Like yah, let’s give organic farming in red states a whirl.
Posted: January 21, 2012 Filed under: Main 182 Comments »
This article has it all – to raise your blood pressure that is. It has a beardo with cliche asian girl friend. It mentions Seattle, Brooklyn, Portland, organic farming, not wanting to be around yuppies and hipsters while denying you are one and simply quitting your jobs to ironically go farming with struggling people in the enemy RED STATES.
I’ll sum up this story but you should still read the article.
It starts out with beardo telling us he is an “occasional poet and part-time barista” (but you’re not a hipster, right?) who recently ‘resigned’ from the latter while telling his well-to-do girlfriends’ father – a defense attorney and professor – that they are quitting their jobs [hobbies] and going organic farming down south to be part of some work-for-food and shelter exchange program. These transient gentrifying douches were raised in Seattle, met and dated while exploring the magical land of Brooklyn, and moved to Portland. How unique and whimsical! What could they have possibly contributed to Brooklyn while they staycationed here? What I ask you. All they could have possible done was raised rents, displaced normal Brooklynites and forked over some of their allowance to local and sustainable fucking hipster cupcake stores.
While farming through out the summer – or pretending to – they end up pissing off southern locals by eating their pickles, drinking their coffee and finally being tricked into eating catfood tortillas. When they are finally done with adding “organic farming in Red States” to their hipster/yuppy resumes, they head back to the Pacific Northwest to be taken care of by their parents once again in Portlandia as they approach mid-life. The End.
This story gives me a stomach ache.
You wanna stomach ache?
Follow these links and read the rest of this guy’s musings.
Ol’ Alex is a world class slacker jerkoff. Writing about not writing does not make you a writer you fucking moron!!
http://therumpus.net/2011/01/heart-healthy/
http://therumpus.net/2011/06/where-i-write-nowhere-everywere/
http://therumpus.net/2011/11/the-devilishness-of-idleness/#more-90713
Ugh. That’s not writing, that’s just wankery.
Wakes up late because he does not set his alarm, no job, no health insurance, but French Press coffee and organic health store breakfast cereal. This guy is a parity
Those things are expensive man. How do they subsidize? Goodness! Everyone seems to be rich but me!
I’m sorry SY, I can’t help myself –
parody.
Funny, I kind of enjoyed it. Not because it was great writing, which it definitely wasn’t, but because it brought back memories of the dweebs I used to smoke pot with in college. Film, English or Art majors mostly, the types who would spend 4 years in school, run up a huge debt and come out with no usable skill at the end of it.
Still, seeing as my only interest in them was smoking pot and getting laid, I wisely never brought up pesky issues like reality.
I think the only interest anyone has in these fucking idiots are the brainless twats who seem to follow them everywhere, or maybe they follow the twats? well who the fuck knows there’s bitches around.
Its ok for the bitches because when they turn 30 they put on the ‘honey dearest’ act in the hopes that some accountant ties legally chains himself to them.
which brings me to my other point, that’s what all the ‘artist’ persona is all about.
try criticizing their claim to ‘artisthood’ and watch how quickly they turn on you. The ‘artist’ status, which they don’t get by actually making any art but rather simply a personal whim- is what attracts the spoiled whores- rich little white girls whose heads are filled with feminism and a sense that they must find a guy who understands their ‘needs’ of not ever taking responsibility for anything in their life.
the best way to rid yourself of hipsters is not accepting anyone you meet as an ‘artist’ simply by their claim to such. be critical, they will dissipate instantly. Unfortunately so will the dumb whores. C’est la vie my friends.
let’s face it, the only reason we ever come in contact with these fuckers in the first place is because were after the women who hang around them.
Their heads are filled with the very sick post modernist version of feminism.
The rest of us feminists, you know the ones that want equal rights and pay, are disgusted with this new strain. it has zero to do with it’s original meaning, or any meaning at all….
I can tolerate a lot of self-indulgence in a 22yo student, especially a female one who’s panties come off easily. However, the same person north of 30 had better have a body of art or writing to show for it.
And I don’t mean finger painting or a run-on sentence blog, I want to see some real talent to back that quirky clothing and attitude.
I can tolerate this is a female only.
This all starting to make sense…
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003958291_nickgalloobit18m.html
Woah that is hilarious. “Sometimes the reviews get published, but I never get paid. Everyone knows there’s no money in writing these days.” That part in particular cracked me up and infuriated me. From his writing its clear that he will never be successful because he isn’t willing to work hard for it. Kind of like a leech in some ways.
UGH i dare them to come to NC and try that shit in the cotton fields, slaughterhouses and tobacco fields with the migrant workers we have here who break their backs day in and day out without so much as a thank you for the food we eat… Especially during the brutal summers we have here?!? They would be crawling back to Daddy in 2 hours flat, if that. Fucking gross…I can’t stand wannabe “urban farmers” who think it’s some magical adventure then puss out when they figure out what hard work it really is. We had something like that before….it was called slavery.
We have it shitty enough down here, living in the red states and all but what difference do they think they will make by coming down here and pretending to be FARMERS? Yeah, because Mt Olive Pickle company REALLY wants your “help” making our pickles extra special and whimsical…. Who cares?!
ps- We don’t give a fuck if our okra is organic or not. Is it edible? Yes? Good enough for me!!
Hey, they’re just trying to live up to the standards set by their “Brooklyn” pickle-brining cousins for whimsicality:
Made out of a factory in Gowanus by tattoo-clad preservation perfectionists, these pickles come in such brine-bending flavors as chipotle carrots and lavender asparagus.
It doesn’t get more authentically whimsical than that!
Good find. I did a very similar post a while ago comparing Ba Tampte Half Sours to one of those Brooklyn discovering, pickle discovering hipster companies. Look how simply they describe the Ba Tampte company – then look at the words to describe the hipster pickles – $12 Habanero-brined, tattoo-clad preservation perfectionists, pickles that go to yoga, locally-sourced produce and fin-de-siecle designs…etc.
I hate these motherfuckers.
I said it before and I’ll say it again
The Pickle Guys. Lower East City and the good part of Brooklyn. Old school, Old Jewish pickles. Ten times better and about 1/3 the cost. Best Pickle in New York.
