Warning to all hipsters.

This is a warning to all you talentless, ironic, trend sucking, wanna-be urban, pseudo pioneers. DO NOT CROSS BELOW THE RED LINE. You aren’t discovering shit. Your liberal arts college mentalities and your hipster uniforms are despised down here. We like our non-organic coffee and vegetables just the way they are. We don’t pay $2000 a month for a one bedroom down here with our Daddy’s money or cram 6 bearded, emaciated, finger painters in one to afford it. There’s nothing edgy, ironic, or gritty for you to see. We don’t need your culture, or lack thereof. The average resident down here has more culture in one of their bitten and spit out fingernails than an entire block of tuba playing kickballing organic tea connoisseurs in North Brooklyn combined. Remember, DO NOT CROSS SOUTH OF THAT LINE. You have been warned you filthy motherfuckers.

111 thoughts on “Warning to all hipsters.

  1. FUCK EM

    • AMEM! My favorite part is when you said, “We don’t need your culture, or lack thereof.” The reason hipsters are such culture snobs is cause they hate their rich boring lives. What now hipsters?

  2. They better stay south of Queensboro Plaza, too.

  3. That map should be posted all over the neighborhoods. I don’t think the hipsters will venture much into the south east parts—Marine Park, Mill Basin, Bergen Beach, and even Kings Highway—unless it’s a last resort. Where I live, I’ve seen maybe a few stray hipsters but if anything, a couple yuppies who are still on the train after 9th avenue.

  4. http://community.livejournal.com/newyorkers/5588944.html

    You guys would get a kick out of this one. Long story short, most of the people in that group aren’t even New Yorkers(at least anymore). Only transplant and hipster questions ever get asked and answered anymore. Some of them rip another commenter a new one though in that link.

  5. We should market contraceptives to hipsters.

  6. Oh my god — are you fucking kidding me w/ this???

    “Someone once visited me and parked their car on my street. We came back towards my place and various guys from the block were sitting on it.”

    Like.. Oh Em Gee.. There were various guys sitting on your caR?!!? Holy Jesus.. Call the community watch — There – is – someone- SITTING – on – my – car!!! …

    Bitch, please… That comment alone deserves a smack to the eye socket.

  7. I couldn’t have said it better myself. They have destroyed what was once a wonderful, working class neighborhood and turned it into a snobby, name dropping, area. Get the hell out of Park Slope and Windsor Terrace!

  8. Forget just warning them. Start collecting pelts.

  9. I’ve lived in a (cobble hill)coop for over 20 years! The yuppies in the bldg are trying to evict me! why? because i guess i’m not one of THEM! These nasaltards are the most obnoxious people ever! They meetings and talk about how evil I am!! My crime? I’ve wiped my feet on one of their doormats! I am NOT kidding! God help us all!!

    • “They have meetings,” lol, isn’t it funny how the yups just LOOOVE to have “meetings”? Anything that helps them a) feel important, and b) get attention from other yups.

      • What’s funnier is that while they can’t stand to get jobs because they don’t like corporate straightjackets, they’re perfectly willing to steal parts of the corporate world that suits them best. And when I say “suit them,” I mean ways to make sure they don’t get shouted down, they get their say no matter how ignorant it is, and they have the ability to punish those with better things to do. “Sorry, Bill, but we decided in the meeting that all food in the refrigerator belongs to all of us equally. I know that the pizza you put in there was going to be your lunch at work for the next week, but you weren’t here for the meeting, and, well, we were hungry.”

  10. Unfortunately my neighborhood is above that line. These people make me want to…. ugh… never mind. DH, you’re one lucky bastard these scumbags haven’t gone down to your Hood.

  11. And if you thought the usual routine with hipster scum is bad, then consider that they’re trying to bring back organized squatting, too. Because, after all, the real crime isn’t that they and their vermin brethren aren’t pricing out everybody else in their newly discovered neighborhoods. The real crime is that they’re actually being expected to pay rent when they should be allowed to move into sufficiently boho places for free.

    • Oh, that’s just great. Good news, all you hardworking families who bust your asses to pay legit mortgages in one of NYC’s most historic African-American neighborhoods! Here comes the Great White Activist Hope to give Bed-Stuy what it really needs — an “anarchist” hangout spot where a bunch of overeducated suburban rejects can work off their liberal guilt about their parents’ money!

