Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw a bearded, AAA battery armed, loft-dwelling, bacon discovering, cage-free, kickballing, gentrifying hipster piece of shit cruising to an urban photographed graffiti exhibit on his 12 foot long skateboard that Daddy bought him for his 40th birthday. So I gave him a swift whack across the skull with my tire iron, placed a plunger over his mouth and removed the hummus and PBR breakfast from his intestines. End of story.

100 thoughts on “Today’s hipster beating.

  1. I hope that after you removed Hummus from his intestine that you beat the shit out of him too.

  2. “….placed a plunger over his mouth and removed the hummus and PBR breakfast from his intestines.”

    Sustainable AND recycled organic, locally produced fusion cuisine.

  3. The Anglians have returned to take back New YORK City.

    Adios you filthy mediterranean italian scum. Take the jew man with you in your exodus. Finally real white people will occupy this city as they once did in the 1800′s. There’s plenty of drugs in mexico for all you coke sniffing, roxycodone popping crack heads.

    Can’t wait for the All-American restaurants to replace all these pig pizza parlors and I can finally get myself a good old Roast beef and mashed potatoes.

    RIP JOHN BOWNE!

    • Did… did you actually imply there’s a hipster army? And it has a chance to defeat Brooklyn Italians and Jews?

      I would pay to see that. I would watch reruns of locals french-braiding hipsters’ arms with their skinny-jeaned tent-pole legs and chucked ‘em into the Gowanus like human shot-put.

    • HERRO STEVIE!!!

      Well, whatd’ya know? Stevie finally took down the bunny video. What happened Stevie? Bunny using the new Anti-Bullying Laws on your ass?

      • Wow, I guess he got tired of that video being used to shut him up. Plus the negative votes on youtube no doubt.

        1 less garbage on youtube! All those hipster videos are fucking annoying.

        • That’s not all that’s gone. The “duhastmas” with Rammstein’s gone too. Copyright maybe?

          Or maybe his one acquaintance who actually knows how to use youtube paid him a visit.

          Or maybe daddy said if you don’t stop embarrassing the family name, your checks will be cut off.

      • Wow. Hipsters drinking beer in the back of a van and listening to their local bad garage band that will never make it out of the garage… So different! So unique!

        Just like every other generation of teenagers I’ve ever encountered, including my own.

        • Except hipsters aren’t teenagers, they’re supposed to be grown men and women.

          • Stevie’s well north of 30. He’s the little butt-boy who gets laid at the end that the other band members are laughing at the whole time.

    • And this is why I could never be a cop: the first time one of those hygienically-deprived, vegan, free-range, self-indulgent adult children grabbed my uniform cap, I’d whip out my billyclub and mace, and turn that Josh into a fuckin’ local artisanal piñata.

      And I love how when they get pinched they all have that look on their face like, “What did I do?!? I’m just exercising my right to free speech!! I’m being opressed! Daddy, please send bail money along with this month’s $12,000 allowance check!!”. You know what you did, you narcissistic twat… maybe a night in the tombs, getting passed around like a joint at a Dead concert, will help to change your perspective.

      Fucking hipster shitbags…

    • Yep, the whole world is watching a bunch of unwashed disgusting losers wasting mommy and daddy’s money. Wall Street…stupid hipsters, where do you think your mommies and daddies got their money from? And Frushing, go away. You truly are an asshat.

    • Dear “Flushing Respresenter”,

      Please stop “representing” actual residents of Flushing with your nonsensical, stupid racist bullshit.

      sincerely,
      Everybody else in Flushing.

      • You’re out of touch with the residents of Flushing. There are THOUSANDS of us in Flushing/Corona/College Point/Bayside who share this sentiment.

        There is no one hive mind mentality of Flushing and maybe you should get to know your neighbors better. Stop being delusional there are about 150,000 -200,000 living in Flushing.

        I represent Flushing how my constituents and adherents do and we will not do otherwise.