Old School
Visit. Now
http://www.pickleguys.com/
A full six weeks of four-hour workdays. This couple really knows how to rough it. And he’s even working on a book of grief poems. He sure knows what grief is all about. Well to do family, subletting an apartment in Portland to avoid work. The guy just can’t catch a break.
Gotta love the gratitude he displays by calling the Texan woman crazy.
His parents were hippies, which explains a lot.
Four hour work days?
What they experienced sure wasn’t farming, which is more like 18 hour days. They got the “spoiled brat, donate money now” version of farming. We do more work than that per day on our rural property, just getting it ready for animals and a garden. sigh.
“We were tired of Portland’s yuppie brunch culture. Volunteer farming could challenge our thinking, and way of life” – Article byline
OR
Two hipsters walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says “Let’s get out of here.” The second responds, “Yeah, this place is full of hipsters.”
I take it Portlandia is the bar.
HAHA! Did you make that joke up? Seriously that was great.
Honestly you have no idea how angry it makes me to hear some hipster shit talk about “gentrification and yuppies”. These kids are so fucking delusional, most likely from never actually living around people who were anything lower than middle class.
Fuck these kids. What annoys me the most though is that they write books about this shit too or put out their “story” in some magazine or wherever else. Anybody seems to have a “story” these days. Fucking ridiculous.
I”m sure that joke’s been bouncing around for as many years as hipsters have recoiled at the label “hipster”. (“I’m not a part of yo system!”)
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Hipster
I got the joke in particular from the TV Tropes Hipster page, which has a very good definition about hipsters and their media portrayal.
My own encounter with “hipster” as it is used today was from the “King of the Hill” episode “Lady and Gentrification” some years back.
Hank Hill: Enrique’s neighborhood sure has changed fast, I tell you what. All these “artists” have started moving in. They all look the same, all skinny and walk real slowly.
Dale: The people you are referring to are called hipsters, Hank. They walk slowly because they’ve got nowhere to be, man.
Haha I love that episode. It’s been awhile but don’t they get the hipsters to leave by filling the neighborhood with white people?
Yes, but not just any white folks. (Like MORE hipsters.) The white folks had to be mundane “squares” to scare off the hipsters.
I can’t believe I forgot to mention the line where he says ” We were tired of the hipsters, with their gaudy mustaches and flannel shirts,-”
Ignore the person at the end of the video who apparently couldn’t shut the fuck up and let us watch it in peace.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvDNWhbjewo
Regarding TV Tropes: what does TTR say about “even anime nerds hate hipsters”?
That would be such a great website if it didn’t spend so long going on about things like anime. I think it’s a different version of the same problem we point out on here – a few people wanting to jump on an “alternative subculture” bandwagon simply for its own sake. Over there it’s people wanting to prove a point about being as geeky as possible, and in music/art/fashion it’s people trying too hard to be “alternatively cool.” The end result is the same: regular people who just like the thing for its own sake get put off.
Best comment:
“Wow, Hipster bonus level 100 unlocked. Brooklyn, Portland, Barista, Organic Farming, Beardo, occasional poet. I’m disapointed in you just reading your bio, I imagine your parents must be devastated. When do you grow up Peter Pan?”
Best comments on there came from Aunt Messy, of which I would have too many to quote, but it’s hilarious that Southerners found it to be completely condescending.
My favorite:
Aunt Messy
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 9:29 am
The problem I have is that these farms want volunteers because they can’t afford to pay their workers. People volunteer because they have some (very, very wrong) romantic notions of what life on a farm truly means. It’s incredibly offensive to whine later that the place wasn’t like a bed and breakfast.
Farming anything is hard, backbreaking work with few rewards, either psychic or monetary. The stereotype of the “rich farmer” is utter and complete nonsense. The farmers in the article had problems well beyond anything to do with poverty. The problem is that there are a whole lot of people farming who just shouldn’t be doing it. There’s a skill set and education required that many people who think they can just become farmers have no inkling exists.
The writer of this article sounds exactly like an over-privileged child of professional, wealthy parents who decided to go see how the “little people” live. He went in to the program thinking that he was going to be showered with gratitude for a few hours a day of picking weeds. It’s nonsense, and his whining after the fact doesn’t exactly cover him with glory.
I find all programs of this type to be patronizing. They pander to the absolute worst kind of hypocritical do-gooder.
Come to think of it, most normal folks just quietly take up gardening as a hobby.
Seriously, the thing that gets to me about these type of stories is that they ultimately give people who do manual labor and actually do real WORK for a living a bad name. Like somehow, it’s just not cool to be a farmer, or a construction worker, or a maintenance person, until someone who DIDN”T have to do that type of work who happens to come from a background of privelege a wacky and hip spin on it for the other space cadets out there!
Fuck that! Millions of tasks have to be done each day in this country, and there are so many great and hard working people who don’t even get as much as a mention in the mouth of a newspaper editor yet these vermin get a feature for doing absolutely nothing. By and large, I think alot of it has to do with upper middle class elitism tied with the “anti-Job/don’t slave for the man” hipster mentality. Any reasonable person that was down on their luck would take that job, work as many hours as possible, and not make a peep. But yet, this couple wants to make something that tons of people do everyday special by doing it themselves in front of the public eye on a constant “look at me” spree…
SMH. Some people actually think they’re worth more than they actually are.
http://hunter-gatherer.com/blog/praise-hipster-farmers
This “Volunteer” for our “Fill in the Blank Do Gooding For Profit Enterprise” means work for free because we can’t afford to pay you when we have to pay ourselves 100k! Seriously. I’ve personally seen this crap up close and personal. The hipsters love to do “Occupy” and so on, but when they are the ones acting like greedy central bankers then it’s ok! Because it’s a “do gooding” business like organic penny farthing farming instead of “evil” business like printing worthless paper money. It’s ok to have slaves when you are “do gooding.” Understand? lol.
Honestly it’s pointless to even get into all of the ways they’re hypocritical and full of shit.
