Super Hipster Heroes.

Link -If Hipsters Were Superheroes

About a year ago I was going to do a parody of the Incredible Hulk but never did. These people made the Hulk too hulkish to be a hipster.

My story was going to be that a nice, normal, non-pretentious and non-artsy, big and strong ex-college football player came to Brooklyn to hold some kind of working class job and blend in with society. Upon his arrival though he accidentally was exposed to something toxic or radio active. (Something like the Greenpoint oil spill, Gowanus Canal toxins, or a malfunctioning Apple product.)

From there on, he would continue to lead a normal non-pretentious Brooklyn life until he got angry where he would transform and shrink down from a big and strong guy into a little green string bean with arms and legs and act ironic and pioneering while  hanging out with actual hipster douches. And so on and so on…

46 thoughts on “Super Hipster Heroes.

  1. “Hi everybody back on the farm”

    “Check out the NYC closet I now call my home”

    • Meghan there is stiff as a board! She walks the same way Burgess Meredith as “The Penguin” did in the old Batman TV series.
      What’s up her butt?

      OH yah,her roomate :-)


      And more importantly, why to more and more and more joshes and meghans follow them to NYC as a result. All of these places are tiny little dumps. Packed full of crap.
      Why would you show that to people??

      • It’s more about their new found ego-based prestige of being a “real NYer” now (Yaaahhh!) and less about the shitty, overpriced roach pit they moved into. Remember, we are talking about the dumbest fucking trend-driven lemmings in the world here. They spend out the ass to live in places like this making the city too expensive and unlivable for most of us regular working stiffs who just are not that impressed with it all.

    • “you love NYC but NYC don’t love you”

  2. “Like Yah”

    “Lots of people ride bikes here”

  3. “There are construction workers out there all the time that is why I never open the blinds”



  4. “Like Yah”

    “We just moved to NYC from the midwest and the subway is our playground now”

    “Being urban is so fun”

    “We all have jobs too”

    “Carrie Bradshaw would be proud”

    • Oh if only the train had come to a sudden,unexpected stop with the motrman slamming on the brakes while the three Carrie Bradshaws were hanging from the subway poles like little Sex in the City monkeys.
      Sure as shit there daddies back home would have all filed lawsuits!

    • You know, as I said elsewhere…some poor bastard working stiff gets a summons for putting his foot up on an empty train, and these cunts get away with “pole dancing” and running amok on the train. Maybe the transit bosses should grow some balls and take care of this problem! These people are NOT amusing, they are NOT cute, and they are NOT interesting. They are wastes of oxygen!

    • Did I hear Minnesota in there? and can someone tell me WHY AREN’T THEY GETTING A TICKET!!!!!! I put my feet in the seat (like people have been doing since before I was born) and get a flippin ticket, and not to mention dirty looks for being sooooo inconsiderate, while these 3 chimpettes fly around like blond bimbats.

      Oi vey!

        • Fucking great. More fine examples of my once great state…

      • I’ll tell you exactly why they’re not getting tickets. It’s probably because every time a cop gives one of these spoiled little brats a ticket, s/he calls Mommy back in Dogfelcher Falls and screams about how “This is sooooooo unfair!” Before you know it, the cop in question is facing a lawyer who’s looking for publicity (“Local Lawyer Goes to War Against New York Elites”) and willing to work pro bono, and probably a lawsuit for harassment. Add up the number of tickets and multiply that by the number of parents who believe their children piss lilac and shit gold, and it’s not worth the effort to go after them.

    • The worst thing is that these bimbos have jobs that they don’t really need, since I bet they are all trust fund suburbanites. With the economy the way it is, seeing these morons get jobs normal people need makes me wanna push them in front of the train. of course, they may be internship type jobs or assistant of an assistant, but still, they are taking jobs from people that aren’t total douche nozzles.

      • So wait,

        you don’t like hipsters because they have trust funds and don’t have ‘real Jobs’ and scum off their parents.

        but now you don’t like hipsters because they have jobs which some one else could be doing….

        well which is it??

        plus they don’t look like hipsters at all….idiots on here!

  5. “Yay Steph!”

    “You are a city girl now!”

