Fishing for hipsters.

Fishing for hipsters is when I place an ad on Craigslist as a zany and quirky girl who just pioneered into Brooklyn and get responses from other hipsters looking for love.

Here was my ad: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/w4m/2184622509.html

Quirky F 4 Quirky M – 29 (WBurg/Bushwick)


Date: 2011-01-28, 10:16AM EST


 

I’m quirky and eccentric yet I can be tranquil and sedated. My fav activities range from gallery hopping to hide and seek to reading 17th century poetry to vintage clothes shopping to cooking yummy vegan dishes to rooftop films and much much more. I’ve been in Brooklyn for 8 months and I love the vibrant creative young adult scene it has to offer. Please have similar interests and live in the area. Describe yourself. I’m white, thin, heavily tattooed, 2 piercings, I work parttime in a healthfood store and host some nights in a new and up and coming restaurant in Bushwick. I totes hope I meet a great and creative boy on here.

  • Location: WBurg/Bushwick
  • 

And here were just some of the responses I got:

just moved to the area extremely bored….enough to look on craigslist…….24 smart insomniac inked…attractive definitely hardcore nerd (well disguised through vulgar confidence)…engineer w/ great job…….reads excessively…cooks exquisitely…lets go from there…

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Maybe you’re looking for me: into all you mentioned (except not a vegan), creative, somewhat quirky boy. Used to work as a sound engineer, have played in various kinds of bands (one of the pics is from an old band), and currently in grad school for poli-sci/econ. In Bushwick as well.
Also me: single, white, tall, thin, tattooed, 32, glasses wearing, writer.

Write back if you’re interested.

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There are a few things that are important if we’re going to meet. First, please be 30-33. I want to go out with someone more than once. I want to go out with a white girl. You should not have a regular 9-5, but you should keep yourself busy and be able to afford to do things sometimes. I’m looking for someone who I enjoy staying in with and not spending money together and also someone to buy flowers and other spontaneous things for. I’m athletic. I usually get 50 push-ups out of the way before I’m really awake yet.

Whenever I really think about it, I have lots of excuses why I don’t need a girl in my life, but when I really think about it, it would be good for me. This city is easier to do when you have someone to kiss. I need a girlfriend in my life who will let me and who wants someone to take care of her. It would be good if she rode a bike. The snow kept me home this morning, but I rod to breakfast yesterday. I’m tall with a shaved head and blue eyes. Scruffy short face hair. Sometimes I wear glasses. Tattoo on wrist and arm.

I hesitate to give myself the title of Artist, but I design, I draw, I write. I make things. I’m a generally creative person who lives in Brooklyn and survives without doing anything I don’t want to do. Let’s get together and talk about whatever you’re working on right now. I enjoy fine weed and strong coffee. Put that as the subject of your email. I look forward to getting together,

My name is Reed.

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I just read your ad on craigslist and I am interested in getting to know you. I am a 26 year old thin male who lives in Manhattan and works as a freelance writer, mostly in Northern Brooklyn. And just like everyone else in this city I would like to eventually be able to live of my creative endeavors. I’m new to this type of dating so I don’t really know what to expect. You seem like you would be right up my alley though. Let me know what you think.
Jesse

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You read 17th Century poetry and like vintage clothing.  I am reading Caeser’s history of the Gallic Wars.  Who is more anachronistic?

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handsome fit conservative bohemian/hedonist here in downtown manhattan. you sound like too much fun and frankly ive developed a weakness for inked up hotties with arty proclivities. i have no tattoos myself, missed the boat. but your company seems like it would be not at all a bad thing. pls send pics.

30 thoughts on “Fishing for hipsters.

  1. No picture, no reply.

  2. I like the format. Much cleaner.

    Reel ‘em in…hook, line and sinker! HAHAHAHA!

  3. Awesome! I’ve been looking forward to another Fishing for Hipsters post. Here we go.

    Person 1:
    this style of writing…is extremely annoying…it makes me want to punch you…in the face…
    “Hardcore nerd (well disguised through vulgar confidence)”? Believe me mate, when you write like that, you’re not disguising it at all.
    You’d think someone who can complete an engineering degree could do better than that. Actually, I wonder if “engineer” means “makes conceptual art out of Lego bricks” or something?

    Person 2:
    You didn’t need to add the “also me” section, because we already knew you look exactly like that.

    Person 3:
    I don’t know where to begin with Reed, he just sounds weird. If you’re reading this, Reed, being called “weird” isn’t a compliment.

    Person 4:
    “just like everyone else in this city I would like to eventually be able to live of my creative endeavors”
    I’ll leave it to you to rip that one to pieces.