What’s funniest though is the whole “we like diversity” thing. People think they hate minorities the most but in reality they hate “white” ethnicities that come from poor immigrants like Irish, Italian, Polish, etc the most because they like to think that it’s their skin color that is the reason they’re not accepted by non-white people in the neighborhoods they move to and the native Irish, Italian, Polish, Russian, Czech, etc etc neighborhood kids force them to acknowledge that the reason they’re not accepted has nothing to do with being white.
lol wut
Trust me. I grew up around these kids and have been around them when they’re pre-hipster. My county is weird because we’ve got working class/absolute ghetto and then you’ve got upper middle class kids and even upper class kids, in a place roughly the size of Queens and Brooklyn combined but mostly suburban minus the place I live/grew up in which directly borders West and Southwest Philly. Before they were hipsters, they were all wiggers. They so want to be accepted by anybody who isn’t white and when they turn hipster they hate Irish, Italian, and Polish-Americans to name a few because we grew up with people of all ethnicities and are accepted by them just fine. They can’t possibly fathom anybody not liking them so they delude themselves into thinking it’s because they’re white, which they can’t do when they see a bunch of “white” people in a group with non-white people.
You should see the way they stick to anybody who isn’t white when they’re pre-hipster. It’s literally like flies on rice, and you can get so much ass or have the same kind of “worship” directed at you if you’re white as long as you’re not from their suburbs. Whenever I talk to other non-spoiled people, especially to my black friends, these kids pay attention to every single word and you always catch them staring. Then when they become hipsters, they get this attitude like “that other white person is no better than me because we’re both white. I should be friends with those black people instead of him!” and they start with the attitude towards white people that you’ve seen on this site even, with most of the hipsters that comment here starting right away with the whole “racist Italian people” thing.
Basically what you’re saying is…they can’t stand the fact that NOONE likes ithem so the whole “racism against hipsters” thing is a knee jerk response.
“they hate Irish, Italian, and Polish-Americans ”
Irish, Italian and Polish Americans are the real haters. Self-hating, nation betraying, nomadic savages.
But these Irish/Italian/Polish people are racist to anyone who isnt like/of them and for some reason they feel superior to others. They’re sort of like hispanic people and their national pride (or lack of). Every one of those countries thinks their country is better than the next ie Dominicans are better than puerto ricans, Colombians are better than (instert) etc etc. But they all came to America (an anglican nation) for a reason because all those places are shit holes in comparison to America.
Look at these Italians who run around blasting 50 cent/rap music but wouldnt dare let a “nigger/mooley” in their neighborhood. Polish pride… irish pride… Italian pride, funny how you have so much pride in a place you dont even live.
I hear ya , that’s why important to be CATHOLIC, not some national political racial identity. The Catholic Church is the richest cultural tradition in the world.
Pride in the Catholic church? LOL. maybe if you don’t follow history or pay attention…..
I have pride in the ancestors of mine who went through hell and lived with less than they had just so that people of future generations could have better than they did. I don’t give a fuck about Ireland except that those people should be free of any English bullshit and the English should have to undo everything they did to that country and others.. just like the Spanish, Portuguese, Dutch, French, etc etc should have to. That’s why Latin America is such a shithole. Every single one of those countries was colonized. Were Italy or Poland? No, but the people who came over clearly didn’t have much or else they wouldn’t have come over.
Irish, Italians, and Polish Americans are not fucking racist over here. If anything, we’ve abandoned our heritage too much and just accepted being lumped in with other white people. Maybe where you live it’s like that but not around here. The ones who are left in neighborhoods that have been integrated don’t have much of a damn choice of where to live so maybe their parents or grandparents were racist but they aren’t considering they grew up in neighborhoods with kids of all different ethnicities.
We’re Irish, Italian, and Polish, etc Americans because our ancestors weren’t fucking allowed to be “American”. We have been completely forgotten about.
Didnt Italy try to imperialize ethiopia in 1896 and failed miserably to people with spears and shields?
Dont give me that Anglo-imperial bullshit. You seems to be mad that this inferior countries: Ireland, Italy and Poland couldnt conquer a rats nest let alone create civilizations out of nothing.
“we’ve abandoned our heritage too much”. SO LEAVE AND GO REKINDLE YOUR HERITAGE. I forget that there are still America-hatin tawnys like you.
There is probably only one group of people that are more racist than Irish and Italian people and thats the AshkeNAZIs kabbalah czars.
Guys, you’re getting off topic here.
We’re hating on them, not each other remember? There are racist people of all colors and ethnicity.
You really don’t know a fucking thing about history.
If you think any of the people who “colonized” any of the places they did were superior to the original inhabitants then you are an idiot. Celtics and Gaels were feared warriors, as were every other society that was “colonized” by the English and others. The people who “colonized” places were average in pretty much every single way, which is why their descendants are. Also, genius.. Ireland conquered places like Scotland before England was doing a fucking thing in the world. Look up the Celts sometime. If it weren’t for guns (something the Chinese invented, by the way), they wouldn’t have stood a chance against any of the far superior peoples they invaded. If they had fought them straight up instead of pretending to be their friends, they wouldn’t have stood a chance, even with their guns.
As I said before, Italy wasn’t colonized of course no, but the people coming over here obviously didn’t have much or else they wouldn’t have come over.
Also, I don’t “hate” America, nor did any of my ancestors. I don’t have any fucking ties to Ireland whatsoever. My Irish-American ties are to my ancestors and my neighborhood and that is it. Period. So yeah, stop speaking out of your fucking ass.
its pretty clear the essence of it is:
they are obviously privileged but cannot admit to such because their parents gained their wealth by attacking the authorities of their day.
so they go on with this simulated posturing of equality and diversity, etc. Suggest for a second that they actually share their privilege with the rest of the world, and you’re out of luck.
the illegal mexican situation is a perfect example. Doesn’t seem to provoke their strong feelings of equality at all, ASMOF- it’s RACIST to be against this form of modern slavery!
Yup. They love all of these nice little ideas from a distance. If you actually live the shit they try to talk about and correct them about it, they try to make you out to be the one who’s deluded/not in the real world or whatever other bullshit. It’s hilarious just how separated from reality these people are. But what’s most hilarious is watching them go from “diversity-loving” liberal to racist, entitled brat the second they get mugged for the first time or have any other kind of bad experience with anybody who isn’t white. It’s so easy to get them to revert back to their real selves too. All you have to do is challenge their delusions and then just watch them go like one of those wind-up toys.