        I love this fucking website

        • “There is no one hive mind mentality of Flushing”

          “There are THOUSANDS of us in Flushing/Corona/College Point/Bayside who share this sentiment. I represent Flushing and how my constituents and adherents do and we will not do otherwise.”

          wut

          So you can represent some hive mind of Queens and nobody else can? If there are thousands of anti-semetic racists in Flushing like you, there are also thousands of those who aren’t like that. Maybe you’re the one out of touch with your neighbors. I’m from Flushing and I’m certainly not a part of your neo nazi cult.

          • An antisemite is not some one who hates jews, but someone jews hate.

            An above all else, arent choose the CHOSEN PEOPLE OF GOD and gentiles (non jews) are supposed to be slaves to jews.

            “Goyim were born only to serve us. Without that, they have no place in the world – only to serve the People of Israel” -Rabbi Ovadia Yosef.

            In fact being religiously jewish is INHERENTLY racist.

            Anti semitism doesn’t exist any more. Nice try.

            Flushing^
            QUeens^
            The BronX^

          • You’re still implying that nobody is allowed to make broad generalizations except you. Stop acting like your arguments have any credit; they just read as empty hateful comments and it’s hard to imagine anybody reading this blog to actually take you seriously. It’s irrelevant and unnecessary. If you don’t want to call it anti semitism, fine; call it whatever you want. Just take it somewhere else.

          • Sounds like words of surrender.

          • “surrender” would imply you won me over. Good luck peddling your idiocy to rational people.

          • FR- Go fuck off, NO ONE here wants to hear your racist ranting bull shit. Jews are part of NYC too. Hipsters are fly over state rejects.

            (And *every* holy book tells it’s people they should rule and kill all others- including CHRISTIANS and Muslims, who cares what an old book says? You should lay off the web videos made by ignorant, hateful idiots, its not helping you.)

    • They all have this entitled and helpless look to them. They also look as the type to show up to a job interview ill-dressed and groomed.

    • They’re diverse because a few of them aren’t white.

    • The police putting the cuffs on these recreational hippie protest re-enactors are more ethnically diverse!

    • The protests have grown to more cities and for the most part is full of similar looking people. Fucking hipsters and the uninitiated are united in fucking up our work week.

      Our protestors had made a false accusation stating that police led them off the walkway to the road on the Brooklyn Bridge. Turns out some of the cops had their own cameras and camera phones on them showing otherwise.

      Fight against big corporations… they all use Apple products for fucks sake! All the shit they’re using was made by some big corp in one way or another. These assholes using the Guy Fawkes mask for a fight they know nothing about. Fucking hipsters spreading the ignorance.

      • Yeah, I get a kick out of the Guy Fawkes masks, mostly being used by idiots whose sole knowledge of Gunpowder Treason came from watching V For Vendetta and missing the message. (My dad’s side of the family came to North America because my great-grandfather got tired of getting bottles and dead cats thrown through his window every November 5 solely for being Catholic. I spend every November informing well-meaning American friends that wishing a “Happy Guy Fawkes Day” to a British Catholic is like wishing a “Happy Krystallnacht” to a German Jew, and anyone wishing that to my great-grandfather would have been pulling their teeth out of their assholes.)

        • Time-Warner owns the image of those masks so whoever buys one is putting money back in the pockets of the dreaded Evil Corp.

          Protest fail.

          • Which goes to show how little thought, if any, was put into their little protest. They’re not even on the same page as to what they are protesting about, just that big corporations are doing harm to all walks of life and that capitalism is evil.

            We haven’t had normal capitalism in this country. That is due to our government and globalization, not due to capitalism. Their aim should be with the government itself.

  4. I saw something on the bus this past week that warmed my heart and I had to share.

    In spite of it being the last bit of September, it was still in the 90s here. As a matter of fact, temperatures have been well above average lately. So what gets on the bus?

    A high school chubby Meghan with her two Josh friends. Oh, she had the thick glasses, the crocheted cross between a ski-cap and beret that looked like it was made in a group home, the Salvation Army clothes and her heavy as hell looking Macbook. The two Joshes both had on the heavy ski caps. All of them had on more clothes than even the average desert rat wears in that kind of weather.

    As soon as they got on the bus, they started being me monkeys. Acting out, throwing each other’s grotesque dirty hats at each other, showing off their greasy hair. They were just being obnoxious in general, doing their best to get the attention of everyone.

