Hipsters are big Brooklyn Dodger fans + Bonus: Invisible Art

Hmm, let’s see. You move to Brooklyn for a couple of years out of your upper middle class tree house in Cul-De-Sac county where you played your kazoo all day while munching on Mommy’s home made Rice Krispy treats and you’re now a Brooklyn Dodgers fan? A team that hasn’t been here for 50 years? Because you watched an entire Dodgers ’55 World Series in a ‘craft beer’ bar in gentrified Brooklyn on your precious Macbook that Daddy bought you to be NYC’s next top graphics designer/coffee gopher? GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU FUCKING SHEEP!

Link - TheHeckler.com: Williamsburg Hipsters now Brooklyn Dodger fans.

Next…

I can’t tell if this is real or a joke but judging by the extemely punchable James Franco and his child molester moustache I’m thinking it’s real. Franco has started a Kickstarter.com ( a website mainly full of meaningless projects started by talentless hipsters with unlimited amounts of leisure time) project called the MONA (Museum Of Non-Visible Art). It seems to be all about appreciating invisible art. I wouldn’t put this idea past any hipster to be honest. I mean, since “everything” from the sidewalk to the dog shit on the sidewalk is now officially art thanks to hipsters, I guess “nothing” is now also art. So for $20, they will send you a title card and then according to the MONA - “the rest is up to you”. To be quite honest, this scam is even better the Ye Olde Ten Dollar Masturbation Bros. Chocolate Bars.

Link - Time.com: James Franco makes invisible art.

 

85 thoughts on “Hipsters are big Brooklyn Dodger fans + Bonus: Invisible Art

  1. When is the Die Hipster video game going to be released? You know, the one where you walk through Brooklyn and administer vicious beatings to all manner of ironically mustachioed mutants. Don’t tell me that wouldn’t be a runaway hit.

    • I’d buy the first 20 copies

      • Interesting, but not really what I had in mind. I was thinking more along the lines of Call of Duty where you basically just go around and destroy people (a term I use loosely when applied to Hipsters).

        Maybe there could be a Wii version where you have a baseball bat and just pummel the shit out of these twizzler-limbed dog felchers.

      • Wait, isn’t GTA IV a hipster killing game? I know if I drove into certain parts of the in game city there are people who sound and whine like hipsters. Some even look like them.

        I get my choice of bats guns and sub machine guns along with cars to do some damage.

        • Was just going to say that! “South Slopes” in “Broker” is full of hipsters. Hang around the avenue on the east side of the big park (going downhill from the archway you can jump cars through) – but only from about 2pm onwards, of course. I’ve wasted more time than is good for me smashing those Mast Brothers lookalikes with a baseball bat.

          They even have more nasally voices than the other characters and say things like “Er, like, what you’re doing is a criiiiime!”

          I think someone at Rockstar Games knew exactly what they were referring to here…

  2. I. Well. Um. I weep for you guys born and raised. As always, Ill stand by you. I just showed this to my Great Aunt(god bless her, shes 80 something) she didn’t understand “how the hell can you like a team that doesnt even play here anymore.” But it was very interesting to hear stories about that time and about Ebbets Field over coffee this morning. It amazes me how this fucks want to know nothing about “the city they love” from the people that were actually here!

    • Out here, we had a company started by SMU brats a few years back that started selling T-shirts and caps from defunct Dallas teams. The Dallas Tornado soccer team, the Blackhawks before the team moved to Chicago in the Eighties: that sort of thing. It’s no surprise that the company went under when the Dallas hipster market was sated: I still miss Dallas Blackhawks hockey games (mostly because of the venue in Fair Park, not because the Blackhawks were that good), but I don’t miss them badly enough to buy a $25 T-shirt. (Hell, these guys sold about as many Dallas Tornado T-shirts as people bought Tornado tickets. If they really as popular as these yups thought they were, wouldn’t the team still be around?)

