This week’s i-Stole report.

Here is this week’s i-Stole report from The Brooklyn Paper. Welcome to Brooklyn you filthy fucking naive urban pioneers!


Vanishing act

A thief swiped an iPod and, more important, three bottles of beer from Brooklyn Star on Lorimer Street on May 24.

Workers say that the booze hound must have entered the restaurant, which is at Conselyea Street, at around 3 pm, when the doors had been left open for a delivery.

Early break

A thief broke into a Havemeyer Street apartment on May 27 and stole the resident’s iPod.

The resident left his apartment between N. Eighth and N. Ninth streets at 8:30 am and returned at around 6 pm to find that his door had been pried open and that his iPod was gone.

Bike baddie

A thief swiped two bikes from the popular corner of Berry Street and N. Fifth Street overnight on May 24. One of the cycle’s owners noticed the crime at 3 pm the next day.

No Marcy

A perp tried to rob a man on Marcy Avenue on May 28 — but punched him in the face instead.

The victim told police that he was near Division Avenue at 10:50 pm, when the perp approached him and asked, “Give me your money, what you got.”

The man refused, so the perp punched him square in the jaw and ran away.

iPhone grab

A thief stole a man’s iPhone and credit card on Roebling Street on May 27.

The victim told police that he was near Metropolitan Street at 2:40 am, when the perp pushed him to the ground and grabbed his phone.

Third curd

A perp stole a laptop from a S. Third Street apartment on May 28.

The victim went to sleep at 9:30 pm, but when she awoke at 1 am, she saw that the window overlooking Havemeyer Street was open and her computer was missing.

Laptop lame

A thief stole two computers from a Roebling Street apartment on May 29.

The tenant told police that he left his apartment near S. First Street at 3 pm, but when he returned at 5:30 pm, he saw the front window was open and two computers were gone.

91 thoughts on “This week’s i-Stole report.

  1. “A perp tried to rob a man on Marcy Avenue on May 28 — but punched him in the face instead.

    The victim told police that he was near Division Avenue at 10:50 pm, when the perp approached him and asked, “Give me your money, what you got.”

    The man refused, so the perp punched him square in the jaw and ran away.”

    This guy got lucky. Atleast he got to keep his precious Iwhatever. I’d like to shake the man’s hand who gave him that punch though.

    • A punch in the face would be considered having a good day – compared to getting a cap busted in his ass…

  2. Yeah, since they hate the cops so much for ticketing them let them call a cyclists when their iShit gets stolen. Where can I buy some of the stolen stuff? I like the iPod touch and iPads but don’t want to pay full price. I rather have a trust fund subsided one. Defitley have to wipe all the music though

    • Yeah that’s what I was thinking: who’d steal a hipster’s horrible music. But you could always clean that shit off there, or, sell them back to hipsters at the Brooklyn Flea for double retail as “pre-loaded with unique organic genius rock” or something like that…

  3. Pingback: This week’s i-Stole report. « Credit Reports Scores

  4. This is a scene from the movie Time Bandits. Robin hood would give to the poor. But at a price:

  5. I really, really hate thieves, but I also really, really hate people who don’t protect themselves against it, allow thieves into their lives, and then complain about shit getting stolen from them like they’re the first theft victims in history.

    Thieves are lazy, even the junkies, it doesn’t take much to stop them from gaffling your merchandise, just a little common sense…

    • a couple of these seem like a lack of common sense. Being in the wrong place, alone, at 2:30 in the morning is a bad idea unless you are prepared to defend yourself. This one with the 2 laptops stolen between 9 PM and 10:30 PM doesn’t add up. Someone knew these were in there, and knew she would not be home at the relatively early hour of 9 PM sound like one of here friends set her up.

      • Common sense dictates that if you don’t hang out with fucking assholes, your friends don’t steal your shit. :D


    Great. Here’s some hipster parents thinking their four year old child is an expressionist or a surrealist. And they are afraid to influence her.


    What the fuck is the World coming to???

    • This kid was just featured on the CBS evening news. Stereotypical artist / josh dad defending himself against claims from his fellow art fucks that there is no way that this 4 year old made all these paintings herself by inviting them “to watch the hundreds of hours of unedited video we have of her painting start to finish”.
      The reporter asked the kid what she wants to be when she grows up. “A caterpillar.”
      Adorable when a four year old says it. But with parents like she has why do I fear that she’ll still want to be a caterpillar when she grow up when she’s in her 30′s?

