Today, being that thousands upon thousands of asparagus-physiqued, self-proclaimed creative type, ironically bearded, out-of-place wannabe Brooklynites are coming back from their Mid-West Mommy and Daddy visits, I hid with my brand new Louisville Slugger in a suitcase labeled ‘Caleb’ on a luggage carousel at the JFK arrivals terminal. When Caleb came over to get his suitcase I burst out of it and pounded him over and over like a railroad spike until a couple of TSA agents came over to arrest him for illegally coming to New York with a whiny, nasally kazoo voice. End of story.