64 thoughts on “Brooklyn & Not Brooklyn

  1. Heck, you didn’t even need pictures. You could have just shown the 2 menus. Let me take an average lunch item from each and you tell me which is which?

    Carolina Kale . . . $10
    Organic kale, tomatoes, and a poached egg in a lightly spiced broth served over grilled cornbread.

    Roast Beef Sandwich 5.50

  2. Or lets try the beer lists:
    Leipziger Gose . . . . $9
    Ayinger Brau Weisse . . . . $10
    Castelain Blond Biere de Garde . . . . $10
    Brooklyn Pilsner . . . . $5
    21st Amendment Bitter American . . . . $5
    Ithaca Ground Break . . . . $5
    Green Flash West Coast IPA . . . . $6
    Captain Lawrence Imperial IPA (17 oz) . . . . $9
    Brooklyn Lager (16 oz) . . . . $5
    Cottrell Old Yankee Ale . . . . $5
    Sly Fox Dunkel Lager . . . . $5
    Schlenkerla Rauchbier Marzen (17 oz) . . . . $10
    Avery Ellie’s Brown Ale . . . . $6
    Corsendonk Abbey Brown Ale . . . . $8
    Stoudt’s Fat Dog Imperial Oatmeal Stout . . . . $6
    Cockeyed Cooper Bourbon Barleywine (25 oz) . . . . $20

    Or at B&C:
    Bud On Tap 2.70
    Bottled Beer dom 4.25 imp 4.70

    • LOL. Thanks for posting the menus. I was thinking about that on the way to work – how the Egg menu probably has some overly exaggerated way (and also mentioning organic) of saying egg on toast (most likely very small portion) and overcharging for it.

    • God I hate that fucking place, and the douchebaggy whimsical colored chairs on their rooftop cliche section. That dump is right in the heart of flyover land, and pretty much every time I have to pass by that shitbox, there are snarky pretenders in the uniform hanging out in front trying to be noticed.

      Obviously I will never set foot in there, but I can just imagine the scene.

      Waiter: What would you like?
      Normal Person: What beers do you have?
      Waiter: snort – you mean ALES? (eye roll)
      Normal Person: ok, whatever – what do you have?
      Waiter: (looks over at Ethan and wool hat Harrison and grins) – well, we have 16 varieties – tell me what you’d like.
      Normal Person: Ok, I’ll take a Miller
      (chuckles, eye rolls, and snorts from Ethan, Harrison, Molly, and whimsical Zooey)
      Waiter: Like, Miller isn’t really our thing mahhhhn.
      Normal Person: Ok, I’ll take a Coors Light
      Waiter: (rolls eyes, looks to sky. scarfies and wool hats sneer and snort). Ugh – no, we don’t carry that
      Normal Person: uh, ok – Amstel? Heineken? BUDWEISER?
      Waiter: (mumbles under his breath ‘god, why do these locals have to come in here – I don’t get paid enough to deal with this’)
      Normal Person: reaches over bar, grabs pipe cleaner by his straw throat – “Listen you little shit – If I ever see you on the street, be ready for a fucking locally crafted beating”
      Harrison and Ethan: shit their pants
      Molly and whimsical Zooey: think to themselves ‘wow, first time I’ve seen a real man in months’
      Waiter: Like, yah – figured you were a neanderthal – like I’m not scared
      …closing time comes, and Waiter shits his pants, an calls a cab to take him 3 blocks to his $3000 loft. Calls home to Ohio “daddy, I think it’s time to move on – I heard Portland is a great place for an unemployed multimedia film assistant”

    • Cockeyed Cooper Bourbon Barleywine (25 oz) . . . . $20

      What – no Dirty Pedro IPA for 50 bucks a bottle? How about Mead? Grog?

    • Lol.

      That reminds me of when i was in the LES four years ago and me and my buddy from the burgh ordered some Yuenglings. 5 bucks! Rolling rock was the same price.