      Renovating vacant buildings and turning them over to deserving homeless families isn’t the absolute worst idea in the world, but these guys aren’t even pretending to be anything other than an attention-seeking hipster circlejerk. Their anarchist squat project is such a threat to the powers that be that they have stay far away from any snitches who might rat them out to the Man… except for, um, the Columbia School of Journalism grad student who writes them a glowing puff piece in a national magazine two whole days after they move into their new top secret revolutionary hideout.

      Of course, the campus-radical professor and his “activist” buddies can’t stay in Florida for their little project. Hell, they can’t even be bothered to find an abandoned building in the West Bronx or southside Jamaica. Nope, it just so happens — purely by coincidence, no doubt — that they decided to squat a building in the Brooklyn neighborhood which is the current frontier of the “urban pioneer” hipster plague. Here’s an Anthropology 101 lesson for you, Professor: “edgy” white people are the first stage of gentrification.

      I never thought I’d be rooting for a landlord and his army of lawyers, but I can’t wait for these guys to get what’s coming to them. I’m an old-school Roosevelt Democrat, but “activists” like these make me want to pull the lever for a joint ticket of Barry Goldwater and Genghis Khan.

      • “I’m an old-school Roosevelt Democrat, but “activists” like these make me want to pull the lever for a joint ticket of Barry Goldwater and Genghis Khan.”

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love it!
        By which I mean I hate the whole idea that these privilaged fucks are somehow entitled to live free anywhere.

        YOU MADE YOUR FILTHY BEDBUG INFESTED $2,500 STUDIO APARTMENT NOW SLEEP IN IT!!!

        • “I don’t know why we have to pay rent in a country that’s so rich” generally translates to “But I really wanted to catch that Echo and the Bunnymen cover band this weekend, but I gotta pay rent instead! WAAAAAAAAH!” (I used to have a roommate who let loose that whine over and over, especially when I’d tell him that no, I couldn’t cover his share that month. He might have been able to afford his whole $150 per month share of the rent…if he’d been willing to take a job that wasn’t artistically fulfilling. Well, that and blowing his minuscule deejay income on organic groceries, the latest album from the latest cutting edge band you’ve never heard of, and lots and lots of truly terrible comics.)

      • You weren’t saying anything that I wasn’t thinking. I keep thinking of the number of abandoned and neglected places in upstate New York, just to start, that could be renovated and used for better purposes than pot grow houses. The problem here is that the hipsters don’t want to do that. Their whole schtick requires their having an audience, and you won’t find that much of a sympathetic or at least a tolerant audience in the middle of nowhere. Try this shit in Lake Desolation or Ballston Spa, and the owner and the cops would take turns beating hipsters over the kidneys with golf clubs and riot batons.

        Several years back, when the magazine still occasionally ran articles suggesting real DIY projects instead of Urban Outfitters shopping sprees, my wife subscribed to ReadyMade magazine. One of the big cover stories about five years ago was from the pair of ah-TEESTS who moved out into the middle of Iowa and bought up old abandoned schoolhouses. Between corporate farms and the baby boom being long over, the state was shutting down schools all over the place, and these two were buying them up and converting them into artist’s havens. It was still all about screaming “Look at me!” (they both wanted big auditoriums so they could host fashion shows and plays), but at least I had some respect for them because they put in some work. I also had some respect for them understanding that they were pretty isolated, as none of their hipster friends could handle being away from a Starbucks for more than a day, and the nearest living town was at least a four-hour drive away.

        I may have had respect for these guys, but I don’t have respect for our anarchist squatters. I’ve seen that story before: they come in and do all that work with Mom’s credit card. Fine and good, but does it actually make local housing more affordable? Hell, no: it just means that Josh and Megan’s friends all want a place “just like that”. After a little bit, either they get Mom and Dad to buy the property, they buy the property themselves when Mom and Dad die, or someone else sees the opportunity and buys it out. The repairs are done, and the place is liveable, and now it can be rented out for even more than the surrounding area because it now has squatter cred. I’ve seen it happen so many times in so many other cities that I tell everyone right now that sweat equity is for suckers.