It was good to see people vitriol. About 90% of the articles were quite negative. These snowflakes have no sense of self awareness. I would be ashamed to read these comments about myself. But I’m sure this poet-barista thinks we “just don’t understand”. It is he, who does not understand. At least he won’t be able to show the article to anyone.
So, they’re both from Washington state, and they met each other in Brooklyn? Gee, can’t even begin to guess which part of Brooklyn it might have been.
Lemme go out on a limb and say it wasn’t on line at Spumoni.
diehipster, love your site but I think this is kind of a low blow: “cliche asian girl friend.” There are plenty of reasons to hate these people, but why bring race into it. A lot of computer nerd types have Asian girlfriends, too — I am one of them. I like that Asians are generally family-oriented and hard-working. So yeah just saying keep it above the belt…
All I can tell you is there are guys who either like them for the reasons you do or simply they are very very sexually attracted to them. However it’s easy to see how so many hipster types ive seen with Asians as if they are just another accessory like a pair of converse or neon raybans or an obscure book to read in a cafe or train. So I’m not apologizing – just letting you know where I’m coming from.
these “Asians” that date hipsters are really American hipsters… not true to their traditional culture. I like real Asians who have a connection to their tradition, language, culture, and ancestors……………………
Yea, speaking English and living in America is a real “Asian tradition”.
It is?
If they were really traditional, they wouldn’t be dating YOU. Many Asians marry amongst themselves, traditionally.
There is nothing wrong with moving to the US and becoming American. You can keep your heritage, or not, that’s the beauty of immigration.
Whats offensive is when people date a particular type of person as an accessory- and that is what many hipsters do with Asians.
True. I use to date hot black girls because they were good arm/ass candy. Never could hold a relationship with one though. The underlying cultures were always too different.
The key factor of the cliche is Asian girlfriend of a white hipster male who keeps saying “MY ASIAN girlfriend” instead of simply “my girlfriend”, to prove how into diversity he is. (I think someone on this site said it quite a while ago.) It wouldn’t be cliche otherwise, especially if both members of the couple were Asian or just not white.
Right, into “diversity” as long as that means a half-Korean hipster, and not anyone black, Hispanic, working-class, or Catholic.
Or Jewish.
A video of patrick and his “Asian Girlfriend”. The relevant bit starts around 1:29
Hmm, what are you trying to say, hipster? Care to clarify?
My apologies. I retract that last statement. Sorry but we’ve been bombarded by trolls lately and most of them start accusing us of low blows or racism against hipsters. I mistook your post for one of them. I just read your other posts and I see you are not.
Please accept my humblest apologies.
Are you saying that you like getting the shit beat out of you? Because it sounds like you’re saying you like getting the shit beat out of you. Try me, please.
Why do so many indie bands, like the end of the clip, sound like the performers are having a seizure of some sort?
Okay, so basically this is a dude ranch for hipsters.
What pisses me off about the article is the gawking at the rubes mentality, and the red/blue bullshit that just about every “lifestyle” article in Salon seems required to use. I will give them some credit, though. At least they actually went out there and did some real work instead of dicking around with a play garden on an abandoned dump.
But these things pale in comparison to a man who has to be in his 30s calling himself “a part-time barista”. Notice there’s not a single mention of what the girlfriend does, and you just know she’s the one pulling twice her weight in that relationship. I get that it’s hard for everyone right now, but “part-time barista”? That’s the best this guy can do?
Hahaha!!!
Apparently she’s a caregiver, as noted in one of his writings here:
http://therumpus.net/2011/01/heart-healthy/#more-70441
And what cracks me up about that particular writing are a few things:
1. You state you are looking for jobs in the same writing that you admit to stealing from a job.
2. You claim to be on $200 worth of food stamps, but are spending $4 on soy milk and $6 on a box of Healthy Heart cereal. (I’ve never seen these items cheaper than this)
3. Do we really need to know that your piss is yellow? I thought that was a given.
What kind of prick writes a fucking essay about sitting on his ass all day while his girlfriend works? Did he think he was writing the next Down and Out in Paris and London?
I honestly hope his book gets published, just so I can get a copy when it inevitably ends up in the 50 cent pile at a used bookstore and then beat him with it.
Even funnier….check his facebook page. There is no one with the name Jenne on his friend list. So either she’s not on facebook, or she dumped his ass after this article.
Inflatables can’t work computers too well.
After a long night of sniffing cocaine hydrochloride your piss comes out extremely yellow, almost gold.
I live in San Francisco. Tons of local places sell cheap soy milk. Chinese places, shunned by hipsters.
Caregiver my ass – she’s a fucking babysitter. And NOT a teenager.
this blog has managed to bring everything that sucks in the world (including the commenters) into one glorious place. thanks for the laughs.
Thank salon.com.
I left a harsh, but polite, comment on his last article here. It’s awaiting moderation. I bet that it is not published so I will share it with my friends here:
https://therumpus.net/2011/01/heart-healthy/comment-page-1/#comment-264942
Guess the hipster lifestyle has lost it’s luster huh? How much have you paid into society against what you have withdrawn. “some serious, literary book” maybe read something interesting or maybe a textbook that would provide you a real skill. You are a good writer, but even the excellent (and you are not) are out of work. Only the truly great are working. That’s the way of the world and the world will not change so you will have to. How disgusting for me who has paid in far more than I have received that you have french press coffee and I do not. What nerve to complain about the yuppies. They are just you with a job. Your gentrification has ruined Brooklyn, and now you move along to finish off Portland. Barista, Poet, Organic, French press, smug little hipster mustache. Please tell me what you do your writing on? A $3,000 machBook pro? Got an iPhone? How can you afford expensive organic food, great coffee, iCrap? Guess I’m paying. Some advise. Most days I don’t like my job. That’s why they call it work. Get a job. Plenty of work in the fast food industry or at Applebees, if you want to hustle. Work, do some thing. Then accept and embrace you will never make a living as a writer. One in a million on that and you don’t have the work ethic. Then find out what jobs are in demand and educate your in that field. Yes, hard work ,low pay, community college. For years. But then you will be employable and have lost that self entitled chip on your shoulder. This hipster thing isn’t going anywhere. It’s over. Hang up your flannel shirt and try to become a contributing member of society. Hipster music sucks anyway. BTW , it isn’t just me. Read every comment in your Salon article and take it as constructive criticism. So very many people hate you and your life style. Step one is become someone that normal people don’t despise.
