I think we have a winner – Bottled Brooklyn.
Posted: August 31, 2011 Filed under: Main 142 Comments »
I think we have a winner. A winner for the most pathetic attempt at art combined with being a wanna-be Brooklynite. Would you pay $24 for a 6″ test tube that holds a cloth inside it? Well Rameses, Angelica and of course Josh would like you to. Oh, did I mention that the cloth has Brooklyn dirt, grass, water and luck rubbed on it? Yep, this is definitely up there in hipster ridiculousness. I remember my first trip to Florida as kid seeing “Canned Florida Sunshine” in a souvenir shop. Even at age 7 I knew it was a joke and if you bought it you probably just wanted to put it on your shelf to make someone laugh if they came over your house. However, this fucking Bottled Brooklyn shit is meant to be taken as a serious art project and you are supposed to cherish and embrace the fucking cloth with good old Brooklyn dirt on it. These phony fucks will do ANYTHING to be associated with Brooklyn but EVERYTHING they do is so not Brooklyn. Can you imagine, three “creative types” that probably have a combined 5 years of experience living in Brooklyn are going to sell Brooklyn to you. I’d be ashamed and embarrassed if any of them are actually from Brooklyn. I think it’s a safe bet. Maybe they made these tubes to sell to hipsters who have completed their Brooklyn staycations, left gentrification in their wake and are now ready to go back to their cul-de-sacs and treehouses at age 35. I can’t see anyone other than a hipster spending $24 on something like this.
This is a description of the “art piece” from their website:
Introducing the premier art piece released from bottledBrooklyn. This specially designed glass test tube contains cloth that has traveled throughout one of New York City’s most famous boroughs and has the stains to prove it. Because our products are hand-made and not manufactured, each and every piece is unique and full of character. bottledBrooklyn is the perfect way to have your very own piece of Brooklyn. This product is 100% vegan-friendly, sealed with soy-based wax and bottled with Brooklyn pride. Bring an element of NYC home.
Vegan-friendly??? Soy-based wax??? They have to throw those hipster catch phrases in there don’t they?
And here is what it says on their About page. What redundant hipster bullshit. Hipsters have completely sold Brooklyn out as some kind of theme park. Fuck em’:
bottledBrooklyn designs art pieces that showcase elements of New York City. Our goal is to share our art and make NYC more accessible to the rest of the world. All of the products are designed and hand-made in Brooklyn, New York. bB launched its first project (bottledBrooklyn, The Original Brooklyn in a Bottle) in June 2011. bottledBrooklyn is one of the few subdivisions under The Ramification Project LLC, an innovative lifestyle company that grows independent brands rooted in creative concepts.
We like to think that bottledBrooklyn contains the blood, sweat and tears of all Brooklynites (metaphorically speaking). The contained fabric travels throughout the borough and gets dirty. From grass to mud stains, bottledBrooklyn is painted with the land. It’s then stamped, branded and sealed with soy-based wax. It’s more than just a souvenir, each bottledBrooklyn product is a unique art piece.
Take a look at “Joshua” on their About page. I found another picture of him.
Link: BOTTLED BROOKLYN
http://www.youtube.com/user/joshuaadambrueckner
What a helium-voiced waste of space.I simply will never understand how after seeing thousands and thousands of people attempt that doofy try-hard “hipster look”, that you allow yourself to conform to it. It’s so embarrassing.
This shitbag’s account has now been closed.
That was fast.
I have never understood these people’s willingness to put all their online accounts in their full names. I understand that it’s part of the whole LOOK AT MEEEE mentality but I don’t understand that mentality either.
http://www.jabplay.com/#!__the-tale
This is his website……
ewwww thank god we don’t got ‘smell-a-vision’ yet….he just needs to stop..he don’t have no keyboard and he don’t have no friends either…
Soy-based wax – lol hipsters
“one of New York City’s most famous boroughs” – umm, how many boroughs do they think we have? This is like saying the ring finger is one of the most famous fingers. Not a fucking chance these assholes are natives.
And I love how they state a goal of making NYC accessible to everyone – hey hipster Douchebag, how about starting by staying in Iowa and Ohio instead of coming here and gentrifying real New Yorkers out of their homes.
About the only thing I can say for these cloths is that they’re probably cleaner than a Masterbation Brothers pubic beard chocolate. Go home hipsters – we get it – you proved you’re an authentic urbanite, you made Brooklyn a better place, etc. We don’t care – just fucking leave. I got some news for you Caleb, Megan, Josh, Harrison, and thundercunt Zoey – The hard working Mexicans waiting on the corner all morning for a chance of a couple hours of work (and you sneer at and look down on) are more Brooklyn than you will ever be.