  12. Can’t you please move the line ABOVE Prospect Park?

    • Unfortunately that wouldn’t do much good. In the battle of Brooklyn good vs. evil, or normal Brooklyn people vs. yuppie transplant slime, Park Slope is our Gettysburg, our Midway. Once the filthy yup hordes succeeded in taking Park Slope, the surrounding neighborhoods started to fall like dominoes.

  13. This should be renamed: warning all hipsters. Stay out of Brooklyn.

  14. Btw Kitty Graves is awesome. And shes pretty! I checked out her blog and I love it. -Bigpoppapump

  15. Yea they better stay the fuck away from the jamaica bay wildlife refuge. I love taking walks on their trails and going bird watching. If they take that away too i’ll snap!

    • Although I could always be jinxing myself, I’m pretty sure the yupsters don’t have it in them to ever try to take over non-subway-served Brooklyn (i.e., Marine Park, Gerritsen, E. Flatbush, etc.). The train is an integral element of the yupster lifestyle since it provides them with a venue and a captive audience to pose and pout in front of every day, something that they weren’t able to do back on Eagle River Run Drive. Yupsters and trains go together like viruses and carriers.

      • Yea – i agree with you on this one. Access to trains and commute time seem to be of the utmost importance to these folks. — Many a hipster couldn’t believe I lived so “far out” into Brooklyn back when I was in Gravesend. Not that I’m so far from there now (Dyker) – But, hearing that I was close to the end of the F /D /N line warranted a reaction that is similar to the news of a terrorist attack.

        The commute time to the city, for me, has never been an issue because for as long as I’ve been in BK/NYC, my commute has been at minimum, 45 minutes to manhattan. It doesn’t bother me in the least… maybe it’s cause I don’t spend my nights getting fucked up in some artist studio with no functional bathroom when I have to be up and at my work for 9am the next morning. I go to bed at a reasonable hour and get up early. — It’s called responsibility.

        Responsibility meet Hipster – Hipster meet Responsibility.

        Also, my 45min+ commute time to/from work gives me a much needed break from ‘reality’. I can get my read on, listen to music, and do all of the other things that I cannot do when I am “on”. The train/bus are great places to turn your inner NY’er off (while still keeping an eye on your shit so that no one robs ya, that is :P)

        • The whole issue with responsibility is why hipsters love trains and bikes. Having a car means having to make car payments and pay for insurance and gas. It requires getting updated licenses and registration, as well as paying for parking and repairs. By not having a car, they now have that much more of Dad’s money to blow on bad beer, vintage clothing, and obnoxious music. Besides, everybody has a car, but only the special little slans have a custom-made fixie.

        • unfortunately the hipsters i’ve met in my line of work have said the same thing when they find out i live “all the way” in Bensonhurst.

          really? because to me it’s worth it to have the huge apartment, low rent, REAL grocery stores, REAL neighborhood, and COMPLETELY LACK OF HIPSTER ASSHOLES.

          every day i live in fear that they’re coming here, considering luxury condos are popping up left and right on King’s Highway…

          • One of my Park Slope native friends lived over in “remote” Bensonhurst for a few years before moving back to Park Slope to take care of a sick relative. He said that taking the D train from 20th Ave and 60th st in Bensonhurst, he would be at 4th Ave in Park Slope in barely 20 minutes. Which means that a commute to Manhattan from Bensonhurst is only 20 minutes longer each way than “convenient” Park Slope. But these yups don’t want to hear it. Better off for Bensonhurst that way anyway.

            Another crucial thing to realize is that for hipster-yuppie transplants, “far” is just a code word for “not trendy.” The yups would jump at the chance to commute back and forth from fuckin’ Mount Vernon every day if the yup Pied Pipers skipped up there and declared it to be the new North Brooklyn.

          • lol.. exactly..

  16. Speaking as a witness to what my section of Park Slope has become over the past decade–an inbred beardo and “Princess Ohio” mecca of never-ending fresh-from-Pennsyltucky U-Hauls and FreshDirect trucks full of overpriced organic produce–I can only say that I sincerely hope the remaining neighborhoods of good working people in this borough aren’t forced to go through the unprecedented shitshow that my family and friends have stood through this past decade.