      It boggled my.mind because back in Pittsburgh i dont think ive ever paid more than 3.50 for any of those beers. Yet leave it to hipsters to take affordable and low key domestics and over charger for them because its NYC and they have an exotic appeal when taken out of their homestates.

      • Some former Yinzer brought Iron City to Portland – you can get it at Fred Meyer. At least it’s cheaper than most of the other six-packs….$4.99 for 6 16-oz cans.

    • Well, Yee Haw! They even have their own farm. And they’re looking for volunteers.

      http://goatfellfarm.com/
      http://www.pigandegg.com/hayloft/ (scroll to the bottom)

      Farm Volunteers!
      March 22 2011

      We’re looking for volunteers to help us tend to our farm this summer. Our farm is tiny by farm standards, but big by gardening standards–about 1 1/2 acres–and we grow a wide variety of vegetables and fruits. Working here is a great way to learn about cultivating a wide range of plants, from flowers grown for tea to heirloom varieties of beans to semi-wild blackberries.

      We’re looking for enthusiasm as much as anything else, though the ability and willingness to do hard work under a hot sun are of course important. We’re also looking for someone to commit to a regular schedule: even if it’s only 5 hours 1 day a week, if we can count on you, we’d love to have you. We can’t offer you lodging or transportation to or from the farm, but we can promise you some good exercise, good company, and a great chance to catch your breath and grow.

      Some of the things you’ll be doing include preparing beds; weeding; harvesting, washing, and packing; starting seeds; and pruning. If you’re handy, you can help us build trellises, tables for our greenhouse, or a mobile hutch for our slug-eating ducks.

      You’ll learn a lot alongside our farm manager, who works year-round at planning and preparing for the growing season. You’ll learn about how a farm’s work plugs into a restaurant’s needs, and see the cycle that runs from seed to table to compost heap in a uniquely pure form. If you’re interested in the growing end of the farm-to-table movement, this will be a great place to gather experience.

      Experience is welcome, but not necessary: what’s more important is drive, a love of getting dirty, and a passion for growing great food.

      Email a cover letter and resume to jobs@pigandegg.com if you’re interested.

      • So let me get this right. You want me to commit to a regular schedule. You will not provide transportation to the farm. I will work for you to grow food for your restaurant. You will profit from my labor but I won’t get paid? Do I have that all right? Well all righty then!!! sign me up!

      • Why is everything a fucking movement with these people? God damn there is not a single thing they do not cheapen!

      • Maybe I can find some willing volunteers to work our garden, uh, “farm”. We have much more acreage, and even have real animals like cows and horses that require poo removal aka organic fertilizer retrieval……
        I bet those volunteers would be more work than they are worth. And a resume is required, LOL!!!!

  3. F*&^ it I’ll jsut have coffee:

    Cup Coffee, Tea 1.65
    or
    French press-brewed sustainably grown coffee . . . $2.75

  4. “If I ever see you on the street, be ready for a fucking locally crafted beating.”

    This.

  5. Why do the sustainable moonies have to have a list of names associated with their ingredients?

    EGG:

    Eggs Zeitgeist – Two politely borrowed free range Rhode island pure bred eggs from The Kafka Farm Collective/Monocle Museum lightly sauteed in an artisanal pre-war depression era iron skillet with a smooch of hadn churned butter from the Rusty Trombone Dairy. The eggs are lovingly cooked until just the edges crisp like the bed bug scabs and the amber yolks jiggle like my Zooey’s love handles.

    Presented with Aresnic Roof top garden Heirloom parlsey, fire roasted organic potatoes (using sustainable reclaimed painted wood trim) from Mommy’s money Farm kissed with Fluer de sel
    and lightly toasted multi-bran pine cone and treek bark bread from Dough Dough Bakery. All food is presented on a vintage 1953 Captain Midnight Decoder plate.

    29.50

    BRENDAN CARR:

    Two eggs, home Fries, toast and bottomless cup of coffee – 3.00

    • lol – good stuff: Rusty Trombone Dairy!!