      • I..I….I can;t get my head around this.

        It’s like 20-somethings traveling to France to lay flowers at Jim Morrison’s grave.

        Oh well at least they’re not building rafts and renacting the landing of Omaha beach with Viking hlemets and nerf guns.

    • Sorry, but I actually do feel respectful to the Dodgers of the old days and as of now root for the LA Dodgers until the Yankees start getting some fresh players because they’re kinda stale. Lord knows I would never root for the SF Giants though (a team that also started out in NY). I think the Yankees actually started out in Baltimore, MD before the franchise moved to Manhattan, then the Bronx.

      • How on earth can you “feel respectful to the Dodgers” and root for that team in LA or the one in the Bronx for that matter? Old school Dodger fans (like my pops) were alive when they moved to LA had their hearts broken and could NEVER root for that LA team. As for the Yanks – they were Brooklyn’s archrivals. That’s why BK Dodger and NY Giants fans became Mets fans! Get your baseball head right.

        • Sorry, some guys the local PD in LA invited me to a game and enjoyed it. Plus I do plan on moving to southern CA for a PD job. A good amount of military bases and plenty of places to race my car/ motorcycle means the number of hipsters should be relatively low (hopefully) and I can pursue what I’ve always wanted to pursue (racing while doing PD).

          NY government won’t build race tracks but don’t have a problem caving to hipsters. I dunno if I can stand it any more.

          Plus I met a girl in Huntington Beach who’s a Dodgers fan…

  3. James Franco is like a hipster all other hipsters aim to become when they grow up. As for the “Art” world, it has disappeared up it’s own arsehole.

    • There is still art, and an art “world,” M. It’s just that a generation of absolutely talentless pud pullers can’t possibly produce anything that’s real art. Or even as real as art. So they have to produce a commodified replacement for it–ironic invisible art.

      It’s like the ones who are taking Ph.D.s in growing backyard vegetables. And they can’t even grow anything without the labor of Jose and Maya–gotten cheap, because of questionable immigration status, which then gives cause for more hollow-hipster-chest thumping and smugness.

  4. I love seeing all of you people get pissed off for no reason!

    • It validates your existence :)

      Must be tough trying to convince others you’re as clever as you think you are. If only you had a father figure…

    • See NYC from our eyes and then talk you little shit.

    • You’ve never loved anything in your life but your own palm.

  5. i liked james franco for about 3 minutes–but he has been reavealed as a cocksucking hipster. & i hate that ugly anne hathaway too.

  6. I work with a guy about my dad’s age who is a Dodgers fan since the days they were in Brooklyn. When he gets a chance to go to L.A. he’ll go to a game. In his case that’s just a cute quirk. Anyone under 50 who claims to be Brooklyn Dodgers fans deserves to get ripped off by ‘invisible art’. Just don’t let me catch them claiming to be fans of the ’86 Mets… or there will be an End of Story.

  7. I got to “professional grad student” and had to stop reading.
    But then like a train wreck, I looked back because I had to see the comments.
    Big mistake. These fucking sheep will buy into anything. I’m going to start selling formless tasteless odorless massless organic artisinal cupcakes for $700. (The flavor is “imagination”!!) Within a week I should be able to buy my entire old neighborhood and give it back to the people who used to live there.

    • The only good thing I can see about her book is that it won’t be read. Period. Oh, a couple of people might actually buy it, but it’ll be intended as an ironic gift for a friend who has to snowshovel pathways through her house so she doesn’t have to crawl over the garbage. (I live fairly close to the big flagship Half Price Books in Dallas, and I discovered that you can learn a lot about the publishing business by looking at the huge piles of remaindered book titles in the center aisles. The first thing you learn is that there are a hell of a lot of writers who are being told that they have to pay back the advance they’ve already blown on coke and parties, because they might as well have thrown their manuscripts into a tree mulcher for all the response they’ve received. When it comes to hipster-friendly titles, especially with these sorts of “youth-oriented” guides, it’s particularly bad…and nobody’s buying them when they’re marked down to a buck, either.)

