Today’s hipster beating.

Today, as I was pushing hipsters down the Bedford Avenue L train steps for looking like Olive Oyl with a beard, Fedora hat and lumberjack shirt I noticed Elijah and Toby selling organic wheat grass and bean sprout smoothies that they make by spinning them on vintage 1970′s turntables for only $9.50. So I put earth-friendly Whole Foods shopping bags over their heads and beat those vapid, Brooklyn ruining, staycationing, talentless, effeminate, nasally, gentrifying, sustainable asshole hipster pieces of shit with my good old stick ball bat until all that was left in my hand was a toothpick. End of story.

114 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. I think I found “patient zero”. The first hipster. Here is a 1998 photo of a train in the Bedford ave station. Just a couple of folks on the train, but one of them has on a hat and a flannel shirt.
    http://www.nycsubway.org/perl/show?1488

    • Nice discovery – too bad we can’t get a view of the face – a pubic beard or Woody Allen glasses would be a valuable clue.

    • It may be a shadow, but I think I see a beard.

      Ahhh, the good old days. This is how I remember the L train when I was going to college. Now it only looks that empty on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

      • Thanksgiving and Christmas are the best times to ride that train.

        Its amazing how for those two nights, the vile hipster infestation magically disappears

    • Yep, that’s pretty much the exact time the invasion of nasally “creative types” began.

  2. You’re slipping DH – You forgot to mention that the smoothies are served in authentic, vintage
    Spaldeens (Spalding Hi-Bounce rubber balls to those not from the Tri-State area – NY, NJ and Staten Island).

    You got me with the 1970′s turntable – can’t wait for you to accumulate 365 of these beatings and put them into a desk calendar.

    • Close second. I think I ran into the biggest douchebags two nights ago in Barnes and Noble.

      I purchased some magazines and took a small table in the cafe’. I put my food down and go back to the counter to wait for my coffee.

      In walk a teen team – Cankle-onia and Zander. He’s carrying two laptops and I-pads, headphones and lord knows what else. She has a stack of magazines and books.

      They scan the area for an open table. There are none. So they make a beeline for my table and I watch them as they begin to move my belongings to the top of the condiment station.

      I guess it was my fault. Maybe clueless trustafarians need to know the universal sign for “TABLE IS OCCUPIED”:

      Purchased books (in a bag)
      Coat
      Uneaten food
      Hat
      Gloves
      Napkins and utensils

      So I casually walk up to them. “Excuse me. but what in the hell do you think your doing”.

      (Stammering) “Uh well uh we didn’t think there w-w-was anyone sitting here”

      Really? You moved my food, eating utensils, coat, hat, gloves and magazines that unlike you I purchased – at what point would you have figured out that maybe MAYBE someone was occupying this table?

      Hey man it…it..

      Since you guys have the manners and common sense of feral creatures maybe I should have p*ssed on the table to mark my territory?

      (girl) Your mean! Like if you really wanted the table you would have been sitting here..

      (Me..dumbfounded) You know young lady, I don’t know what your future holds but at some point I’m sure it’ll involve tattoos and a brass pole”.

      They storm off.

      He drops a laptop.

      Score one for the good guys.

      • Please. I can “invent” such stories too.

        Chances are, you just complained to the manager and the two probably moved out. Chances are, this particular incident gave you the inspiration to join in the anti-hipster bandwagon in order to vent out your frustrations at people who probably just bug you because they are a parody of who you are.

        And please, do you actually expect us to believe that you can come up with this:

        “Since you guys have the manners and common sense of feral creatures maybe I should have p*ssed on the table to mark my territory?”

        or this

        ” You know young lady, I don’t know what your future holds but at some point I’m sure it’ll involve tattoos and a brass pole”

        …given the presumably short amount of time you had if you can’t even differentiate “your” and “you’re” while you wallow in your long “hipster” bashing time?

        Forgive me for sounding skeptical.

    • I wonder if the guy she propositioned snapped the lid of Mcnuggets box on her hand like Richard Gere did to Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”?

  3. 10:51 I want to get out where the most recent are settling and what dishes they’ve brought with them…… Its the latest arrival to the New York dining scene.

    Anti-restaurants/Supper Clubs aka transplant hipster elitist clubs.

    “I mean really we hate restaurants, like Tamara has worked in restaurants
    for fucking ever (note the passive aggression) and I worked in restaurants enough.

    The problems with restaurants in New York is you get kicked out like as soon as you’re done eating and here people can relax and have a whole night”.

    Can someone tell me what dish is it that these immigrants brought to Astoria?

