75 thoughts on “Brooklyn & Not Brooklyn

  1. The lyrics to the Mr. Softee song:

    Here comes Mis-ter Sof-tee The soft ice cream man.
    The cream-i-est dream-i-est soft ice cream you get from Mis-ter Softee
    For a re-freshing de-light su-preme Look for Mis-ter Sof-tee.
    My milk shakes and my sun-daes and my cones are such a treat
    Lis-ten for my store on wheels ding-a-ling down the street.
    The cream-i-est dream-i-est soft ice cream you get from Mis-ter Sof-tee
    For a re-fresh-ing de-light su-preme Look for Mis-ter Sof-tee
    S-O-F-T Dub-ble-E Mis-ter Sof-tee!

    • Somewhere back in the DH archives is a post about annoying Park Slope juicebox josh moms filing complaints on mister softee for noise pollution.

      • Meanwhile in truly diverse neighborhoods the ice cream truck jingle is welcomed by the kids and many adults, especially during that nasty heat wave. Besides, it’s a gentle jingle, nothing all too bothersome.

      • Mayor Midget Mike Bloomdouche tried to get a law passed regarding Mister Softee trucks. I don’t remember if it was a fail or not. The pussification of the City of New York continues. And I would KILL for a Banana Boat right now

        • It was a compromise. It can only play for a very short period and only in the peak daytime hours.

          The fucking hipsters can go make all the noise they want however, when they are playing in the parks while regular adults are out working. Then they can continue the noise with their little get togethers.

  2. What’s that on the bottom? A fucking organic artisanal frozen bean extract truck operated by some pencil-limbed beardo fuck?

    Fucking hipsters. Suck my dick.

  3. It’s not the truck that bothers me, it’s the character by the truck that would make Richard Simmons hang his head in shame.

  4. Overheard outside the office building (downtown Manhattan) just now – Quinn the intern hipster, a Chinese purple turtleneck wearing hipster, and other random girl talking. Chinese hipster (in cracked Warhol kazoo whine) “me and Quinn are from Brooklyn – there are cool bars like on every block”.

    AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH – I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT ANY MORE.

    It is all lost.

    • Not quite all lost!

      When the pixie stick armed used car lot inflatable whacky man bodied, gnome bearded, fixed gear hipsters say “me and hummus are from QUEENS there are cool bars on every block. ” Then all will be lost.

      That’s when I rig up one of those DSNY street cleaners with whirling blades to sweep the city clean of hipsters once and for all.

    • Wait… It *is* just an ice cream truck? With candy and toys?

      Why can’t they make that clear on their website instead of having all the artsy stuff?

      • Because, well…. We simply don’t understand. Like yah.

        • WTF is up with that voice – did someone shove a helium hose up her ass?

          • That voice is so annoying. Being stuck listening to her nasal kazoo voice all day long would be more torture than waterboarding.

            Maybe one of these days, if she can ever turn a profit selling the same stuff a card shop or Duane Reade does, maybe she could go buy some Afrin and Zyrtec for all that sinus congestion.

    • There ice cream is from the same distributors that Mr. Softy uses. Duhhhh…change the Name, Truck and add candy and toys. WOWWWWWWWWWWWW Brilliant fucking IDEA!!!!! Gee what do you do when winter comes along and you cant drive your truck around anymore. Bye Bye!

      My mother makes these slamming ass beans, maybe i can do a bean truck. At least the hipsters will buy from me after smoking weed after hitting up the clubs & bars late into the night. At least i can sell beans all year around.

      Ohhhh Wait………Then Josh & Megan will copy my business and sell me out.

    • how perfectly predictable. she made sure to promote her incredibly unique indie rock band. you can basically tell what it sounds like just by looking at the heart shaped vinyl. and somehow this ice cream truck is hauling in enough cash to go on a world tour to London, Paris, and Japan and then back to L.A. Clearly self-sufficient.

  5. Like yah, Doubt any 37 year old media coordinator, production assistant, 30 and up kickball league orgainzer, or apprentice barista worth his salt could get through the day without a visit from the truck selling ice cream, toys, and whimsy. Honestly don’t know how above-the-hipster line Brooklyn survived this long without it.