      • JESUS! ANYTHING TO KEEP FROM DOING REAL WORK!!!

      • I dunno…I’ve seen my mom, wife, grandmother, mother-in-law, sisters, neighbors do chores there’s only one way. CLEAN.

  8. All I can say is it’s about damn time.

    Key line: For far too long it’s been impossible to find a decent antelope burger in north Williamsburg, but now the new restaurant The Burger Guru has finally made the neighborhood a sophisticated dining destination!

    • I swear, you could offer rat-and-cockroach burgers, and these idiots would rush out to be the first to try it. It’s not about the flavor (and this comes from a guy who’s eaten a hell of a lot of alligator over the years): it’s all about being able to brag “Well, I ate THIS, and it was SOOOOOOO good! You’ll never eat anything this cool!” Most people outgrew this when they started high school, but since hipsters are constantly trying to revise their high school dork days, it’s not surprising.

    • This is like saying it’s high time we’ve had a hipster who’s testicles have dropped.

  9. As for the Dodgets…my favorite grew up a few blocks from Ebbets Field and went there often but he (and I) was always a Yankees fan. For the people like Marty Markowitz who were Dodgers fans and are still whining about bringing the Dodgers back 50+ years later…get over it! For the hipsters…just go away.

    • I don’t want them to bring the Dodgers back here but I still root for them. The Yankees were getting pretty stale in the past few. The Yankees actually started their franchise in Baltimore, MD. Another team that used to be in NY were the Giants but I would never, ever want them back here nor root for them. SF is the ULTIMATE in hipster douchevilles.

  10. BASEBALL BAT TO THE KNEES!!!!

    • Given their obsession with Coney Island I’m surprised they haven’t latched on to the Brooklyn Cyclones.

      Hey – Simon how about The Yanks combining Dollar PBR’s Day with Bat Day?

      • Have you been to a cyclone game lately? If not, I suggest sitting at the outside bar at Peggy’s and watch the swarms of HIpster freaks that churn out for games. It’s fun watching these zips lose consciousness at the vulgarity of a drunk man screaming “look at these two mutants, FUUUUUCK YOOOOU”

  11. Timeline-1976 Gerald ford to nyc=Drop Dead!!!
    1977 blackout -riots son of sam punk rock Yankees win
    1980s First yuppies appear- belive spawned in upper east side.
    1980s crack crack crack crack!!!
    1990s John Wayne Giuliani starts breaking balls on evryone and everything–yuppie backed.first Hipsters appear in w,burg
    2001 9-11 nyc police state excuse to ramp up to Stalin level.
    2000,s Bloomberg the yuppie god reigns–cops put people in jail for hopping subway,busking fistfights etc all forms of protest de facto outlawed…
    2011 yuppification of all manhattan rim areas complete–prison industrial complex a billion dollar industry here and in China…

  12. 2011 hipster infiltration of rockaway ramps up to level 2 gentrification

  13. I’m pretty sure the Brooklyn Dodgers thing is satire. It has to be, plus the rest of the stuff on that site is joke stuff. The MONA Kickstarter thing…I fear that might be real. What a crock of shit!! I can’t believe it’s actually funded!!

  14. Uhh, morons, did you look at the Heckler web site? It’s fake news. You’re dumber than the Chinese government when it believed a news story published by The Onion.

    But what can one expect from a bunch of virgin Keyboard Jockeys who hate on an actor that gets laid, while they’re rubbing one out in their parents’ basements.

    • Honestly… What’s the difference if it’s fake or real????????????

      Hipsters have done wayyyyy more ridiculous things than that. Just browse through this site troll. 30 year olds dress up themselves and shopping carts and run through neighborhoods of non-attention seeking real New Yorkers!! Are you fucking kidding me????

      How do you feel now?