    Well, they got the attention of the bus driver. Which wasn’t hard, as they were pretty much right behind him. He warned them three times at various intervals to act like human beings, instead of like animals. After the third warning, he put them off the bus. Then he called the other drivers to warn them. He gave them a full description of these losers and told the other drivers to ignore them if they see them waiting for a bus.

    Of course Meghan, who was the alpha of the group and one of the biggest me monkeys I’ve ever seen was screaming at the driver that she was going to get him fired and that he had no right to remove her from the bus. Actually, he has every right to remove disruptive passengers.

    The truly beautiful part is where he kicked them off the bus. It was on Union St, which is pretty much the middle of nowhere. Sure, you have NMSU on the one side of the street, but it’s the farm at NMSU. It’s a long walk from where he kicked them off to any phone. On the other side of the street, you pretty much have I-10 and nothing more.

    When I got off the bus, I thanked him for kicking the wannabe hipster douche teenyboppers off the bus. It was the right thing to do.

    • Bus drivers are generally cool dudes. They put up with a lot of crap already; he definitely did the right thing by dumping them off the bus. Maybe those people will learn to act their god damned ages the next time they’re in public… but probably not.

      • They probably went shopping around for a lawyer who would actually take on the case…

        • … and went home empty handed.

          • If this was in NYC, you can guarantee that a lawyer would take this case because anyone who works for the city is big and bad and unionized… Think of the hipsters’ rights maaaann.

    • That’s AWESOME!…more and more people are not putting up with their behavior. We were at Goodwill looking for some old stereo equipment w/ a friend and there was one Me Monkey w/ his black rimmed glasses hopping around the store like he was on ten bumps of coke, stopping to stare blankly at anyone who walked near him, then proceeded to go into the restroom and (we kid you not) obnoxiously PUMP the shit out of the Paper Towel Dispenser for what seemed TEN MINUTES straight…people (normal people) were starting to get annoyed and the manager worker person (bless her heart) walked up to him after he exited the bathroom all dramatically “if you continue to act up like that, your outta here, got it?”
      the noodle arm didn’t know what to say, but we clapped and thanked her.

      more folks need to stand up to these idiots and let them know they can’t get away w/ behaving like annoying overgrown children….

    • Somebody should be devoting the time to create a mutant, hipster-specific viral strain to infuse these sustainable dickweeds with.

    • Yet there seems to be no shortage of sympathizers on the comments section.

      • I’ve had to go to restaurants where I knew I would not like the food. One orders as best one can, saves a few calories, says it was great, and shuts up. So you are a vegetarian and have to eat in house of pork. It happens, but why post a review? She said she ended up there by accident and would never have chosen the place on her own. But she has to post her precious opinion. Could not keep it to herself even thought she is admittedly totally unqualified to review a restaurant specializing in meat. They always have to take pictures , be heard post their opinion. Well, like one of my teachers once told me. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.

        • SwampYankee, I have to differ with you just a touch about opinions. I have to agree with Harlan Ellison: “You don’t have a right to an opinion. You have a right to an informed opinion.” That’s why I want to slap this dweeb, because she’d lose her shit if someone came to her favorite vegan restaurant and complained because it didn’t serve bacon cheeseburgers. That would be a dick move, and so’s this.

    • I’m sure these stellar citizens were just a pleasure to wait on.

      People like this can fuck up a waiter and put him in the weeds like it’s nobody’s business.

      These fragile souls must have gone there on Head Cheese night. here’s the menu:

      http://www.thesaltypig.com/img/saltypig_menu.pdf

      • If the grilled cheese she had was head cheese it would taste a bit funny to a vegetarian
        Like Yah

    • I bet those hipsters on the fixies were annoyed with the biker being in the bike lane.

    • Why aren’t they sepia-toned?? NOT VINTAGE ENOUGH

    • Heh. Nicely done, sir.

      • Thanks. My wife told me I can’t just yell out “Hey Stupid!” Why not? Anybody who is, will. Chauncey, the straw-bodied, authentic Brooklyn dirt prospector was proof of that. Besides, the girl in front of him couldn’t hold back laughing at that. There’s nothing more satisfying than openly mocking sustainable rooftop lice herders.