      The sick thing is, this isn’t far off from what they would write. We could probably make great livings charging these scarecrows $500 a pop to write their pretentious menus and website ‘about’ sections. Just think of the douchiest hipsterisms you can come up with, pull it back about 1 degree, and you have snark gold.

  6. “The eggs are lovingly cooked until just the edges crisp like the bed bug scabs and the amber yolks jiggle like my Zooey’s love handles.”

    BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

    I think JAZ is right. Another excellent way to seperate the trendies from their parents’ money is to charge them for “clever” “snarky” or I hate to say it “ironic” descriptions of otherwise normal average everyday menu items.

    A side business could be writing protest signs. You just know every one of these Haydens and Esthers would kill to have the most clever sign at any protest…

  7. Isn’t there a decent diner in the neighborhood? They get a ton of truck traffic, there must be a diner instead of this for breakfast

  8. I went to the Upper West Side recently (around 100 & Bway) in Manhattan, and was pleasantly surprised to see there were quite a few “normal” diners left. The fact that Manhattanites make more sense than people “From” Brooklyn is a shame.

    • Because of their lack of organically infused items, my partner and I(as well as the other ambulances, normal people, and cops) can get a great filling breakfast without whimsey MEEEgan and Ethan at all hours of the day and night at 14th and B despite all the parentally funded apartments in Stuy Town and the rest of the East Village. Its decent food, and its hysterical to watch Zooey go pay 7 bucks for a slice of hummus pizza, 5 buck for fair trade fries and a 4 buck organic fruit smoothy after a hard afternoon and night of drinking 12 dollar a bottle micro brews.

    • i’ve noticed that too… and you never EVER hear people in manhattan referring to themselves and their businesses as being “brooklyn-based”. the second i hear or see “brooklyn-based” it’s an immediate turn-off. and everyday another bodega (sorry but i like my cheap beer and cheap(ER) cigs) turn into a faudexa selling shitty ass overpriced craft beers and overcharging by at least 2-3 dollars for a pack of smokes. yes, the produce and stuff is of higher quality, but who the fuck shops in those fancy organic overpriced fauxdegas anyway for food? actually no, i still see people shopping for their entires week worth of groceries in some of those places and it boggles my mind… i guess when you’re not earning the money you are spending it doesnt matter much.

      *rob*

    • There’s a reason for that. Manhattan is a place for good looking people who aren’t impressed by these losers. There’s no “whimsy, magic” or any of that bullshit. There’s standards that they can’t live up to. They can’t act like they own the place. Brooklyn on the other hand is a place where they can be free of the pressures and standards of Manhattan but still go there whenever they want to. They can do this because you people in Brooklyn obviously do not care about what these losers do. They don’t matter to you. You ignore them. There’s no fast-paced, high pressure arts or other environment in any of the fields they’re interested in, and the only thing you people can really do is fuck them up and force them to leave and then they win and can act like everybody is sooooo beneath them.

      No matter what, you lose. These kids will continue to price themselves out but then yuppies will come (like they’ve started to) and the hipsters will move on, setting the foundations for gentrification further into places like the Bronx and Queens.

      The only way to stop them from going as far as they want is to take back your neighborhoods by having strong enough communities that they can’t move in. They can’t pretend in a place that’s solidly working class or middle class and doesn’t have as much problems as other places. Don’t give them any openings in any field. Beat them at their own game by continuing to have your own strong restaurant scenes and everything else. They don’t want to be a part of something that’s already there and actually Brooklyn-based.

    • Haha that was great

      “As of press time, police and emergency rescue workers were still sifting through the wreckage for copies of Magnet, heated debates over the definition of emo, and other signs of record-store-clerk life.”

      • “These people are simply not in the physical condition to survive this sort of trauma. It’s just a twisted mass of black-frame glasses and ironic Girl Scouts T-shirts in there.”