    Smugness is not a dish.

    Elitist transplanters come to astoria and create this so called “anti restaurant” and make it on BBC…..

    • The problems with restaurants in New York is you get kicked out like as soon as you’re done eating and here people can relax and have a whole night”.

      The problem with restaurants is that they have a payroll,overhead, rules and health codes they have to obey. They cater to a diverse clientele. Also, chances are the sea bass served at Gotham Grill was not kept on ice in a bath tub loaded with soap scum, hair, urine stains and bedbug scabs.

      The whole night? What an overblown sense of entitlement. What does this chowderhead do – put out air mattresses and snuggies for his guests? Reminds me of Belushi’s SNL skit “The Man Who Wouldn’t Leave”.

      Attention folks at Dow Chemicals. if you have a Hispter bug bomb sitting on the shelf, now’s the time to bring it market.

    • Oliver is the biggest douchebag. Ture he’s a serious, first rate chef with serious chops and credentials. But obviously the pundit/cookbook/gadfly gig is paying way better now so he’s biting the hand that fed him.

    • When someone gets food-poisoning, who will their parents sue?

      Or they will beg for money…

  4. Greetings South Brooklyn-ites and Nassua/Queens Border Dwellers. Fret not, your precious neighborhoods are safe. Nobody wants the one hour commute.

    You wonderful people embace it as it takes that long to get through the New York Post, Apply your gloopy Century 21 makeup, or listen to your ‘Death Metal’ mix tapes on your Sony Walkmens.

    Welcome your new neighbors, they will fan out to Gravesend soon.

    Find someone who gets on the subway after you to be able to read the below link.

    I know the New York Times is like kryptonite for you and the link might crash your Kaypro Portable Computers.

    http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/rnr/2799528551.html

    - posted using forum watch app 2.1.4 on my ipad

    • Assuming you’re from the midwest or at least NOT from New York.

      How do you have so little honor in where you’re from. You speak so low of two fare-zones yet the place (that im assuming) you’re from is… words cant describe its “un-urbanness” in comparison to even SouthBrooklyn/QUeens/Nassau.

      Self-hating middle-America American.

    • Lol I’ve owned an iPhone since 3G and currently own an iPhone 4 and Samsung galaxy s2. I frequent this website and admire the humour. You sir, are a DB. Keep thinking that iPhones are the best thing since sliced bread. The times are surpassing you and you have no idea. DH is not just a bunch of rotary phones users but conscious admirers of genuine new York culture as oppose to greasy transplants continuing their lack of respect and social ettiquite of life before you. But in good heart I like hipsters, something to laugh at on a daily basis. Keep up the good work. Here is this for a Segway, crabs on pizza will never work.

  5. Just soyou know, we are getting elected to political offices and will flex our influence.

    Lower income housing will bebuilt in Bay Ridge and Bensonhurst and other ‘meathead’ areas.

    Let you deal with it.

    Oh, yes, you can’t, talk about Racism……beats anything happening in the ‘burg. More exspensiver housing is free market, not racism. Below is racism:

    http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/18/a-racial-attack-that-years-later-is-still-being-felt/

    http://www.nytimes.com/1991/01/13/nyregion/sharpton-is-stabbed-at-bensonhurst-protest.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm

    I beleive the city should make reparations by busing underserved minority children to that neighborhood as well as seizing property under iminent domain and making low income housing.

    Let YOU people suffer the eye rapes, groping, harassment and theft of property worhing people in Northern Brooklyn contend with on a daily basis.

    - posted using forum watch app 2.1.5 on my ipad

    • Not sure how bringing up the Yusuf Hawkins case shows that Bensonhurst is a bunch of racists and ‘meatheads’. Truth is, walk down 86th St, 18 or 20 Ave, etc., and you’ll see a bunch of Italians, Jews, Chinese, Russians, and Hispanics coexisting with very little problem. There’s also a large Islamic Center on 64th & 20 Ave.

      The one thing you’re not going to find is a lot of hipsters.

      • Because your definition of a hipster is so provincial. That is all. Wikipedia is no longer blocked. I heard that that’s a good source of relevant information for your kind. Look it up. Maybe you can go to a (cough) net cafe during your cigarette break. :)

    • Hey Corky – put your crash helmet back on before you hurt yourself.

      Again.

    • I don’t know about that. I work in City government, was at a meeting at City Hall this morning, and I didn’t see any of your type. There was only 1 pro-bike guy at City Hall and he was not in the office today nor will he be in office in 2 years. In short, you are lying. I’d call you a cunt, but you lack warmth and depth

    • I live near there. I have actual black friends.

