It’s time to play: Complete that picture!

Above is a picture of only a pair of Converse, tight jeans, and a Whole Foods bag. To play this game you must complete this picture by describing the rest of his appearance among other things like name, age, occupation, hobbies, where he lives, where he’s actually from, and what’s in the Whole Foods bag. I’ll go first – you can just copy and paste my list into the comment section – erase my answers and use it as a template. (To be honest, I took this picture a few weeks ago and do not remember what the rest of this hipster looks like so my answers will be just as made up as yours)

Rest of Appearance: Lewis Skolnik non-prescription glasses, Salvador Dali moustache, hummus stained CBGB t-shirt.

Name: Zane

Age: 36

Occupation: Intern for Foodie/Fashion Blog

Hobbies: Kickball, Sewing

Lives now: Upper South West Bushwick

Is actually from: Osh Kosh, Wisconsin

What’s in the bag?: $11.99 8oz Container of Specialty Mayo, Organic Turnips, Sustainable Baguette, re-purposed fair trade cotton Q-tips, artisanal water, free Whole Foods themed i-Pad cover for spending $350 or more on a bag of groceries.


80 thoughts on “It’s time to play: Complete that picture!

  1. Rest of Appearance: Porthole-sized glasses; white iPod ear buds (playing the “Sesame Street Album”); outrageously long, Tom-Baker-as-Dr.-Who era scarf; patchy beard; $11 Mast Bros. redbeard-lice chocolate bar in pocket of checkered flannel shirt; lots of lice.

    Name: Real name is Ron, but insists on being called Noah

    Age: 34, but tells everyone he’s 28

    Occupation: Part-time barista at Ye Olde Breuklein Coffeeworks; but really focuses his energies on playing the Casio keyboard in his electro-folk collective band, “The Schadenfreude Dolls”.

    Hobbies: Rooftop organic poultry farming; McCarren Park Dodgeball League (won the coveted 7th place trophy this season!); listening to music that you’ve never heard of.

    Lives Now: $4,000/month parentally-subsidized loft on gritty, urban Bedford Avenue in Billyburg.

    Is Actually From: Saulte St. Marie, Michigan

    What’s In the Bag?: sustainable, cruelty-free potatoes; tofu jerky; a $7 onion; vial of coke picked up from dealer on the way back from store.

  2. Rest of Appearance: Matching fedora that eloquently ties in the shoes, Finely trimmed neck beard and stache’, Clever looking t-shirt that identifies himself/herself as part of the problem, not actually wearing black framed glasses; just neatly tucked in his/her coat pocket.
    (if this is a chic…keep the stache’)

    Name: Chaz (if a dude) or Sydney (if a chic) or Piper (if not quite sure)

    Age: 28

    Occupation: Purveyor of fine handmade “recently vintage” home furnishings

    Lives now: Williamsburg

    Is actually from: Cozad, Nebraska

    What’s in the bag?: $16.98 12oz supply of Natural Calm (lime flav), Paid extra $$$ for gluten free brown rice (rice is naturally gluten free right? Anyways..), Biodegradable tampons/toilet paper, VitaCoco, $20 for 1oz of Arnica massage oil (yoga is hard work), 2 Slices of goat cheese pizza for the trip home (rest of the pizza in NYC sucks), Pays credit, $30 cash back…

  3. “Upper South West Bushwick”

    That shit had me laughing for like 30 minutes, thank you.

  4. Maybe it is just a working person coming home from shopping. Is wanting good food a crime?

    Envy much from you mother’s basement on West 6th St in Gravesend?

    Is your penis raw from jerking off to russian pedo porn?

    Dont cry to me if it takes you an hour by train to get anywhere cool.

    - posted using forum watch app on my ipad

    • “- posted using forum watch app on my ipad”
      Wow, didn’t see that coming! Posted from your iCrap! Second big suprise this weekend. I also heard Paula Dean has diabetes.
      Actually I do live with my mom. She lives in my house. My fully paid for house. and unlike you I was born in Brooklyn. Any anywhere you would think is cool I am glad to be an hour away from. Do you have any crayons? I’d love to see you express yourself further, you pickup stick thin, lice infested, anorexic, ironic, non-man. somewhere a tree is making oxygen for you. you should apologize to it

      • Don’t judge.