    Person 5:
    What we have to hope for is that one day, this person will realise he isn’t making progress with Caesar’s history of the Gallic Wars, he hates it, he finds it as boring as most of us would, he isn’t fooling anyone into thinking he’s read it, no one cares if he’s reading it, and NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN if he admits all this.
    But at least it would look more convincing if he could spell “Caesar.”

    Person 6:
    You’ve got the vocabulary words and the standard dreamy writing style that hipsters use. So is “conservative bohemian/hedonist” supposed to be a clever oxymoron, or just proof that you can’t write?

    • “conservative bohemian hedonist” is a euphemism for “Wall Street guy who likes to fuck art skanks”.

      • EXACTLY. personally that dude gets mad props. hes fishing for dumb hipster sluts just as much as we are.

    • “You’d think someone who can complete an engineering degree could do better than that. Actually, I wonder if “engineer” means “makes conceptual art out of Lego bricks” or something?”

      As someone who is an actual engineer, with an actual job, I’m willing to bet that in this case the term ‘engineer’ means that this jackass either works a soundboard part-time at some shitty hipster bar or occasionally presses ‘record’ on his macbook to record his lame friends and their crappy band.

      Seriously fuck this guy. Engineer my ass.

  4. Not that I’m not enjoying the hell out of these, but it might be time to reverse the situation. Considering the number of dullards who claim that girls crave the Grovers, try a personal ad that incorporates all of their worst traits and see what response it gets. I want to see how many real responses come in versus the number of Nigerian scammers and transplant grifters offering to “give you a hand job with my mouth”.

    • You should try going fishing yourself sometime on w4m. You won’t believe the depths that Human Stupidity can sink to. I’ve fucked around with CL enough times to know.

      Just post an ad in w4m as a young blond French exchange student in NYC, looking for a guy between 21-35 to show her around.

      Then sit back and watch the replies coming in by the boatload. You will get so many 70yo virgins who think they look 21, unemployed guys who want you to supply condoms and a girlfriend for a threesome and enough cock shots to start your own gay porn empire.

      Also, I rekon there’s 100 men on CL for every 1 woman. Posting as a hairy Grover won’t bring anything except Nigerian and Russian spammers. (unless you say you’re a Wall Street brain surgeon who makes $50,000,000,000 a week with a body like Brad Pitt, a cock like John Holmes and who loves fat chicks who think they’re Carrie Bradshaw).

      I stopped when they required me to have a phone.

  5. BRAVO. Absolutely hilarious and you didn’t even have to do the writing. good format for future posts.

  6. Of course, the transplants could just be missing their old slow dance song from high school:

  7. Holy crap, that guy Reed sounds like a complete douche. Seriously, what an asshole. I felt bad for the fictional girl for a second before I remembered that she’s fake. “fine weed and strong coffee”? And HE’S the one answering, but he wants her to be 30-33? And 50 pushups before he’s awake? Yikes. Makes me SO glad I’m not single.

    You should definitely do one by a guy! This is fun!

  8. …what?! i canNOT believe that
    1. people didn’t realize your post was a sham. i mean, come ON. are people… that stupid? or, worse, this just makes me realize that there are really people like this girl OUT THERE so it’s believable
    2. the responses are completely, exactly what we’d expect. again, seems to spot-on to be true, yet it is… sad….

    amazing undercover work!

  9. I suspect “conservative bohemian/hedonist in lower Manhattan” translates to “I’m a nerdy corporate finance guy with no game, but I know hipster chicks are easy and if you sleep with me I promise I’ll pay for your art supplies!”

    • basically a bret easton elliseque type shithead who would be prowling the palladium waring ray bans at night and ‘investing in fine art’ if he were around 30 years ago. only difference is he has to dress and act like a ‘poor person’ by looking like shit and drinking skunk beer. same piece of shit scent, different shade.

    • What would make anyone THAT desperate?!

  10. Also, I love how Reed tries to disguise his “white girls only” sentence by hiding it in the middle of a paragraph. “Blah blah blah artist blah blah blah coffee I’M SCARED OF BROWN PEOPLE blah blah blah riding my bike…”

    • Yep. Noticed that right away too.
      Fucking fuck. If he wants to date a white girl, wouldn’t it have been better to stay in South Dakota then to move to the so-called melting pot?

  11. Yuck. They are such cliches of themselves.

  12. Reed = Total assbag

    It’s all pink on the inside!

  13. Reed sounds like the biggest douche of them all. Good Lord…a loser, underemployed, druggie racist. Sounds like the man of any girl’s dreams!

    The guy reading about the Gallic Wars wouldn’t be so bad if he hadn’t blown his cover by spelling “Caesar” incorrectly.

    • I had a think about what Reed might be, and so far, I’m going with “fundamentalist cult member.”

