Coming soon: Whisker Wars
Posted: July 11, 2011 Filed under: Main 25 Comments »Isn’t it true that the exaggerated facial hair looks 1000% better on the older, chubby German guys in this video than it does on the overly-tattoed, butter-knifed bodied, try-hard hipsters? What the fuck do these attention starved bastards do for a living looking the way they do? Anyway, to the beardo’s in this video – in case you’re reading this and currently live in the middle of nowhere in this country – please stay where you are and don’t fly into Brooklyn thinking you’re going to be a city boy with that filthy lice theme park on your face and help maintain the high rents here with your beard contest winnings for a 6 month staycation. Keep keeping it unique my brothers!!!
Add something new to the competition – like operating a table saw or sticking your head in a cage full of fruit bats.
Fuck me what a bunch of losers. Male Rapunzels.
Or they could add cliff jumping on their Penny Farthing to the competition.
And yeah the fat older German guys look ok with the whiskers, but the bed bug farming, tattooed, redbeard tryhards shaped like the 16th pole at Aqueduct as usual stand out as look at meee losers.
PLEASE PLEASE STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND DO NOT COME TO NEW YORK.
LOL @ 16th pole at aqueduct!! Dont forget his friends – Josh the Jockey’s Whip and Blaine the post-time Bugle. LMAO.
Maybe we could put them to use as surveyor’s poles.
Fucking losers with not much to do. If you want to grow a beard, fine do it…why do you have to join a club. Bunch of show-off, annoying, pussies. They have officially infested Austin, TX.
No, they ‘discovered’ and ‘created’ Austin well over a decade ago. Blame South by Southwest. I know I do.
Between the ironic moustaches and the neckbeards in Austin, I use both groups as inspiration. Namely, to shower and shave every day for the rest of my life.
IFC has had its tongue up hipster’s asses for years.
Kind of off topic here- but did anyone hear about the newest Hipster Art Boat? Fucking horrible. http://artisanalcheesewhiz.blogspot.com/2011/07/another-hipster-garbage-art-barge.html
Great Article!! Boy does this article hit the nail on the head – trustafarians “from” Brooklyn looking to develop a “creative and sustainable” way to live on the water – the article writer pegs it exactly for what it is – total bullshit.
Man do I fucking hate hipsters
Nothing says “take my project seriously” like a Thurston Howell Yachting cap embellished with a gold ostrich feather.
I’m sure Von Braun secured funding from the US gov’t. for his rocket program when he negotiated his terms while wearing a martian space helmet to get his point across.
With all of the coverage of the space shuttle launch this weekend, I read an article about the efforts by Star Trek fans to bully NASA into naming the first shuttle “Enterprise”. Nearly 35 years later, the Cat Piss Men still make this out as a great victory in the name of science fiction fandom. Officially, the reason why the Enterprise shuttle never saw an actual launch was because improvements to the design were so extensive that a new shuttle was cheaper than a rebuild of the existing one. Personally, I think this was a nice hearty fuck-you to the Cat Piss Men, who never even noticed when one of the shuttles was named “Discovery”.
Obviously “Discovery” was named after the cable channel.
“Adding to the already existing water, air and noise pollution, we now have the additional problem of cultural pollution.”
Like the term cultural pollution
I’d go to that competition to see who’s facial hair burns longest when doused in lighter fluid.
Burn the beards.
http://www.methodshop.com/gadgets/reviews/celljammers/
(real) citzens of Brooklyn need these.
By the boatload
What gets me on any discussion of cell phone jammers is the emphasis on using them in movie theaters. Over and over. I’m not complaining, and I’d buy one myself just so I could go to a movie theater without Nathan and Zack tweeting their entire fucking lives while I’m trying to watch a movie.
The reason why I’m surprised is that this comes up incessantly when talking about movie theaters and other places where people are expected to shut the hell up. Namely, “I’d go to (fill in the blank) more often, but I’m sick of dealing with the cellphone-yakking assholes.” You see people laughing and cheering public service announcements like the one at the Alamo Drafthouse, telling patrons they WILL be kicked out on their asses if they don’t put down the phone while the movie is running. Yet these same narcissistic shits keep at it, apparently figuring that the rules really don’t apply to them. (I even got into a debate with one beardo a few months back, who heard my bringing this up and decided to squeak “Well, what if a doctor is in the theater and nobody can reach him because his cell phone is jammed? Then what?” I asked the dweeb “Are YOU a doctor?”, and he actually looked sheepish for a second before telling me, wait for it, “I work in media.”)
“I work in media”
Yeah, congratulations Harrison – you work 2 hours per week at the popcorn stand at the movie theater, and you sold a bootlegged jam band CD on Ebay once. Yep, really killing it in media.
The beardo that talked back to you ‘works in media’ about as much as Hummus ‘from’ Brooklyn is the next Neil Peart.
I have several friends who are doctors. I had this discussion with them when you posted about these entitled orangutans a while ago.
Bottom line – doctors rarely – if ever take a call in a theater or restaurant. They always go to a lobby, vestibule or outside.
My doctor says it’s because it’s somewhat unethical and obnoxious to be speaking about someones health issues in public.
So there ya go.
I have one.
It comes in very handy at times.
300 beans though.
Get one from china, $50 goes a long way http://artisanalcheesewhiz.blogspot.com/2011/05/justice-has-been-served.html
ah, the good old days when real men — respectable gentlemen — saw scruffiness as sexy, but anything more as inappropriate, and wouldn’t be caught in public with a 5 ‘o clock shadow. what happened to those smooth-cheeked, mature, capable men who were probably only 3- but seemed ages older in the movies?
now, we’ve got scrawny 35-year-olds sleeping ’til 3pm in Williamsburg, flaunting their facial hair like it’s a paycheck, and acting like pre-teens. Sigh.
I had a nightmare yesterday about that dude’s backbeard.
i dont believe these guys actually consider themselves athletes for growing a beard. Every athelete in the world has been insulterd by the igrorance and stupidity of these aseless hair farmers.
gotta love cultural pollution