Nope, they killed this comment. Just because it didn’t praise this poor starving artist to the stars the comment above was flagged and deleted
Well I suppose we could all just email our comments to he author:
mrgallobrown@gmail.com
He should be awake in a few hours
Only the truly great can make a living writing “book reviews, essays, stories, poems,” maybe. But I and many of my friends make a living writing and we’re not geniuses. We’re just boring full time news reporters who write about unglamorous stuff. Would I like someday to write for national magazines or write books? Sure. But I know I have to work toward that and may never succeed. This guy would be a lot happier if he lost the entitlement.
wow the author has a hyphen in his last name, never would expect to see that.
All of this guys articles seem to relate to him trying to find himself. I submit to you that he has ,indeed, found himself. He keeps finding himself. He just does not like what he finds so he assumes he must be wrong. So another journey to find himself.
http://youtu.be/jSYY9wuwfL4
Hipster slights from the 60′s
http://youtu.be/dv4sFKI7kfc
How many “points” do you think they get back home for mentioning urban or Brooklyn?
As Dr. Bloomquist tells us in the “Four States of Being,” there are four levels of hipsters – in descending order: Cool, Groovy, Hip and Square.
The square is “not with it”, that is he doesn’t know “what’s happening.” But if he figures it out, he moves up a notch to “hip”. And if he can bring himself to approve of what is happening then, he becomes “groovy”. And after that with much luck and perseverence, he can rise to the rank of “cool”.’
Mentioning Brooklyn elevates one, no matter how “square”, to the rank “cool” automatically.
Here is snowflakes blog. Her talks about the article but cautions people not to read the comments because they are hateful
http://poemboxer.blogspot.com/
This just in: smug, pampered hipters (oh, wait, he’s not a hipster; just a totally original poet/barista Brooklyn transplant) go slumming. Tune in later for more shocking news!
No doubt the locals were honored to stand as the scenery for widdle Alex’s odyssey of personal growth. Predictably, though, he wastes little time straying from every hipster’s favorite subject: himself.
Digging down through his overwrought, self-consciously-writerly prose, I find nothing at the bottom but the same unreflective self-satisfaction that he claims he was trying to escape. He strolls through the lives of the people he meets like they’re his personal petting zoo. They may rate a patronizing pat on the head or a sneer of thinly-veiled disdain, but in the end they exist in the story only to validate his own superior enlightenment. There is no introspection, or self-criticism, or immersion in the culture. There is certainly no growth.
He wants to grow?
The first step to growing–not to mention being a writer–is realizing that it’s not all about you.
Well said. He said we should ignore comments on the article because they are hateful. I believe he should hear your comment.. Please sent it to mrgallobrown@gmail.com
Loved “own personal petting zoo”
You hit the nail on the head.
They do all seem to have an “overwrought, self-consciously writerly” style of writing, as well. There’s definitely a certain style of writing that can give away the writer as a hipster, even before you’ve read the content, if you’re reading a piece on a subject they like writing about (e.g. music.)
Usually it seems to involve a few too many unnecessarily complex words – just enough to make the meaning more obscure so they can get away with not knowing what they’re talking about, and just enough to show they’re using a thesaurus. Also, little stylistic flourishes that are meant to add colour and sophistication, but come across as self-conscious and annoying. Run-on sentences seem to be popular.
On the hipster food sites, they seem to like describing their food using words you’d associate with other things, as a weak attempt at humour (from the past year, I can remember reading about a “shot” of horse semen and “holy cherry bomb” coffee on this site.)
Short version, they think everything has to be written like a poem. A fairly bad poem as well.
(In fairness, reading back over that, I seem to say “seem to” a lot, but never mind.)
Don’t forget the pop-culture references and narcissistic viewpoint they always take in their “pieces”. They don’t seem to understand that it’s not about them and that nobody gives a fuck about them or else they would be reading their little blog and not whatever publication they write for.
Actual creative people are some of the most important people to our society. Great musicians, great writers, great artists.. they produce things that last generations and are part of how future generations or the outside world judges us. Not to mention how vital a free and ubiased press is to any democratic society. To see this shit really makes me sick. Even our newspapers and even our “news” channels like CNN are filled with this crap these days. Somebody needs to shake these people and tell them it’s not fucking about them.. it’s about the news they’re giving us.
seriously calling these people ‘Artists’ detracts from the real people who actually create Art. These fuckers are annoying parasites who are barely even human beings.
You see how much they’re used to that “all about me” attitude whenever one of them comes on here with a comment about “well DH writes a blog, so he’s a hipster, and you follow it, so you’re all hipsters.”
Yeah, if DH spent 90% of the time making quips about what his cat did this morning, and expected us to respond with 30 variations on “you’re a delectable poet… *(Death Cab for Cutie quote)* ” in the comments, then that might be the case.
Doesn’t seem to occur to them that the encouragement of an actual shared conversation in the comments might be the reason this blog has lasted so much longer than theirs ever do.
dont worry exercises like these are critical steps to become shameless money grubbing yuppies like their parents.
“certain style of writing that can give away the writer as a hipster”
hmm what could it be? could it be trying to describe things for which you have no actual connection to in real life?
Like the douchebag college proffesor who comes off all sensitive and caring when in reality it’s just an act to nail a co-ed.
I knew I picked the wrong line of work.
Beware. A friend of mine who used to work in NYU warned me they wait to entrap rich professors (and other rich guys) and then sue for sexual harassment like their moms taught them to. It’s not worth it.
A return ticket to Thailand is cheaper and better value for money.
Good point, probably fewer diseases, too.