    • It’s all a damn joke now.

      Shame on the adults for eating their own bullshit and the patrons buying.

      These people aren’t shunned by the art community?

      For a four year old, it shows potential with positive and negative space and she could be good if she works at it, but what she’s doing now is nothing…

      • The amazing part of the CBS story is that they said she sold two paintings as soon as the show opened — for about $5,000 each!

        Kinda makes you wonder who’s dumber?

  7. random coffeeshop:

    Molly: i have to pee
    Josh: me too!!!!


    dumbasses. i see this all the fucking time. you dont live in *insert dumbass place here* anymore! i dont even care i sorta kinda LIKE when these people get their shit stolen


    • Hell, you couldn’t do that in the places where they came from, either. When I hear about these magical, mystical places where you can leave your electronics without someone swiping them, I have to ask “Where? Middle-Earth or Oz?” (I was born in a little hole-in-the-wall in southern Michigan, and I learned by the time I was five that you don’t do stupid shit like this unless you like buying replacements over and over.)

      • My aunt and uncle used to leave their doors unlocked until the 1990s (in Hampton Beach, New Hampshire.)

        Then reality intruded, even out there. They got burglarized.

    • I have never been a thief, but if a Josh or Meghan left a nice, expensive, piece of electronics out like this, I would take it just to be a dick.

  8. A bike left out all night in NYC got lifed? Say it ain’t so.

    And in terms of the people who come home in the afternoon and their window is open probably didn’t lock the fucking thing – “like yah, it is a community of progressive thinking creative types like meeee – nobody would take my things because it would not be fairrrrrrr. No reason to treat my home like a fuckin prison, mannnnnnn”

    Welcome to an urban environment, you whitebread, fauxhemian poseurs.

    • Those progressive-thinking creative communities are the worst for that. I don’t care what these dweebs want to tell each other: most of them would swipe the fillings out of each others’ teeth if they thought they could get away from it. (Like the swallows returning to Capistrano, the move of one such denizen is always followed by cries of “What happened to my stuff?” When I was in Portland, a co-worker reported how one of the people in his apartment building was having a big moving sale, and apparently cleared out with a few thousand dollars in sales. Damn shame it all belonged to her roommate, who was out of town that weekend, and didn’t know where Kerri the Klepto had moved to when she got back. Asking her neighbors for her stuff back was kinda awkward.)

  9. “A thief swiped two bikes from the popular corner of Berry Street and N. Fifth Street overnight on May 24. One of the cycle’s owners noticed the crime at 3 pm the next day.”

    Hmmm…how much do you want to bet that the reason the owner noticed the crime at 3 in the afternoon was because that was when he woke up? And how much do you want to bet that the bikes weren’t locked up, either?

    • Yep – here is how the previous day went; Harrison the BMX Bike Blogger from Seattle woke up about noon, spent about an hour dressing up to look as homeless as possible, and strolled down to the Soy Latte & Artisinal Cupcake Collective. He took his fair trade Latte over to the book store, and grabbed an obscure novel off the shelf by a writer with a French sounding name, and read the 1st chapter – taking notes of character names in his I-Phone. He put the book back on the shelf, biked over to his weed dealer and spent a couple of hours getting stoned. Then he went home, put on his wool cap and scarf, and pedalled over to the local hipster bar to drink PBR’s and stand in front bumming American Spirits for an hour or 2. Finally a Spin Doctors impersonator came by with the address of a really deck rooftop gathering, and he tried to impress a frumpy pear shaped Megan with references from the novel he read the 1st chapter of, but now acts like he is an expert on. They went to her trust fund loft and tried to have sex on the bed bug mattress, but he had whisky dick. He pedalled home wasted, and dropped his bike in the street, stumbled up the stairs, and passed out. Next afternoon, wakes up, goes downstairs to get his soy latte, and the unlocked bike is of course gone.

      Poor hipster.

  10. Of course die hipster advocates criminal activity like stealing and felony assault. That is the major reason you Brooklyn morons are angry at the “invasion” of out of towers. They expose you for the criminals and Crome enablers that you all are. Any sane and decent person would welcome the gentrifiers into the neighborhood seeing how the result has been a precipitous decline in crime.