    LIKE YAH

  6. Not related to BK not BK but I’d love to hear some of your thoughts on this:

    http://www.startribune.com/local/minneapolis/126457223.html

    I read it as filthy attention starved improv instructing hipster works out his inferiority complex by stealing some “dumb airman’s” signs and messing with him on the internet.

    • I bet if those signs were from an artisinal cupcake shoppe or a crappy local jam band announcing their gig at Warm PBR Place, thick rimmed glasses boy would be much less upset over it. I’m sure the fact that it is a gym is really setting him off – probably brings back memories of schoolyard beatings that he received (and likely completely deserved).

      • Actually, I suspect that he’d push for getting rid of those signs, too. I knew a couple of guys like him in high school, where they imagined that they were Batman and Judge Dredd, and decided that they were the only people willing or able to enforce the law. You could hear them honking “But that’s not RIGHT” over and over, especially after being told by the proper authorities that it wasn’t their business, and usually over some event or action that interfered with their “Dungeons & Dragons” games and therefore must be abolished. Not only did this guarantee that they got their asses kicked every day in school, but they went on to careers as building inspectors and school district administrators and wondered why everyone in their neighborhoods wanted to set them on fire.

        • I don’t know, I think you both make great points. However I don’t know if this dude is trying to be the caped crusader or if he’s just got beef with tough guys.

          I do know that in my yup infested corner of North Minneapolis all the yups have signs for their favorite gentrification businesses in their yards. I walk my dog really early most days but even still it’s gotten to the point that I can identify a yup house without ever seeing the occupant. Round yard sign? Check. For the local overpriced music school, local overrated theater company, or local artisinal horrible overpriced food spot? Check. Pretentious slogan? Check.

          One of the signs that seems innocent enough but that makes my blood boil every time I see it is one in the yard of a mini-mansion that just has a picture of a bike lane on it and says “burn fat not oil”. Fuck you yup, I’ll burn whatever the fuck I want, starting with your sustainable tomato and eggplant rain garden…

          (There is one funny one though, right on “the drive”, a parkway that runs around two sides of my neighborhood that is commonly regarded as the nation’s longest war memorial — the drive is like ground zero for the yup infestation. In a relatively unkempt yard surrounded by perfectly manicured weed free yards is a tiny little sign I just noticed the other day “experimental dandilion farm”. Nice!)

          • So hipster shitstains are allowed to have their signs up unmolested yet take issue with signs for other businesses, especially one people can benefit from.

            Hipsters have no problem forcing their performances on you on public property, can we complain that we don’t want to see their ugly asses on it?

            Then these jerk offs come to NYC for the “experience” yet make huge efforts to change it into their old locale. The “Little Wisconsin pisses me off the most.

            How the fuck do they have the free time to go hunt these signs down?

          • That’s a great point I didn’t think of. I bet this “improv instructor” thinks that douchebaggary like improv everywhere flash mobs on public property are rilly kewl and a-okay. That shit is more intrusive to me than any signs are.

          • What’s worse – at least in the burbs – is what happensduring the big elections. They come round and deface political signs.

            A guy in our town had his sign stolen several times. Finally he made one with steel tubing and imbedded it in his loan into concrete pylons.

            When the hipster twigs tried to pull it out he had a video camera on them. When they decided to change tactics and spray paint it, the owner comes ’round the back.

            Wielding a cellphone.

            And a shotgun.

          • We get a lot of that out here, too, only it works both ways. Hipsters take down all of the conservative signs, and then the teabaggers take down all of the liberal signs and replace them with their own ones. It keeps escalating until someone gets beaten or shot with rock salt, and neither of the vermin bother to ask “what does the person who lives here think about this?”

            Myself, I used to live on a busy streetcorner where every idiot in North Dallas thought they could dump their signs in my yard and leave them. It wasn’t just garage sale and open house signs, either: I was constantly hit with political signs, banners advertising Herbalife, and just about every bit of shit you could imagine. I finally got tired of taking out the “REAL ESTATE INVESTOR SEEKS APPRENTICE” scam signs, and just settled for modifying them a bit. Namely, changing “APPRENTICE” to “SEX WITH CHILDREN”. After what must have been a few interesting phone calls on Monday morning, he took them down himself and never dropped another one in my yard again.