      Whatis your point?

    • Hey Stevie,

      Go Fuck Yourself.

    • “Let YOU people suffer the eye rapes, groping, harassment and theft of property worhing [sic] people in Northern Brooklyn contend with on a daily basis.”

      Not that you would have a clue about working people, or even working.

      - posted using douche watch app v12 on a thaiPad

    • Forum watch app just upgraded to version 2.1.5? Oh snap!

      chortle:giggle-snort;

    • Don’t they shoot people in Dallas for doing stuff like this?

      • I wish. The problem is that, like your current crop, Dallas hipsters all seemingly have rich helicopter parents. Little Schnookums gets hit by a car while crossing a bridge under repair on his bike, as what happened last weekend, and Mommy and Daddy aren’t happy until they’ve had a talk with at least one Senator about bringing the offender to justice. The biggest reason why Dallas has such a serious heroin problem (and I’m not talking about “cheese”) is that the worst offenders all come from the rich areas of town, and any cop who tries to bust our own local Hummus gets caught up in years of litigation for “persecution”.

        As an aside, the little bastards actually believe that they’re being persecuted, too. A friend of mine made the mistake of marrying a hipster, and they’re now going through a really foul divorce because the hipster decided that he had a chance with the Meghans in his kayaking group. (Kayaking down the Trinity River is almost as foul as kayaking in the Gowanus, for those of you who’ve never visited Dallas, but only just.) He now gets incredibly butthurt every time the word “hipster” gets used around him, and starts whining and crying about how this is “borderline racist”. The only reason why I haven’t bodyslammed him yet is because I’m waiting for the divorce to be final, but then…

  6. DH is probably not confidant in his orientation. Effeminate this and that…

    Real men embrace gender neuturality and have zero tolerance for gender-roles.

    - posted using forum watch app 2.1.5 on my ipad

  7. I’m sorry did you just say Real Men as if you would even have the first clue what that really means?

    1. A real man pays his own rent and can take care of himself. That means living on his own, not being in his 30s and living with roommates.
    2. A real man has muscles, and not just the one in his brain. He can defend himself. When Maria can kick your ass with a hand tied behind her back, then you sir are not a real man.
    3. A real man is aware of gender roles but doesn’t push it on a woman. He’s not intimidated if she makes her own living or even makes more than he does.
    4. A real man takes responsibility for his own actions, not blame everyone else when things don’t go their way. I swear I feel like I need to keep tampons on hand to throw at some of you guys.
    5. A real man knows what it means to commit to hard work. In work and in love. Relationships take work. So does a career. He knows the meaning of pouring blood, sweat and tears into something and making sacrifices.

    Since you don’t know the meaning of what I just posted, please don’t insult our intelligence and pretend you are a man just because your mommy told you so.

    • And real men don’t knit.

      They cross stitch…but do not knit.

    • I will venture a guess that you are a dude trolling or a fat girl looking for a guy to take her…

      - posted using forum watch app 2.1.5 on my ipad

      • Neither, I actually live with my boyfriend…

        BUT

        thanks for playing! As usual epic fail on your part.

        • He posts an attempt at a “feminist” post, then when it gets shot down, he responds with a sexist post.

          I really hope he stays around here as long as possible, because he’s doing a great job of proving everyone wrong about what hipsters are like.

      • I’m trolling foer anything I can get. I’m not picky and I have no standerds someone pay attentsion to me please.

        • Stop that – Im the real I might be the guy you hate and only a heteronormative bigot would nameJAck a name.

          - posted using timex watch watch app 3.1415 on my maxiPad

    • +1

      Also, a real man is not in his 40s and living in a crappy studio apartment, a Peter Pan loser is. He’s still bragging about his expensive liberal arts private university education from 20 years ago. Has no job or career, but talks up a shitstorm about how smart and talented he is and how he’s such a ladies’ man; but expects them to take care of him. He cannot even come close to paying his own way by holding a job, owning a business, or providing for a family, etc., as that would mean actually being an ADULT. So he has refined couch surfing and sponging off other people to an art form.

      All while wondering why nobody has recognized his intelligence and talent yet.

      Smug daddy/mommy subsidized Nieuw Brooklyn staycationers, welcome to your future once your parents pull the plug on the bank accounts.

      - posted using forum watch app 10,0000.80.60 on my mega kewel ipad

      • quote:
        Also, a real man is not in his 40s and living in a crappy studio apartment, a Peter Pan loser is.

        i usually agree with everything posted on this entire site. but i dont get that statement at ALL. so where should perhaps a real man in his 40s be living in nyc?! yeah a one bedroom probably would be preferable, but not everyone can afford that (for obvious reasons, the invasion being one of them).

        studio apartments are ideal living situations for many single people, dont get the hate on that at all.