Its only “one of New York City’s most famous boroughs” because these hipster morons only know two the name of boros. I want to shit in a test tube as “authentic New Yorker”
JAZ–I couldn’t agree with you more with regards to the hard-working Mexicans waiting on the corner all morning for a chance of a couple hours of work–take a lesson hipsters–learn how to work, and stop–just stop being such pathetic douchebags! *POOF!* BE GONE!
that’s exactly what i thought when i read “one of NYC’s most famous boroughs”….yeah, because NOBODY’S ever heard of the Bronx or Queens. *face palm*
I’ve read this blog for a couple of years now, and finally feel compelled to comment.
You know, I hate the hipsters we have here, but none of the coke-slobbering, thrift store raiding little shitstains we have here are even close to pretentious enough to think they could “bottle” Tucson. Mostly they just pass various herpes strains to one another while muttering the phrases “artisanal, sustainable, local. . . *takes a drag off ‘natural’ cigarette. . . yah, like, organic. . .” But the fuckers you guys have to contend with? MILES beyond the assholes out here. I mean, fuck, they’re selling dirty rags, like someone who’s never been to Brooklyn is going to buy one, cuddle up to it and think “Mmmmm. Brooklyn seems so, I don’t know, ‘accessible’ now. . .”
Bottom line is these fuckers will do anything to make money without having to ACTUALLY WORK, LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON.
Keep up the good fight.
Hilarious. You just made my morning.
I have to agree, our downtown area is the equivalent of Williamsburg, but not nearly on the level of fucktardedness. I assume all the ones with that level of pretense couldn’t stand to live in this “one horse town” and packed and headed east. Though we could stand to pull a three block drive-by on 4th ave and Che’s, nip the whole outbreak in the bud in a matter of minutes.
I’m a native Phoenician and I’d hate to imagine dealing with the summer heat and hipsters at th same time. I figure in Phoenix they are probably limited to the downtown area near Central Ave., Scottsdale, and Tempe near ASU. Do you know if that’s correct? I don’t live there anymore.
Back in high school in Wisconohiominnetucky, Joshua was voted “most likely to have his head shoved in toilet”.
What a disaffected worthless piece of shit and that goes for all three of them.
No trinket is beyond peddling…or buying…as long as mommy and daddy’s money is paying for it.
You hipsters are fucking disgusting.
Just one comment on that theory. “Most likely to…” implies that it didn’t happen. We KNOW that must have happened, repeatedly. Hell back when I was in high school I was a complete dork, yet I would have probably been shoving those guys into trashcans.
Same here, and as I keep pointing out, he probably spent his time in school getting the shit beaten out of him by the anime club. I find it absolutely amazing how many of the really clueless shitbirds in high school (the ones who couldn’t understand that their arrogance about their cluelessness was what made them so hated) decide to take off to The Big City to find people just like them. They then move back in tears because they do.
it’s totally running away from their past and wearing a pre-packaged disguise in a brand new city and then bragging about it to people back home. but some reason i have a strange feeling those hard working people back home dont give a shit and probably print out their facebook prancey posey pictures and have then taped up on dart boards and at shooting ranges…
*rob*
LOL, this just inspired the most awesome visual- An anime club beating up hipsters, anime style.
Blue-haired Anime club leader(striking a pose, pointing at hipsters, while opening mouth very wide): HEY! OVER THERE!! HIPSTERS!!! YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE!
Hipster: I’m just trying to sell these handcrafted, glitter covered notebooks.
Anime nerd: AH HA! USING PRETENTIOUSNESS, AS I EXPECTED! YOUR POWER LEVEL IS HIGH, BUT YOU CANNOT DEFEAT US!!! POWER UP!!! HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH(Strikes generic “powering up” pose).
Anime nerd: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE HIPSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER UPPERCUT!!!!!
The otherwise weak uppercut manages to knock the hipster into the air several meters, before he lands in a trashcan. Anime nerd turns away, and looking over his shoulder, whispers some random Japanese words that he doesn’t understand, e.g. “Kohii ga, hoshi desu ka?”
oh god this is awful crap
The monkey is actually better-looking…and definitely more intelligent.
As much as I feel for you having to deal with them, Nd take this with the humor it’s meant’ to have, better there than here. My nephew married one of those pompous bitches. It was a small wedding, but she had to have one of her hipster friends be the bartender. If I want a fucking bottle of beer, I can reach in the cooler and get it myself. But on a sad note for me, after they are done spoiling New York, they do come back home, and act even more pompous, having been all urban and stuff.
Back in the day in the 90′s if you said you were from QUeens it was not something to really be so proud of (in respect to The Bronx and Brooklyn) or boast about given the reputations of the other boroughs for their “realness/ruggedness”.
But in 2011 representing Brooklyn zealously is a joke. I’ve said it before and its getting redundant but QUeens and the Bronx are the only places to find that real hard gritty working immigrant melting pot communities.
RIP Brooklyn.
No need to rub it in. It seems every chance you get to shit on brooklyn you take it. What’s up with that?