          • I did something similar with a psycho boss (he threatened to beat me and threw a phone at me). I went in to tell him about transferring out of his group due to lack of opportunities for advancement.

            To give you an idea of how nuts he was, I called early one morning to tell him that my wife was rushed to the hospital due to complications with her pregnancy and he strted cursing and screaming at me, saying “DON’T THINK THIS CHANGES YOUR FUCKING SCHEDULE ASSHOLE!!

            Anyway…I’m in his office and he starts giving me an inspirational talk, commending me for ‘taking control” of my life. I’m thinking, “Hey” I’m finally making some headway with this guy”.

            Then he pulls out a fucking Amway binder and starts giving me a 30 minute sales pitch.

            Monday morning he walks in in throwing shit and cursing out loud.

            Apparently someone had put “I LOVE ALTAR BOYS” and I’M A N.A.M.B.L.A. MAN” bumperstickers
            on his car. He drove with them from Philly to Staten Island.

            To his divorce settlement.

          • I’m a conservative. It’s my business. I don’t put signs on my lawn. I never saw the point. Same with bumperstickers. I mean – you vote for people who you feel are fit for the job, right?

            But local politics are ugly around here. The sign vandalism is usually the work of opposing candidates. This is sad and pathetic because most of these positions are part time and pay about 12K per year, which leads me to believe that there’s money to be made in ways usually frowned upon by honest people.

            When a political sign winds up on my lawn I throw it out. But once I blew my stack. It was a Fourth of July weekend. I walk outside to get the paper and notice my lawn and all the lawns on my block are lined with little American flags. since we were having a block party I didn’t think anything of it. i figured someone took a little initiative and livened things up a bit.

            Upon closer inspection I noticed the flags had cards attached to them. They were ads for a local realtor, complete with picture and asking us to sell our homes (this was during the housing boom).

            Everyone on my block (about 60 people total) called this asshole’s boss and told them that if fuckstick didn’t come by and remove each and every flag we would call the paper and the local VFW lodges.

          • Rain farm?

        • I think this gentleman is a bit off. I think anything – maybe a Mr. Softee Truck outside his theater would have launched this guy into a tailspin. It so happens that the catalyst was the boot camp sign which sullied the hallowed ground of an Arts Center.

          but then i suspect that if the sign advertised a business that fit well with his worldview he may have been less reluctant to luanch his campaign.

  7. Oh for the love of GOD. It’s a fucking ice cream truck. I can’t take any more of this shit. This is a 99 flake: http://www.flickr.com/photos/su-lin/3552768346/. I grew up with simple stuff like this.

    What is this other shit they are coming up with? A fucking web site about an ice cream truck? Follow me on twitter? I don’t want to follow you fucking anywhere.

    Page 6 of ‘The story of HEARTSCHALLENGER’: “She felt no passion towards her work and felt limited by her circumstances. She finally decided it was time to stop procrastinating…filled it with her favorite (stupid fucking symbols) and would drive it to house parties, raves and clubs.”

    I thought ice cream trucks were for kids? Or for adults who are with kids, but want to indulge in a little ice cream on a hot day. Fine. But what is this house parties and raves shit?

  8. Where did the money come from to buy the vehicle and make it into an ice cream truck?

    • It’s going to “tour the world” as well, all the way to Japan. Who has the money to send a fucking pink ice cream truck to Japan?

  9. That is SO NOT Brooklyn!

    While I am all for single teen Moms opening businesses and being successful, Im wondering if this is actually profitable, and for how long. According to the ridiculous little book on the website, she had a good, secure, desk job, but wasn’t “feeling it” (to paraphrase), so took all her savings and made this truck. I wonder if mommy and daddy helped? She sells cheap doo dads and ice cream to other hipsters- how long until this stops being trendy? I cannot believe any company went along with this crap, and a crystal ice cream truck? really? And since when did an ice cream truck need a website and record deal? Ugh!

    And naming your kid tiger should be illegal!

    • > and a crystal ice cream truck?

      Judging by her nasally voice, It’s more like a crystal meth truck…

  10. On the back of truck: Heartschallenger.com What the fuck are we challenging? The heart? Why would you challenge the heart? Makes no sense.

