Today, I saw a 34 year old, rigatoni-limbed, cupcake blog creative staff intern yelling at an ATM machine because Daddy had not refilled the monthly gentrification allowance on his organic debit card yet. So I tied him to the front of a pink local sustainable hipster fish taco truck and drove it into a brick wall. End of story.
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Was the brick made of certified organic sustainable clay?
Personally I would have drove around slowly looking for a group of them and then when they came waddling over, I would have floored it into them and THEN into the brick wall…or razor wire…that way they can end up as organic fertilizer, and thus have accomplished one thing in their lives. They’re like roaches really. Squashing one doesn’t do anything…but a whole group might make a dent.
Wall along the border? Let’s start with a wall around NYC first. All incoming vehicles will be checked for fedoras and PBR. Any evidence and they get flung into the Hudson.
Today, I saw a 20 nothing with a degree in sustainable organic internet blogs for fauxhemians dancing on the 7 train getting pissed because people were in the way of him introducing the Asians, Hispanics and Eastern Europeans to culture. While going over to shove my fist through him I noticed I was about to miss my stop so I grabbed single sheet of paper thin man and wedged him into the door so I could get out. Then the doors closed on Noah and because he was so thin, the doors didn’t even register him as an obstruction (but it’s a machine so it can be understood) and proceeded on it’s route. At the end of the platform the wall sheared paper thin’s head off and it floated away in the breeze. End of story.
LOL! Please send Hipster Beaters over to Stuyvesant Town on Sunday morning where a bunch of canckly Megans sell artisinal cheese and flyblown organic sustainable vegetables in competition with real retailers who pay an arm and a leg to rent grocery stores in premises managed by Rose A$$ociates.
Every weekend, one of the major thoroughfares is closed to vehicle traffic (Park ave?) and there should be plenty of hipsters to intimidate the living crap out of. I would say beat but, as of now, doesn’t warrant such a thing… when taking iPhone cameras into consideration.
quote:
cupcake blog creative staff intern
this shit is ALL TOO TRUE. and people actually put that on their “resumes”
*rob*
Yeah, this is shit actually happened. End weak sarcasm.
Lol – love me some Hipster Beatings. It was a rough week for the intern – a few days earlier he had a nasty argument with Harrison and Caleb about which town they are each from in Ohio is closest to Brooklyn – it sounded like 3 kazoos being blasted through a megaphone.
And then just yesterday Zoey claimed that organic, locally crafted hummus is more vital to the preservation of life in Billy than artisinal cupcakes.