Welcome to another installment of fishing for hipsters. If you don’t know, Fishing for Hipsters is when I place a ridiculous ad on Craigslist Personals posing as the ultimate fauxhemian recent Brooklyn transplant female which leads to hooking the typical hipster male counterpart and having them expose just how phony they are. This time around, the responses got cut short because somebody (most likely this site’s mascot Stevie who combs through Craigslist day and night in women’s clothing, flagging and deleting anything anti-hipster related) deleted my ad pretty quickly. However I did catch a gem – a Jaws or Moby Dick if you will. The pseudo-quirkiness is just oozing out of his pores. It will be the first response you read.

First, here was my ad:

I ask of 3 things. This should be simple. – 27 (Williamsburg/Bushwick)


Date: 2011-09-21, 7:27AM EDT
Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here


 

This should be rather easy. First a little about me. My name is Zoey. I’m 27. From San Fran by way of Indiana. Currently living in Brooklyn. I’m an urban community planner, performance artist and coffee connoisseur.

I need you to answer these three questions along with a description of you and your life.

1) Are you creative, quirky, and artistic or indie?

2) Do you lead a green and sustainable lifestyle?

3) Do you consume local, organic, hand-crafted artisanal food and other products?

(hint: answering “yes” to these questions earns you points)

Your truly,

Zany Zoey

 
_______________________________________________________________________
 

Here were the responses:

 
 
Hi, I spend most of my time eating cheese.

key words: 70s soul records, leggings, Chex cereal, “Hannah & Her
Sisters”, toothbrush microphones , pervasive feelings of
self-loathing.

Are you still looking? Do real people use craigslist for things
besides roommates and secondhand futons? Is it wrong to eat peanut
butter out of the jar with your fingers? Do you find high scores in
arcade bowling even slightly attractive? These
are all appropriate questions.

I probably don’t qualify as a hipster, but I do like fruit rollups,
Albert Camus, avant-garde photography, The Delfonics, Seinfeld, and I
hate Republicans. I also once stole a copy of The New Yorker from the
dentist’s office. I guess I just figured the term was universal
shorthand for “jaded intellectual who owns a bicycle”. I graduated two
years ago from Generic State College That I Resent For Pretty Much
Every Reason, I’m a freelance writer, I’m really good at the air
piano. I like giving myself shampoo mohawks. I’m a supremely skilled
guacamole maker. None of that is probably relevant to your purposes,
but maybe you see all of it as stuff generally possessed by men
not-completely-incompetent at entertaining a woman. It’d be pretty
cool if you saw it as that kind of stuff.

I’m 6-0, 155, “athletic” (if you consider that a pejorative term I can
just be “guy who runs regularly”), and if you can ignore that I’m
borderline incapable of growing facial I think I’m pretty adorable. If
you’re bored and lonely this week and want to get pizza with a droll
guy who occasionally uses semicolons, I’ll be available. Gratuitous
ab-shot included because, well, yeah, I don’t really have much
explanation. I know it’s pretty incongruous given the content of this
ad, but I figured some assurance that I’m not disgustingly obese would
be appreciated.

Hopefully the other people you have met on here are horrifyingly crass
and borderline illiterate so I look way better by comparison. This is
the end of my ad and now I am telling you that you should probably
send me something.

———————————————————————————————————————————–

I have answered yes to all 3 questions. I am 25 years old.  I am currently an actor/filmmaker/theater electrician.  I am looking for someone I am compatible with, someone I can spend time with and discover life together.  I like doing a lot of different things, I am kinda eclectic and laid back.  I do have tats and piercings and I love them. I am not covered in tats though. I want to have a friendship with a possibility for a serious relationship.   I hope to hear from you soon. Halloween is coming up

————————————————————————————————————————————

1) Are you creative, quirky, and artistic or indie?- I am a writer, photographer, sculptor

2) Do you lead a green and sustainable lifestyle?-A significant effort toward this..also judge cities for national environmental/beautification contest

3) Do you consume local, organic, hand-crafted artisanal food and other products? – as much as possible/reasonable
Special coffee note: I must have great coffee..often drink Ethiopian Yergachaffe, Kona, Jamaican Blue. I want to try civit cat coffee

More about me:
I am a fun and funny white guy with an IQ higher than a medium sized kumquat. I also wash myself frequently, brush my teeth, and have a libido about 10 times what it should be for my age. I have one of those yin yang battles going on inside my head; the businessman type (have an MBA, was an executive, then entrepreneur) fighting with the artist, which seems to have won these days. I now work as a freelance writer and have written six books and do photography for those books and my lectures around the US. I also sculpt (metal, carve stone and wood) plus teach college part time when I can.
 
I am passionate about life and about everything I do. I love music, old rock, blues, and singer songwriters. I love great conversation including witty repartee. I am in decent shape and walk through the park many days. I am solid, more football player (I did play it years ago) than ballet dancer. I am a natural romantic.  Let’s get together and talk about life, or as a song says, “Live, Laugh, Love”.