  6. they are CUTE

  7. Cute?

    Check out what they say about the blacks in this clip.

    I wonder how the people over at the Drew Hamilton Houses would feel about that?

    Wait a minute!!!

    I know somebody who is currently going to school at Howard University who is from Drew Ham.

    I will show him this clip and find out what he has to say about it.

    If you ask me though these MEGANS are all the fucking same.

    Disgusting. Trendy & Racist.

    • these bitches are slightly different from the regular megans because their older and wear makeup. these bitches seem scarier too–especially with the comment about ‘turning into a black woman with curly hair’! omg!!

  8. Apparently, these disgusting attention seeking yups are now selling their own Brooklyn Tornado T Shirts.

    They are also bragging about being featured on Jimmy Kimmel the other day.

    • I thought they got a lot of tornadoes out in those corn fields.

    • what idiots, too bad they didn’t. Get impaled with a flying tree branch. I guess they are so use to tondos from living in Kansas that they don’t think they are scary anymore. I only wish they had qualified for a Darwin award, since that would make them dead from their stupidity!

  9. Getting back to the original topic they were all good but the Spiderman one was by far the best.

  10. The other day, my hipster neighbors politely left a note on my door asking me to not leave my work shoes in the stairwell because they were having a party and wanted everything the be perfect. Thank god I wasn’t home the day of the note/party and they had to deal with my work shoes in the stairwell for the entire duration of their celebration. I win.

    But seriously, who is that stuffy and stuck up that shoes in a stairwell would mortally offend them?

    • That’s because “work shoes” are something spoiled, parentally-subsidized douche-faces will never own. I’m sure your shoes were part of their nasally snarky conversation at some point during their little pretentious shit-eating party. 19th Century buckled shopkeeper shoes or Peter Pan boots would have met their approval.

      • Q: How do you hide organic sustainable rooftop arrugula from a hipster?
        A:put it under a pair of work shoes.

      • LOL. I know. Not to be one of those guys but I guarantee I make more money than them. Probably not their parents though.

    • I would put my work shoe back on and buried up that hipster scumbag’s ass. Fuck you, you don’t like a working person? Go back to mommy;s house in the midwest. DOUCHE BAGS!

    • NO WAY! I can’t believe they had the nerve to ask you that!
      My man always leaves his dirty boots outside the door. I DARE one of those bedbug taxis to every mention something like that to us!

  11. i guess having one plant and one plate and one water bottle for your bike all posed together at particular angles makes you hipster enough to live in a shitty apt in NYC.

    i’m not sure what’s worse? these bonafide gentrifier original copies of something that doesn’t really exist….or the fucking clowns that do this shit in my fucking city iN NORTH CAROLINA.

    • I hear you. We’ve got the same thing going on in Dallas. A ridiculous number of old department stores and office buildings in Dallas were converted into apartments over the last ten years, and the only people who can afford to live in them are ones being subsidized by Mommy and Daddy. When they aren’t shitting blood over seeing homeless people out in front, they’re chirping that they’re being urban and edgy…about living in downtown Dallas.

      Don’t get me wrong. I love it here. The rents are cheap, the food is good, and we have an autumn that doesn’t stop until the middle of January. It’s just that the only people who go on and on about the “urban experience” in Dallas are SMU brats and other bubble babies, and they’re the first to demand that all of the things that make Dallas unique be removed or deleted because they’re bugged by it. Same deal with you guys, I imagine.

  12. he would transform and shrink down from a big and strong guy into a little green string bean…


    “Bizarro Hulk Not Smash!”

  13. another Tornado watch in Brooklyn until 6 pm. Since when do we get Tornadoes? New Theory: Hipsters from Kansas, Ohio, Oklahoma, Kentucky, florida, NC, SC etc. have have been genetically mutated from all the Tornadoes and Hurricanes their states have experienced and radiate a magnetic field luring extreme weather condition east. If there weren’t so many of them in NY, there would be no threat, Tornadoes and Hurricanes would remain consistent and centered in their usual locales.

    • You know, you might be onto something…didn’t these asshats bring trailers to Brooklyn? Trailer parks ARE the leading cause of tornadoes!

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