        Don’t be a hater.

        Your Mom subsidizes you!!!

        At least I came here on my own and set myself up from scratch.

        What the fuck, does Brooklyn require residency permits now? I can live where I deem fit.

        And I live in a brand new building where a rent controlled rat infested dump was. I was in Brooklyn before it went up. There were people who had been in prison living here. The cops were here all the time. Now it is a much more modern building and the cops are NEVER here….

        So say what you will.


        What is your mom making tonight? Chef Boyardee?

        • Yup, can live anywhere you want. But you will always “live in Brooklyn” you will never “be from Brooklyn” I am “from Brooklyn” you, are a transplant. As a transplant you will never understand what it is like to be from Brooklyn , or even be a real new yorker. You will always be an outsider and never know why. You want so badly to be what most of here already are. suck the long hard dick of defeat

        • What part of his mom lives in HIS house didn’t make sense to your “well I was going to be a doctor, but the math and science courses were just too hard so I switched to English with a concentration in gender studies,” bitch-ass?

    • I hope you get raped.

      • Wow, just wow.

        I can not beleive you would wish that upon another person.

        I hope the police trace your isp. Maybe your DNA should be matched.

        • Thats cool. You can find a sample of my DNA in and around the area surrounding your mothers asshole. Fuck the police and fuck you too.

        • You might also be Edd, the guy who’s career making lame videos never took off.
          You might also be living back in Connecticut, in Mom’s basement because your trust fund just ran out.
          You might also have sold your cameras to buy drugs.
          You might also not realize what a shitty filmmaker you really were (before you sold your cameras).

  5. Rest of Appearance: $30 american apparel brand beanie, $130 urban outfitters brand scarf, $40 locally screen printed one of a kind thin lizzy t-shirt

    Name: Gideon

    Age: 30

    Occupation: freelance iPhone photographer, volunteer for the adult red rover association

    Hobbies: standing outside dive bars smoking american spirit cigarettes, playing ukulele on the subway during evening rush hour

    Lives now: greenpoint avenue

    Is actually from: fort wayne, indiana

    What’s in the bag?: root beer infused rooftop body butter, a $20 slice of 2 ounce zany caribou cheese, a $17 single serve bottle of chrysanthemum hopped imperial IPA and a $10 case of pabst blue ribbon.

  6. Rest of appearance: Stupid face.

    Age: Too old to be acting like this.

    Occupation: Something useless/Fortunate son.

    Hobbies: Could be anything in the useless/stupid vein…I don’t know, vintage yo-yo restoration…something dumb like that.

    Lives: Bedford.

    Is actually from: Anywhere but New York City.

    What’s in the bag? Who gives a fuck. Hopefully something he has an unknown allergy to.

    …I just want to say that I feel sorry for native Brooklynites and that I’m sorry this is happening to them. I’m Bronx born and raised and I thank god every day that the thugs keep the hipsters away.

  7. Rest of Appearance: lumberjack style beard and stache with a Sherlock Holmes style pipe in between his mold infested teeth. shirt is a deep v-neck with the obligatory scarf wrapped 52 times around his pencil neck (the scarf is the only thing holding up his head)

    Name: Hummus the 3rd

    Age: ‘dude…like yah age is just an obscure number man’

    Occupation: Assistant to the assistant for the Mast Brothers

    Hobbies: ‘dude…like yah hobbies are too mainstream man…I have what I like to call alternate entertainment activities’

    Lives now: Billyburg on and off…stays with his megan in an east village apartment

    Is actually from: Brooklyn…oh you mean what bumfuck Idaho town did he come from? Bumfuck Idaho

    What’s in the bag?: Chinese take out….for the irony.

    • Don’t worry. Nobody wants to move to ‘queens’, not even the real queens, lol. Archie Bunker Ville is safe for you. Go beat up more black people in Howard Beach.

      - posted using forum watch app on my ipad

      • Ha! Queens, like The Bronx, southern Brooklyn and Staten Island has residents that are native New Yorkers. Residents that talk and act like New Yorkers. You know, that title you DESIRE so much to brag to your worthless friends back in Wyoming. It’ll never happen Chad, and continue to safely talk shit in privacy puss.

      • you’re a fucking moron


      • Nothing like using vintage 70′s & 80′s Queens stereotypes. Retard. Don’t worry Caleb & Quinn will be moving there soon enough i”m sure.

