Here is this week’s i-Stole report from The Brooklyn Paper. Welcome to Brooklyn you filthy fucking naive urban pioneers!

 

Vanishing act

A thief swiped an iPod and, more important, three bottles of beer from Brooklyn Star on Lorimer Street on May 24.

Workers say that the booze hound must have entered the restaurant, which is at Conselyea Street, at around 3 pm, when the doors had been left open for a delivery.

Early break

A thief broke into a Havemeyer Street apartment on May 27 and stole the resident’s iPod.

The resident left his apartment between N. Eighth and N. Ninth streets at 8:30 am and returned at around 6 pm to find that his door had been pried open and that his iPod was gone.

Bike baddie

A thief swiped two bikes from the popular corner of Berry Street and N. Fifth Street overnight on May 24. One of the cycle’s owners noticed the crime at 3 pm the next day.

No Marcy

A perp tried to rob a man on Marcy Avenue on May 28 — but punched him in the face instead.

The victim told police that he was near Division Avenue at 10:50 pm, when the perp approached him and asked, “Give me your money, what you got.”

The man refused, so the perp punched him square in the jaw and ran away.

iPhone grab

A thief stole a man’s iPhone and credit card on Roebling Street on May 27.

The victim told police that he was near Metropolitan Street at 2:40 am, when the perp pushed him to the ground and grabbed his phone.

Third curd

A perp stole a laptop from a S. Third Street apartment on May 28.

The victim went to sleep at 9:30 pm, but when she awoke at 1 am, she saw that the window overlooking Havemeyer Street was open and her computer was missing.

Laptop lame

A thief stole two computers from a Roebling Street apartment on May 29.

The tenant told police that he left his apartment near S. First Street at 3 pm, but when he returned at 5:30 pm, he saw the front window was open and two computers were gone.