        *rob*

    • While I agree with you I don’t think it’s a big deal being in your 30′s and living with roommates. I’m in my 30′s and have roommates. My friend needed extra income so he wouldn’t lose his house and my apartment got robbed the week before Christmas. So things worked out great. I saved myself a ton of money and have lower rent than had I stayed in my old apartment.

      And I lived in a hipster infested neighborhood.

      • I should clarify then….

        If you’re in your 30′s, and have roommates because mommy and daddy pay your rent and/or you can’t afford your own place.

        I know plenty of people who were forced to move back home because of the economy and student loans, but they give their parents money as rent, not the other way around.

        • While I can understand somebody moving in with roommates or their parents if they have fallen on hard times, I have no sympathy with someone over 30 who’s still in a garage band and/or has a liberal arts degree doing the same thing.

          If you’re over 30 and still blaming your parents, shoot yourself now (or choke on your Count Chocula).

    • ill be 35 next month and i have a roommate :(

      how is it different than living with a boyfriend or girlfriend?

      this city is fucking expensive and my current living situation is the best thing for my dog.

      *rob*

      • Certain situations are understandable, as I clarified earlier.

        Others are not. (Such as “But Dad, I need to live in the hip area, you don’t understand!”)

    • LOL at Lady J for being a moron. I understand why you are pushing for this prehistoric notion of a real man given the fact that you’re an imbecile. But please, allow me to educate you before you continue living your life as a second class citizen who does not know that the movement furthering women’s rights have already progressed beyond getting the right to suffrage.

      1. Factually speaking, men are simply defined by their sexual organs. I know that this may come as a shock to you but WOMEN are also capable of doing the things that you claim as the “definition of a real men.”

      2. “A real man has muscles, and not just the one in his brain. He can defend himself. When Maria can kick your ass with a hand tied behind her back, then you sir are not a real man.”

      So what you’re saying is that men who don’t have the physical capacity to move despite having the heart, the honor and the good intentions are not actually men. LOL. Provincial much?

      But if I am to take your statement literally (since I can’t give you the benefit of the doubt due to your stupidity) I have to say that people can’t actually be alive without muscles. So, unless you are sure that “i might be the guy you hate” has female sex organs instead of a penis, your theory is dumb.

      God. This is so easy.

      Go back to college and find some self respect. It’s women like you that espouse chauvinistic beliefs that support gender roles preventing working women from getting far in their careers.

      • Oops. There seem to be typos in my post. Don’t lose sleep over it Lady J. :) You might be one of those women who are required to cook breakfast for your man or else you’ll be whipped and impregnated.

    • @Lady J: “A real man has muscles, and not just the one in his brain. He can defend himself. When Maria can kick your ass with a hand tied behind her back, then you sir are not a real man.”

      So what you’re saying is that if I have a medical condition that renders me incapable of defending myself from physical assault, despite the fact that I know how to respect women, despite the fact that if I am able to, I will stand in my own two feet, despite the fact that I do my best to fight my own battles in ways I can, and despite the fact that I have a penis, I am not a real man? Way to sustain the 1950′s Lady J.

  8. bwahahahaha! This is my first time posting but have been reading this site for 2 and I gotta say this was the best one yet! Good work DH!

  9. Tomorrow can you please go to Trader Joe’s on Court Street and beat up someone there? Thank you very much.

  10. “I might be the guy you hate.” is a fake account taking the piss out of you guys. Dude knows way too much about real Brooklyn/NYC shit, which was definitely not learned riding a hemp fixie passed “the red line.”

    • I had actually begun to wonder if that might be the case. He fits just a few too many hipster stereotypes, just a little too perfectly.

      • Not really.

        Anyone with access to Google or Wikipedia can post the 20 year old links he’s posted and a map will tell you what areas are in South Brooklyn.

        He clearly has never been in South Brooklyn, because he thinks it’s full of meatheads, when the truth is there’s more immigrants than anything else.

        • You realize you are how old and not married?

          How down with your syndrome will you be when your boy friend leaves you for an asian or russian girl. You know he cheats? Donycha?

          • You know what happens when you assume, don’t you?

            I’m not married because I choose not to be. I’ve had proposals. Not everyone wants to do the “typical” thing like get married, have kids and all of that BS.