    They have these overpriced trucks parked on Wallstreet too. They are a dime a dozen.

  11. OK, I admit it. I made a mistake. I will personally hold my hands up and say I was wrong to judge you America. Please accept my sincere apologies. When I first arrived in NYC I was admittedly a little judgmental of everything west of the Hudson River. Usual stuff that in Europe you would see or hear about (Midwest = hunting, South = Nascar etc. etc.). Yeah, there was definitely a bit of a snobbish attitude about these things. Fast forward 12 years, having spent a lot of time in the Midwest, the South and various other parts of the US, I was gravely mistaken…these places are full of hard working, honest, down to earth Americans. Every time I have headed out West I have had a great time, enjoying a few beers and jokes with the locals. I went out to Williamsburg once. What a bunch of tossers.

    So how is it, kids who are raised in the Midwest with honest, hard working values turn into these little fuckwits ashamed of their heritage and afraid to admit where they are REALLY from?

    • They’re mainly from the suburbs of big cities. Sons of the soil, not.

      • Pretenders to be sons of the soil.

        • Agreed. Chris, the real hard workers are the ones who stay there and make something of themselves. The Williamsburg tossers are all the dorky kids who used to get rolled every day in high school by the anime club, so they’re desperate to move to someplace where “everyone is just like me”. Put them back in the Midwest before they turn 40, when they can coast on their insane lies about how popular they were in Brooklyn, and they’d be eaten alive.

    • They failed to adopt those values. Or their parents failed to teach them.
      Which made them the frowned-upon. Which made NYC their dreamed-of utopia for the frowned-upons everywhere.

    • I’m not sure why either. A place like Chicago is in the Midwest and is a world class city–an “Alpha City,” actually, ranking just under New York, London, and Tokyo. (It is ranked two tiers higher than places like San Francisco and Los Angeles by the Globalization and World Cities Research Network who analyzes and ranks such things.) Chicago has the most diverse economy of any major US city, and has some stellar universities and the Art Institute. Yet, young people still leave Chicago all the time for Brooklyn, L.A., and Portland and pretend like they’ve lived there all their lives. (Not to say that Chicago isn’t rampant with hipsters.) I know a guy who lived in Chicago all his life but went to get his MFA out West. Guess what it says on his Twitter account. “Writer from L.A.”

      Minneapolis is another really great Midwestern city with a lot of stuff to see and do. It’s wonderful place to live, but for some reason twenty-somethings leave in droves, too.

    • An ice cream truck has 1,280 followers on Twitter.

      Who on earth…Who in their right mind would follow an ice cream truck on Twitter?

      What can they possibly think they might miss out on if they DON’T follow the ice cream truck on Twitter?

      Billions of years of evolutionary success have resulted in this?

    • Unicorn art on the website. Oh how whimsical. Gee, I’ve never seen that, ever!!

      Don’t tell me they are the first to come out with a song called Ride Or Die. I’m guessing they don’t listen to much Jay-Z.

    • I fucking hate this social media shit !

    • hey, you gotta admit that’s pretty funny. vilnius is known for being a very pretty medieval town that looks a lot like it must have back in the 1500′s. so i can sort of see where he’s coming from wanting to keep it from having too much car traffic. if you want to ride your bike around a quaint medieval town i think you should be able to do that safely. however if you want to ride your bike in downtown manhattan you have to realize there’s about 20 million other people trying to get around too and it might not work out so well.

      lithuania is very different from new york. it’s not rich and if you’re a hipster there you probably don’t have mommy and daddy sending you checks for rent. vilnius has been a cultural crossroads for centuries so it’s always had a “bohemian” vibe. lithuania seems like a place that hipsters would love, but i doubt many of them have the balls to actually live there. highest homicide rate in europe.