    • hahahaha, Hummus the 3rd.

  8. I can’t believe there are people spending time doing this blog. There are not even adsence or any other revunue stream functionality to this website, :chortle, giggle-snort:

    So you, for free, hate on people who bring life and love to the economy….

    Everyone in New York is a transplant accept for the native americans.

    • Man, I wish nothing but bad things for you.

    • Haven’t heard the “Native Americans” gambit for a while. Brings me back. Refer to the FAQ.

      How does one “bring love to the economy”? Are you trying to say you’re a prostitute?

    • *except

    • Guess what cockjuggler? He doesn’t need revenue from this because he’s not a professional blogger.

    • “Everyone in New York is a transplant accept for the native americans.”

      I see. So having been born in New York, and subsequently lived in New York, I was a transplant.

      Interesting concepts you have, how might one subscribe to your newsletter ?

    • “I can’t believe there are people spending time doing this blog.”

      so then why are fuck are YOU here spending time posting responses??

      gtfo, dumbass

  9. The amount of hate for better raised and better functioning people is astounding. I am reading what you created as a joke surrounded by a dozen like minded friend. How many people are sitting next to YOU at the moment you ‘create’ all this…aside from you own mother?

    - posted from a long time ago in a galaxy far far away

    • “better raised and better functioning”


    • LMAO @ better raised and functioning. Is that elitism I smell? You’re just as much of a douche bag to us as we appear to you. This blog is just meant as a fun way for us REAL nyers to vent and make fun of you idiots. You don’t have to hang out here and real any of this nonsense, just like we don’t have to hang out at Starbucks with our Macs to pretend we’re writing literature.

    • “-posted from a long time ago in a galaxy far far away”

      The butthurt is strong with this one.

  10. DH, I LOVE this post!! So funny reading everyone’s responses.. Please keep doing ones like these…this should be up there with fishing for hipsters and Die Hipster missed connections!! Good stuff, brother, and thank you for bringing some comedy to my otherwise shitty hipster-infested afternoon!

  11. Rest of Appearance: Underdog cartoon t-shirt, black Buddy Holly glasses, tatoo sleeved stick arms, red pubic beard

    Name: Quinn

    Age: 39

    Occupation: Barista – Ironic Ethan’s Ye Olde Brooklyn Soy Latte Collective

    Hobbies: Graffiti photographer & urban exploration,

    Lives now: N.7thSt., Williamsburg

    Is actually from: Des Moines, Iowa

    What’s in the bag?: Book of obscure French Literature that is too heavy for his twizzlers to hold, artisanal hummus, kickball schedule (his team plays the early game on Tuesday – 1:00PM), Rooftop Revolutionary Magazine, Buswick Rooftop Honey in a container repurposed from an old Penny Farthing transport case, Ethiopian fair trade cocoa and imported soy milk.

  12. Actually, I think the picture looks fairly complete as-is.

    • So where do you buy your food? From the bodega with wilted lettuce and meat that goes brown after a day?

      Whole Foods certifies their sourcing and pays employees a fair wage and offers benefits.

      Do you work hard at being a stupid meathead?

      • If you choose to be a moron by over-paying for “organic” and “sustainable” foods (which are unregulated marketing terms designed to get hipsters and their sympathizers to pay 30% more for the same product), then so be it — feel free to make purchases based on your own ignorance.

        However, don’t condemn small, local businesses in deference to a company like Whole Foods, whose only real superiority is their marketing engine which is simply really good at pulling the heart strings of suckers like you and your ilk.

        Me, I shop for meat at my local butcher (who’s been there for 40 years), my seafood from a 30-year fishmonger who personally knows every waterman who sources his shop, and my vegetables at the open-air market (where I speak to the actual farmer or his family). And I can assure you that these multi-generational small business owners have more *real* organic products than Whole Foods, and treat their employees far better than Whole Foods treats their drones.

        Stop fooling yourself, and come down from your sanctimonious throne up there in the Nasally Transplant Towers building.