Brooklyn and the people of Brooklyn are SUPPOSEDLY so tough and have this infamous reputation throughout the 90′s for its/their authenticness and so called “real deal” etc etc…., so how ( and this is a rhetorical question) do their neighborhoods become such pussified cake fests?
Everyone shits on these pussy hipsters and lays blame to them for the change in their neighborhoods or the city rather, BUT ITS YOUR FAULT for letting this happen.
A good 20-30% of Brooklyn should no longer be considered New York City. I’m speaking about the region in and around williamsburg eg : Greenpoint EAST (HA!) Bushwick, Bushwick, Cobble hill, Boerum Hill, Clinton Hill, Fort Greene, DUMBO, and anything in the northwestern corridor.
There’s little to NO hipsters in the Bronx and the only hipsters in QUeens are in Astoria/Hunters Point.
It is because of the people of Brooklyn that these hipsters have infested the city and you can’t walk ANYWHERE without seeing some faggot on a fixed gear bike with tight levi jeans. The people of Brooklyn should have put up a greater resistance to the hipsters than just sitting any whining.
There are absolutely no hipsters where I am at in QUeens (Flushing, Corona, College Point, Jamaica) and I love it that way. If one of those hipsters comes out here with their faggot ass art bullshit or attention garnering they will be appropriately but in check.
You also have noone left who speaks English in Flushing, Corona, College Point and Jamaica. Using the cliched ghetto term “representin’” is just as lameasstic as a hipster saying he or she (usually interchangeable) are “Booklynites”. Admitting you’re from Queens will still get a big laugh.
Fak you and U representin English.
I guess you don’t either.
yeah baybee and Proud of it!
It’s clear to me you don’t know how gentrification works. You make it sound like we let them in. They caught their ass whoopings, but he council people rezoned areas like fort greene (that’s where I’m located and my locksmith shop) and there was little people could do. They won’t go to queens because nothing is out there and if they do be prepared to have the same problem. They are human parasites. Come to the hood and talk reckless you will get poor into place.
There’s nothing ironic about living in Jackson Heights. The Irish in Woodside enforce a strict no hipster policy. If ye can’t keep yer head above the bar after only twenty double Tullamore Dews, well, God bless ye, prepare to be beaten to the consistency of Irish oatmeal, ye shillelagh-framed beer bytch.
Thanks for the laugh Joe!
most of them WISH they were “faggots”. real “faggots”.
*rob*
“Faggot” is a Middle English term for a bundle of sticks. Hipsters have stick figure physiques; hence (how often are you gonna see “hence” here, folks?), hipsters are true faggots.
ahhahahhaha.
*rob*
It also means a cigarette (same difference) and yes I smoked a “faggot hipster” once–bad habit, lit him, took a drag off the ass, hated it, threw it down on the sidewalk, stomped and rubbed it into the pavement with my shoes and kicked the habit. End of story. That was my Hipster beating.
Hipsters take over, even in “tough” or “real” areas because landlords LOVE them. Normal working class people hate them, but are too civilized to kill enough of them to make a difference. What do you expect the residents to do anyway? Most people aren’t violent, and complaining wont help.
Don’t be to smug, they may be in your neighborhood next…..
“bottledBrooklyn designs art pieces that showcase elements of New York City. Our goal is to share our art and make NYC more accessible to the rest of the world.”
Share your art? Like all the other Twizzler shaped ironic beardos and canklettes from Wiscopennsylhio who are exactly the same as you? No thank you. Keep it to yourselves.
“Our goal is to share our art and make NYC more accessible to the rest of the world.”
And what does NYC have to say about that?
Charging $24 for one of those shitrags isn’t exactly “sharing”.
You can make one of these yourself . If you MUST throw away $24, just send it to me. I can waste money with the best of them but not on crap.
I kind of remember NYC as pretty accessible. Everybody comes here, to immigrate, to work, play or visit. 2 airports, largest transit system in the country, commuter rail, buses. Too many bridges to count. Hell, we even have an immigration museum on a whole island that was dedicated to getting immigrants in here fast. Not to mention the green lady in the harbor welcoming folks. Thanks for fixing that “accessible” think hipsters, nobody ever though of coming to NYC before your “art” showed them the way
Remember Harriet Tubman’s underground railroad that helped freed slaves?!? well im beginning to think there is some sorta underground railroad going on right now from multiple portals in flyover country that burroughs right here in nyc (sadly, brooklyn in particular). where are the CHUDS and the Mole People when you need them!?!?
*rob*
(maybe this is where the dirt they selling is from!)
*rob*
Apparently we have the answer to the question, “How many hipsters does it take to shove dirt into a test tube?” Three.
http://www.theramificationproject.com/
“The Ramification Project LLC is an innovative lifestyle company that grows independent brands rooted in creative concepts. Our goal is to create brands that positively influence people’s lives through art.