      • By the way, in his new film, The Broken Tower, James Franco graphically and vigorously sucks a cock for the first 5 minutes of the film—and at the Q&A after the screening, which Franco attended, he said that he used, “No body doubles for realism.” so there. He is a fucking cocksucker! Realism… is that what they’re calling gay nowadays. The Duke wouldn’t have done that.

      • Whoah, sister. Settle down. How do I feel? Still smarter than you. Also stronger – I could kick your sorry a$$. That’s right – I ain’t no hipster. And richer – I guarantee I pull more $$ than you. I also pull more poon tang, but that goes without saying. Judging by the number of question marks you use in your whiny response, I’m pretty sure you’re a 15-year-old girl anyway. Especially since you admit you don’t see a difference between fantasy and reality. I’m better than you, brainiac. Now get back to work, I wanna read more of your nonsense. You make me laugh.

    • It doesn’t really matter now, does it? You mutants have become such a play-out joke, so predictably lame, yet universally despised. How pathetic.

    • Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if that was real. A lot of stupid shit occurring in NYC and mostly due to the hipsters coming in for an “authentic” lifestyle despite turning that authenticity into something they see fit.

    • The fact is that there is no more difference between reality and satire when it comes to these bed bug incubators. There is nothing ridiculously stupid enough to imagine that these hipsters wouldn’t find merit in.

      Congrats hipsters – you are now the punchline in a joke you don’t even realize you’ve been telling.

      • If they were really as different and alternative as they claim to be, wouldn’t they be very upset about being a group that is so easy to satirise, and try to do something about it? They actually seem to like being a stereotype.

        • Here’s the rub: hipsters try to show everyone how non-conformist they are by following specific fashion, gastronomical and cultural (read art and music) archetypes. That, in itself, is a definition of conformity. Therefore, these spaghetti-armed, intellectually and emotionally retarded wastes of DNA confirm that they are inauthentic, attention seeking poseurs just begging for a UFC-approved roundhouse kick to their brittle, bird-like sternums. I gotta run. It’s time to go to Mile End, on Hoyt Street, and perfom vivesections on some Canadian-style-smoked-meat-eating pipe cleaner-framed beardo foodies.

  15. “The Yankees are so corporate, man,” Frank-o Jackson, 23, complained. “They’re not the real New York.”

    ohhhh please shoot me in the face!

    • every baseball team is corporate. I would like to see a hipster eat a Dirty Water Hot Dog as that is the real NYC.

      Sadly, the hot dog guy i’ve been going to couldn’t afford to keep his cart.

  16. seeing hipsters at sporting events is both hilarious and rage-inducing. they act all quirky and try to attach alternate meanings to what they are watching. it’s a goddam baseball game, hipsters. the object of the game is quite simple really. just apply what you do in your daily 2pm artisinal free range kickball league and replace yourselves with non-quirky athletes who wield 36 inch slabs of lumber which would rearrange your face plate if they heard you trying to turn situational hitting into the next moma exhibit.

    • I went to a Phillies game a while back. Bunch of Urban outfitter employees sitting near us. All it took was one drunken 6′-4″ 350 lb meat cutter to put these guys in place.

      Wanna know how much these turds are despised/ When Mets fans come down to watch the games there’s always a lot of good natured bantering between the fans.

      Hipsters are just plain fucking hated.

      I mean- how many timescan you yell “SCORE A TOUCHDOWN” before someone drags you up to the mezzanine and pummels your ass with a wallet chain?

      • Couple of City’s really know their baseball. All of the Northeast, Chicago & St Louis. The South and the West, not always. Guess they went cause the tickets were free. Don’t worry, you guys didn’t have PBR the last time I was there so they won’t be back. BTW, when that stadium gets older, will it get bigger? Sheesh, couldn’t even take my jacket off without hitting the foul pole. :-)

        • The Vet was huge, but that was to accomodate the football crowds. The stadium is packed because the Phils have been on a roll so everyone’s a fan right now. Also – less seats mean higher prices – much higher since we have a winning team.