        And yes, indeed, you are the guy I hate. Fucking pretentious cunt…

      • Fair wage doesn’t do it for me. 6 figures does it for me. I’m a public employee. Thank you for your tax dollars. You pay my salary, you pay my medical (I pay nothing), you pay twords my pension (I pay little). I grow lots of my own stuff, other than that Stop & Shop is fine. I probably shop in places you could not afford though. Not having to pay rent has it’s advantages. now run along and pay your exhortation rent to properties owned by your superiors. all that shit you are paying me plus you have to pay rent? Small wonder your kind eats out of dumpsters

      • Edd’s meth is kicking in again. Watch out now.

      • “Whole Foods certifies their sourcing and pays employees a fair wage and offers benefits.”

        And I’m supposed to give a Dutch fuck … why, exactly?

        When I buy Corn Flakes, I’m pretty sure my supermarket certifies they come from Kellog’s and my coffee comes from Folgers.

        When I buy groceries, I’m just buying stuff to put in my fridge and cupboards. I’m not trying to service an endless and ever-growing list of irrelevant fetishes, like you do.

        I don’t give a fuck if the chicken lived a meaningful life. I don’t give a fuck about most ingredients becuse I never woke up one day and decided I’m lactose intolerant, glucose intolerant, or entire-periodic-table-of-elements-intolerant. I don’t have an asthma inhaler, and I don’t have fashionable asperger’s syndrome.

        My parents didn’t allow that kind of self-indulgence.

        Sucks to you, and sucks to your ass-mar, Piggy.

        I also don’t give two shits what Desmond the stock boy’s take home pay is.

        Sorry, but when I go grocery shopping, I’m only going grocery shopping. I’m not looking to make the experience into some kind of ineffectual masturbatory work-out for my throbbing, twitching social conscience.

        I figure whatever the employees get paid at Walmart, Costco, or any of my regular-people supermarkets, is between them and their employer.

        Since I’m not a busy-body, like you, I don’t stick my nose in their business. I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they know what’s best for themselves. If they don’t like the pay, they’ll eventually do something about it, or not. Not my concern. I’m just there to pick up some margarine and toilet paper.

        Then again, not having a trust fund, I don’t have the disposable income you do, to show off with my grocery shopping, and make an ostentatious show of it. It must be nice to have that kind of money to squander.

        Now that you mention it, how’d you like to trade that useless family cow of yours for this nice sack of magic beans I’ve got here?

    • Do you cretin’s come here for your daily hipster fix each day, foaming at the mouth?

      • I am certainly a cretin who comes here for my daily fix I touch myself when I read this. I am a social outcaste with mental problems who says really stupid things but i pretind I got smarts real good. I need the attention.

        :chortle:giggle snort:

        – posted using forum watch app on my ipad

  13. Watching the thoughts of a person who wastes time on a blog for societies outcasts and synchphants amuses me greatly.

    :chortle:giggle snort:

    – posted using forum watch app on my ipad

  14. Pay attenshun to me!!!! Don’t ignoar me!!! I am needy and desperete and I need you to repsoand to me!
    I like totes read this site like everyday so much that I have this app on my ipad to see it all the time because I have no life I am such an assclown loozer nwith lotsa mental problams. I wishe I could spell and wright betterer Englesh but I am a retaerd. Please excuse.

    :chortle:giggle snort:

    -posted using forum watch app on my ipad

  15. Rest of Appearance: Those thick legs and size 10 converse make me think this is a Megan. Those legs are too thick to be a Josh, Caleb or Carter. Big Lenscrafters eyeglasses, Zooey Deschanel-style long hair with bangs. Listening to Arcade Fire remixes for no other reason other than because her 5 roommates do, on iPhone.

    Name: Megan, Caitlynn or Courtney

    Age: 36

    Occupation: Intern for Foodie/Fashion Blog Freelance graphic design, freelance everything

    Hobbies: Needle point, Sewing

    Lives now: Upper South West Bushwick

    Is actually from: 10202 Cul De Sac Drive, Shit Pile Plains, Minnesota

  16. Any more of you idiots have anything to add?

    - posted using forum watch app on my ipad

    • I read diehipster all the time I am so obsessed with it and I enjoy being humiliated. My whole existance is humiliating. I am not a smart person I totally suck. I just soiled myself.