“I am inspired by design beneath disorder, cause and effect, and our projects are built with these principles in mind. I started this company because I want us to be better. We want us to be better.” – Rameses, Co-creator”
Hipster Keyword Counter:
innovative
lifestyle
grows
independent
rooted
creative
concepts
positively
art
inspired
design
I
want
Rameses : a brand of condom.
He calls himself Rameses? Hm: I seem to remember a writer saying something about another Rameses that might apply:
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away”.
http://www.youtube.com/user/RamificationProject
Is this a hipster’s vision for “artistic” yet-not too sexual pornography?!!! I don’t get it! WTF?!! Boy- Ramses sure is a Jack (ass) of all trades! From bottling Brooklyn essence to masturbation material work-out artistic message about the media’s objectification of our physiques and it’s negative RAMIFICATIONS! Well–Mr. Ramses, your “works” ramifications is making me anxious just watching this and nauseous on top of that–I think I’ll go take a xanax now and top it off with a cold draguht!
Better yet–I think I’ll go pump one out, bottle it and send it to Ramses! Here’s my essence!
the whole buzzword culture has GOT to come to an end. how much fucking money did it cost these people to learn these words in overpriced and functionally useless liberal arts degree educations? embarassing for this country.
*rob*
So true! this is getting to the point of beyond ridiculous and absurd…very embarassing for this country..This really does need to STOP soon..it’s getting beyond old now..flagrant displays of self promotion and narcissism are becoming so old…
good thing they threw in that “metaphorically speaking” or else I might have thought every Brooklynite literally showed up to deposit their tears into a test tube.
Pet Rock 2011.
“Our creative team of Brooklynites”
Nothing says “I wasn’t born here more than the constant calling out that you are a “Brooklynite”
Nice catch: “Our creative team of Brooklynites” immediately narrows down their real place of origin to someplace other than the tri-state area.
Who the fuck do they think they’re fooling?
“Only available in the USA
MADE IN BK NY USA”
Really??!!!?! I want to see more “Made in the USA” products available, unfortunately, this isn’t what I had in mind.
If I see one more fucking periodic-element-inspired logo, I’m going to bat-shit crazy.
I’m going to go*, rather.
You know what’s sad? I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if these human skidmarks get a contract to sell this shit in Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie stores nationwide. It doesn’t mean that they’ll actually sell: even the worst sort of shopping-obsessed sorority girl would look at this and mutter “Fucking hipsters.” However, it’ll get lots of coverage, and our trio will move back to their old basements back in Dogfelcher Falls, bragging about how, for one shining moment, their genius could be seen in every suburban shopping mall in America. Never mind that everyone was laughing and pointing when looking at it.
http://web.archive.org/web/20070811195900/http://www.fuckedcompany.com/den/
Speaking of stupid business ideas started by complete idiots, anyone remember this classic?
[...] to the offering in the blogosphere has been somewhat mixed. The blog diehipster.com declared bottledBrooklyn “a winner for the most pathetic attempt at art combined with being a [...]
So Joshs name is Joshua Adam Brueckner. start digging. BTW, Rameses……Pittsburg. Guess he is not a real Brooklynite
Josh? In Brooklyn since way back in 2009!
“After producing large-scale service events in Chicago and Los Angeles through AmeriCorps, volunteering remains a gigantic source of inspiration to Joshua. Following his internship as Production Assistant at The Kodak Theatre, he relocated to New York City in the Summer of 2009.”
Does Pittsburgh count as a real city?
And what’s with this Joshua, Caleb, Ethan etc. bullshit?!? It’s like these No.2 pencil legged lice breeders’ parents were picking names from the cast of characters in Horror Hotel.
Pittsburgh is the capital of Pennsyltucky.
quote:
And what’s with this Joshua, Caleb, Ethan etc. bullshit?!?
their moms were the first generation suburban yoga-tards / soccer moms. (seriously) that’s how these names are popping up these days. these parents now, if they arent broke yet from subsidizing their adult childrens urban playcations now all wanna come back to the inner city as empty nesters and live an urban lifestyle too! BARF! as fucked as it sounds, maybe the whole financial crisis of the last couple of years is a karmic rebalance and will keep those empty nester yoga tards out of the city and send their disgusting 35 year old kickbally playing beardo crotchfruits back home where they came from.
*rob*
Hey, that NYTimes story has a hotlink back to this website which brings you directly to the comments section. Being the self-absorbed cocksuckers they are, I bet this shitbag is on here now, refreshing the page every two minutes to see what “non-cultured” blue collar types have to say about his artistic brilliance. Take advantage and post directly to him, guaranteed he’s reading. Ain’t ya, Rameses, you self-nickname giving fragile-souled fancy-buttercup fuck?
Yes….and like anywhere decent, Pittsburgh repelled him enough to make him head for a hipster haven.
Real Pittsburghers like bottles….of Iron City during the Stiller game n’at, not spaghetti-limbed weenies.
