Happy 30th you scumbag rent-raising out of place fucks.
Posted: January 24, 2012 Filed under: Main 50 Comments »
I found this picture and I figured there are probably a good number of transient, $6.00 coffee drinking, smug, bed-head hair-do, ‘like yah’ saying, organic wasabi toothpaste using, Brooklyn-ruining hipster fucks that are probably turning 30 today so I thought I’d give them this cake. So Happy 30 going on 16th Birthday Harrison, Caleb, Ethan, Nathan, Walker, Molly, Zoey, Piper, Hayden, Lola, Zack, Elijah, Parker, Zane, Brice, Megan, and Josh. Here’s to another decade of parental subsidization or squeezing 3 baristas and 5 couch surfers into a $2,500 studio apartment as you prance around Brooklyn as photographers, painters, gardeners, fusion chefs, writers, performers, unicyclers, blacksmiths, coffee connoisseurs, foodies, musicians, gallery curators, sculptors, flea market engineers, film makers, flash mob coordinators, Macbook DJ’s, social media philoshophers, kazoo-voiced tour guides, dive bar sound checkers, Converse wearing graphic designers, and bike lane advocates.
Are the candles made of wax from free range, locally raised bees? I’m sure the wax was was harvested in the usual, thoughful hipster manner – introduce rent raising wasps from the flyover states to force out the locals and commence ruining the hive.
I would assume those candles are made from artisan locally sourced vegan SOY wax. Cuz you know, it’s cruel to the bees and yada yada yada.
Dear hipsters reading this site: (PS if the site offends you, then you are a hipster no matter how much in denial you are)
I will refer you to some quotes from Fight Club that seem appropriate:
Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Like the first monkey shot into space.
Hi. You’re going to call off your rigorous investigation. You’re going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or… these guys are going to take your balls. They’re going to send one to the New York Times, one to the LA Times press-release style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Do not… fuck with us.
I have officially seen everything.
Now they will charge $15 for someone to professionally sharpen your pencils for you.
http://www.artisanalpencilsharpening.com/
Pretty sure that’s a joke. It’s been brought up here before.
I did just read that on Gothamist right now. Might be real and ridiculous.
It’s a joke, the guy is a comedian. Sadly, sounds familiar enough to be entirely believable.
“Here’s to another decade of parental subsidization or squeezing 3 baristas and 5 couch surfers into a $2,500 studio apartment as you prance around Brooklyn as photographers, painters, gardeners, fusion chefs, writers, performers, unicyclers, blacksmiths, coffee connoisseurs, foodies, musicians, gallery curators, sculptors, flea market engineers, film makers, flash mob coordinators, Macbook DJ’s, social media philoshophers, kazoo-voiced tour guides, dive bar sound checkers, Converse wearing graphic designers, and bike lane advocates.”
This is what bothers you and the people in this pretentious blog? LOL. And here I was giving you the benefit of the doubt.
How juvenile. Perhaps you don’t have any real problems in life. And if you’re really from Brooklyn, this kind of mentally challenged rant simply puts you and your cronies under the SCENESTER label. Yes. Scenesters. Hipsters with even less commitment. (Oh, wait. That may be too “underground” for you. My bad.)
Perhaps when you decide to grow up and come face to face with real problems in life, you wouldn’t be so bothered by such shallow things.
LOL. How childish.
How playfull! Do you have any crayons so you continue o express yourself in a format you are most comfortable with?
Truth hurts, don’t it.
Yup, I need to grow up. born in Brooklyn, own my own home, wife, kids in college, responsible, critical public safety job ( yes, including your safety) watch the place I was born in become a romper room for self-entitled make believe “creatives”, who create nothing and just take, take, take. Now who really needs to grow up here? What have you done? Have you “created” a single useful thing? I know I have. I create things that save peoples lives. Lots of things that make New York a safer place. Next time I am in city Hall discussing another public safety project that affects real lives I think about how much I need to grow up.
Now ask your self, what have you created? What have you done to make society a better place? I can go to any place in the city and point to something I have done. How about you?
“Hipsters with even less commitment.”
As hipster “commitment” is not something that actually exists, such a thing is impossible.
Scenester, eh? So hipsters who feel they’re no longer speical and unique, (as if they ever were,) are calling other hipsters scenesters, because like yah, they’ve been in Brooklyn for two months fewer than the “real hipsters”? Or is it a bit of unprofessional jealousy, as they know how to make the scene, while “real hipsters” are off in the corner taking themselves way too seriously?
