Today’s hipster beating.
Posted: February 20, 2012 Filed under: Today's hipster beating. 17 Comments »Today, I saw a calamari tentacle-limbed, bearded Smith Bros cough drop looking, Gowanus Canal cruelty-free oyster shucker reading an obscure book along the canal as a surge of fecal sludge passed by. So I pulled his straw hat down over his eyes and choked him with a piece of yarn from his beta-male sewing kit. End of story.
Was that fecal sludge, or just some Masturbation Brothers chocolate? Kind of tough to tell the difference. Looking at their website at some of the people who actually handle the chocolate, plus those fucking lice farm redbeards, I think I’d rather take a bite out of a turd.
Beta-male sewing kit thoughtfully placed in an artisinal locally-sourced MAN PURSE.
My first ever song pardoy. Please be gentle…
Sung to “I Fought The Law)
Riding my bike while eating dim sum
I fought the car door and the door won
I fought the car door and the door won
Sipping Kombucha and playing bass drum
I fought the car door and the door won
I fought the car door and the door won
I broke my femur and my xylophone too
My fedora’s up and gone
The driver laughed til he puked blood
I fought the car door and the door won
I fought the car door and the door won
Wearing scarves in the hot sun
I fought the car door and the door won
He stole my I-phone and vintage trunk
And he took my bacon scones
Then he poured hot coffee on my junk
I fought the car door and the door won
I fought the car door and the door won
Not bad, Pat!!
I love The Clash anyway, so naturally I think it’s good.
The Clash?
Good God – The Bobby Fuller Four.
Pat – good first outing. Constructive criticism – the lines don’t scan right, pay close attention to the syllable count in each line.
I know….gotcha
You had me at “I fought the car door”
ROTFLMAO!!!!!
WHOOPS…
my bad. I suppose I just showed my age…
This should be recited in every gentrified classroom from Park Slope to the border of Cypress Hills, from day care and preschool to high school senior.
If you could save even one of these kids, it would be worth the effort to endure the politically correct firestorm it will surely spawn.
LMAO.
I know I’m slacking this week, it’s been hella busy here. Loved it!
guten Tag, kam ich auf dieser Seite die Hipster und ich sehe nur schlechte Kommentare über Hipster.
You didn’t toss him in the fecal sludge? Hipster Beater, you’ve gone soft.
http://www.pitchfork.com/news/45488-the-tale-of-grimes-insane-2009-houseboat-adventure-the-best-thing-youll-read-all-day/
I really hope this doesn’t become a thing
Oh it will. I don’t have the time (or the stomach) to read the whole Star Tribune article, but I think it’s pretty funny that they didn’t even make it to Minneapolis before being harrassed by the pigs. A few things to note:
Of COURSE there’s an article about this in the Minneapolis Star and Tribune. I believe that paper’s motto is “serving overprivliaged adult toddlers since the 60′s”.
A couple of other notes:
What hipster can lift a 20 pound bag of potatoes?
Of course their motor broke down. No hipster has any real mechanical ability.
Who the hell is Grimes??
OK, here goes –
“Look At These Fucking Hipsters”
(To the tune of “Look At Little Sister” with heartfelt apologies to Stevie Ray Vaughn)
Hey Hey Mama, Look at these fucking hipsters
Raising all our rents like a gentrifyin’ twister, yeah
Hey hey hey hey, Look at these fucking hipsters
Hey hey hey hey, Look at these fucking hipsters…..
BUddy Holly glasses on, But got no music skils,
Just strummin’ on a toy guitar, While daddy pays the bills
Hey hey hey hey, Look at these fucking hipsters
Hey hey hey hey, Look at these fucking hipsters…..
Sippin’ breast milk lattes, blowin’ vegan farts,
Pickin’ lice from pubic beards, And pass it off as art
Hey hey hey hey, Look at these fucking hipsters
Hey hey hey hey, Look at these fucking hipsters…..
Hipsters joining Seattle Elk Clubs
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2017562956_elks22m.html
“I didn’t think it would be as cool as it was,” said Calixto, 29, who lives on Capitol Hill. “You think of these things as stuffy retirement homes, but when I showed up it was this awesome building that has so much potential. It was a great party.”
Just a year ago, the sight of 20- and 30-somethings inside Seattle’s Elks lodges — places long known for secret meetings, bingo games and square dancing — was fairly uncommon. Membership in fraternal clubs across the nation has been plummeting for decades.
But the Elks club is cool again in Seattle”
*facepalm*