^THIS. THIS. THIS.
Ug. This guy doesn’t want to farm. He wants to write lifestyle articles for online blog magazines like salon.
Honestly, call me ignorant but what the fuck is Salon anyway? I’d never even heard of it before seeing all of these hipster-fied “articles”
Salon.com is basically an online periodical that does nothing but promote self-serving hipster douchebaggery and actually co-opts legitimate arts and culture and regurgitates it to it’s so-called savvy (yet clueless) readership as it was fresh because THEy discovered it.
Salon.com is a place where ex hippies/hipsters go when they have no other options with their shitty writing. It goes to prove that the “Sustainable Organic Vegan Freegans” are just Neocon libertarians just waiting to break loose.
I’ve read some of his other stuff. He actually sounds like a different person but he doesn’t see himself the way others do. It’s possible to live and work in society and still work your causes. It’s not necessary to always be an outcast. One can even write for a living but sometimes one will have to write what people will pay for. 50% of my job is writing and it is often my least favorite part, but it pays the rent
Amen. My favorite part of the job is staring at a blank piece of paper when i have to come up with a new design. What I really hate is the technical writing aspect of it.
Getting started is defiantly the hardest past. I used to do more tech writing and it’s hard mostly because it is dull. If you are good, you can make a bit more conversational and a bit interesting. I just finished up an RFI (Request for Information) and have to write an RFP (Request for Proposal) and that starts to involve the City’s lawyers and finance people. That is going to suck and eat me alive in the next few months. Nobody wants to do it but everybody wants to tell you what you are doing wrong. I’m really hoping that some city Bureaucrat wants to take the lead on this. I’ll be a hero if I do it, but I’ll also be the guy that writes the RFI/RFP’s and that is a guy I don’t want to be.
It sucks but real women will respect you.
married to one for 24 years. She respects the regular paycheck for sure
“Hopefully, however, we can find people who do support our aspirations to be idle — who recognize the great potential for ambition WITHIN idleness. Then it’s up to us to make the most of our time here, our lives.” -Alex Gallo-Brown
I think this guy might be the Hipster poster-boy you’ve been looking for.
Oh for the love of God… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02vku-6fZWQ Have no idea how to embed videos so just click the link. Choc full of hipsterdom.
I especially like the fact that they made sure to include the inspirational amputee running a marathon, as if his struggle to be and do something people doubt he can is the same as their “struggle” to be seen as anything but the generic little brats they are. And of course they had to include the flashy black dude playing ball, as if his being cocky about his abilities is the same as their proclaiming themselves everything they could never be.
Just once it’d be nice to see a realistic version of one of the situations these commercials present.
His parents failed to raise a man, much less a mensch. What about character, fortitude, determination, leadership, integrity, grit, honesty, what about self-actualization through hard work and sticking with something to its conclusion, and building something tangible that makes your mark on the world? What about responsibility and ownership of your life? How can you ever be responsible for others–children, family, or others in your community–if you can’t exhibit the qualities required for adulthood? This was an exercise befitting a teenager, not a man.
This guy is a child. It is grotesque, a perversion of human development. I want to challenge him as he is responding to comments on Salon, but there is no way I am paying them for the privilege.
Well said. God bless you.
I have tried. Like I said, seems like a nice guy but he does not even think he is a hipster. He says “he does not identify as one”. He was raised middle class, which is a step up on me, but he thinks this entitles him to a pass on the usual responsibilities. I’ve had an email exchange with him, and while he says “I don’t think the capitalist economic system, as constructed currently, is humane, fair, or sustainable. I want to participate” he does not seem to mind taking public assistance. I have reached out and tied to open a dialogue, but his take on the comments section of the Salon piece is entirely divorced from reality. He was mostly mocked and ridiculed, but what he heard, and I quote is ” I think the response the piece evoked was often more reflective of the individual responder’s heart and soul (the bitterness, the anger, the intolerance) than mine” He is only 26 so one hopes that reality ( or maybe an unwanted pregnancy) will open his eyes. More likely, the girlfriend will leave for someone that might be able to provide for her offspring one day. I kind of like the guy, but I will honor his request to “Now kindly leave me to find my own way”
Sounds like a lot of self loathing on his part. Conflicted, but doesn’t know how to get past it. His father, Nick Gallo was an award winning writer, which is what I presume made him want to write. I can understand the appeal, as I was aiming to be a journalist in high school until I quickly learned how the field really is. Yellow Journalism seems to be more prevalent now than ever. I’ll stick to my chosen field of Accounting to follow. Glamorous, no, but it’s what I’m good at and it pays the bills well.
For all we know, he may have actually learned a lot from the experience, but the way he chose his wording doesn’t really seem to reflect that.
As for the job hunt, I have a hard time believing that he really tried everything. Why do I say this? Because so many people I know (not just hipsters) are guilty of self limitations. They say they have been looking forever but “I will only work so far from home”, “I don’t want to work in that field” or “I can only accept this salary minimum, I won’t get out of bed for less”. If you have to work 2 jobs, who gives a damn, it’s a temporary situation, better to do that and survive than accept public assistance. No one in my family has ever been on welfare or food stamps, and I pray we never have to. I just have no respect or sympathy for people who claim to be trying and really aren’t because of rules they place upon themselves which only harm themselves.
I’d have to agree he is self-limiting. He is a good writer. But writing for a living is no more viable option that major league shortstop. There are only 26 positions and 995,674,342 people want those 26 positions. He fails to realize that his species is about to become extinct. It is hard to believe that there is not a single fast food position available. I am sure there were 995,674,342 dinosaurs sitting on the earth saying ” gee, that bright s
hooting star is weird. No way that will affect me”
“I don’t think the capitalist economic system, as constructed currently, is humane, fair, or sustainable.” When has he participated in the ‘capitalist economic system’ that he can come to his conclusion? Has he started a small business, or worked in a start up? Or for a–God forbid–corporation? What experience does he have to make such a ridiculous proclamation?
Completely agree. The most infuriating thing though is when you’re looking for a part-time job at wherever to pay the bills and you see one of these fucks working there and constantly bitching and doing everything but ever working. How they get hired anywhere is beyond me.