      :chortle:giggle snort:

      - posted using forum watch app on my ipad

  17. Another great post from diehipster! :-) Well, as someone that has a lot of diseases (real ones, with real labs to support them all, instead of Joshy poo has a touch of ADD or whatever is fashionable this week) I do have to buy many of the things Meghan or Quinn might have in that Whole Rubes bag. Gluten free is one of those things I get to do, or die over. On the upside of this, since “gluten free” has become a fashion statement instead of a life or death situation for people with autoimmune diseases, the gluten free products and choices available have become a lot better tasting. More market competition for Harrison’s dollar I guess. The down side is that when I go out to eat I live in fear of being “glutened” by the guy that just rolled his eyes at me when I tell him no wheat or wheat products or ask questions like, is there wheat in your soy sauce. So thanks to Josh and his Mommy putting him on a “gluten free” diet for his “acne” or whatever. — Back to the $350 bag of Whole Rubes… which is why I do the smart thing and buy the health products I need online with free shipping for half or less the cost of being a Whole Rube. Why isn’t Josh shopping online for these products and saving mom & dad a few extra bucks?

    • “Why isn’t Josh shopping online for these products and saving mom & dad a few extra bucks?”

      - Yep, since they didn’t have to earn a penny of their gentrification allowances, they have no interest in respecting the value of a dollar. Plus this way they can sit on the L train and give you that smug/self satisfied scowl like they are on another level just because they are super organic.

  18. Rest of Appearance: Ungroomed gingery-brown beard, “ironic” 1980s-vintage Seattle SuperSonics t-shirt, flannerl, dirty olive cyclist cap.

    Name: Jed

    Age: 32

    Occupation: Intern at Bicycle Transportation Alliance

    Hobbies: Cycling, Bike Polo, volunteer bike messengering

    Lives now: Mississippi Avenue

    Is actually from: Missoula, Montana

    What’s in the bag?: Cruelty-free tempeh wrap, Seventh Generation toilet paper, $5 chocolate bar, bomber of gluten-free beer, 3 cans of vegetarian cat food.

    • I heard there used to be black people in NE? Like, isn’t it so ironic that there’s a condemned baptist church next to the artisanal finishing sea salt and handcrafted xocolatl shoppe? damn it, did I leave my heirloom carrot smoothie at the vegan cat food store??? chloe, would you push our danish baby stroller back up the street to find it and I’ll make resos for happy hour at produce row with my new app.

  19. Name: Keegan

    Age: 33

    Occupation: “Starving Artist”

    Hobbies: Photography

    Lives now: Upper South West Bushwick

    Is actually from: Illinois

    What’s in the bag?: Hummus & Play Dough

  20. Jeff nasalworth

    Age 27

    Occupation: independent freelance iphone journalist/photographier

    HOBBIES: playing farmvillle

    Lives now: les but maybe moving to mott haven or Washington heights because Brooklyn is boringgggg.

    Origin: tabernacle Iowa.

    Photo description in the wholefoods bag is full of organics veggies and cereals and organic bagels and an organic condom. The other half of his body he is wearing an American apperal shirt, true religion jeans and a fedora. He also has a tom sileck mouthstach and an iphone4s in his right hand.



    Age: 38




    Is actually from: NOT A NATIVE THATS FOR DAMN SURE

    What’s in the bag?: CHECK TO PAY INFLATED RENT

  22. Rest of Appearance: Spin Doctors/Where’s Waldo hybrid with the addition of a waxed mustache. Is plugged into his 1984 walkman listening to a Bee Gees bootleg.

    Name: Caleb, but answers to “Hummus”

    Age: 27

    Occupation: Earthworm farmer/progressive blogger.

    Hobbies: Red Rover, tweeting pictures of that morning’s breakfast, committing random acts of kindness and senseless beauty, bed bugs

    Lives now: An Occupy camp in Millerton, NY. In town for the weekend.

    Is actually from: Madison, Wisconsin

    What’s in the bag?: Soy yogurt, artisanal bread, local sustainable organic cucumbers, Fiji water.

  23. Rest of Appearance: Thick gold chain with oversized Christ head, wife-beater tee, NY
    Mets cap and motorcycle jacket.

    Name: Vince “Greasy Thumbs” Santangelo

    Age: None of your f*cking business

    Occupation: Meat cutter (Local 342) and owner of Sweeny Todd’s Authentic Butchery at
    Brooklyn Flea

    Hobbies: Working on my ’78 Trans Am, knife sharpening, weightlifting and boxing.