        Bwahahahaha

  9. Mmm, Brennan and Carr! A neighborhood staple.

  10. Went to Kickstarter. Searched for cupcake related projects. 39 hits. End of story

    • Since you’ve issued the challenge:

      chocolate – 57

      Bacon – 14

      legos – 6

      Food Truck -73..including this gem:

      http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/search?utf8=&term=

      Pie- 512

      Brooklyn -357

      Williamsburg – 16..including this buzz-worthy flick:

      http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/440528244/the-pit-a-film-by-byron-camacho?play=1&ref=search

      BBQ- 25

      coffee- 171

      annnndddd

      Barista – 7…featuring this little gem that makes me want to drown kittens

      http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/rbcnyc/rbc-goes-west?ref=live

      • In my 49 years on the planet, one thing I’ve noticed is that with every decade, young people have gotten stupider than the decade before. Not that they’ve lower IQs but that the goals set for them are lower and so much praise is heaped on them for doing less, struggling less and achieving less.

        I can remember when the smart kids did engineering or toolmaking (does anyone today even know what toolmaking is?). Tough jobs that required actual skills where failure is not an option and nobody pats you on the head if you succeed. Failing that, they could be electricians or plumbers or even bricklayers and they made money from it.

        If you studied art, you learned how to draw and paint actual pictures, not the fingerpainting shit that passes for art today. As in, you studied light and shade and colors and you kept trying until you got it right. No political bullshit either.

        Serving coffee (It wasn’t even called Barista before 1990) was a job for old ladies or students paying their way through college. It was only a small step up from Mickey D’s. OK, I can see it being a fun job when you’re young but a career, WTF?

        These videos just prove my point. Ever since 90210 came on TV, and every teenager became a relationship expert, I’ve been watching the rot set in. Suddenly, the most trite college degrees like Gender Studies got elevated to the status of Nuclear Scientist. What’s even sadder is that Sex and the City is the same generation that never grew up.

        What scares me even more is what the world will be like in 20-30 years when these people have grown old. They won’t be the wise, stable elders we grew up with. Hell, they won’t even have pensions (and Social Security definitely won’t be around). Organic Soylent Green perhaps?

        • My sister, who’s in her early 30′s, went to school for fashion design (4 years). He school she attended also had technical programs – like chemistry and textiles.

          Now my sister is no dummy. She was pursuing her dream but understood the realities of trying to break into the industry. So she decided to take a lot of graphic arts courses and stuck like glue to one of the instructors – an old woman from Milan who taught pattern making
          and the skills needed for couture like beading, embroidery, etc. she spent time with her techer after hours to learn what pretty much is a lost art.

          Long/short: She graduated and immediately found an entry level job in a clothing factory processing orders for 7 bucks an hour. She offered her services for free when the nimrods she worked for couldn’t figure out how to “dress the mannequins” to fine tune the patterns and prototypes. Then her bosses transferred her to the job that she wanted but refused to give her a raise. So she quit and got a job waitressing. Two days later her boss called they couldn’t find anyone to take her place and would she mind coming back? She did – as a consultant – 5 hours a day for 40 bucks an hour. she kept the waitressing job, saved,bought a condo in NYC and is working is children’s clothing. she designs,makes the patterns and can layout the catalogs….

          and makes twice what I make.

          But not once did I ever hear her whine or protest.

        • It’s actually really easy to understand.

          People have always been stupid, or at least spoiled people who have been allowed to be deluded have always been stupid. The most prevalent form of this started in European countries where what mattered was who you were born to and your standing with the “royalty” and not anything of actual use. Our ancestors came over as immigrants, people from real societies that had real values and weren’t spoiled, and they brought up the people who came after them and so on and so forth with those same values and standards. We also had some very intelligent people like Thomas Jefferson and others who renounced a lot of what they saw in Europe and even within this young country. Still, there was always a majority of spoiled, deluded Europeans who came from money “Old Money”. Fortunately though, the immigrants and other hard-working people did not buy into that crap and the societies and communities they built didn’t either, so their kids grew up right and their kids and so on and so forth. Then what happened was probably around the 50s or so, maybe a bit later… certain kids forgot or stopped caring about their heritage. They didn’t see themselves as Irish-American, Italian-American, etc. That only continued to grow as more and more kids grew up taking for granted the things their ancestors worked so hard to be able to give them. Everything that was important to their heritage and culture and tradition was seen as “old-fashioned” and “for their parents” and that “rebellion” against anything adult hasn’t stopped.