            Oh so it took you a full hour to do the research this time in order to post responses? *golf clap*. I find it funny you answer stereotypical hipster bashing with stereotypes of what you think the real Brooklyn is. All I’ve seen is you producing stereotypes from the 1980′s, you know, that decade hipsters try to relive so much.

            My boyfriend doesn’t cheat. I won’t even waste my time going into semantics of why I know this to be true. It has a lot to do with being in an adult, mature relationship with no holds barred. You on the other hand probably have had girls dump you for finding Kenny G on your iPod.

            Oh, and I don’t ride the X27 either, so wrong assumption again! Your thoughts are not even original.

            The fact you keep trolling on here attempting to insult people only to be shown just how wrong you actually are, only proves that you’re butthurt beyond comprehension. Let me know when you can come up with better insults than fat, your boyfriend cheats, and you ride the express bus, you whiny, needy, sperm killing jeans and underwear wearing, defecating as art watching, self absorbed asshole.

            Thanks! Have a nice day!!

          • I bet your boyfriend aint home and aint working late honey.

            That is what you are REALLY angry about.

            Your marriage proposals were all from those illustious Asian and Russian men seeking a Greencard, eh?

            - posted using forum watch app 2.1.5 on my ipad

          • LMAO

            I’m not even angry. You probably wish I was, but sorry to disappoint you. I have a secure relationship. No amount of illiterate blathering from you will convince me otherwise. So you fail yet again. I even got you to change your tune from meatheads to immigrants! Proof I got to you. LOL

            Clearly you’ve been cheated on, it’s why you keep going on about it. Gee I wonder why. I sense a scat and golden shower fetish of yours wasn’t enough to hold Megan’s attention span.

            I’m not even wasting anymore time on this because you’re not even on the same intellectual plane as me. I would be willing to bet my next paycheck my GPA and IQ are far higher than yours.

            You’ll respond again anyway, because in typical child-like temper tantrum fashion, you always have to have the last word.

            Toodles!

          • Why are folks feeding this effing troll?

            for someone who bashes this website so much i cannot help but wonder why he spends so much time here…

            maybe the hipster criticism hits a little too close to home?

          • I’m done feeding them. I was waiting to see if they could at least come up with a passable insult, but I see their brain powers are not capable of such a feat. I like an intelligent debate, but the trolls on here are capable of nothing more than comments about commute times and fat jokes. (Which is funny considering how many fat hipster chicks I have seen on Bedford Ave, they really shouldn’t say anything).

          • Stevie,

            I think you’re jealous that she’s getting the Russian and Asian boyfriends and you’re not.

            How’s blowing that old gay guy going? Has he found some younger butt toy yet?

          • Oohhhh that makes me soooo andgry! Stevie gets mad when you talks about girls rejeacting me! Mail ordar bride rejected me after Stevie’s dad pays good muney for her. Keep making fun of Stevie’s low IQ and faileurs to get gerlfrind boyfriend whatever and I will write longer more stupid andgry posts!

            I have compulsion to say again – posted using forum watch app 2.1.5 on my ipad a shiney toy my dad boaght me I like shiney toys

        • You should put as much effort into figuring out what (or who) your boyfriend is REALLY doing when he tells you he is doing a shift with the ‘Bensonhust Volunteer Ambulance Service.’

          - posted using forum watch app 2.1.5 on my ipad

    • OK, Nancy Drew, did you figure that out riding the on X27 Express Bus, when you got off at your elevator building, or later when you met your buddies at the Pour House?

      – posted using forum watch app 2.1.6 on my ipad

      • P.S.

        Your feeble and weak insults, much like your body type only fuel my laughter.

        Please QQ some more kombucha filled tears for me.

        • While Twinkies and Steel Reserve are the fuel for your continued existence.

          • Wow is that the best you got?

            Man you hipsters suck at insults.

            I could have sworn I said try better than fat, but once again all you guys can come up with is a dessert made by a company that just filed Chapter 11, and a beer I never even heard of.

            Go troll your friends, they might be impressed with this nonsense, we’re not.

          • I also found your attempt at an insult hilarious considering your existence is fueled by cupcakes and PBR. Hypocrite much?

    • I may just ride my Hemp Fixie all the way to M&M Deli on Fifth Avenue and be certain they properly source their Sweedish Meatballs.

      MMMkkay ?