    Lives Now: Illegal basement apartment on 67th St. Bensonhurst.

    Is Actually From: Bensonhurst

    What’s In the Bag?: Dead hipster.

    • My name is Steve and I posted this under Pat I handle because I like big strapping italian men and I like to be strapped by big italian men. I doesnt get much sex even my mail order bride rejeacted me.I am so pathetic.


      • I think your Under Roos are cutting off the circulation to your brain, Stevie.

        Next time use TWO Kleenex. Your fingers won’t stick to the keys.

    • Rest of Appearance: black wool / poor boy cap, worn year-round, “Gettin’ Lucky in Kentucky” / Brooklyn Lager t-shirt, wool sweater

      Name: Liam

      Age: 34

      Occupation: P/T Admin Assistant at Non-Profit-Sustainable-Living-Awareness-and-higher-Consciousness-Raising-Urban Farm-Chicken-keeping-Arts-Collective-and-Social-Media-Policy-Institute

      Hobbies: Hot, cold, and lukewarm yoga, supporting his girlfriend’s Roller Derby league, playing upright bass in a two upright bass / one banjo experimental bluegrass trio

      Lives now: South West Greenpoint AKA the SWAG ‘nabe

      Is actually from: Cedarville, Ohio

      What’s in the bag?: Cruelty-free gender-neutral Ginger tea, one bunch of $14 rainbow-colored kale, a postcard for those back home in Ohio of an installation art exhibit featuring washers and dryers and miscellaneous house pets, currently on display at the Brooklyn Museum of Art. T-shirt of said exhibit.

  24. There’s no way this is a picture of a dude? Those legs? Those shoes? That hand?

    Oh wait. I forgot, we’re talking about a hipster male. Might be a dude. But certainly not a man…

  25. Rest of Appearance: Women’s 1960′s vintage sun glasses, Brooklyn hoodie, a vintage Ramrod t-shirt. (He so doesn’t understand why old leather queens keep hitting on him either.)

    Name: Peregrine Pendragon Ravenfire (Real name Matthew)

    Age: 32

    Occupation: Professional Student, Street Performer, Jack of no trades.

    Hobbies: Drum circles, trying to convince 16 year old girls Wicca is thousands of years old, being ostracized by actual Wiccans.

    Lives now: In a Williamsburg loft with eight roommates.

    Is actually from: Sedan, Kansas

    What’s in the bag?: His iPad, Mast Bros. Chocolate, organic lettuce, organic hummus, soy cheese, organic bananas, his sense of pride.

  26. Rest of Appearance: cruelty-free lice farm on face, ironic “Yanni in concert” t-shirt, slight petting-zoo like odor emanating from Gender-confused body, bed bug infested, ill-fitting fedora covering filthy, matted and oily hair, listening to obscure hipster band on a walkman casette player

    Name: Rubharb

    Age: 32

    Occupation: intern at crappy recovered garbage art collective, freelance starbucks chair tester

    Hobbies: restoring early 70′s plastic toys, reading obscure 17th century Uzbek poetry, playing red rover, writing a blog about “classic” albums that no one actually owns or listens to (i.e, “Pet Sounds”), spreading bed bugs, checking the mail for weekly checks from mommy

    Lives now: Lower Middle Northwest Kensington

    Is actually from: Obviously no where near New York

    What’s in the bag?: Chicory Pomegranate Hummus, artisanal toilet paper, iCrap case made from recovered bark and organic fennel, wax-free vegan crayons and paper-free Dora coloring book, sustainable, fair-wage-labor-free Nairobi coffee beans, no deodorant, socially conscious yeast, pre cooked soy-mungbean burgers, single malt cigars, cruelty free margarine

  27. Brilliant stuff there, ShootTheMeMonkeys.

  28. All this for some Chucks and Jeans. Thats pretty much nothing and a generic common combination since like the 1950s for many different groups of people. If it was just some 15 year old stoner metalhead with a plain t, Chucks and jeans on heading home to where he was born and raised in BK would you single him out and assume he ate hummus or some other shit. There plenty better targets around then this.

    • The dirty sneakers and Whole Foods bag pretty much tells us this isn’t some 15 year old stoner metalhead.

      Just saying.

Comments are closed.