        • “My wife told me I can’t just yell out “Hey Stupid!” Why not? Anybody who is, will.”

          Let me rephrase that. Anybody who is used to being called stupid, will react exactly like he did.

    • Nice, Love the Mehgan selling the DVD

      • Someone needs to tell her that:

        a) those aren’t trousers
        b) she does not have the body to be wearing something like that

        • Here’s some nice imagery. A Cankle Spaniel daisy chain. Imagine a rope of link sausages in an Italian Pork store.

          I’ll go away now.

          • The sausage rope is far more creative and useful. Cankle Spaniels barely function through involuntary body functions.

    • Joe – those are awsome – love me some Cankle Spaniel Trio-

      like, I was into them before you heard of them, yah.

      I see some “like, yah I’m gonna sell my urban art at Meeker Ave. Flea” candidates

    • The little kid looks mildly retarded – he must take after your side of the family.

      • Your mother is mildy retarded, douche. That’s why you came out as an asshole baby.

        • Uh huh. Why did the Polack cross the road? He couldn’t get his dick out of the chicken.

          • Funny that you should mention your mother’s nickname, “Chicken”. Everybody complained about the feathers stuck to their dicks after they pulled a train on that scrawny spizz bucket.

  5. Those fucking hats…..Uncle Floyd must be shittin’ himself.

    Just a general question: DO ANY OF YOU GUYS HAVE THIS MUCH FREE TIME ON THEIR HANDS?
    I mean – I’m thankful for my life, hectic as it is. But my dad, God bless ‘em never had a spare moment. When he would come home for his two hour lunch on Saturday, he’d eat then go out and check the tires and fluid levels of all the cars. On his day off it was yard work, renting a log splitter, re-tiling a bathroom, fixing the heater, Driving to Brooklyn for Restaurant provisions and to pay bills.

    • “Those fucking hats…..Uncle Floyd must be shittin’ himself.”
      an Uncle Floyd reference. Awesome!

      • Ya gotta love Wall St’s. Reaction at the tail end. If they were wearing Shriner’s hats and dropping water balloons it would have been perfect.

        We had a graphic/web designer come in for an interview. He decided to honor us with his presence by showing up an hour late dressed in cruddy high tops, dirty jeans and a ski cap. We’re not even two minutes into the conversation when he starts in with the demands. this is a part time position but the company is gracious enough to offer a health plan.

        Aside from the fact that his work sucked eggs, here was his list of demands:

        75 dollars an hour

        Total creative control.

        Wants to work from home with a company purchased lap top (Apple, of course).

        And here’s my favorite: A company credit card.

        The four of us just looked at each other.

        My boss lost it first. Then we all did. Laughing our asses off.

        Butthurt boy collected all his stuff with a “I’m taking my ball home” attitude and stormed out.

        I swear I almost peed myself.

          • Is this your kid’s drawing? It’s got something.

            your kid could draw circles (literally) around that ass drip.

            Graduate of Moore College of Art, he was.

          • Actually, I drew that, using a mouse in Photoshop, a couple of years ago to mock some artisanal dickweed at a Political Affairs forum I used to frequent. I’m a pretty good artist, incidentally. I was shanghaied by different COs in my unit to draw and airbrush company emblems, design license plate art and other happy horseshit. It was annoying because it prevented me from doing more important things like sleeping in my arms room.

          • I do graphic design and I wouldn’t show up with anything less than a suit & tie and portfolio. And no attitude.
            Shameful. And my mother went to Moore. She would shake her head.

  6. Oh great swami, what are your thoughts on “Occupy” “Wall Street”?

    • That site’s layout is atrocious. How the hell do you even get into the comments? It says there’s 62 of them but not a single one pops up. I didn’t even bother to read the article itself; the narrow formatting made my head hurt.

      • The comments are on a separate page. I think my favorite one said something to the tune of, “this isn’t shrinking the industry; this is culling the herd.”