And put up a wall around Larryville – it’s turning into Billyburg!
http://theramificationproject.com/PersonalTrainerNYC.html
Rameses wants to make us better by being an artist/personal trainer and entrepreneur who sells bottled dirt and cloth. We all know art is subjective and takes years and years of mastery; but these shitbags find the most talentless/unoriginal things to claim as their work/art/livelyhood. I’m getting frustrated with the idea of these people being around for 10 to 15 years or more.
Counterintuitive Rameses:
I don’t have a job or in any way attempt to make my community a better place, I just want to fulfill my egocentric needs. I can show you how to be a better person.
Honestly, what kind of shit is that?
It sounds like he spent a lot of time watching “Spike of Bensonhurst”. In the beginning of the film, Spike is hanging out in Mccarren Pool after being exiled from Bensonhurst for refusing to take a dive in a club fight. he meets up with a Puerto Rican dude, named bandanna, who tells him he could stay at his place. Spike then tells him, “Yeah, that’s great. I could bring you people civilization.”
quote:
” I can show you how to be a better person. Honestly, what kind of shit is that? ”
they were raised by mothers of the Oprah generation.
*rob*
Mr. Named after a Scumbag and his howling monkey accomplice need to be shoved into duffle bags and delivered to the nearest Gold’s Gym to be used as sparring bags.
Absolute wank.
Look the Times caught on and mention this site.
http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/01/selling-pieces-of-brooklyn-but-not-the-bridge/
Yup, dirt in a vial is equivalent to a chunk of the berlin wall.
I wrote the following at that rag:
“Only a complete imbecile would fork over $24 for something as stupid as this. Immature pipe cleaner armed clowns who wear lice-infested wool ski caps in the summer, from some tract housing community in the sticks, decide to brave the wilds of Brooklyn on their parents’ dime and attempt to pass this dreck off as quirky and creative. Hipsters will stoop to any level to avoid earning money at a real job. Every kind of worthless endeavor is perceived as a work of energetic and edgy genius. What’s even sadder is that papers, like the NYT, encourage these self absorbed narcissists with worthless fluff articles, such as this, which validate this cultural hijacking.”
Lessee if they have the balls to post it.
And when no one buys it, they’ll say it was all an “ironic joke” or some performance project.
See? We meant for it not to sell.
I love this quote from the TIMES:
“When we grass stain it or dirty it, it’s a natural process,” Mr. Crisi said. “If we see something we’re inspired by, we’ll rub it.”
I know what he means when he says “we’ll rub it.”
HAHAHAHA–soldiers die in this senseless war everyday and none of them are memorialized in the media–my borther and sister are both in the service–and these doucebags, walk around feeling essences and energies–ooohhh let’s go to McCarren Park this weekend and “feel the vibe” people!
Sick sick sick! Go back to Pittsburgh Ramses–you’ve been here for ten years and you are just NOW feeling the vibe of Brooklyn and NYC! Do you even know what this islands original name was and what it meant and how BROOKLYN got its’ name–if you don’t ask me. I’ll school you–you got MY vibe?!
quote:
HAHAHAHA–soldiers die in this senseless war everyday and none of them are memorialized in the media–my borther and sister are both in the service–and these doucebags, walk around feeling essences and energies–ooohhh let’s go to McCarren Park this weekend and “feel the vibe” people!
you mean go to maccarren park at 2pm on a wednesday afternoon… and when they DO go to that park on the weekend they bitch and moan that families are out BBQ’ing and probably enjoying their one day off a week to be together. but but but youre killing the TREEEEEEEEES with your hot coals!!! like yah
*rob*
Here are some pictures of “magical McCarren dirt” Don’t mind the people sleeping on it
http://www.newyorkshitty.com/greenpoint-goodness/?p=63195
The best part of the article……Josh and Megan are being a nuisance by giving homeless people bedbugs in their discards!
bottledBROOKLYN=bullshit. Thank you for sharing! Don’t forget these guys “probably” in their minds that is–went to PRATT and go to Metropolitan for dollar PBR Mondays (because they wear their tight skinny jeans and can pass as one of the gay boys and one of their hags) and realized they need more money until their suburban direct deposit from mom and dad come through and thats when their idea for bottled Brooklyn materialized! Sad pathetic little souls.
Here’s an idea:
why can’t we stuff them into test tubes and toss them into the Gowanus?
HAHAHA! But make sure that the test tubes are–as their website describes, “especially designed”. Oh and can we seal them with concrete?
Okay, now for some good news. I think I’ve found the latest hipster fad: fighting with the rebels in Libya.
http://gawker.com/5836647/clueless-ucla-math-major-joins-libyan-rebels
“Daddy? Yeah, this is Zevon. Good news! The Libyan rebels want me to join them! I’m gonna blog about it, and I’ll have lots of kewl photos to send back as we make the world safe. Uh, I hate to be mundane or anything, but I’ve got to pay in advance. It’s only $20,000, and I just have to bring it in cash. At least I won’t have to buy a return plane ticket: they told me I won’t need one where I’m going.