So I just went to a local “coffee shop” here and realized something, especially with all of these hipster places that are cash only.
You douches don’t charge sales tax! You do realize that’s against the law, don’t you?
As someone who used to work for the IRS, I’ll be right back. I have to start making a list of all of the “cash only” places around here who are cheating the government right now.
Well first of all, it’s nice to see that you found a dictionary so you could stop misspelling simple words. Good for you.
Secondly, I don’t think you know what the word pretentious means.
And lastly, it is extremely hilarious when you hipsters and other spoiled types try to project onto others.
Real problems huh.. I’m sure having your favorite parentally-subsidized shitty tasting “organic” coffee shop close down due to the people running it being spoiled douchebags like you who know nothing about running a real business must be very difficult for you, especially when there’s only about a million other carbon-copy places throughout your “discovered” neighborhoods. I could go on and on and on about your “real problems” but it’d take up an entire blog on its own so I’ll leave it at that.
Isn’t it a bit early for you to be up though? It wasn’t even noon when you wrote this comment!
You seem mad butthurt breh….did something in that excerpt you copied and pasted hit a bit too close to home?
What’s funny is he attempts to call us scenesters. If he actually bothered to look up the proper definition, he would see that it doesn’t describe any of us at all.
But that would require using actual brain cells to figure out.
Hi Hummus
Oh DH you’re so wacky and zany. You’re almost on the border of being whimsical.
New York has been named America’s rudest city
Read more: http://www.city-data.com/forum/new-york-city/1479228-ny-named-rudest-us-city.html#ixzz1kOLYHCaJ
Lets start getting confrontational (to the point where its still legal, if possible) and it may deter these bitch made transplants from coming here anymore.
things are going to start getting confrontational, that is for sure.
people are out of work. They’re hungry. They’ve got no medical insurance.
How do you think they’re likely to act towards self-righteous mental masturbators?
oh – your family is starving to death? that is like, so cool. you should start a band influenced by early techno-pop from the 70s.
I’ll be more than happy to do my part up and down Bedford Ave, Manhattan Ave and on the L and G trains.
Not to mention when they come in to our store and drool over the vintage looking items we have here.
that’s great Lady J.
If you think you’re going to watch this from the sidelines, think again.
I understand what you’re saying. Most people are 2 paychecks from being homeless, I get it.
However, unlike most, I’m not afraid to work 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet. Luckily I’m not in that position, but I’ve done it before when I was younger. I have about 10 different titles I can wear, which works to my advantage. It’s called constantly trying to learn a new skill, something these fucktards know nothing about.
sorry Lady J, I suggest your drop this smug “I put my time in the trenches” shit just because you’re currently sitting high and dry. In these times, that could change overnight. Talk to your relatives much,. how are they doing? do they share your ‘rugged individualism’?
My relatives are actually doing fine because they were raised the same way I was.
Even while I was unemployed on and off for almost a year, I was still able to pay my rent and bills without asking someone else for help. Part of it might be I don’t have any debt. I do know a lot of people right now though that if they lost their jobs right now they would be screwed. I was raised to bust your ass and do whatever it takes. Temp jobs, working for next to no pay, whatever. I’m not too proud to do a job others might not be willing to do. Moving back in with my parents would be my absolute last resort and so far none of us, not me nor any of my relatives have had to do that.
You’d be surprised how many people are narrow minded and limit themselves, especially when it comes to work. These are the people I was referring to in my post. If you limit yourself or are too proud to work in a certain area or field, you only have yourself to blame.
WORD.
You forgot to mention all the SUBWAY TUNNEL EXPLORERS who think they are so urban by posting videos online of their subway tunnel urban adventures.
Shit. I used to go exploring the tunnels when I was 10 years old and I have not gone back since.
These motherfuckers are all in their 30s and 40s and shit.
Now that you mention it, they seem to love to do a lot of the things we used to do as kids (building a fort/treehouse, play-do sculptures, finger painting, kickball, bikes w/o gears or brakes, etc.). Playing a game of kickball is the last thing I’d want to do in my 30s.
So I’m wondering did they not do these things when they were 10 like the rest of us? If not, what were they doing when they were 10? Still wearing diapers?