    • Hello, I am the English language, I do not believe we have met.
      When you hipsters make crime easy it hurts all of us. It’s like blood in the water. It attracts things it wouldn’t if everyone used a little common sense. Your “whatever” attitude makes things unsafe for others. I don’t care if someone snatches you last breath away in the next minute but please don’t make it dangerous for me. Selfish fuck

    • and BTW, you had nothing to do with the drop in crime. The police you hate so much did that. You would not last 2 minutes without them yet you don’t mind berating them when they park in your precious bike lane.
      How nice! Do you have any crayons? I’d love to see you express yourself further

      • Nope. You remove the criminals, “native” brooklynites, and replace them with non criminals like hipsters, you then have a drop in crime. But morons like you and the rest of the lemmings and butt mad losers on this blog advocate criminal activity like felony assault and theft.

        • I’d agree with you but then we would both be wrong.
          Here’s a book for you, it’s a popular best seller so probably not Kewil enough for you, Freakonmics. Through rigorous statistical study and detailed peer review the brightest minds in the filed of economics have determined that the vast drop in crime in inner-cities was due the the availably of cheap and legal abortions. Something your mother should have considered. She should have swallowed you. You and the rest of your hive did nothing to make these neighborhoods livable. You just moved into the void provided by your superiors. You created nothing. You took advantage of an environmental not of your making. You are locust

        • Crime has been going down all over the country, not just in Brooklyn. Sorry, you’re not the saviors you think you are, you’re just narcissists.

    • Gentrifyers don’t lower crime; they paint huge targets on their asses for every urban predator there is. They also fuck the place up.

      I’m not even from New York — it’s Boston, Lynn Mass, Houston, DC and Baltimore for me — and I know all about it. I’ve seen Williamsburg’s fate in West Baltimore, the inevitable end result when the hipness wears off.

      I watched you guys try to colonize West Baltimore, to renovate the rowhouses and have your great urban adventure here…and I’ve watched you guys run scared when the scumbags come to your neighborhoods, knowing you people don’t watch your shit, watch out for each other or defend yourselves…and you’re so self-entitled that you leave expensive shit laying around.

      It is literally a carjacking, house-breaking, whitebread mugging free for fucking all as a result. That’s right, kids, your iShit sells for mucho dinero on the pawn market, and that’s going straight into the dealer’s pocket. Thank you for playing Urban Colonizer.

      The other reason why the great adventure into Baltimore has failed for you widdle wusses is simple; black faces everywhere. I love watching the way you guys scrunch up around here at the sight of a homeless guy or Duck’s Black Velvet Lounge (a converted rowhouse and packaged liquor business on Reisterstown Road one of the arteries into the city).

      You guys leave, usually traumatized after your first brush with street crime, and the neigborhoods are even more wrecked, except now the city’s given you tards a bunch of taxbreaks that they’ll never recoup on.

      • yeh – try doing this in a Korean neighborhood.

        My sister is on of the urban colonizers. She whines constantly about the hispanic church across the street and the kids from the local highschool jacking expensive bikes…on their lunch hour.

        Ever see a ozmbie movie? A bunch ofthem are gnawing away at oneof their one until the dumb chick and her entitled boyfriend make a really ill timed run for it.

        They all stop look up and chase them down and feed on their carcasses.

        it’s the same thing. My old neighborhood was a safe, working class place to live. These fucks moved into a place that DID not need gentrifying.

        All of sudden the cops are working over time
        when before they used to stop and chat with everyone.

        A rape whistle and a cellphone does not stop a crime.

        A lead pipe will, though.

        • That’s just the thing, they know that the Jewish neighborhood on Park Heights is loaded for bear with enough firepower for another division of the IDF. So the area is quiet, even late at night; you see Chassidim walking down the street alone, even well past dark. But a bunch of wonderbreads? They’re never armed. One of them lectured me about it once, I was amused at how naive he was.

          Guess where the hyenas go? That’s right, The easy meat, or that is to say, the wonderbread.

          I thought these dickheads loooooved “The Wire” but apparently they didn’t get the message…I bring two things when moving into a new place and hipsters oughta perk up; a padded toilet seat and a goddamn 1911A1 Colt. (Okay, guilty, I picked up that Texan mentality of having a piece in the house.)

          Guess where I live? The aforementioned area between Park Heights avenue, Reisterstown Road and Liberty Road. The part where the neighbors are well armed. And the hyenas walk fucking softly.

          But we still lock our doors, because that’s just common sense.