“Hu? What was that? Well, if you don’t give me the money, I’ll ask Grandma for it! I’ll show you! She paid for my artisanal cupcake factory before I got bored with it, didn’t she?”
HAHAHAHA…in the words of the Doobie Brothers: “what a fool believes, he SEES”.
Don’t despair, New Yorkers. I predict the newest hipster trend will be disparaging NYC as being “over” (yeah, now that you’ve ruined it). NYC’s gain will be Upstate’s or Portland’s loss.
“Design decisions matters a little more when you’re Taavo, because whenever he does something — whether it’s taxidermy, plaid shirts or Edwardian-esque bartenders — everyone south of 14th Street is going to analyze it for seismic cultural shifts.
Ironic beards? Navy watch caps? Vintage-style suits cut from deadstock wool? Those trends might have never taken hold without Mr. Somer, the guiding force behind a retro-macho empire that includes Freemans restaurant, Freemans Sporting Club and the Rusty Knot.
So what’s next for Mr. Somer, a man who styles himself as a kind of anti-celebrity, and whom Sean MacPherson, the pioneering downtown impresario, once called “the patron saint of hipsters” in New York?
It may come as a surprise to learn that Mr. Somer is getting sick of New York. Yes, one of downtown’s most imitated tastemakers of the last decade is itching to leave the very place where he made his mark. Being a husband and the father of a 5-month-old daughter, he said, has put things in a new perspective. ”
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/01/fashion/taavo-somer-moves-on-from-life-downtown.html?pagewanted=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha210
Bring on the backlash and let the real people have the city back!
p.s. Breast milk cheeses are so 2010:
http://nymag.com/news/features/placenta-2011-8/
Classic shite produced by classless shitbirds
Exactly!
“shitbirds” I thought I was the only one who used this word. Love it
What a way to make some dough off your old shit stained kickball t shirt.
quote:
Take a look at “Joshua” on their About page. I found another picture of him.
EW! he looks like he’s dying of something horrible! did he eat the fucking dirt or something? maybe not wash his hands afterwards. wow. but spot on with the seperated at birth picture you posted. you definitely need a Seperated at Birth column here once and a while, kinda like the brooklyn and not brooklyn posts (which are by far my favorite)…
*rob*
He’s been chowing down on those locally grown sustainable organic toxin laden rooftop veggies. Now, if I could only get the Cankleton Twins Free Range Sushi Emporium on Nassau Avenue to buy up a consignment of Stronium 90-infused Yellowfin tuna……
Congratulations on your oh-so-cutting-edge fashion sense, Josh. You look like a rotting corpse. Seriously, I had to click away from that photo really fast. Blecch.
ok, my buddy came up with a brilliant plan.
we are going to clobber Portland hipsters over the head, just as they finish their pbr, throw their bodies into a wood chipper, fill the cans with the remains and sell them around the world for $26 a pop.
Whaddya think?
Nothing says “Look at MEEEEEE” like “Caleb/Cankleen In A Can”. These wonderfully whimsical collectibles will grace the the corner of bedbug infested hipster hovels everywhere. Until their number is up and they end up as canned goods themselves, that is. Buy them, collect them, trade them. It is organic AND quirky. You can paste a photo of the can’s residents to satisfy their narcissistic need for seeking attention. The goop can be used as medium for the faux artist’s next uninspired, yet less than childish art project OR, like yah, as a party dip for non-genetically modified Guatemalan free trade blue corn chips.
I’m gonna mix mine with organic, locally crafted, rooftop hummus!
Like, yah!!
“Oh my God–totes! Let’s do it!” (That was hipster talking–not me).
You could forego clubbing them by tying a string to the PBR can and attach the loose end to the grinder wheel of the wood chipper. It would make for an entertaining Youtube presentation watching them being lured like a rat to cheese.
HAHAHA!
ENOUGH with making NYC accessible to the outside world. That’s what’s fucking RUINING it!!!!
Snake Plissken vs. Hipsters FTW
DAMMIT! with all the advances in medical science, why can’t they clone an army of tough guy actors to wage war on the hipster scourge? death squads of Lee Van Cleef, Charles Bronson, Richard Widmark, Robert Mitchum, James Coburn, Lee Marvin and Vic Morrow can be let loose in all hipster strongholds to eradicate the mechanical pencil lead armed artisanal fusion beardoid kickball beer bitches. Might want to throw bug-eyed kraut actor Klaus Kinski in for the intimidation factor.
Yes! Like the Magnificent Seven! Ride Mag-Seven, ride!
Defeating hipsters doesn’t take tough guys. Just regular people who won’t put up with them anymore.
But a Mag-7 posse would be fun to watch go to town.
