diehipster’s missed connections

To the handful of hipsters that ruined a beautiful sunny winter day that was last Sunday in Coney Island just by being in my presence.

First, to the 6 or 7 fucking blogtographers who all look like they hatched from the same cocoon. With your disintegrating Converse sneakers, on purpose bed-head hair styles, and parentally funded Nikon XR2849Z4-LP190372.01 cameras. Do you really need to come down here and snap pictures of rusty fences and signage to post on the hundreds of pseudo-Brooklyn blogs that are run by people born and raised in Milwaukee? Doesn’t it get old you fucking wannabe media types?

Next. To the licorice-legged, gender-puzzled hipster couple with matching frisbee sized sunglasses. Yes! You did it! You’ve managed to stroll down a gritty Brooklyn street while looking like heroin addicts when we all know that only 18 months ago you were swinging in your hammock back in Pleasantville while Mommy was whipping up a fresh batch of Rice Krispy treats for you. Get the fuck out of here before I toss you in the deep fryer in Nathans.

65 thoughts on “diehipster’s missed connections

  1. Firsty! OMG! Will the Wiscon-Pennsyl-tucky-homa invaders migrate to Bay Ridge & Coney Island?

    • They are already in Bay Ridge.

      • Somewhat, it’s true. The only thing that will stem the flow is another economic crash. Which will likely happen in the next couple of years…

  2. Oh, no–Coney, too? WTF?!?!?!? I was just telling my husband that i needed a shot of Coney Island to breath in the salt air and to get the hell out of our nasaltoned neighborhood (carroll gardens) & now to hear this bullshit?

    • Im in Carroll Gardens too! and yes, I know about the “Abilene” crowd if you get my drift.

    • I live in Cobble Hill. I was actually born and raised here. I honestly can’t believe how the neighborhood has changed. College bakery is now gone and there stands some yuppie spa. I miss the Brooklyn I had when I was in middle school and didn’t have to worry about hipster scum ruining my good time.

  3. Coney island is beautiful, from the photos I’ve seen .

    I hope those hipster creeps don’t come in the air .

    If I ever go to Coney Island, I want to see the seagulls and NO hipsters .

    Seagulls are better looking than scumbag hipsters.

    YES to seagulls/ NO to hipsters !

    • they both eat shit tho

      *rob*

      • Yes, but seagulls still have more majesty than the hipsters…well the hipsters have NO majesty nor sublimity .

        One seagull is more worthwhile than a million hipsters ….

    • Seagulls = rats with wings

      Hipsters = rats with beards!

      Given the choice, give me the rats with wings anytime!

  4. Drag ‘em under the boardwalk and treat them to some artisinal whoop-ass.

  5. Enough talk already.

    Start injuring people and posting pics.

    Show me you’re real Brooklyn material.

      • People dressed better in “The Road Warrior” that that shite.

      • Not sure who Steve Lam is as I’m fairly new to the site, but I imagine he’s some hipster strawman that you prop up and knock down when someone disagrees with you.

        I’m 4th generation here in Brooklyn. And yes, I get pissed at the hipster influx. Though, it’s also nice to have benefited as a landlord. The rents I’m getting are beyond what I ever dreamed.

        With that said, I hate violence and can’t stand when people glorify it. I had a family member shot and killed in manhattan in the 80s.

        • We had a good friend of our family shot multiple times in Manhattan back in 1990.

          Amazingly. He lived.

        • Yeah, I agree with what you’re saying; especially when I get treated like a newbie whenever I (or my son) go to Caputo’s (on Court St) or any other ‘old timers’ business. I am born/bred in South Bklyn–although I don’t dress or sound like a ‘neighborhood’ person–i shouldn’t be given the stink eye. I hate on ANYONE who acts like a douche–whether they are hipsters or guidos, although most douches happen to be hipsters. People should be given a chance–remember the old adage–don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Only beat up on real douches!

        • Actually, I wasn’t getting on you, and I apologize. Stevie is a regular hipster commentator who’s notorious for popping up under at least six different sockpuppet names. He used to have one big block of cut-and-paste commentary that he’d drop like an impacted turd at all opportunities, but now he’s forced to make actual attempts at original commentary.

          As to why I brought him up, he’s constantly screaming about “doing something about it,” and then howling when anybody seems to agree with applying violence to the situation. When he’s not doing that, he’s going on and on about the value of hipster culture (considering that he’s a Web designer and wannabe deejay, that’s not all that surprising), and then he’ll drop out of sight for a few weeks to see if anybody misses him. Hence, the Regretsy entry.

          • Don’t listen to this fool. Everyone’s seen his pictures. Texas Triffid Ranch is nothing but a lonely and depressed middle aged GOTH who spends all his time with his plants and ranting on this site instead of building relationships with real people in real life.
            What’s very telling about the daily ranters who frequent this site is that the minute ANYONE disagrees with them, they are immediately labeled a sock puppet. It really is THAT inconceivable to them that perhaps more than one person with actual intelligence would challenge their idiocy in their promotion of violence against your typical fashion/style-conscious, ahead-of-the-curve young adult.