But honestly, how can anybody who comes from a comfortable background not be ashamed of taking government assistance? Fuck those little shits.
One manager at my job is the quintessential annoying hipster. All he does is piss and moan, and not take responsibility for his fuck ups. He will try to turn things around and blame anyone else until we throw his mistake in his face, and even then he won’t apologize. I constantly am going at it with him because he will bitch before he does anything, and expects me to jump when he wants something. (I’m a manager also, but we’re in different departments). He has 3 roommates in Greenpoint, and wonders why he’s broke all the time. (I’ll give you a hint eating out 3 meals a day and drinking every night adds up fast idiot!)
We have had so many complaints about him, I still don’t know why my boss has not fired him, but it’s starting to look like it’s just a matter of time at this point before it happens. What’s sad is he was born here!!!
Maybe if you had enough education or intelligence to understand simple things–like how to use an exclamation point–you wouldn’t be stuck with such a “douche.”
As for your constant “hipster complaints,” it is unfortunate for you that hipsters, as far as sociological definitions are concerned, exist in any social spectrum. It is simply a question of who’s the minority and who’s the majority or, albeit your disregard for the idea, who’s the “average” and who’s the “unique.”
Now, I’m sure you will find a way to misunderstand that because the use of punctuations in those statements may be beyond someone who still does this (!!!) but know that your perception has a very small effect on reality as evidenced by your little “anecdote.”
PS: Maybe you should rest or work harder instead of constantly whining like the “hipsters” you claim to hate. That way, you can get promoted from your post and have the capacity to actually handle the one you are complaining against. But I guess, that’s asking too much, right? LOL. Anti-hipster hipsters are so funny.
Stevie!!! First of all, notice the (!!!). Tee hee hee – you effeminate fuck. Second of all – you still don’t get the point of my site do you? To show how 300 years of all types of immigration to Brooklyn by non-attention seeking working class people is beginning to be ruined over the last decade or so by mostly spoiled adult children or delusional pseudo creative types that have inflated our rents beyond belief? You wouldn’t know that though having never set foot in Brooklyn.
The making fun of their appearance, hobbies, voices, etc? That just comes with the territory.
Have a 32 year old vampirish kind of day!!! (even if you’re not Stevie – I don’t give a fuck)
Does he know there’s a cool Brooklyn hipster band called !!! ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/!!!
You, like, pronounce it as “chk chk chk” like tribal African tongue clicks because that’s a really obscure reference, yah?
The drummer died by falling down an elevator shaft in Williamsburg. He wanted to stay more underground.
But never mind, because Stevie obviously wouldn’t have heard of them. They’re too obscure and advanced for him.
1. I used the exclamation point correctly for emphasis. Maybe you should go learn about it.
2. If being “unique” is looking like a lazy ass jackass with an unwarranted inferiority complex 24/7, I’ll be more than happy to be considered “average”.
3. I get plenty of rest and work hard. If you had any clue how jobs actually work, you would know there’s always a chance of working with a douche regardless of title. I also noted we are both managers in different departments. The only way I could get promoted would be to take the owners position since he is the one I report to.
Please shut the fuck up unless you have taken advanced courses in management and know how a corporate structure works, even for a small company. (Which clearly you haven’t).
P.S. I’ll throw to you the same offer I threw the last idiot.
I’ll bet my next paycheck my I.Q. and GPA are bigger than yours. Put up or shut up.
Well there we go. He hits a few bases that tell us what he is. You’ve got the pseudo-poetic, overly long words; the idea that everyone who disagrees with him must be a mean and bitter old grouch (seen that a few times on here); and the way he doesn’t really address the point but just buries it under a load of weasel words. “I don’t categorise myself as a hipster” is usually short for “… but everyone else does.”
Seriously, when will they learn to drop this Othello Music act, realise they are not an eloquent 1960s civil rights leader just because they “stand up for” urban rooftop gardening or whatever, and keep the attempts at poetry for when they’re actually writing a poem? I can actually put up with the incoherent mess you get from Stevie’s sockpuppets on here because at least it beats Ed’s attempts to sound like a hipster JFK/MLK.
i guess we should at least be grateful that he bothered with capital letters. and didn’t do that e. e. cummings thing they sometimes do.
With regard to his maturity, it’s actually well below teenage level in my opinion. No healthy teenager would want to spend their time doing something like this because they’d recognise it to be demeaning themselves. Hipsters are what you get when you mix the maturity of a very immature-for-his-age teenager with the personality of a self-hating, anti-teenager teenager.
he has his hand on the bananas crotch!
http://collegecandy.com/2009/06/25/the-top-10-reasons-i-am-hating-hipsters/
Ha! Totally love the “hater” replies on there. It’s like they can’t see anything in the world except as a fashion statement.
Face it, if these people are America’s future, we’re fucked.
It still amazes me that there can be any love for hipsters on a site that’s basically aimed at cheerleaders and sorority girls. Or, for that matter, one aimed at bros.
http://cdn4.diggstatic.com/story/public_opinion_pic/o.png
Well I conceive of the northwest as an even more backward place. A home for communists and fairy tale politics. So fuck you very much! And yes, everytime you need someone to fight your wars and to be generally productive members of society, you can count on these red states.
“Our decision to venture south of the Mason-Dixon line confounds many of our Northwest friends. They seem to conceive of the South as a backward place: plainly racist, politically reactionary, possibly inbred. It doesn’t matter that most of them have never even been.”
That bullshit about the sanctity of the Midwest only works on people who’ve never left the place. The Northwest isn’t perfect, but it beats the hell out of Illinois.
Hey now!
Ease the fuck up there little guy!
No. I’ll gladly take chicago over any goddamn thing in the boring white hipster daycare northwest.
It does tell you quite a lot that this guy didn’t talk about organic farming in “poor states” or “rural states” or even “more traditional states.” No, he had to divide it along political lines and say “red states” just so you know which of his personal qualities he feels make him superior to those who live there.
Of course, when people on here tried to get him into the political discussion his article title was trying to provoke, it didn’t go the way he wanted and he wasn’t so keen…
PNW has all types of people, btw.