      • How dare a “gourmet pizza parlor” not cater to its inbred hillbilly hipster-yuppie Park Slope transplant customers by not offering a menu for little albino Tucker and Emma! I’m just shocked…

        Not surprisingly, “Fornino Park Slope” also has a branch in Willamsburg. So they obviously know which neighborhoods have that ideal combination of large disposable income and a dearth of common sense.

        • Read the comments for additional laughs. 90 percent of them are asking “Then why the fuck did you bring your kids to a pizza place?”, and then you have the equally entitled and clueless who complain that there should be more places that do this. Because, after all, it’s every little hole-in-the-wall restaurant’s responsibility to drop everything and cater to one yuppie shithead who might come back a second time within the next ten years.

          • It doesn’t surprise me that this whole thing started over a Yelp comment. Yelp is a great way to get recommendations for a good pizzeria or car repair shop, but it’s also home to some of the most insufferable “foodie” assholes this side of your local weekly free newspaper. When I lived upstate there was this one douchenozzle who spammed every single restaurant review page with smug, “snarky” comments about how crappy the food was compared to the Authentic Ethnic Fare he had back when he lived in a reeeeeal city. The little burrito shack on frathouse row that caters to late-night drunk undergrads? Call the food police — his burrito was nowhere near as “fresh” and “authentic” as the ones he used to have back in the Mission District in San Francisco! I wanted to start giving 5 stars to every Burger King and Wendy’s in the city, just to piss him off.

          • Yelp isn’t a real business. It’s a closet for pocket sociopaths who take out their repeated beatings in high school by the six-year-old girl down the street on everyone else. Its main “experts”? Shut-ins like Steve Lam who have nothing better to do all day than to make up bitchy cracks, usually against businesses they’ve never visited. It’s like visiting the comments sections at a daily newspaper Web site, only without the displays of truly impressive insanity.

  17. New Episode. Like Yah Yah

  18. The only solution is to build a Brooklyn version of the Berlin Wall across the dividing line. On one side, the borough’s untainted neighborhoods would be protected from the beardo infestation, and on the other, the hipsters get a fresh canvas to tag up with shitty political graffiti. It’s a win/win for everyone.

    • Wow. Kill stab kill.

    • Hilarious!! Reading the article, I was just waiting for the words “Brooklyn” or “Park Slope” to jump out at me. Needless to say, I am shocked that she mentioned neither (although she did make sure to drop “NYC” in there). Also funny is the fact that the article has since been taken down–I wonder if she got the level of shit that it deserved by writing it?

      With the exception of the morning’s 75 cent coffee, lunch (when I don’t brown bag it) and train fare, it’s usual for me to NOT spend money within any given 24 hour period. Does that make me ‘strange’ in this yuppie fool’s conception of NYC life? Are people like me that small a percentage of this city’s population? I’m inclined to believe otherwise.. but hey–it’s not as though NYC-transplanted yupsters aren’t infamous for being oblivious to how normal people live or anything!

  19. Pretty soon were gonna see NY name change to things like Little Ohio, Iowa Town. I really hate people from Ohio, I used to work for this transplant in Urban renewal in the Bronx. I hate this bitch so much, she looked like something out of the 1950′s era with the stupid granny dyke looking hair and granny glasses. I had to hear how culture and diverse she was even though she lived in Williamsburg. I quit the job and ended up unemployed and hecked in my own home (Yonkers born and bred) because I told her off. Fuck Ohio.

    • You’ve gotta wonder, at some point aren’t the suburbs going to run out of social rejects? I mean, how long can the line of Brooklyn-bound lemmings possibly be?? I mean look, with all the Chinese immigrants coming from the most populated country in the world into NYC/Brooklyn every day, they’re still being outnumbered by incoming hipster-yuppie transplants!!

      It really is fucking mind-boggling if you sit down and think about it. There’s just so.. fucking.. many.. of these inbred hayseeds, with so much disposable parental income. Like space aliens who just keep coming.

      • I can’t figure out where all the money’s coming from. But I can say that for some stupid ass reason there are certain people in this country who are attacted to the douchebaggary perpetuated by these fucking filthy fucks. I’ve seen good people from truley ghetto areas of my city turned into filthy hipsters and yupsters and other types of pseudo cultured garbage.
        So I have a theory, that for every 5 Wisconsowakotans that move to NE MPLS, they convert 1 formerly regular Minneapolotan to their stupid ass lifestyle.