          And it has effectively turned most kids and their parents into homogenized people who have no respect or appreciation for the values or heritage or any other things that are so important. Instead, they have all embraced the bullshit of the people who oppressed their ancestors in the first place.. the entitlement, the bullshit, all of it. Not just kids from the suburbs either. Think of how many kids grow up being proud of being stupid and acting immature and not even remotely trying to better themselves or act right or even continue their heritage. It’s all about them, and nobody calls them on it.

          Fortunately that’s not the case with everybody or even in every community. Still, it is way too prevalent at all levels of society and among all races.

  11. i fucking hate Kickstarter. It’s a slush fund for navel-gazing narcissistic creeps. Meanwhile, legitimate charities have to go begging.

  12. As someone who’s almost 30, from Minneapolis, MN and who has worked since he was 14 in some of the worst jobs(dishes, janitorial, too many farms, warehouse overnights, forklift driver) – I can’t help but wonder if you saw me and what I look like, if you’d classify me as a hipster immediately. I’ve shopped at thrift stores my whole life(parents were and still are “working-class” in the printing industry and construction laborer), I have black glasses, have reservations on referring to myself as an artist despite actually winning scholarships and awards for both abstract fine art, I wear skinny-ish jeans, have played in multiple bands and currently still do, and ride a vintage bicycle.
    Nevermind that I went to college that I pay for myself(still paying), am married to my wife of 5 years who is a successful ASL Interpreter, bought my own house, pay taxes, am now employed as a graphic designer/prepress tech while still holding multiple freelance clients, still create and sell art and music to a variety of people, blah blah blah…
    But guaranteed…if I were to walk around Brooklyn, a place never been(until I visit a friend this summer who is getting her PHD and is into similar things as myself) and one of you internet-nerds on DH took a photo of me…no doubt Id be immediately classified as another one of your hated transplant trust-fund hipsters that gentrify “your” Brooklyn and provide nothing of value to “your” society.
    My question is…why? And how do you JUST KNOW someone is a hipster? Is it specifically the black glasses? The fixed gear bike(which I’m not fan of)? Being in bands? Making art? Or “art”? Wait, is it…skinny jeans?! Or…wait coffee and beer!(no, Im not talking Miller Light, which is what “normal” people drink, right? Don’t be silly…). Or is it specifically all of the above plus joblessness? Id love a list that I could carry and check off as I see potential hipsters…so I know how to classify them. How the hell else will I know whether they are, or are not, gentrifying MY neighborhood and pushing all us good/decent “working-class” folk out?! Or wait! Is it POSSIBLE that they’ve BEEN BERE THE WHOLE TIME?! They couldn’t be…FROM New York City…nah, not possible. Those vermin are from the Midwest, where everything should be referred to with a clever homophobic name! Yeah! THAT’S the REAL Brooklyn!
    I’ve kept up with this blog for awhile mainly because it’s really cleverly written and pretty funny, until I realized that YOU’RE ALL DEAD SERIOUS!!! I’ll probably still read from time to time, reminds me of The Onion and Vice, but waaay angrier.
    I can’t wait for the DH book to hit the Urban Outiftters shelf. I’ll probably wait til it hits a second hand book-store…oh wait! THAT’S WHAT A HIPSTER WOULD DO! NOOOOOOO!!!!

    • Here’s a good reading comprehension trick:

      If it doesn’t describe you, it’s not about you. So STFU.

      If it does, you’re a walking stereotype who doth protest too much.

      • Understood. However, my point is that the descriptions of hipsters on this blog are extremely broad and could include 75% of PEOPLE. I dislike phonies as much as anyone, but it seems like this blog judges and assumes based on someone’s exterior…now how is that not similar to racism? Annoying? Maybe. But “vermin”? I’ve never heard that word used so much, except while reading Nazi propaganda…

        Just a thought. Mmm…this PBR is…ok.