    • Wow, you should change your name…you haven’t got the IQ of a fucking rock, let alone a koala. Hipsters contribute NOTHING to the economy, run people out of their homes, and bring blight to neighborhoods. Bedbugs were gone in NYC until these cocksuckers moved in!


    A native caught a linguini armed urban tour guide on the way home from attenion seeking brass band practice and beat the shit out of a bearded attention seeker with a whiffleball bat, then stuffed his own trombone up his ass. This act of justice happened at 3 PM on Berry and North 7th.

    The victim told police that the perp kept saying “go the fuck back to the suburbs and take all your bedbug farming homo friends with you!”

  12. My iHeart e-bleeds for their tribulations during the Great Urban Trust Fund Exploration.

    Not really. Grow some sense. I realize you love to flaunt that you have that shit, but that naturally makes you targets, especially since you’re a bunch of hicks from places no criminal in their right mind would bother going to, much less bother robbing. You ain’t in Leave it to Beaverville anymore, you flyover state hiptards.

    I gotta wonder, how bad would a lineup of Joshes stink?

  13. There are 2 huge towers of condos on Flatbush Avenue right before the Manhattan Bridge. They were supposed to sell them as condos but then the bottom dropped out of the market and for now they are rentals. They are on the “wrong” side of Flatbush Ave and are therefor in Fort Green. The vermin has moved into some of the rentals and they are absolutely terrified of walking anywhere but in front of the building. Even through the precinct is right next store if they wonder off in the wrong direction they can, and do, get rolled. Thousands a month in rent and you can’t even walk behind your building. If they even tried to walk to “DUMBO” they would be turned into a food source. Bleet, bleet

  14. Performance art or attention seeking twat

    • wheres that guy from the subway fight with “Willy Wonka” when you need him ???

      • Whut? C’mon spill the beans…

      • Oh wait…this?

        • yeah hahaha

        • It seems like if there’s one video of a New Yorker telling a hipster to get out of their business, there’s ten.

          Didn’t anyone tell them mind their own business on a subway? I mean, I guess it comes naturally to someone if they have some manners.

          They’re looking for confrontations, because that’s like how their egos work. I saw a bunch of them just impassively watch when this guy on the metro, headed for Hopkins, (in Baltimore) was like obviously having a medical emergency…they didn’t care enough to intervene then. That was me, late to work (a real job, not a gallery opening) because I helped that guy out. I figured, shit, I could square it with the boss, but I couldn’t square it with my conscience if some dude croaked and I didn’t help. The hipsterical, of course, were too cool for that.

          A hipster will give you an earful about doing the ‘wrong’ thing, but they sure as fuck aren’t there when someone has to step up and do the right thing.

        • omfg I <3 that video, ive seen so many times.



    • Corpse?

      I mean she didn’t leave her I-Phone on her seat or anything.

    • AwwwwggggGGGGHHHH!

      • Aum Shinrikyo

      • Time and place for everything…the time is at a family reunion/matchmaking party and the place is whatever bumfuck inbred town they came from. If they kicked some poor shmuck into the tracks they would just gape and be appalled that someone interrupted their “we’re gonna start a trend” wet dream.

      • That Brooklyn Hoedown video is the most revolting, sickening fucking thing imaginable. Not one single real New Yorker in that whole group.

        And that attention whore laying down on the subway in that first video was the worst – I bet if some rat would have hopped into the car, she woulda suddenly been healthy enough to jump up and run out.

      • that black chick is being SUCH an enabler. grrrr


    • Isn’t it a felony to waste emergency people’s time? There is no way that bitch is sick. She looks totally healthy to me.

    • Planking: She’s doing it wrong.


    I want to make it perfectly clear that I did not move to Brooklyn to be “trendy” but because AJ had family there and had to leave Colorado for personal reasons. I have since moved again to live closer to other family members on the other side of the country. The price of an apartment does not in any way make your city “better”, nor does paying $1000′s a month for a shit studio make you “trendy”. Feeling an attachment to your city is good. Being a dick about it is why normal people hate NYC.

    Brooklyn is now minus 1 trendy wanna be urban transplant piece of shit.

    This bitch is proof that NYC is just another bullshit stop on their trendy little urban tour.

    NEXT STOP…………….. PORTLAND!!!!!

  16. I swear I would’ve dragged that stupid yuppie bitch off the train. Wow! This Ginger asshole just gets up and walks away. I would’ve loved to kick her right in the ass.