      - posted using forum watch app 2.1.5 on my ipad

  11. Hipsters are a young subculture of men and women typically in their 20’s and 30’s that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter. (…) Although “hipsterism” is really a state of mind, it is also often intertwined with distinct fashion sensibilities. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses. Both hipster men and women sport similar androgynous hair styles that include combinations of messy shag cuts and asymmetric side-swept bangs. Such salons, and are usually too “edgy” for the culturally-sheltered mainstream consumer. (…) Despite misconceptions based on their aesthetic tastes, hipsters tend to be well educated and often have liberal arts degrees, or degrees in maths and sciences, which also require certain creative analytical thinking abilities. Consequently many hipsters tend to have jobs in the music, art and fashion industries. It is a myth that most hipsters are unemployed and live off their parent’s trust funds. (…) It is a part of the hipster central dogma not to be influenced by mainstream advertising and media, which tends to only promote ethnocentric ideals of beauty. The concepts of androgyny and feminism have influenced hipster culture, where hipster men are often as thin as the women they date. The muscular and athletic all-American male ideal is not seen as attractive by confident and culturally-empowered hipster women who instead view them as symbols of male oppression, sexism, and misogyny. Likewise, culturally-vapid sorority-type girls with fake blond hair, overly tanned skin, and “Britney Spears tube-tops” are not seen as attractive by cultured hipster males who instead see them as symbols of female insecurity, low self-esteem, and lack of cultural intelligence and independent thinking. (…) Because of the rise of various online photo-blog and social networking sites, insights into urban hipster is reaching sheltered suburban audiences at an exponential rate. Cultural “norms” have been deconstructed by hipster culture as a whole/ Hipsterism is often dismissed as just an image thing by some, but the culture a a whole is effecting changes in society, leading to feelings of insecurity and resentment in people who are no longer part of the cultural ruling class. For example, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from culturally-clueless suburban frat boy types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can’t keep up with social change and are envious of those who can.

    - posted using forum watch app 2.1.5 on my ipad

    • Complete cut & paste. Pick a couple of the phrases and search them on goolle. Complete cut and past. So much for “independent thinking”.
      Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice

      • Because all hipsters do is copy and paste from everything else. They claim to be thinking independently, but then how do you explain how they are all pretty much clones of each other?

      • Based on the content of that cut-and-paste job, I feel like they give themselves credit for a whole lot of nothing.

    • and since you took this verbatim from the urban dictionary mr. independent thinker:
      http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hipster
      Why not post the whole thing dickhead? OK I will:
      Referring to young people of around 18-30 years of age, who drink cheap beer (most often Pabst Blue Ribbon, on occasion Budwiser), smoke Parliaments, Lucky Strikes or hard to obtain foreign cigarettes (such as Gauloises) and take recreational drugs, coke being the most popular. Use a great deal of sarcasm, claim to be ironic. Are usually less than 5% body fat, drink copious amounts of coffee and eat children’s cereal. Listen to Indie Rock, rely heavily on Pitchfork Media to tell them what’s cool. Don’t dance at concerts. Wear a mixture of thrifted clothing and items bought at American Apparel (commonly Tri-blend v-necks) and Urban Outfitters. Extremely tight jeans worn by both sexes, pairing these with either a band or b-movie t shirt and a plaid shirt/v-neck and a cardigan along with Nike hi-tops/Vans/Keds. Females often wear retro style dresses and racerback tank tops without bras. Eschew public transport and instead choose to ride fixed-break bikes. Often claim to know about literature and film – will have googled a good deal of Vonnegut and French New Wave cinema.
      or
      Someone who listens to bands you’ve never heard of, wears ironic tee-shirts, and believes they are better than you.

      • http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Hipster
        TV Tropes has a very objective and accurate definition as well as a showcase of hipster depiction in media. (Often lampooned) Better than that circle-jerk definition from Urban Dictionary which forgot to mention that the hipster is one of the rare social “species” that will deny being a hipster for fear of sounding like a conformist.

        “A person who spends $60 on a new, designer-brand t-shirt which was faux-aged to look like something you could buy for $2 at Goodwill. A person whose taste in music is calculated to win “Whose iPod playlist is most obscure?” contests, and who disowns their favorite band for being played on the mainstream radio. A person who, upon admitting that she partakes in any form of mainstream entertainment — especially anything with a “redneck” stigma (like NASCAR, Nickelback or mixed martial arts) — claims that she’s only “enjoying it ironically”. A person who mocks every other hipster he sees but vehemently denies being a hipster himself. In short: that jerk who thinks he’s better than you because he’s so aggressively different.”

    • tl;dr

    • Thank god for hipsters teaching me about art. Before that, I used a library to learn about art. And before hipsters, I didn’t know what independent thinking was! Witty banter? Again, I was totally clueless about this until someone in a fedora and a railway brakeman moustache started cracking wise.