        • The racist flag has been thrown – this guy means business!

          • And the homophobic flag. And the Nazi flag. And the “You HURT my feelings” flag.

            I don’t know that we should be arguing with him any more, because that’s what BULLIES do when they don’t realise that everyone is special.

        • I don’t think you do understand. Every once in awhile one of you losers comes to this site and talks this bullshit about “you can’t judge a book by its cover; I fit these descriptions and *insert fake life story here*, you losers, bla bla bla I’m so cool even though I’m full of shit”. Fact is though, if you really were working class, you wouldn’t be able to tolerate these little shits, and it has nothing to do with their exterior. Any real person who didn’t grow up entitled and spoiled can see exactly what a hipster is and it has nothing to do with what they look like nor does it have anything to do with their hobbies. Even people from your city read and comment this site.

          Racism? No.. you hipsters are the real racists.

          Mmm… you’re trying too hard and not succeeding.

          • Ok, here’s where you’re probably right: I admit, I don’t understand. I probably spoke too soon. But I still stand by what it sounds like to me, however I suppose I really don’t know because I’ve never been to Brooklyn and don’t know first-hand. Though that Tumblr “Halloween OR Williamsburg” definitely sheds some light on things. That’s pretty ridiculous. There are areas in MPLS(Uptown mostly) that you might see some wackos like this, but much more tame.

            Here’s where you are wrong: “fake life story” = wrong. Can’t prove it, but you’re dead wrong. Not “working class” = laughably wrong, and stupid. Again, can’t prove it.

            Please define “BeaverCleaverVille”, as I’m sure it’s as broad a definition in your mind(anywhere but where I live because I am so raw and real) as your view of people. I suppose I could elaborate more on what I’ve already told you to include more in depth stories of how I’m not, or have never been, from a suburb or cookie-cutter spoiled up-bringing, also that I grew up poor and in a poor neighborhood with plenty of drugs and crime…but I’ve already been totally honest, but it’s awesome that you actually went ahead and proved my point that broadly assume based on your preconceived ideas…which are wrong.

            Calling me an “internet big man” because I’m calling you out, or at questioning you. Sorry, I’m sure you’re used to getting immediate accolades and handjobs from your fellow DH posters for your witty narrow assumptions.

            I’m really curious about your “working-class” life. Something tells me your just as much a phony as the people you post about. I’m dying to know what you do in your “real” urban lifestyle. It all wreaks of insecurity to me, but Id be willing to admit I’m wrong, though you really don’t have to prove anything to anyone…

            But make me wrong, please…

          • HERRO STEVIE!!!!

            Trying for a comeback now are you?

          • Lol you still talkin’ you little fagot?

            Okay, here we go…

            First of all, you stupid motherfucker, I’m not even remotely closed-minded or the type that thinks everybody from working class backgrounds should act a certain way. In fact I’m the type who encourages people from working class backgrounds to explore whatever they are interested in and try new things. What I have a problem with is fake little suburbanite people like you who steal the only identity and culture these people have left.

            Na loser I’m calling you an internet big man cus you have the fucking nerve to call people internet nerds and act like you’re so big on the internet.. because I’d put you in the fucking ground, kid. Real talk. I’d smash your fucking head into a wall and that ain’t even a big thing in these parts. You don’t fucking know me. Be smart and keep it that way.

            Phony? Anytime you wanna come out east and see how much of a phony I am, I’d just so love to show you. You fake ass little bitch. Damn right I don’t have to prove a fucking thing, you wannabe hardass.

            Oh by the way, you dumbass motherfucker.. it’s REEK. Next time you try oh so hard (and fail just as hard) to come off as things you could never be, you might want to look into getting a spellchecker. Your shit might impress your equally fake little friends but it doesn’t even remotely cut it among people who are actually the least bit intelligent.