          • HIPSTER APOLOGIST TYPED :typical fashion/style-conscious, ahead-of-the-curve young adult.

            RESPONSE: Oh, you mean one of those MTV- era , conformist dilettantes known as scenesters , eh ?

            I don’t advocate physical violence against those creeps, if all they do is express the totally worthless , evil opinions, I just advocate belittling and shaming those opinions as totally wrong , evil / duplictious trash opinions , that’s all .

            Plants are a lot more sublime and grand than puerile , fauxhemian , fast talking, bantering poseurs lost in the careless flower of youth …a youth which is wasted on the affluent , ambivalent postmodernist young !

          • I hate having to do this, but…

          • Ah, I think I hit a nerve. Still butthurt over how the anime club in high school used to kick your ass every day, Stevie?

        • Mr jaybay ,

          I don’t condone bloodthirsty sort of violence either , NOT even against worthless hipster trash, but they certainly ought to have the hipster lifestyle belittled and denigrated to the utmost vehemence possible with words .

          Humiliation is a better punishment than physical pain . Hipsters ought to be guilted , shamed and totally humiliated .

  6. Unbelievable.
    Back in 2000, an old friend of mine picked up an expensive video camera (it was a Sony vx2000 or older for you nerds out there) in the subway platform that someone have forgotten to pick up. When we played the tape that was inside, it was the SAME exact thing diehipster was describing.
    The SAME up-close-and personal moving shots of Coney Island balloons and blow up animal dolls. The rack-focusing of rusty fence to far-away horizon.
    Even we thought as HS kids that this footage was just bullshit shot by some yupster with money to blow….well eventually yupster became hipster

    PS – I went to film school like many other hipsters but I never intended to waste my life and money away shooting shit like that

    • I like the movie, American Beauty. The shit you just described, it reminded me of the scene where that emo kid was describing the “beauty” of the video footage he recorded of the floating plastic bag to that chick. Misguided emo kids during the late 90s, now turn to be bunch of useless adult hipsters. WTF?!? Get out of Coney Island, and never come near Bath Beach, Bensonhurst and Dyker’s Height!!!

      • To all those funemployed idiots walking around writing dissertations on subjects like “German and Dutch Influences on Urban Mice and Mousehole Architecture From 1850 to 1900″: STAY OUT OF BAYSIDE! You are ruining Coney Island with your expensive high-end cameras and all your other shit that your parents pay for. Do not ever, ever think about ruining Bayside!

      • We need the Warriors to come back and defend their home turf!

      • Aren’t the emos a separate subculture from the hipsters ? Hipsters tend to be provocative and edgy, and have an uppity quality—whereas emos (at least the ones I knew) tended to have a somewhat amiable shyness about them .

  7. Bad news: I was in Rockaway Park on Sunday and saw a pack of hipsters on Beach 116th St.

  8. http://www.countryliving.com/cooking/regional-foods-and-events/brooklyn-charms-0311#fbIndex11

    So Brooklyn is now “adorable”. It’s featured in Country Living. Here’s a list of lots of cutsie things to keep maw and paw busy when they come into town from the hinterlands to -check in on their real estate investments- er, visit Phoebeey and Caleb, who 10 months ago became authentic and urban. It’s all there: the $10 hershey highway chocolate, the faux egg creams, artisanal-you-name-it.

    On another note: what’s with all their stupid shortening of words? duhsies, obvsies, totes, adorbs–Country Living says Brooklyn is sooo totes adorbs. People who talk like that sound like complete morons. I thought they were all college-educated.

    • They are. It’s just that the only thing they learned was how to do the absolute minimum amount of work necessary. If this means learning to speak in emoticons, then the rest of the world will just have to catch up.

      • It is good to see someone else notice how repugnant that speaking in cheeky abbreviations craze is .

        I cringe when I hear that cutesy abbreviated phrase “TMI” .

        Damn linguistic kitsch . Kitsch ridden, hipster philistine creeps .

        • I have never heard anyone use words like “nabe” or “adorb” but it’s AWFUL. how lazy and witless are you that you can’t even finish a whole WORD for fuck sake.

    • BKLYN is featured in Country Living? What the fucking fuck??
      Doesn’t BK have well over a million people, and is surrounded by city and suburb for miles in every direction?? That’s some REAL Country Living right there!

      And I don’t know what it is with these stupid ass abreviations either. All I know is the next person I hear say “totes”, “nabe”, “adorbs”, “obvsies”, “amazeballs”, or any of the countless pretentious neighborhood abreviations is getting socked in the mouth.

  9. http://www.humansofnewyork.com/project/

    Ex-yuppie, now jobless hipster from Chicago takes photos of “interesting people” (ie exploits them) in NYC for several hours a day, every day, and calls it “art”.

    • He looks like JAWS from James Bond’s Moonraker! How much is this asshat paying to get releases from people he photgraphs?

    • He DOES looks like Jaws. But not a hipster. This is a hipster spotting fail.

      • That’s a weird thing to say, since the very project is the epitome of hipsterdom — self-obsessed, introspective documentarian crap.