It’d be great to see a maiacally laughing Richard Widmark tie Zach, a Rolet Beef Stick legged artisanal tofu sculptor to a wheelchair, using his 20 Gauge wire arms as restraints, and rolling the unfortunate Zach down the BQE on-ramp on Marcy Ave. a la “Sunset Boulevard”.
“maniacally”.
I own Lee Marvin’s Beta Max. And his copy of “1945″. No shit.
I worked as a concierge at Trump Tower on 56th and Fifth from 1985-91. Yul Brynner owned a condo there at the time. He died about two weeks after I started. When one of his daughters was at the building to take care of his affairs, we asked her what she was going to do with his things in storage. She told us to take what we wanted and donate the rest to Goodwill. I ended up with his Size 7 1/2 EE maroon ostrich skin cowboy boots and Stetson hat as souvenirs.
What these imbeciles don’t realize, is that most people aren’t as obsessed with Brooklyn as they are. If I were still in the States and somebody was trying to use “it’s from BROOKLYN” as a selling point, I’d probably be confused. “No thanks, I prefer imported goods…from CHINA!”
Look, Joshua has social networking skills…..
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&aq=hts&oq=&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4PRFA_enUS415US415&q=joshuaadambrueckner#q=joshua+adam+brueckner&hl=en&rlz=1T4PRFA_enUS415US415&prmd=ivnso&ei=ie5gTvD5GYXL0QHswMEP&start=10&sa=N&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=422aca6f1b1d5ac1&biw=1024&bih=546
http://livingfreenyc.com/fooddrink/free-veggie-burgers-iced-tea-from-the-green-truck/
Look at Joshua’s comment…
Hello! This is so great! Are these burgers (and buns) vegan? Would LOVE to stop by with some friends
Joshua
HAHAHA! That’s classic–”Would LOVE to stop by with some friends” = PLEASE FEED US! Our bottled bullshit, I mean our bottle Brooklyn essence is crap and I haven’t eaten anything– EVER and I can’t think and Ramses–well Ramses just keeps pumping 16 pound DUMB-bells and…PLEASE just tell me if the BUNS are vegan?!!! Hello? Why won’t you answer me?!!! I’m SO freakin’ hungry!
NOTICE–Joshua never got a reply. SOB.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1T4PRFA_enUS415US415&q=%22joshua+adam+brueckner%22&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=10131l12455l0l12859l2l2l0l0l0l0l284l436l0.1.1l2l0&um=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&biw=1024&bih=546&wrapid=tlif131497561547610&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=vi
More joshua ?
[img]http://a4.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/64/71d0bdb1d2eb4441b17d916bf9c9740f/m.jpg[/img]
Walking around poolside, I noticed a toothbrush bristle-armed incognito wearing neckbeard flouncing around in the kiddy wading pool. I dug up the street with a backhoe and pulled out the main feed cable, dragged it to the pool and tossed it in, infusing the coffee bean impressario with 480 volts of sustainable current. End of story.
http://jabplay.tumblr.com/
So original! Oh sooooooooooo original Josh. Even the Andy Warhol quote (the one everyone’s heard a million times over) is a bunch of images.
How much money does daddy pay you every month you fucking loser?
“How much money does daddy pay you every month you fucking loser?”
Enough to keep him from returning home. A great investment on daddy’s part and our misfortune.
http://www.facebook.com/becomingbrooklyn
Like yah, I hope that birthday bag contained some genuine, authentic and sooooooooo Brooklyny Coney Island Whitefish. It’s a bit rubbery; but, she’s probably used to that.
http://www.facebook.com/becomingbrooklyn?sk=wall
“After living in Manhattan in a closet-sized, pigeon infested, shoebox-esque apartment for the past year, I had an epiphany that I had to act on immediately; I belong in Brooklyn. As soon as my seemingly endless lease expired, I fled over the bridge to Brooklyn Heights. Read my blog “Becoming Brooklyn,” where I share with you my experience leaving the Manhattan life and becoming Brooklyn.”
So, you “became” Brooklyn, huh? How about I send DOT to stuff asphalt into that pothole above your receding chin? You belong turning tricks over by the Wyckoff Houses, you skeezy Great Mall of America-raised sperm bank.
ahhahahahaha
*rob*
Holy shit, I was glancing through his self-important pictures, several of which featured his “dinner”, and if you look close you can see that he paid $4.41 for a fucking SLICED UP TOMATO. A single tomato. My question is, did he pay for the fact that it was grown organically on the rooftop of an inner city buddhist monastary, fertilized only with the free-renage chicken shit and positive vibes, or the fact that someone sliced it for him so he wouldn’t hurt himself with a sharp knife he would undoubtedly struggle to pick up? At that price it better add an inch to your cock or do the dishes after the meal.
You owe me a new keyboard. Mine just got soaked with a mouthful of coffee.