          To be honest – at 49 years old I’ve lost my passion for sports. I used to be big Mets fan -used to get my tickets by saving and mailing in Dairylea coupons.

          the players by and large are self-absorbed prima donnas. I remember when the players would walk out and sign anything.

          Then again – given the scumbag nature of some fans who approach players with armfuls of stuff to sign a part ofme doesn’t blame them for their attitude.

      • Dodger Stadium suffered regular grover infestations until recently. I think the gang bangers scared them off.

    • Yeah. If there’s one thing hipsters hate, it’s regular sports fans, so a few of them try to find ways they can make some kind of pseudo-intellectual thing out of following sport. They don’t like sport anyway, so I don’t know why they bother.

      Some of the equivalents in the UK would be:
      • Pretending to find football hooliganism cool and edgy (not that they ever have to see it first hand)
      • Waffling on about Barcelona FC. Not sure if this is really a hipster thing but you get a lot of it in certain sections of the media. I think it’s because they want to be glory hunters, but not regular common glory hunters who support Manchester United, so they look overseas and pretend it’s for some sort of political/artistic reason.
      • Becoming a fan of the kitsch stuff (World Cup songs, pretending to care who wins the Ashes, Murray Mount in Wimbledon) but nothing else
      • Over-intellectualising everything. “Albert Camus was a goalkeeper… there is nothing quite so British as a cricket match… sport has a huge impact on society and culture…” Yeah, it certainly does, but that’s because it’s something people unpretentiously care about and get behind for nothing more than enjoyment. Normal people can unite behind something like that. You just leech off it and then try to sound educated about it as a way of sneering at those regular people.

      I don’t think they have ever found a simple pastime they couldn’t ruin by over-thinking it. They are just doing the same thing with sport as they do with music and sex, even down to the fact that they can’t actually play.

    • I have no problem with seeing or writing in cursive but his smug and condescending attitude is what makes me want to beat the living shit out of him and turn his body into a cursive form. No one forgot how to do that, it’s just typing makes things very legible as people are always in a hurry for documents which usually leads to chicken scratch.

  17. So, this is the latest variation on the old trade your family cow for a sack of magic beans scam.

    Oh, except you don’t even end up with a sack of magic beans for your $20.

    God, I would love a copy of the mailing list of people who actually sent them money.

    • That’s why I’m waiting to see Kickstarter go the way of Etsy. I could root for both ideas as a basic concept, but they’ve both been overrun by dipshits with insanely overinflated views of their importance in the universe. You may have some really good handcrafted items in Etsy, and some really good idea that just needs some funding in Kickstarter, but they’re both drowned in half-assed entitlement garbage. Etsy management is apparently more worried about traffic than in keeping out scammers and Chinese bulk traders, and I fully expect Kickstarter to crater when you have far more twerps posting their “give me some money” requests than individuals willing to give money for them.

      When I was 20, I admit that I got sucked up into a similar idea, only I wanted to start a monthly zine. I tried applying for small loans to cover the printing costs, and was rejected every time. At the time, I ranted and railed about how it was impossible to get a loan unless you could prove you didn’t need it, and only later realized the wisdom of this. If I’d wanted this so damn badly, I wouldn’t have been sitting around, grumbling into my Ovaltine about how “society doesn’t respect artistry.” I would have worked that much harder to get at least half of the costs of this magazine down first. Again, later, I understood why banks were so tough: they actually expected to get their money back, with enough interest to cover their time and effort. Time and again, I watched people snag loans or parental funds to put out weekly newspapers and zines, only to leave a bunch of angry subscribers and advertisers, because they assumed that if they got the money for the first issue, the money would magically come in for issues 2, 3, and 4. When they didn’t, they quietly shut down everything and disappeared, rather than pay their bills. Kickstarter only facilitates this sort of mess, and with most other “artistic” endeavours, it’s everyone else who has to clean up after the children.