  12. I was busy browsing about the old subway lines of NYC (ever since I was a child I was fascinated by subways) and came across this litltle nugget:

    “The same photo 83 years later less the El structure with addition of disgusting hipster aura. (Photo: 2011)”

    http://blog.smart-crew.com/2011/01/20/nyc-str.aspx

    Yes, these guys are about graffiti art…

    • “The Lillian Wald Houses, named for Lillian D. Wald (1867-1940) stretch from Houston Street to East 6 Street on Avenue D. Medical care in the city’s poorest slums was pretty nonexistent in the late 1890s. So social reformer Lillian Wald established a visiting nurses service. Her Nurses’ Settlement eventually had a staff of about 100 blue-uniformed nurses who went from tenement to tenement offering free or low-cost check-ups and treatment, mostly for immigrant mothers and kids. The housing projects has 16 buildings 10, 11, 13 and 14-stories tall with 1,857 apartments housing an estimated 4,536 residents. It was completed on October 14, 1949.”

      http://blog.smart-crew.com/2011/05/10/avenue-d—smart-crew-nyc-a-z-streets-series.aspx#comment-9387632

      Now the place is filled with hipsters.

      • “see that? that’s you, right there. Notch 45, you grover bodied gnome bearded tryhard art yuppie! Now see how you like the taste of my mutton!”

        • Ah, Bill the Butcher… How ironic it is that today’s hipsters intentionally dress like the hard-working Irish and Italian immigrants and newly-freed slaves that he railed against in Gangs of New York. But of course, that’s how those fucking unhygienic hipsters like their lives… Dripping with nouveau-18th century, Steampunk-wannabe irony.

          I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: hipsters are the empty echo of post-modernism, doing absolutely nothing new, and parading their mimicking asshattery on the backs of people who actually did something, however small.

          The grand total that hipsters add to the collective value of humanity is exactly zero.

          • Had a conversation about hipsters today with someone who called them, “the embodiment of postmodernism as a spent force.” I’m sure the person didn’t make it up on the spot. It’s almost too … spot on.

            Doesn’t mean it’s not true, though!

          • “The sad curtain call of ‘Spent Theatrics’”

            Weak slackeroids with stunted emotional bandwidth who’ve dwelled for too long in the all-too-familiar milieu of studied eccentricity have emerged as inarticulé rebelles that are detached from the realities of getting older… and getting a life.
            Their shallow fatalism is puzzling, much like how one can both whine and claim to be defiant at the same time.

            But in the end, failure should come as no surprise, as shameless piggybacking on youth subculture is more than a subtle indicator of a lack of content… especially when you’re going on thirty.

            http://pungeon.blogspot.com/2006/01/sad-curtain-call-of-spent-theatrics.html

  13. Ok what the fuck is that thing in the green pants in the pic? Is that a man or a woman or a trap?

  14. http://rareseeds.com/annual-letter/

    Here’a guy who, thank God, chooses to stay in Missouri.

    I have to give him credit. He has a great business that he built from the ground up. But I can’t take the attitude and pontificating. What’s with the ‘Little House on The Prairie” garb? This guys building the beardo version of Disney world.

    The NYT lovoooooves this clown. His catalog is infested with anti-war anti corporation quotes from famous historical figures (which alienates probably 90% of his potential customers). He lives the life the fantasy life of a dustbowl, depression era farmer.

    yet he sends out a huge 125 page, glossy, magazine sized catalog, has a website, twitter account and a Facebook page.

    Jerkoff.

    • The guy is just plain disturbing. Reminds me of “Forrest Gump (..boiled shrimp, grilled shrimp, shrimp salad, bbq shrimp..)

      • wow that guy really is like Forrest Gump. But at least he’s doing it in Missouri, instead of infesting Williamsburg on a toxic sludge rooftop with a bunch of PBR drinking faux “farmers” playing “farm” in American Apparel and Forever 21 outfits.

      • He can’t pronouce the letter “V”. Listen to him when he says “varieties”. He’s a marble-mouthed retard who may or may not have suffered some sort of head trauma in the past. He was a genuine nerd as a child who grew up and turned that personality trait into his identity. Timed it well, self-aware nerdism is at the core of hipsterdom and can be quite finacially beneficial these days.

  15. I wonder what an RPG would do to that truck…

  16. BROOKLYN:

    NOT BROOKLYN:

    • are these guys fucking serious?!?!?! this is when I wish the brothers from philly would come by and light the subway up like they did to that bus.. I mean come on, this isn’t the rave scene… go back to where you came from you useless pieces of human transplant garbage..

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