        So let’s say that my little hometown of Minneapolis is recieving 25 of these worthless fucks per week. That means 5 regular people are being converted per week. You can see how it adds up fast.

        A city like Brooklyn that has millions of more people than MPLS does would obviously be getting that many more transplants, and likewise that many more converts. It never ends.

        Until god forbid everyone everywhere is a fake ass musician bohemian dirtball organic farming latte drinking skinny fucking fag.

        • Interesting. I also know of a handful of native Brooklynites that fell hook line and sinker into the yupster transplant lifestyle, but they tend to be in their early to mid-twenties, having been born too late to see their neighborhood in its pre-yupster incarnation. They are the same fools who were born and raised in Brooklyn yet talk like they grew up in Wisconsin. While I don’t hold nearly as much venom for the misled natives as I do for the yupster transplants, those sorts of natives tend to be schmucks too and it’s usually impossible to reason with them.

          • I agree. When I look around the old neighborhood and see only hipsters I don’t recognize, I get much more angry / sad then I do when I see a group of people who are actually from the area who also happen to qualify as hipster types.
            But I don’t think most of the locals would dress / act that way if not for the infestation.
            I also agree that the local hipsters seem to be younger, and the outta towners can be as old as 60. As was noted below, the older the douchebag, the more irritating it is to have to see / smell them.

      • Sooner or later, the population will slow, but not any time right away. We’ve got a lot of suburbs in this country, and a lot of man-children who go hopping and skipping to the next hipster mecca when they’re laughed out of the next one. New York is just the most popular destination, especially since Portland is sinking into its own shit.

    • In my early 20s I spent a lot of time in Ohio, and I hated that place. Those wonder bread eating, Cleveland steaming, Drew Carey loving, provincial rubes would constantly crack the most clichéd jokes at my expense because I’m an Italian American from New Jersey. A day wouldn’t go by without some jerk-off popping off about the mob, or saying stupid shit like “oh, you’re from Joisey!” and “what Turnpike exit do you live on?”

      The funny thing was, I expected that kind of smack talk to come from the NASCAR rednecks, but it was the exact opposite: the rednecks pretty much kept to themselves, while the “cultured” Eddie Bauer edition, middleclass assrags talked shit. They’d say the most ignorant things about New Jersey and the tri-state area in general, all the while thinking the Olive Garden was fine Italian dining and JC Penny high fashion. The best part, though, was the look of terror on their faces when they would find out my hometown was Newark. Let me tell you, the smack talk ended right then and there without me having to say a word.

      Now the developers are eyeing my hometown in the same way they did Brooklyn dirty a decade ago. There are plans for fake artist colonies, high rise condos, etc., — all of it geared to the suburban yupster transplants who’ve been priced out of NYC, but still want an urban “lifestyle”. You know what? I’m not really stressed about it. Newark has a long way to go before that type of development attracts out-of-staters. However, I can guarantee one thing: when the first wave of gentrifying jerk-offs get off that flight from Ohio, the good people of Brick City will know exactly how to greet them. Karma’s a bitch, my buckeye friends.

      • It’s even more fun watching as these idiot developers crash and burn, without having to lift a finger. Dallas has been dealing with that game for so long that it’s practically a spectator sport: it’s just a matter of watching the latest SMU brat who just graduated at the absolute bottom of his MBA class tell everyone in sight about how his latest scheme is a “GUARANTEED moneymaker”. The local paper will wrap its lips around his dick and proclaim his idea the salvation of the city, and then he’ll disappear. Sometimes it’s because he couldn’t keep the coke spoon out of his nose, or because he beat up his girlfriend, who happened to be the daughter of someone with real power. Most often than not, though, it’s because reality came up and bit him on the ass before he could sell his toxic scheme to someone else.

        (I used to work for one of these dogfelchers, and he had a great plan. Namely, since he’d never been told “no” in his life, all he needed to do was convince Congress to drop its embargo against trade with Cuba. The moment the embargo ended, he’d swoop in and get exclusive rights for building hotels in Havana. He even bought a once-successful magazine to pitch his idiot idea. None of his frat brothers had bothered to tell him (a) Congress wasn’t going to drop the embargo just because some smegma-brained SMU trust fund brat told it to, (b) Canada had never had a trade embargo, and (c) Canadian companies had locked up the hotel market a decade before. When he discovered that nobody was going to give him money to develop his idiotic idea, he shut down the magazine, screwed over all of his staffers, and gave his money to his girlfriend so it couldn’t be confiscated by the IRS.)