Where we live is all loggers and heavy industry.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwM8pCAynbM&w=480&h=360
Hipsters ruin everything. I want give you an example in relation to my own situation in Ireland. It’s what has happened to Irish music.
The folk song above is called ”Oró Sé do Bheatha ‘Bhaile” written in 1745. Originally about the Jacobite risings and the fight for freedom over the centuries.
In compraison here’s a ”song” by a fucking twee little cunt.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvwJMa5b1Qg&w=560&h=315
The second track makes my goddamn blood boil. I’d put fucking money down on two three useless bearded lumberjack vegans being the backing ”band”.
I’m fucking pissed off now.
One: Snort lots of cocaine.
Two: Stick vibrator in cunt. Switch on.
Three: Sing.
(Just paste the url of the youtube page and it works. Forget any embed code)
What a fucking “look at me” piece of shit twat. The entire video is a close-up of her face on an amusement park ride! Narcissist? Couldn’t be.
I didn’t even watch with the sound on, but I’m guessing the music sucks too.
Oh c’mon!
She’s cute, she can sing and it’s a catchy little pop song.
Let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water!
And critical mass is cute too! Right?
It was, once.
What’s one got to do with the other?
And how are you today Dr Crankenstien?
Sorry Hipsterminator. It was my first time linking to a video on here.
Ireland has such a rich tradition when it comes to music and literature. ACTUAL music and literature mind you.
But all I see and hear now are the hipsters I hate so much.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Hannigan
Just looked up her bio. There’s not a single name there that I recognize.
No mention of coke or vibrators either. I can’t imagine what else inspires such lack of talent.
Real music which is a part of history. Worth preserving.
VERSUS
Fucking pretentious/fashionable/cool/creative/cute/twee/adorable gobshites staring into space like utter fecking donkeys.
What kind of name is ”Ham Sandwich” for a band anyway? HAM FUCKING SANDWICH.
Jaysus lads. FUCK HIPSTERS.
Hmmm… how do you feel about Flogging Molly?
This is drivin’ me nuts – the head of this tune is direct lift, and I mean direct. But I can’t clear the cobwebs to get to it. Anybody got an idea?
inxs
No Wait – The Corrs – not sure of the title…”Breathless”? “Go On”?
I was thinking more something from U2 – but I’ll nail it – I just gotta!
Honestly, why do bands still exist? This is just more proof that everything original has been tried, copied, ripped-off, sold out, recycled, regurgitated, diluted, repackaged and marketed to the next generation….
Seriously, bands suffer the same delusion as writers. Whatever idea they come up with, somebody’s done it before, and done it much better, and done it several generations ago.
“I will Follow”?
The Cure.
The Cranberries?
Her screaming certainly sounds like the screamer from that band.
I think it’s the Cure also….Just Like Heaven
Close but no cigar.
I was thinking the Cure too, but “In Between Days” is the song that sprung to my mind.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu3TiqmQ9Ec&w=420&h=315
God she’s ugly. Looks like Hitler without the moustache.
Don’t be so sure about the moustache.
Went to grab a lunch hour sandwich at the big Korean joint next to the movie theatre on
W. 34 St. This chubby canklesaurus on the line ahead of me asked the cashier how much to
buy an empty plastic cup with lid, the cashier told her 25 cents.
To the utter amazement of everybody on the line and the cashier, she then took out a credit card and started waving it around. Cashier told her they can’t take plastic for a two bit charge, she then started a massive search through the backpack and massive carry bag until she finally came up with a quarter and stormed off.
How come the hipster beatings are always on guys ?
http://weaselzippers.us/2012/01/23/creepy-time-at-occupy-portland-meet-the-occubears/
You have GOT to be shitting me. These people need psychiatric treatment.
Wow! The PedoBear fan club.
Here’s their website.
http://nambla.org/
http://gothamist.com/2012/01/23/video_boombox_party.php
when this happens, why is there an opposing mob of real New Yorkers wielding baseball bats, chains and rebar to meet these bubble heads head on?
whoops there goes my lunch
Hey, at least they still have their pants on – for now.
Golly, that looked so “spontaneous” and “lifelike”.
Complete with three professional video crews in tow.
I agree, it’s time New Yorkers got a little Bob the Butcher action going again.
http://gothamist.com/2012/01/22/ladies_its_probably_your_fault_if_y.php
Right. Single men far outnumber single men.
And it’s because of gays and lesbians.
I didn’t look through all the comments, but that’s the gist of it. Not one commentor would say how the fact that both male hipsters are spoiled, immature, impatient, self-centered, selfish and can’t even act with a modicum of civility in public let alone maintain a relationship.
I hated this before you even knew it existed:
http://gothamist.com/2012/01/23/video_brokelandia_it_was_bound_to_h.php
With music by Matt and Kim. Need I say more?
I finally read what I could tolerate of this article (not much!) and even less of the hipster’s blog, and all I can say is:
ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART ART!
There’s lots more to say but I think most of it has been covered in this comments section already.
Oh god how I hate these two. The Hyaundai Hipsters – Pomplamoose. Just fast forward to 2:28 and watch their quirky and zany interactive chat with YouTube viewers. Can you imagine being in a room with these two for more than 5 minutes?
But it’s such a great tune that it’s hard for even these guys to fuck it up.
“Mr. Sandman” = fabulous.
This is exactly the type of shit that makes my blood boil.
I had an urge to dab some ‘Compound W’ to the zombie Kim Darby’s numerous facial and neck hemorrhoids.
Now let me get this straight. This entitled moron of a walking cliched douchebag called New Mexico a red state? And somewhere near Santa Fe at that? Not to mention, below the Mason-Dixon line, when this month we’re celebrating the state’s centennial?
Someone needs to learn the difference between the Mason-Dixon line and the Missouri Compromise. Not to mention, New Mexico doesn’t even fit into below either of them. He also needs to learn the Southwest isn’t the south. Not to mention take a writing class that isn’t run by emo hipsters.
MMBWAAHHHAHAHAHHAA,Im sorry,this poor hipster probably killed himself 20 comments ago,i’m gonna spread the word of diehipster.com to me fellow bensonhurst neighbors,this is great