Hahaha! Thanks! I’ll send you one from the AZ, locally crafted by indigenous Hopi indians who are paid a living wage and work 1 hour shifts twice a week. Just dont get this one wet, it’s made of adobe.
First, NOBODY can “become ” Brooklyn. It is a theological impossibility. You either are or you are not. There is no in between. You don’t necessarily have to be born here but it does help.
Second, she gave up on the Wycoff , Fort Greene and Red Hook Projects because nobody was buying what she was selling. And who could blame them ?
I posted a topic on her discussion board:
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=313&uid=143049482372616
“Pretending That You’re A Native
So, you left the comfort of your planned community and mega-mall lifestyle behind in South Pennsconsinsota, safe in the knowledge that mom and dad will be funding your safari to NYC in order to indulge yourself in a career as a musician/latte sculptor/artisanal string maker. You find an appropriately ironic hovel in Manhattan, rent paid for by the folks. You discover that, after almost one long arduous, angst-inducing, creatitivity stifling year, your present circumstance prevents you from expressing your true inner being; and, you are unable to channel your creative vibes in a manner befitting your innumerable talents. So, what happens? You discover a whimsical, magical world where like minded visionaries, such as yourself, have planted the flag and have colonozed in droves. This wonderland is the Borough of Brooklyn. Ah, Brooklyn. The City of Churches. Home to Nathan’s at Coney Island, Prospect Park, Borough Hall. You realize that this is where you were fated do be. You packed all of your belongings and headed across the river to the Forest Primeval, Brooklyn. Now, after a single, solitary year soaking up the ephemeral essence of this utopia, you now proclaim to be, in body and soul, Brooklyn.
‘Splain how that works.”
Let’s see if she turns into a batshit-crazy banshee after reading it.
http://www.caitlinheikkila.com/
She lists “Master of WordPress, Twitter, Facebook, and other social media outlets” as her skills on her resume.
This is why she and all the other whimsical quirky freewheeling artisinal tryhards exactly like her have daddy paying the rent and all her credit card bills.
“Heikkila”. Hmmmm………..
That’s a Swedish surname. I’ll wager she’s originally from someplace which has a large population of people of Scandinavian descent like North/South Minnesconsinkota. Notice that the beaver-toothed free spirit hasn’t held a job that actually requires any skills. With those shovel-like choppers, the MTA should hire her to dig a new subway tunnel.
“Managing social media accounts for clients, writing and pitching press releases, creating and maintaining relationships with bloggers and other press, creating marketing materials, and offering creative brand strategy.”
Yeah, right. Go stand in a corner and slap yourself.
Heikkila is Finnish, not Swedish. Her degree is from Syracuse, but I’ll bet she’s from Michigan. There’s a lot of Finns out there, especially in “Da U.P.”
Finn, Swede, no matter. 100% pretentious douche.
Here’s her response to my question “Did you get any Coney Island Whitefish in that goody bag?”
BB: “No whitefish, but sounds delish!”
I bet it does. It’s pre-boned for your convenience. Try the locally produced organic saltwater chocolate logs for dessert, while you’re at it.
That proves this tunnel boring machine-toothed jabberwocky is another bogus interloper. “Coney Island Whitefish” is slang for a used condom. Seems like she didn’t soak up enough of the ephemeral essence of Brooklyn to know thst little bit o’minutiae
“shovel-like choppers”…bwahahah….you’re killing me…..
Great stuff ! They, and we, would all be better off if they just embraced reality instead of fantasy, tied their napkins to their hobo sticks and just went back where they came from.
No offense to true hobos, past, present or future.
Check out the pig knuckle-ankled Boy George looking sustainable organic yeast factory wearing a tube top over her flapjack man-tits. It’s the fourth picture from the top of the first article here:
http://bushwickdaily.com/
Scumbag and Josh might consider subcontracting her to provide some cloth rubbings.
I bet her name is Clamydia.
That pic is classic. LMAO
Fuck these clowns….they can bottle my asshole as a genuine piece of brooklyn.
Fuck man. I was driving on the BQE in heavy traffic the other day. Was right up around Williamsburg I guess. I notice some movement on a rooftop to my right. As I get closer, what do I see? A fat assed Megan and three skinny, queer lookin joshes with skin tight jorts dancing around on the roof, flying a fuckin kite, and waving to all of us sitting in traffic. I shit you people not. This Indian fella in a minivan with his family next to me was wondering what the fuck was going on. The look of disgust on his face was something else. Anyway, I don’t post all that much here at the moment, but i wanted to share that nugget with you guys. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone else here has actually seen this goof troop before, being that they probably do this for 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week.
[...] more thoughts, see Gothamist, NYT, and Die Hipster. Also, check out the Authentic Coney Island Boardwalk Shard in a Bottle. Advertisement [...]
Wow, Josh looks like some vicious mash-up between Bizzaro World Woody Allan and Stephen Hawking (no offense to the great Mr. Hawking).