            Try harder, fraud.

          • Since you’ve went ahead and replied with zero argument (not surprised), and instead made me believe you are not only the toughest human being, but someone I should take spelling and grammar advice from. So in the spirit of this thriving online(dare I say…movement), lets help each other out…

            “fagot” – yikes, you missed a G in their my friend. How embarrassing. I mean, there are very few situations where I’ve ever had to type WREAK(or reek rather), but for someone that probably uses fag(G)ot in their everyday use, well, I’m glad I caught it for you. Wait, is that one of the words you use to describe your open-mindedness and to encourage people of all kinds to try new things? Amazing…

            “Na” – Oops, I think meant to spellcheck that…it’s nah. Or did you mean to type n/a and your sentence structure is just a bit off…?

            “might impress your equally fake little friends but it doesn’t even remotely” – there should be a comma after friends, and between but.

            “You don’t fucking know me.” – my personal favorite. And how close-minded of me to assume I did…but wait, did I? I definitely left a lot of room in my opinion and initial thought to be wrong, which I even admitted above. But now with this blathering barf above which clearly wasn’t thought out…that gap just got smaller.

            Next time you reply with the most cliche retorts and threats you tool, you might want to think twice – youre doing your DH back-patters no service. Stick the “lol’s” and other simple replies after a real smart and funny comment. And reread what I wrote, then what you wrote…who’s the “internet big man”??? Before you reply with something along the lines of “I dare you to come out here and say that to me you (insert pathetic diss here)…”, just try use your brain first and not speak from your ass. But if you wanna buy me a flight, make it one-way, cus I’m moving into your apartment with you…I hear Williamsburg is pretty real.

            FYI – it took me seconds to point out your misspellings and grammar, of which there were plenty more to tap. So if you wanna act like a cliche tool, keep focusing on that and making internet threats…ah shoot, I just realized you might ACTUALLY say “it’s not a threat, it’s a promise” at some point…

            Make me wrong.

      • Well said. I guarantee you he’s another full of shit internet big man from BeaverCleaverVille.

    • Firstly, your fashion sense sucks, but that’s not what makes you a hipster. No, Matt, the fact you came on here with that ineffectually angry, proud-to-be-hurt tone is what proves you’re a hipster. Seen it enough times on this site to know that it’s a 100% safe acid test. You’re switching between tired “little kid who’s just discovered sarcasm for the first time” snark, and pious “Lisa Simpson at a whaling convention” whining… just like every single other hipster who’s got shot down on here in the last four years.

      As far as your “is everyone a hipster?” argument goes, I’m actually going to go against my better judgement and, unlike the last 500 times someone’s come on here with that stupid attempt to be clever, try to answer your question.

      How do you know if someone’s a hipster?
      If they don’t feel the need to be ALL HURT by what they see on here, or by life in general, they’re probably not a hipster. There you go.

      You don’t have to ride a fixed gear bike if you don’t like it, by the way. Just saying.

  13. Before it was egg, the space was called Sparky’s, home of the $8.00 organic hotdog (before that it was a garage). My wife and I went in there maybe twice, the first time because it was a walk by discovery in the nabe. The second time I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking, but I felt I got ripped off by “smarter than you” hipsters paying off loan debt of no real job possible out of their majors. $8.00 for a basic “organic” hotdog, and you could dress it up as all sorts of cutely named things, using stuff that you’d normally see at a decent bbq, for the amazingly lowprice of $2.50 and up extra. The staff of four consisted of: one disinterested female with glasses and book behind the cash register, one stoner in plaid and sandals staring at the bins of extra cost dressings, one beardo with sunglasses constantly gesticulating while hissing into on the cellphone (texting wasn’t invented yet) and one mid-thirties Mexican guy in food service whites doing all the actual work. It was a friggin joke, but it was one of those signs of things to come. I might still have a menu. When it went to egg, it was soon crawling with nasal uptawking upper middle class twits in recycled clothing, that is when it was open. For some reason it didn’t have regular weekend breakfast hours, why would you have a breakfast menu if you didn’t open until 1 pm – oh wait! I forgot!

