. And at $36/t shirt it must be like rilly kewel, like yah. I’ll go put it on Dad’s credit card. You don’t understand I HAVE to have that shirt and those $180 jeans, Dad, so I can be the kewelest guy at the unpaid fashion PR internship.

      It’s news to me that Mavi jeans are “high end”. I’ve always seen them on discount websites and stores in non-hipster neighborhoods in the Bronx. Suddenly since they’re in Park Slope they’re high end? Calling bullshit on that one.
      Any guy who pays $180 for a pair of denim skinny jeans is a total douche.

      Are those clothes fair trade, made from locally sourced rooftop grown materials, manufactured locally, workers paid a living wage, organic, pesticide free? My guess is no, they’re manufactured overseas, just like every other clothing brand pretending to be high end.

    • I liked the one where the guy punched the hipster in the face and Then asked him for his i-Phone.

    • I’m reminded of three stores in Pittsburgh that closed down in tje past four years. The first one was actually kind of cool. They were a bunch of “lifestyle boutiques” mainly aimed at the 20 something hipster contingent. Tjey sold everything from supreme camp caps for $65 (if you know anything about supreme, you know those are rape prices) and designer jeans from singapore for $400. Boy oh boy…no one robbed them but with the salty look the owner had when the store closed…they might of well have been. At the closing sale i managed to get a pair of $250 jeans for $35!

      The other two were pretty much the same thing. The first one even got a front page cover story in the city paper (which is a step up from kitty litter lining and a step below bird cage liner) which I’m pretty sure was handsomely paid for by the owner’s mommy and daddy cause the clothes they sold therere were fucking horrible! Not to mention the storefront was in the middle of the hood! But yeah…fast forward a year later and the place magically went out of business because no one ever went there. The last one had a similar story…lifestyle boutique ran by 20something hypebeasts/hipsters, the only available storefront is in the hood, none shopped there because no one in that area can afford anythingthrre, their tarhet audience was too scared to go shop there. Closed now.

      Yet another example of how pittsburgh tries its damndest to bring hipsters/”creative class”” bs to this area only short of the fact that there’s just no market for any of thia shit.

    • Yup. Sounds like Portland, too. It’s like the special snowflakes figure that Mom’s going to come around and clean up when they dump everything where they’re finished with it, isn’t it?

    • Wow. Just wow.

    • More opportunities for ”creative” photography?

    • “He hoped the billboard would inspire some of them to attend an atheist rally in Washington DC on March 24.” Is this more Occupy shit? Why doesn’t someone tell these dweebs to go fuck themselves?

      • Unfortunately, I’m very familiar with American Atheists. Most actual atheists and agnostics are horrified to be associated with these bums, because they’re just as controlling and intolerant as the people they try to harrass. (You know that obnoxious gimp back in high school who wouldn’t shut the hell up about how he was accepted by Mensa and how that made him superior to everyone else, even though his mother had to dress him every morning and he kept forgetting to pull down his pants when taking a shit? Yeah.) This was nothing but a dick move, pure and simple.

        • Some hardcore self proclaimed atheists are so patronizing. Also, they have this weird party-pooping attitude where even on fucking Halloween they can’t shut up about how ghosts aren’t real or neither is any religion and they’re just too cool to shut up and let folks have fun. Like their goddamned spontaneous lecture is so enlightening and important.

    • That’s called cross-dressing.

    • The tighter the pants, the lower the sperm count.

      I say: Go For It!

      • I don’t know about that theory. In the 70′s and early 80′s in Bensonhurst, we all wore tight-crotched pants and all the women were still having plenty of Italian babies…

    • I wonder how long it’ll be before the walking Twizzlers with their twisted up legs start wearing these out on the street. Mantyhose will go perfectly with their Utilikilts and man-buns. Can’t wait to see all the laughing and pointing!

    • I swear if I ever date a guy that steals my pantyhose, he is going to get punched in the throat and have a dildo shoved up his ass.

      Just saying.

      • Careful. That hipster might take that as foreplay.

      • Yeah, a man should buy his own! Also, some folks better be schooled that sexual preference isn’t some kind of fucking fashion accessory.

    • Sometimes a fella just wants to feel pretty …

    • Lady J,

      As a North Carolinian, I must say it is too late for Asheville. While Richmond still has a good bit of grit and soul left in it, Asheville is nothing but hipsters and college hippie holier than thou’s. NC’s mountains are beautiful, but I avoid Ass-ville like the plague! My Black ass stuck out like a sore thumb!

      • I’ve been to asheville. Absolutely hated that place. It’s over. I could smell the patchouli, hemp soap, and free trade peruvian roast all the way in Pittsburgh. Lol!

    • Hamden (in Baltimore) is already infested.

  14. So, I was looking at the city paper a couple of days ago wen i saw a beyond balding ethan and too really lackluster looking zooeymegan types on the cover. I knew y’all would probably get a kick out of this so i grabbed it and read it on the bus (my car was in the shop at the time).

    Turns out they turned an old 19th century bank into a quirky pop-up music venue! But, get this, it’s only open for THREE nights!!! Why the fuck is this a cover feature???? Between luke ravenstahl and all of the other horrible politicians in this side of the state, spending money on bringing in the creative class instead of fixing roads, buildings, and lackluster failing city scjools with poor test scores years, Pittsburgh has fucked itself in the ass

    I can’t wait to move out of here!

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