        That’s why I don’t worry about the fake artist colonies all that much, because we’ve had our run of them out here. Well, kindasorta. The ones that were completed are all in serious worlds of shit, because they assumed that an infinite number of hipsters would move to Dallas and want to live in shitty apartments over the local Urban Outfitters. With a lot of others, though, all you have are empty industrial areas or just bare fields. Not too far from where I used to live is a barren corner of Central Expressway and Walnut Hill, which used to have an apartment complex and shopping plaza built in the Eighties. Yet another SMU MBAsshole bought it up at the height of the real estate boom to turn it into yup condos and “art space”, tore down the complex, and assumed that the city would give him the $13 million he needed to get going when his investors flaked on him. That scene has repeated itself all over the city, and some of those spaces might get bought by someone…someday.

  20. I think the line should be moved further north.

    • Sorry but doesn’t Patti live in New Jersey?

      • She is from South Jersey, but lives in Manhattan.
        She’s a Jersey girl. She still has her South Jersey accent.

  21. Check out this Park Slope yuppie moron on Brooklynian asking her fellow yupsters what they think of living on Fourth Ave. Growing up, we all considered Fourth Ave in Park Slope to be the equivalent of a highway and a shithole suitable for nothing but flat tire shops. Now apparently it’s considered a great place to live among the yups whose monthly allowance check from the ‘burbs isn’t big enough for them to afford central Park Slope:

    “Does anyone live on 4th Ave (not in a mid/high-rise, though) and have anything to say about it’s pluses/minuses? I saw an AMAZING apartment today on 4th between 18th/19th, across from the huge 24 hour laundrymat. It’s perfect and an amazing price, but 4th is SO noisy, especially right there by the BQE. The bedrooms face the back, but not the livingroom. The biggest issue I have is walking around the area. I have two dogs. and we live on 6th ave now, so I always have a lovely stroll with them down it, and it’s not like I can’t walk up to 6th for dog walks, but I feel like I’m never going to want to go past 5th (I’d miss Union Market *sniff*)

    http://www.brooklynian.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=57367&sid=1003a3292449376028e3560ccc434ff6

    • Apparently a lot of them seem to think they fall off the world if they god forbid walk one avenue block too many. When I worked in Park Slope, whenever I suggested another store for an item we didn’t have located two avenues over, they’d whine it’s too far.

    • I always find it hilarious that these shitheels will pay over 3K per month to live in the most fucked up housing in brooklyn…they live in shacks with crooked floors, cracked foundations and rat/roach infested…..All the landlord has done is put up cheap plaster and hardwood laminate flooring and these assholes shit their pants trying to move in there….But..for reals PS=YT you should go over there..I was dragged to some shit lecture at the Bell House…and its like all that old fucked up housing where the hookers used to trick, etc….is now painted up and occupied by the shitheels………

      • “The Bell House,” lol, the Park Slope yups talk about “The Bell House” allllll the fucking time. One of my friends whose garage is down that block said that one weeknight as he was walking past he saw some yuppie douche outside of The Bell House puking his brains out on the sidewalk, at like 10 at night!! He was like, ‘who the fuck gets that drunk for no reason at 10pm on a weekday,’ lmao. Dude probably had his kid in a stroller in the bar too. Leave it to the Park Slope yuppies to set the bar for stupidity time and time again.

        • Oh fucking no! Don’t get me started on the yups with their fucking brats and the bar….I had a horrible exp last weeked in Carroll Gardens where I witnessed some horrible yup cupple getting wasted at the bar, we’re talking like 3 pints each trying to hold on to their baby…dropping the binky on the floor and then giving it to the baby and almost dropping the fucking baby too! Really they needed 3 pints each???? And, they made a point of sitting right at the fucking bar too.

          WHY WHY WHY???????