  18. Shit Actor + Useless Twerp = James Franco

    • Fucking embarrassing. ‘Look at vat zees Americans are doing. It’s sooper deck!’

      I’d like to think of the German people as not culturally bankrupt, but if this is their idea of something to emulate; well, then I hope this is only a niche thing. But if not, fuck it, I think I’ll move back to Germany and cash in on this bullshit. Import a ton of kickballs, organic beer, arcade fire vinyls, and hire some models from Texas and off I go. I’m just having a hard time weighing the cons of my Imported Cultural Identity Crisis and the pros of a wad of Hundos in my wallet. Fuck.

    • Thank fucking christ that the sound on my office computer isn’t working, and I can only watch these fucks in the video. Like viewing an accident, when I get home I’m gonna just have to watch this and hear the whiny Andy Warhol imitator voices of these Grover NY imports. Just the fact that this video exists is going to piss me off all day.

      Fucking fuck FUCKKKKKKK

  19. WOW, someone bought 10,000$ worth of nothing (the highest priced piece for sale by this museum of nothing), and she has her own blog…http://www.onehundredjobs.ca/

  20. http://www.thearkhaus.com/

    ArkHaus

    6.20.2011
    Googled our AP headline…!

    Despite what is stated in the AP articles we do not intend to build a conventional home by any means. There must have been a misunderstanding. We do plan to expand off the containers using a SuperAdobe dome method patented by Cal-Earth, with some slight modifications for our cold Northern Winters. We also have every intention to remain off-grid. :)

  21. Invisible art… are you kidding me?

    There’s also a mathematical world that is beautiful and enriching to those that understand it, but it’s not cool enough for hipsters due to no room for pretending to know what they’re talking about — like you can with art; art is a joke now

  22. Is it really shocking that these bums would like dem bums? At least if they root for a team that’s no longer around, they won’t have to have any current baseball knowledge, emotionally invest in a team, follow them year to year, argue about moves they should/HAVE to make, and generally ride the roller coaster that IS fandom. They were raised getting 8th place trophy’s, with the complete elimination of competition. Pussies.

  23. I had to go to the Apple store today…infested with skinny jean wearing, noodle armed, ironic beardos. And are hipsters the only people who still think that fauxhawks are cool? I was so glad that my infant son took a huge dump and smelled up the place. It smelled better than hipster.

  24. I went to the basketball court this morning with a couple friends and when we got there there was some thick-framed beardo with a conductor hat, size (S) lumberjack shirt, Keds and sleeved tattoos on his pathetically twig-shaped arms and legs, having a nasal conversation with his doughy, cankled, granny-dress-wearing skank. They’ve all become so fucking played-out already. I would feel like the biggest loser wannabe if I left my house looking like a walking cliche. Both of these annoying fucks were in their 30s on top of it. Self-absorbed, clueless, spoiled, interloping, fakes.

    Anyway, they decided to make the court their own personal dog-run, even though there is a yuppie dog-run about a block away. When we walked onto the court with the basketball all they did was nasally mumble to each other and move to the other end. I told shitface to get off the court with his dog and he pretended not to hear me, so I walked over to them and told him again. He nasally replied that they were leaving without even looking at me directly. I then told him to get water and wash the dog’s piss puddle away. He nasally said he wasn’t going to do that and began walking away quickly. I then asked for his name and where he lives since I will be “filing a complaint” (I really just wanted to fuck with him as much as I could). At that point he pulled out his iPhone, started playing with it with his girly fingers (maybe wanted to start videotaping in case I got violent) and walked away with his tubby mongoloid girlfriend. I told him I don’t ever want to see him on this court again as they scurried away trembling.

  25. Yeah, because we all know NYC is bereft of any actually existing major league teams.

    As for myself I’m pulling for the Troy Haymakers (1871-72)

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