  10. DH…what do you have against Nathan’s that you would throw one of these wastes of oxygen in the deep fryer? Then they’ll have to buy a new one! LOL

  11. ‘as i get older i realize how busy peoples lives are’–yeah, you fuckin muthafucka–they’re not out talking a couple of photos and them going home! they have jobs and families and LIVES to live you fucin freak! will somebody please KILL him!!!!

    • I agree with landlord completely. Anyone who is not an angry hipster hater needs to get out of New York NOW. Honestly if it wasn’t for this site I wouldn’t have anybody else to hate life with. But I’d rather be miserable than be a hipster, that’s for damn sure

      • I love this site. Us pond scum finally have a voice where we can say what we think and not have to actually look anyone in the face. Not that anyone would want to look at a stupid fucking hipster face anyway.

    • Speak English please.

    • ^ LEGENDARY CHINATOWN FAIR ARCADE IN MANHATTAN CLOSES. THE OWNER LOST HIS LEASE.

      LISTEN TO MEGAN AT THE 0:20 SEGMENT OF THE VIDEO

      “Like, Like, Like, Like, Like, Like Yah! So Sad”

      BITCH.
      PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE MAIN REASON WHY NYC IS DYING YOU FUCKING TWAT.
      PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE MAIN REASON WHY RENTS ARE GOING UP ALL OVER NYC.

      THESE PEOPLE SERIOUSLY HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE.

      NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT SO EVER.

      THEY JUST KEEP ON LIVING IN THEIR OWN LITTLE CARRIE BRADSHAW FANTASY WORLD.

      • if only they would dress & groom themselves like carrie bradshaw–they wouldn’t be so hard to take!

      • The apocalypse is here. Shit is official! Forget 2012 type of world disaster, I could handle that, but, this shit right here is far worse! I grew up at the two bridges area, and frequent Chinatown Fair often as a kid. The spot was a stable in Mott Street. In the near future, all these tourists and hipsters will only care about that section of Mott Street for Wo Hop’s dragon theme tshirt and thinking just cause you could use chop stick at a Shanghainese restaurant means you’re culture.

        It’s too fucking bad that they can’t be on some historic landmark site for New York City. Shame, a damm shame!

      • They’ve even got the requisite double venti soy lattes extra foam in hand. It’s part of the uniform. Or maybe because it’s Chinatown, it could be bubble tea, which “never existed” before hipsters “discovered” it.

      • At least Carrie Bradshaw and her friends WORK! And make their own money! And don’t lie about loving fashion and trends! Imagine that.

        Hipsters are parental leeches, with no skills, or motivation, and they pretend they are too edgy to care about fashion and trends, even though their lives are defined by both.

        And the Sex in the City women LOOK LIKE WOMEN, and wear cute skirts, unlike the funny looking androgynous Megans. The men shave, and WORK, what a concept.

  12. “To the handful of hipsters that ruined a beautiful sunny winter day that was last Sunday in Coney Island just by being in my presence.”

    Its these hilarious lines that keep me coming this this site – I moved from Chicago cause of these hideous fucks. Thanks.

    • That’s a good question. The reason why the “Hipster Missed Connections” posts are so funny is that they’re remarkably similar to the real thing…and get the same responses.

    • If that’s a real post, it sure sounds like a parody! The writer even mocked hipsters, after describing them both as ultimate hipsters.

      It’s GOTTA BE a die hipster plant. I hope so anyway!

      • Yes I admit it was me doing some fishing. Didn’t catch much that time so I didn’t post anything. I got two responses – one just said ” hi looking to make new friends” the other said “was it a full beard or just scruffy?” I cant believe somebody found it LOL. Can somebody bring it to Stevies attention so he can flag and report it to the craigslist authorities?

  13. Middle class hipsters pound it in anti-bourgeois drum circles subsidized by parents’ third mortgage, which sends the douches to Brooklyn just to sneer at those footing their bills.

  14. If author Thomas Wolfe (who wrote remarkable short stories about Brooklyn) could come back from the dead intact and then see what the postmodernist , fast talking / ANTI-contemplative…trendy consumerist hipsters have done to Brooklyn, he might probably turn purple with disgust !

    Thomas Wolfe hated the attitude of the proto-hipster, rich socialite sorts of people, who had a heyday in the 1920′s (the sort of supercillous creeps and vermin, who came from rich backgrounds and liked to go slumming and treated the poor , downtrodden folks as something to gawk at !)

  15. They are here & no matter how much we hate they will not be going anywhere….. I live in coney island and they are here…………. but i have to admit its better than the other rif raf that gravitate here in the summer time….

    • STFU Hipster.

      Go back to the Fly-Over state you came from. Faux brooklynite Coney islander.

  16. pretty sure those were acquaintances of mine. I moved out of state a few years ago, but come back to visit sometimes. My bf had never been to Brooklyn, and I thought we’d make the drive and go to the Aquarium one winter afternoon. Afterwards we walked down the empty boardwalk, got some knishes and went home. I posted two whole pictures from the trip on facebook and within a week every hipster in my town formed a single group and made the same trip, making sure they documented every single movement so they could post it online. Sorry for that. I just wanted to see the fucking penguins.

Comments are closed.