  17. You all must live a sad and pathetic life. You have nothing better to do than catalog all of the trends and styles of the people you are jealous of and secretly want to be like. Die Hipster maintains a blog denigrating hipster culture. There is nothing more ironic or hipster than what Die Hipster does. And you lemming losers just hang on his every word. You do know that most of the accounts that comment here are sock accounts of Die Hipster. What a sad and pathetic low life.

    • What you’ve just said … is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this forum is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul

    • Why don’t you use the expression “sad and pathetic” a few more times in all your responses? You seem to use it a lot and are very familiar with it. Here is another expression you might like. Buy a thesaurus, Buy a thesaurus,Buy a thesaurus,Buy a thesaurus,Buy a thesaurus.

      • He doesn’t need one. “Sad”, “Lonely”, “Hater”, “Jealous”, “Meathead”…. There’s a Harvard English Lit major right there.

        Soon Craigslist will take him back.

        Bet you’re jealous you don’t get the frumpy, unwashed, unshaven Meghans.


      I chose an origami theme because not only does it look fun, it gave me the chance to draw each of those little origami cuties in Adobe Illustrator, something I’ve been meaning to do since I’m generally always in Photoshop.

      Yeah, sure Stevie. Keep sucking that old gay guy’s dick to keep your apartment. Now, excuse me, my $100/hour Oracle/Java developer job is calling.

      • From “Steve Lamhomeaboutworkcontact”:

        Hello, my name is Steve Lam.
        I’d like to be believe I’m proficient in the following:

        •Adobe Photoshop
        •Adobe Illustrator
        •Valid XHTML
        •Valid CSS
        •Web Semantics

        HA! Is it really a good idea to put that you can copy and paste jiberish into 100 blogs a day using 50 sock-puppet accounts Stevie??

        • Web Design is for the losers of the IT world. Anyone with any brains or cop-on is going to be making big bucks out there doing some kind of advanced programming or networking.

          Web Design = Cab Driver

          (except cab drivers make more money and don’t need to gargle balls to get work)

        • Did I mention I taught myself each of those things in an average of one weekend or less?

          They’re kind of fun but, as I learned a long time ago, fun doesn’t pay the bills.

    • Actually I can’t think of anything sadder than to read internet blogs at 3 in the morning where everyone despises you hipster fucks and actually posting some hypocritical vomit.

      Lemming losers…holy shit…can you get anymore hypocritical than that?

      • Yep – gotta love someone who scans a hipster hating blog at 3 AM to tell everyone to find something better to do.

        How ironic = How hipster

    • Actually, my secret fantasy lifestyle is not being some douchey faux-artist colonist from the Midwest trying to colonize Brooklyn.

      To be completely frank and honest in my confession, being like you guys has never really crossed my mind. I’ve never fantasized about your lifestyle, and I particularly can’t stand what passes for your music.

  18. I particularly hate my 6 figure salary, my free medical and pension and my million dollar view of the city. Even now I can see from the Verrazano Bridge to the Bronx, even all of that shithole Williamsburg. The whole city laid out before my eyes doing my sad and pathetic public safety job for the City of New York. Even keeping the hipsters safe. I know not why. Well the good news is they will be closing some of their firehouses

  19. And the twits just keep on coming.

  20. One of my cop friends in “The Shwick” (you cum-drunk faggots) told me that when it comes to the many home break-ins and robberies going on there, it’s usually another hipster or resident of the building. Street crimes are committed by outside elements. If you watch nature shows, you know that the hunters and predators higher up the food chain usually strike where the pickings are easy, at the watering hole, and usually going after the slow, old, or lame. Same as on the street. Most punks and muggers don’t want someone who is going to put up a fight. It’s too much work. That’s why they roll drunks and idiots and weaklings. Think about that hipsters with your BFA’s: “drunks and idiots and weaklings” which is what all of you are. Stupid muggers think YOU self-important dicksmokers are idiots and weaklings. You fucktard hipsters are just food for the hunters! Besides, why do you care if you get robbed anyway? Your mommies and daddies will buy you new toys. Hopefully, the summer heat and these bad economic times will soon be bringing bloodier and offering up much more violent robberies and goading nasalshriek confrontations gone awry. Please stick around so the criminals will leave me and the other people with sense alone, and just go for you dry turds.