Oh, they wanted to do these things when they were ten, but they were always the last ones picked. When you’re playing kickball at 30, you’re reasonably assured of having little real competition, as opposed to baseball or soccer. (I live next to several big parks with soccer fields, and they’re packed every sunny weekend. Every once in a while, you’ll see a hipster or two try to be wacky on the field, but he’ll just join his friends on the bleachers in five minutes when he gets his ass handed to him by real players.)
You know, I think I know why Regnum’s so upset. He’s over 30 and because of this he missed out on a personal “Happy Birthday” from diehipster. I know, I know Regnum, it’s a shame, but really I think you should just put your big-boy pants on and stop whining like you have a dirty diaper.
I think Ketchup & Hummus are offended because we did not call them out by name
He’s upset because of many things: he’s 30, having Adderall withdrawals, and just starting to realize he’s not as unique and special as his parents and nannies told him he was. And his art sucks. And his liberal arts education was a total waste. It left him with no real skills and massive student loans that will take the next 20 years to pay off. but yet he trashes community colleges-I guess it’s to feel better about his widdle self. And he never got picked for the kickball team in third grade, never built a fort until he was 25, his nanny or mommy always did his laundry and cleaned his room, so he’s a total failure at house keeping too….so many things….so pathetic. He sounds like a totally desperate loser.
They need to realize one simple fact.
Even a 4 year college degree doesn’t mean shit if you barely scraped by with a 2.0 average and is in a field that is useless. I know some people who have degrees from 4 year colleges that are complete morons and people who never went to college who put them to shame.
Chances are a person who went to community college with a 4.0 GPA is smarter than a person who has a bachelors degree with a 2.0 GPA.
Yes, and chances are a lot better that the person from the community college with the 4.0 GPA is ready and willing to work ALOT harder than some floor lamp shaped Josh, Quinn or Logan or eggplant shaped Molly who partied their entire 4-7 years in an expensive private college and sat in overpriced overhyped coffee shoppes all day with their stacks of iProducts. Ethan and Megan don’t have the first clue about working hard, because they’ve had everything handed to them.
I’d hire the 4.0 GPA community college graduate from East New York who works their ass off, over some smug 2.0 GPA Caleb, the History Of Electronic Music major from Very Expensive University who’s relying on his daddy’s connections to buy him an art job.
Those out of place fucks seek out attention and need attention as a reward for the inflated rents they are all paying.
LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
This guy used to be in the military. What happened? (Then again, so was Tim McVeigh…)
Lower! Lower! His nuts are lower!
Oh, I forgot, he doesn’t have any…
Why did you post this here?
And here’s something that will leave Nathan and Hummus as butthurt as the Goatse guy:
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/culturebox/2012/01/the_foxfire_books_are_modern_diyers_just_play_acting_.html
“A woman in curlers pours the contents of a battered tin pot into a jar. A hunched woman in a leisure suit and a gray pouf dumps five pounds of sugar into a vat boiling over an open flame. Nearby, an equally hunched man with roughened, wrinkled skin plays the banjo.”
Sounds like they’re making ‘shine.
Let’s not knock the blacksmiths. Who was it here that told the story about the Ren Faire where some snarky, kazoo-voiced noodle-arm couldn’t even hold the hammer which a little girl had no problem doing?
Who was really into shit talking about that dead person? http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/01/police_finally.php
“…the real issue is that the truck made a right turn — without signalling — across Lefevre’s path, knocking him from his bike and dragging him for 40 feet. The truck continued to drag the bike for another 130 feet before it finally came loose, and the truck drove off.”
And Mathieu the Moron didn’t notice the fifty-foot long, fifteen-foot high truck making a right turn into the truck driver’s blind spot? Did the imbecile Mathieu not have brakes? I say that’s natural selection at work. And who names their son Mathieu instead of Matthew anyway?
Oh come on. Really no need to make fun of the guys name. The family is French Canadian. It would have been strange for them NOT to use that spelling.
kazoo voiced lol I forgot that one.
You left out red bearded.
I applaud your hate of the hipster. I lived in Beaverton and Portland for a number of years. I would only run into the hipster types when I ventured into SE Portland. I can’t stand those smug bastards. I always just saw them as transparent clowns, more interested in one upping one another with the dumbest clothes and accessories they could find. I didn’t grow up in that area, but I can understand your bitterness. I don’t like them simply because I see them as insincere fucktards with the pussiest mentalities known to man. Keep up the good work.