    • What is up with people using the word nabe? It reminds me of navel.

      Funny story though.. well maybe not so much given that it’s true. More like well told story.

      • I typed “nabe” because I was too lazy to type out all of “neighborhood” last night to finish the story.

        Follow up: Sparky’s was so popular, they took their $8.00 hot dogs, “freshly killed, lovingly washed in spring water and dipped in lark’s vomit” to somewhere in the LES or SoHo. That left the space for egg to inhabit.

    • Spot on with the one Latino doing all the work. Its the same shit at Brooklyn Standard.

  14. This type of thing is spreading. There is exactly one eatery open past 8 PM in my neighborhood. (I call it an eatery as I hesitate to call it a restaurant.) I decided to go online and try to find a menu for it, as most of the time when I walk by, it’s closed. (Most of the places in this neighborhood close at 2 or 3 in the afternoon and then reopen for dinner.)

    They don’t have their own website, because I guess that would be too conventional. The first thing I found was a photo of their menu on Urban Spoon. The menu appears to be pieces of posterboard attached to pieces of clothesline. With clothespins, of course. OK, I could give them a pass on that. Especially if everything is made from scratch, as the single review there said.

    Then Yelp popped up. No photo of the menu, but one of the filtered reviews is very telling. Two filtered reviews and both of them under four stars. Bad sign, that whomever runs the place is upset enough with three stars to go to Yelp and start flagging reviews. So, strike one.

    Then I went to their Facebook page. Lots of pictures and of course, neckbeard and PBR in several of them. The actual owner thinks she’s Betty Page and her kitchen friend is so smug, I just want to smack the expression off his face.

    Strike two.

    But the real kicker for this place, that does everything from scratch, that is supporting the Occupy movement, that is trying to be so friendly to both vegans and bacon lovers, this establishment that is but a mere three block walk to the Farmer’s Market, which has fresh produce and meat twice a week… Well, it was this picture that was not just strike three, but game over.

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=124406774279637&set=a.115778245142490.23387.106737486046566&type=3

    Hair not done properly for working in a kitchen. No gloves. Her nail polish is chipping. I want to wipe the expression off his face with an electric sander. But the kicker is the box his ungloved hand is in. Hormel pre-cooked bacon? Are you fucking kidding me? Hormel. Not known for being a labor friendly company. Hormel. Major corporation. Hormel. Far from locally sourced. Hormel? You’re doing vegan food for your friends, but your meat eating friends get served crap? You’re too fucking lazy to actually cook bacon yourself?

    I guess locally sourced to these people means sourced from the local supermarket. Seriously. What sort of place that wants to be called a restaurant doesn’t bother to cook themselves? Oh, but they make their own green chili mac and cheese. I’m wondering if the actual mac and cheese comes out of a blue box. I’m betting it does.

    Be sure to check out their main FB page. Notice their newest menu item is only on the super secret menu. Because Gods forbid that any riff raff who isn’t a hipster manage to taste the fruit of their labors.

    https://www.facebook.com/pages/SBs-Late-night-Lunchbox/106737486046566

    • Can we transfer some of the Huron St. poo mountains to their doorstep?

      • As this place is only about four blocks away from my front door, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t. However…

        It’s also about a block and a half away from the bus transfer point. Where there are daily commuter buses to El Paso. Which is right across the Rio from Juarez, Mexico. Which is the murder capital of the world. So if we can figure out a way to get these me monkeys on the bus to El Paso, get them to the International Bridge, explain to them you don’t really need a passport to get into Mexico, get them to take a walk and… When they try to come back, they discover while they didn’t need the passport to get into Mexico, they need one to get OUT. Which will leave them alone and stranded after dark in Juarez.

        Well, the murder rates are down there lately. I’m sure they’ll all be fine. After all, they’re American citizens with entitled attitudes trapped in a city of drug dealers and beggars…

        Hey, I can dream, can’t I?

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