    • Maybe you’ve hit on the only use that hipsters have. I know that crime in my area is considerably lower since my neighborhood is fairly well armed (Orthodox Jews are surprisingly well armed, as it turns out) and despite the presence of a methadone clinic down the road, there’s never been any problems with the addicts — there was one that came around like four years ago and he was run off after he was caught in a few back yards, casing joints.

      I imagine he found some easy meat in some of those refurbished rowhouses with their trendy new residents, though.

    • I’m sure Stevie is on that site right now telling them they are knuckle draggers who are advocating violence amd are jealous of talentless, attention starved adults.

    • That site is run by the king of all hipsters – Gavin Mcinnes.

      • Not to mention that Gavin McInnes is an actual racist, with a side gig writing for Pat Buchanan’s website, who uses the old “I’m just being ironic/edgy” hipster excuse when people call him on his hatemongering.

        On the other hand, I agree with Ripshop that the second article is pretty good. It’s not even about race so much as it’s about male hipsters’ resentment of men who don’t act like passive-aggressive, snarky tools. Same reason they pretend to look down on (while secretly fearing) Italians and other native white Brooklynites — any guy with swagger is a threat to their fragile self-esteem.

        • That Exiled piece is perfect.

          “…his poor Canadian fellow Gavin McInnes is a busy man, with a serious job: he looks at pictures of people’s clothes, and comments on them. That, Jimmy, is what a real redneck does: commenting on people’s clothes. This Canadian fellow Gavin, he is a real redneck, unlike you. When it comes to Canadian fashion criticism, no one takes it to the limits like Gavin McInnes….”

          Perfect deflation of the more-authentic-than-thou posturings of these two middle-aged clowns, neither of which has ever done a days work with their hands since their dads made them mow the lawn in 1984.

        • “On the other hand, I agree with Ripshop that the second article is pretty good. It’s not even about race so much as it’s about male hipsters’ resentment of men who don’t act like passive-aggressive, snarky tools. Same reason they pretend to look down on (while secretly fearing) Italians and other native white Brooklynites — any guy with swagger is a threat to their fragile self-esteem.”


    • I actually ended up reading both of these articles. The first one just came out really weird although I can tell the dude who wrote it was trying very hard not to come off as racist. Instead he came off as kind of a douche, a xenophobe, an elitist, and as a racist. In the end, he falls into the same trap of saying that hipsters are scared of black people because black culture is mainstream…yet hipsters are the biggest co-opters of mainstream culture and consumption via irony. At the end of the day, none of us can escape the realm of commercial culture, so in the end his article fails. As well, most white hipsters tend to like (or pretend to to not look racist) hip-hop and have a minute affinity for black culture from a spectators perspective. Yet, when too many black people find out about something that is apparently “sacred” (hipster “culture”) and try to get in on it, beardo Josh flips his wig! Overall, I think the writer of the first article failed and just exposed his own insecurities about himself and the paradox of hipster culture.

      The second one though is so dead on…I want to shake the hand of the person who wrote it. The Hipster’s real fear of black people stem from the classic white fear that black people will eventually gain influence in numbers and take all of their women that’s been around for ages. The line about the “blipster walking into the room and taking all the shine” speaks volumes. As a black dude myself, I’ve seen it first hand. Hell, I’ve lived it (although I don’t identify myself as a hipster or blipster). Compared to other black males, the blipster is safe by comparison…and as well, he actually has a culture and a identity…which is what most of these transplants and “urban adventurers” lack, and he’s actually somewhat outside the norm so they have the “bad boy appeal” to it that alot of these hipster dudes pretend to have.

      But it’s funny how in the first article the writer mentioned how hipsters are afraid of black dudes like DMX and Allen Iverson? Why? Maybe it’s because if hipster Meghan had to choose between someone buff dude like Iverson or Artest who make millions of dollars each year playing basketball and endorsing products, or Josh who makes $27,000 a year working as a barista in an expensive organic/free trade coffee shop and spends the rest of his time blogging about billyburg and fixie bikes while getting money from his ‘rents…we’d all know who she’d pick.

      Face it…Women are attracted to alpha male types who are independent, dynamic, masculine (the last thing a hipster male is), physically fit, and take charge in all situations in general. This is where most hipster dudes fail. I guess we can add hypermasculine black males to the list of hipster kryptonite along with really hot women, alpha males, adult responsibilities, and rejection.

      • I laughed at how the first author described hipster music, a really watered-down type of rock, as being white.

