Holy fucking shit. This word “artisanal” is driving me crazy. It seems that all you need to do to become some magical fucking hipster foodie piece of shit is throw the word artisanal in front of whatever you are making. This Brooklyn Paper article about an ARTISANAL TAFFY MAKER is a fucking joke.

Riding high on Brooklyn’s love for all things small-batch, DIY, and retro, the self-taught confectioner is currently drawing raves for her hand-pulled, artisanal saltwater taffy — with a wholesale client list that includes Four and Twenty Blackbirds in Gowanus and the Bedford Cheese Shop in Williamsburg.

“Honestly, I was never really into salt water taffy before, because it seemed very artificial, generic and touristy,” admitted Wu. “But the stuff I’ve been making is really awesome, with an ice creamy sort of taste to it. Not at all what I remember salt water taffy being like.”

Yeah honestly Ms. Wu, you and your taffy are “very artificial, generic and touristy” admitted me.

What makes this or any shit “artisanal”????? Does the Mona Lisa have to glance at it before it’s put on a shelf for sale??? Tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is it?

Here’s the new definition of “artisanal”: Something unoriginal that’s been in existence for many many years, made by a failed creative type and marked-up 2 – 3 times its’ actual price.

I can’t wait to get my hands on some “Bergamot” (orange) salt water taffy.

LinkBrooklyn Paper: Chew On this, Artisanal Salt Water Taffy.