  14. Is there any way that you would be able to show these asshats that their posts are now on this website? I just feel like they need to see that the rest of the world thinks they’re assholes. Especially the “whites only” guy. These hiptards are always proclaiming to be so worldly and cultured. Right, as long as it’s N. Brooklyn culture, or lack thereof. Please shine some light on them and let us know how they react.

    • A few years ago some guy did just that. He created a site called craigslist-perverts.org, posted ads as girls looking for men and posted ALL the replies on his site, including email addresses, phone numbers, names etc. Did the same thing on m4m. The man was on a mission.

      The same guy also owned killallgays.org, a racist site and a Holocaust-Denying site. And he’s a Mormon.

      All his sites appear to have been taken down. I wonder why?

      • Strangely enough, I have more of a problem with hiptards than with perverts…although both deny what they truly are.

  15. This is whack. Its one thing to spoof on artfag wannabe’s its another to pose as some aneorexic tattooed midwestern tween in brooklyn.

    • Well Stevie, Trey Parasucko,

      Seeing how you cut your teeth posting the same shit over and over and over on Craigslist, you’ve nothing to complain about.

  16. Pingback: 17th Century Girl

  17. Good news, among other languages, I have a working knowledge of Niceguyese.

    “Whenever I really think about it, I have lots of excuses why I don’t need a girl in my life, but when I really think about it, it would be good for me. This city is easier to do when you have someone to kiss.”

    TRANSLATION: (literal) I’m so lonely. (colloqially) OH GOD I’M LONELY!!!

    “I need a girlfriend in my life who will let me and who wants someone to take care of her.”

    More of the same…and “let me”? “Let you” do WHAT, Steinbeck? Seriously, you say these people hang out at Starbucks and pretend to WRITE? The guy can barely put together a sentence. “…who will let me take care of her(AKA a paraside)” would be much better.

    ” I’m tall with a shaved head and blue eyes.”

    Maybe this explains the “white girl” requirement.

    ” Scruffy short face hair. Sometimes I wear glasses.”

    If you need glasses, you should probably be wearing them all the time. If you are wearing non-prescription glasses to complete a particular look, you are a moron.

    ” Tattoo on wrist and arm.”

    From the information above I’m guessing a Wehrmacht eagle and a Celtic Cross with “White Pride World Wide” around it.

    “I hesitate to give myself the title of Artist,”

    Good, keep hesitating.

    “but I design, I draw, I write.”

    Shit, I’ve been doing that since I was in elementary school.

    “I make things.”

    If “things” turns out to be Kraft macaroni and cheese, should we be impressed?

    ” I’m a generally creative person…”

    We’re all “generally creative”. Last night in my head I wrote a great comedy sketch, I doodled on some paper, I wrote some kickass forum posts that ought to be published in a multi-volume encyclopedia of “Collected Works”. Why don’t you award me an Iron Cross, SS Sturmbahnfuhrer?

    “…who lives in Brooklyn and survives without doing anything I don’t want to do.”

    Like actual work, dealing equitably and respectfully with minorities, and not being a pretentious dipshit.

    “Let’s get together and talk about whatever you’re working on right now.”

    What ARE you working on, Diehipster? Missiles that home in on pretentiousness? Please tell me it’s that. If it’s the case, launch a few at Moscow. They’ll find targets.

    ” I enjoy fine weed and strong coffee.”

    My experience has been that pot-smokers aren’t too picky about weed. As for coffee, this guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. When it comes to strong coffee, my motto is- “If it’s not Turk, it doesn’t work.”

    ” Put that as the subject of your email. I look forward to getting together,”

    His response time suggests that his stock of GHB is sufficient.

  18. To whomever this blog is written by,

    I guess I’m what you would call a hipster. I like riding my fixed-gear bike on a daily basis. I drink fine espresso every afternoon after I rise from bed in my parents’ house in Chelsea. I have been unemployed for two months or so, and have almost no money in the bank.

    I don’t know what you think you have, but I wouldn’t trade my life and times for your idea of “success” if someone held a gun to my head and asked politely. This entire blog seems, from cursory inspection, to be full of nothing but trite, spiteful and bitter angst. I wouldn’t call it hatred, because I don’t believe that what you’re feeling towards the people you disparage truly is the product of dislike. More likely, in my opinion, you admire the youthful naivety and optimistic fire that the negative experiences of your past have stomped out. Indeed, many young, “bohemian” individuals are foolish at times. There is much insecurity in our society, and it is just as prevalent in Williamsburg as anywhere else. However, foolishness can be fun, and it is indeed a philosophical conundrum to decide whether it is more foolish to stay at home in contempt of those whose fates are not as sure as yours or to be he who has little direction and much play. I’m getting preachy, so I’ll only add that lashing out is just as immature as eagerly conforming to “acceptable” social standards and is certainly far less harmless. Stop sitting in front of your computer frothing with fury. If you’re unhappy with what your life has become, feel free to step outside the door.

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