        The fuck it is; the first rock and roll artists were, among others, Ritchie Valens (real name, Valentino, Mexican ancestry) Chuck Berry (black), Little Richard (black) and Fats Domino (black.)

        The guy who pioneered and popularized the use of distortion effects in rock, which these hipster dolphin-raper bands use? Jimi Hendrix. Guess what? Black.

        Muddy Waters, the first guy to use an amp and electric guitar? Black.

        I’m not black, I’m a white guy from New England, so honkey it hurts, but even I fuckin’ know that rock is not a white invention by a long shot. Of course, I love all rock, not just whiner rock sung by a bunch of skinny poseurs. I bothered to study the history, and listen to rock from its birth to it’s current dubious fugue state.

        Talk about stealing credit. Without black music, these hipsters would be playing harpsichords or something.

        • Very true. I’ve always felt that hipster music is rock music with all the rock taken out, which more or less means all the influences from black music taken out – leaving very little remaining. Nothing exciting about the guitar playing, rhythm section that is either completely absent or has nothing interesting to do and might as well not be there, lyrics that are entirely apathetic. They might as well all be playing harpsichords.

          Hipster indie rock sounds about as white-bread as it is possible for rock music to sound. It isn’t just the whitest form of music, it’s music that has suffered ethnic cleansing.

          As Ripshop said, hipsters are both racist and afraid of anything that might involve confident or assertive behaviour. They were never going to like or understand rock music, were they? They just think that the more boring something is, the more intellectual they’ll look if they pretend to like it. So they look down on rock that most people might enjoy, just as they do with films, books, clothes and pastimes that most people enjoy.

          Reminds me of a hipster band that called themselves The New Pornographers, and explained that their name was taken from a speech by a 1950s evangelical preacher, in which rock music was described as “the new pornography.” (Translation: “Look at me! I read a BOOK about modern history that you’d probably have found boring! I’m an intellectual!”) That evangelical preacher would never have said such a thing about sexless hipster music, if that had been around at the time. He’d have welcomed it.

          • “Aryan Jazz” comes to mind here. the Third Reich Jazz that had its black and Jewish ‘influences’ removed.

            As a result, it sucks and is only studied by music students as a cautionary tale.

          • “it’s music that has suffered ethnic cleansing”
            you wins the internets for today!

  21. I know a scum bag kid (age 25) who makes a “living” mugging people here in Newark and in New York. He always has an iPad or an iPod for sale. I kid you not. He really does this for a living. He should be profiled on these blogs.

  22. Only THESE turds would whine about getting mugged in New York. Um, Ethan? Yeah, the people not from NY who go there, including the Japanese tourists who don’t mind being identified as tourists because, hey, that’s what they are…understand that when you bite the big apple, there might be a few maggots ( thanks Mick! ). Being mugged in NY is a form of flattery or a little trinket story to take home to the fam’. It was a big deal but not a big deal in your whiny sense of it you self-righteous shits. More like a story that Joe and Jane Kansas could tell to their grand kids. “Yeah, mamaw and papaw went to NYC once and we got robbed but ya know, those things can happen in big cities. Take the bad with the good.”

    But the grand kids don’t listen,of course.

    Why do these people believe they should NOT get robbed? Because they’re better than everybody else. OTHER people…THOSE people can get robbed and beaten. That’s OK. Oh, but not the mid-western children. No, no, they’re off limits doncha know? As if ‘being nice’ is an actual, magical barrier to either desperate people or mean people or both. The police in NY have got to be thinking,”Who the F comes to NY, to Brooklyn in fact, and thinks it’s perfectly fine to leave their pricey tech toys laying around?”. If hipsters feel cops have a low opinion of their intelligence, maybe they should take a cue instead of going into instant defensive mode.

    I will drop dead of a heart attack if I ever, ever hear a hipster admit to being gullible, WRONG ( good luck! ), self-centered, insensitive, purile, banal, or redundant. They cannot be criticized, questioned, or ignored. If they ever actually do take power they will be the most vicious of facists history’s probably ever seen. They’ll be able to justify and rationalize anything and everything they do.

    • They’re simply idiots who’ve been raised with an entitlement mentality and no concept of consequences, self-accountability or a basic understanding of “the real world”. The fact that everything about their apearance screams “no upper body strength or fighting skills” doesn’t help matters either. A 90lb bargirl in the Philippines or Thailand could stomp these herbs out and barely break a sweat.

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