        • Look at this one:

          “Thanks for this article. I would like to see more coverage like this of the specific effects of the recession on different segments of our population. As a member of the so-called creative class myself these stories and examples really resonate. I recently wrote about my own experience with the recession on my personal blog…as a freelance online content strategist and writer I am currently making less than half of what I made in 2009. Times are tough.”

          They link to their own blog. What the hell is a “freelance online content strategist”? I like how the comment is utterly devoid of an actual reply to the content of the article, and is nothing more than a shameless plug. The link to their blog doesn’t even work.

          • “The link to their blog doesn’t even work.”

            It’s known as symmetry. Neither does the freelance online content strategist and writer.

            Do you get the feelng that these idiots are skimming through DH posts for occupational descriptions? That looks like someone here made it up.

          • I think I can parse that particular line of bullshit.

            “Freelance online content strategist” = “I have a blog but I don’t write my articles; instead, I just link other articles I found more interesting than I can ever be.”

          • Add to that: “I advocate everyone else giving away their content for free so I can link to it, but I expect everyone to pay me for my outstanding contributions to society.” As if BoingBoing isn’t bad enough.

  7. Remember I said “Can’t wait for the gassing to start”? Well Here’s Johnny!

    The What
    Someday this war is gonna end..

  8. The increase in moron count at the Occupy Wallstreet protest. Looking at the photos and videos on the news, it appears that most of these participants are of the same type of people: white hipsters who are either in college or recent graduates.

    These fuckers should’ve thought about majoring in something useful because I see a lot of positions that need to be filled but apparently no qualified candidates. Hell, the protestors aren’t even settled on a single goal and are all over the map with why they are protesting. Are these college students that fucking retarded? For fucks sake.

    • These people are demanding jobs?
      If you’re unemployed, how extensive is your job search if you have time to spend days at a time camping out in lower Manhattan?

      • They’re looking for more subsidies so that they can pursue their creativeness at_____ (choose any sustainable, organic, cafe/taqueria/vegan slop house/art collective venue/artisanal handcrafted bucket shop) for even longer periods of time than they can afford to presently. These leeches want all the benefits which result from working without actually doing it. It interferes with kicball cheerleader practice.

        • http://100percentcool.com/

          Are you saying hipsters are not inventive? These unique handcrafts are so unique they look like they were fished out of the garbage when in reality …..

          … they were fished out of the garbage.

  9. Jack Webb Find Hipsters!

    • I saw the same thing happen in Portland when I was trapped there. This isn’t a cost-saving measure to cut back on pickups. This is a matter of convincing hipsters and yups that they don’t just drop their garbage when they’re finished with it. The worst part is that you could have ten garbage cans on every corner in New York, and if you yelled at a beardo for leaving his Vitamin Water bottle in a doorway, he’d simper “There weren’t any garbage cans! Show me where there’s a garbage can!”

    • Why would they need more trash cans? If the trash is business related, the business needs to handle its own trash. If the trash is residential, they need to bag it properly themselves. If the trash is drunken douchebag-related, isn’t that really just a critique of the very people who are complaining?

    • If you read through the article there way too many organizations mentioned:
      East Williamsburg Valley Industrial Development Corporation
      Sanitation Department
      Northside Merchants Association
      Them plus all the individual merchants. Whats next? The Village Green Preservation Society?
      God, these people love to make up clubs so they can exclude people from them

  10. Ugh, these fuckers are marching on Wednesday, urging kids and college students to walk out on class…

    So I’m guess these protesters want others to be losers just as well. Hearing them speak just wreaks hipster douchebag. They have all this fucking time and energy to fucking protest yet can’t seem to make an effort to find a job. But wait, this is all about Anti-capitalism and the notion of owning property is not good because the earth belongs to all.

    I saw some of their equipment. Without capitalism they wouldn’t even have a lot of the stuff they get to use and enjoy. As I said earlier, we haven’t had normal capitalism in this country. That is due to our government and globalization, not due to capitalism. Their aim should be with the government and poor regulation.

    • “But wait, this is all about Anti-capitalism and the notion of owning property is not good because the earth belongs to all.”

      Tell that to the farmer back in Dogfelcher Falls after he unloads a couple rounds of No. 2 buckshot into their asses.

  11. “AAA battery armed” lol

    it just gets better and better

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