      Hipsters invented everything!

      They also taught me the value of being anti consumerism, except for American Apparel, Apple, Google and Starbucks. Thank you SO SO much oh exalted one! Will you please be our philosopher king? You’re so intelligent and culturally aware!

      What a complete creep this guy is…how’s the air up there on your pedestal Guy we hate? Embodying the most despised characteristics of these people and showing everyone the value of this site.

      • Yeah, hate to show my age but when I was in college I got turned on to the Friday rehearsals of the New York Philharmonic with Leonard Bernstein. $4 , students only. Mahler, Beethoven, Haydn. Immediately fell in love with classical and baroque music. I’ve visited all the great museums. Now I find out I know nothing about art! Crap, I really enjoy his stuff and now I have to toss it away because it is not art!

      • Trolls amuse me. Especially when you catch them in their own narrow minded BS and then you see them correct themselves. (See him refer to South Brooklyn as meatheads, I correct him and say it’s immigrants, he changes his tune and talks about Asian and Russian girls).

        People who move here and yet gripe about the residents crack me up. No one told your stupid ass to move here and trust me, we don’t want you here.

    • HERRO STEVIE!!!!

  12. What you got against orientals?

  13. I’m dead serious when I say this…

    If someone out there made a cartoon filled with some of the hipster beatings like this one and those xtranormal cartoons some of you made…it would probably be a hit.

    I wanna see it now…:(

    • I’m already picturing it…

      It would be like one of those cheap and formulaic sitcoms that focuses on 20somethings in the big bad city, only instead of the show being about them, it’s about a bunch of city natives who happen to be fed up with hipsters and all the misadventures they have punking them and hipsters genuinely looking like the clueless heathens they are in contexts that range from subtle satire to flatout insults.

      We could pitch it to adult swim and it would be like cutting out somebody’s kidney when they sleep then selling it back to them…

      • I’d watch – could have each season run like survivor, but instead of getting thrown off the island, each week a fishing line armed Caleb or fixie obsessed Hummus would get pushed in front of an oncoming L train. And when there’s only one Hayden left we all win; as Haydens prize, he gets a one way first class slingshot ride back to Ohio.

      • The only problem with that is that Cartoon Network is now run by the very same types of people the show would be mocking. I can’t even watch Adult Swim anymore because I’m sick and tired of the pathetic attemps at being “witty” that they show during commercial breaks. Some of their shows are just plain fucking stupid these days too.

    • If somebody turned this POS into a shoot-em-up game, like Doom or Quake, they’d make millions. Just arm some Soldier of Fortune type with machine guns, flamethrowers and a chainsaw and let the games begin.

      • I can even see the sequel: “Hipsters vs. Predator”.

      • About 5 years ago, MTV tried this thing out. Some bunch of hipster dweebs thought a hipster “Second Life” was a great idea and would make millions. They were promoting it like the Second Coming for a while. Then it died mysteriously. I wonder why.

        Here’s the makers:

        And here’s Stevie and his gender-confused friends speaking in Brocals:

        • It died for the same reason why so many of these stupid projects die: it was promoted on the idea that “this is so cool.” Most dopy media projects like this stick around because one man-child executive thinks it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, and said man-child usually has just enough power or prestige to keep it from being killed no matter how much money it was losing. The moment said exec gets moved to a new division, retires, quits, or gets his ass fired, though, the whole thing is shut down so as to keep from hemmorhaging any more cash than is absolutely necessary.

          If there’s one absolute with these sorts of ego trips, it’s that they almost always go for hipsters and/or science fiction fans as the perceived untapped market that’s going to make everybody millions. What they always forget is that the market research that allegedly proves that the hipster empire wants something like this is done with bad data. To put it another way, if Mayor Bloomberg were to hit up every last Hummus and Meghan in Williamsburg and ask them “Would you like a pony?”, of course they’re going to say “yes”. That doesn’t mean, though, that the city needs to fund pony lanes throughout Brooklyn, or subsidize pony rental kiosks. (Likewise, Hummus and Meghan will bitch and scream when the pony rental kiosks get shut down, but they’re bitching because they made vague noises about going to one some day, not because they were regular customers.)

        • In the top clip, the music sounds like an ADHD Assberger kids playing.

      • I don’t play vid games, but if there was a game like the one you described (and the more violent the better) i might actually consider buying it

        • It would be more accurate to name that shit “virtual cul-de-sac”. Love how the creators of stuff like that actually picture themselves as gritty urban street-smart guys, when the truth couldn’t be more opposite.

          Go West, Young Hummus – and take Caleb, Hayden, Quinn, and Harrison with you. Get to the western shoreline of California, and continue for another mile or 2

  14. I’m not even going to bother saying anything to the hipster douche who keeps commenting. We’ve already said everything that can be said about him and his ilk. Instead, I present to you, an “article” about how knocking down projects made all the crime disappear http://www.theatlanticcities.com/housing/2012/01/where-does-crime-go-when-public-housing-projects-are-demolished/918/

    My favorite thing about this “article” is that they used Milwaukee as an example of an urban, gritty place. My second favorite thing about it is that they say crime disappeared even though if you look at their little map it’s clear that it’s now concentrated in other areas, or in other words.. it simply moved.

    Three guesses as to where the people who wrote this “article” really hail from.

    • says Meagan Cahill, a researcher at the Urban Institute

      That’s Meaghan not Megan to you uncultured plebs.

      Need I say more?

      • LMFAO i called someone named Meagan on the phone MAY-gun once and she corrected me and said it’s pronounced ME-gun. excuuuuuuuse me. i was like oh the fucking irony…

        *rob*

    • Milwaukee actually is extremely high crime and run down.

      If you meet any hipsters who say they’re from there, they’re actually from the suburbs.

    • Also…I don’t know how you’re reading those maps, but crime very clearly went down. In DC that can partly be put down to gentrification but not in Milwaukee.

      What does this have to do with hipsters? Haven’t people known for a while now that superblock projects breed crime? This isn’t controversial.

      • I’m not sure how you’re reading them but it clearly moved and then became more concentrated in the area it moved to. My point about them using Milwaukee is that there are clearly much older, non-Mid-Western cities that would be a much better way to study the situation. Have you ever been to some of the East Coast, formerly industrial cities?

        And the very same magazine had an article in 2008 about how crime had spread due to not being concentrated in projects since those very people living in those projects had been forced to move. An article that completely contradicted everything this “article” was saying, and did it with facts and interviews of people who saw it happen to their cities.

        What it has to do with hipsters is that the “article” I linked is clearly written by one given how it tries to praise something hipsters love “urban planning” for making all the crime disappear when in reality it just moved, which even their own map showed.

  15. If anyone is tired of looking at those gender-confused me-monkeys, here’s something a little different. A group of Russian punk chicks called “Pussy Riot” get up in Red Square and sing “Putin Piss Your Pants”. Then they got arrested by the police.

    Where’s occupy Wall Street now?

    Go to the Kremlin is the rebellious colonies
    In FSB offices explode window.
    Females suit for red walls
    Riot announce Abortion System!

    Attack at dawn? I would not mind
    For our freedom and yours a whip to punish
    Madonna in Glory learn how to fight
    Feminist Magdalene went to the demonstration

    Revolt in Russia – the charisma of protest
    Riot in Russia – Putin piss yourself
    Riot in Russia – we exist
    Riot in Russia – riot riot

    Come out to the street
    Live on the Red
    Show free
    civil anger

    (loss on the square)

    Dissatisfaction with the culture male hysteria
    Wild leaders eats brains
    Orthodox religion is a hard penis
    Patients were invited to conformity

    Mode comes to censorship dreams
    It’s time to disruptive clash
    A flock of females sexist treatment
    Asks for forgiveness from a feminist wedge.

    Revolt in Russia – the charisma of protest
    Riot in Russia – Putin piss yourself
    Riot in Russia – we exist
    Riot in Russia – riot riot

    Come out to the street
    Live on the Red
    Show free
    civil anger

    • http://englishrussia.com/2011/11/07/public-transport-attacked-by-pussy-riot/

      There’s a description of them here in English. They’re not even a rock group with fixed members, they’re a whole movement that any female can join if she can play a guitar and doesn’t mind taking risks. Also, they always wear masks to cover their faces.

      This looks like an interesting movement, bit like Femen. Brave, risk-taking, sexy, everything OWS is not.

      • That’s fucking awesome.

      • I’m not at all surprised by this. Those stupid fucking hipsters think they invented protest, even though they completely copied Arab Spring, yet people have been doing it for centuries, and people in Russia and Eastern Europe would probably actually have the balls to bring a real revolution, unlike the one hipsters imagine they could bring because they used to bully smaller kids in the Midwest or whatever the fuck.

        These girls would probably whoop the asses of the “toughest” Occupiers.

    • Putin? Damn. That guy’s practically a supervillain and usually not to be fucked with. U.S. cops on the whole got nothing on that guy. U.S. cops still handle a lot of crowds with kid gloves compared to the ones in Iran or China.

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