          • Bro why on earth would you ever go to a bar like that in Carroll Gardens? I’m at the point now where my tolerance for these inbreds is so low, I can’t even step foot into a gentrification bar without feeling my blood boil. Shit, just looking into the window of “The Double Windsor” and seeing all the smirking yups every time I pass by makes me want to go postal in there.

          • RIP Enoteca

      • “See those cumstains that the owner covered with the cheapest paint he could find? See that stalactite of smegma that he tried to tell me was part of the doorframe? That’s authenticity!”

  22. May Day “Hippies”.

    I want to smash all four of these idiot’s faces:
    http://www.vita.mn/story.php?id=93619959&elr=KArksUUUycaEacyU

    No one in my town yet understands the fundamental difference between hippies and hipsters. Not a single one of these fucking fucks is a hippie. We’ve been down this road before and the good people who visit this site know the deal, so I won’t waste space with the differneces.

    • See, this here is the problem. These are dumb little kids who are emulating the hipsters they see in advertising.

      It is very insidious and the young’ns don’t realize that they are perpetuating the hipster “movement” They don’t even know what they are copying, nor do their folks, who give them the money to buy the sh*t they are wearing.

      There is no individuality, creativity or expression; just mindless copying. Now, the older ones- Just PATHETIC and dangerous.

      I hate hipsters……………..

      • I agree. I can give an 18-year-old some slack in dressing like a dumbass, because it’s not like his suburban parents bothered to teach him anything else. He’s just copying what he’s seeing, with the assumption that it’s “cool” because it’s not what the jocks in high school were wearing. At 30, though, you can presume that someone or something had blown the stink off him and he’d learned something about cleaning himself up and not being the center of attention all the time. By 40, just put a bullet in his head, because it’s never going to get any better.

      • Too late. You idiots lost the battle ages ago. Hipsterism is now the new mainstream. Your stated observations just prove I’m correct.

        • So yupsters are the hot shit now, huh? I’m afraid I’m going to have to disagree with you, Colby.

          “‘Jersey Shore’ sets MTV record”

          According to Broadcast Newsroom, Thursday’s season finale of the runaway MTV reality hit “Jersey Shore” set a series record for the network, delivering a 4.8 rating in the target 12-34 demo and 4.8 million total viewers.

          The controversial MTV show which centered around a group of Italian-American twentysomethings decending upon Seaside Heights, New Jersey, grew its audience dramatically as the series advanced through its first season and its stars became regulars on every show from “The Tonight Show” to “The Jay Leno Show.”

          http://www.nj.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2010/01/jersey_shore_sets_mtv_record.html

          • The ratings of one TV show is meaningless. One could argue it’s the rubber-neck effect. People watch it like people can’t help watch a train wreck about to happen. It’s the same reason why shows like Jerry Springer were popular, and it has nothing to do with what’s “hot shit” or not.

            The fact you see “hipsters” in Gap and Levis ads on prime time TV, and on your everyday billboard and bus shelter says it all. You can’t deny that hipsterism is now a mainstream phenomena, and nobody cares if the “look” is unique or not. Of course this doesn’t mean it’s the ONLY thing out there. It just means that it’s spread like wildfire, and in no time, you small handful of native Brooklyn idiots will be the only ones standing on your Brooklyn block with shotgun in hand, defending your “turf” from the invading hipsters in a world where everyone around you has been “hipsterized”.

          • Yeah, they’re showing up in prime time ads because the ad execs know that you’re sheep. Actually, that’s unfair, because sheep are smart enough to come in out of the rain. Hipsters, though, would all pay $20 for hot Clorox enemas if they saw it advertised often enough as the new cool thing they could do with Mommy’s money.

          • Yerrrrrrrrrs

          • Exactly. Funny how Steve Lame is too dim to realize basic marketing principles. But then again, what would yupster lemmings be if they weren’t sorely lacking in sense.

          • *nasal nasal nasal*

            All those advertisements are catering to yupsters because they’re the biggest marketing target right now: a bunch of cultureless suburban-bred lemmings who are the country’s most gullible consumers; a bunch of mindless followers with large amounts of (their parents’) disposable income out in search of an identity because their sheltered upbringings left them feeling devoid of one. Being a dumbass mark is far from being “the hot shit” my Adam’s-apple-protruding friend.

            The day that being a nasal-voiced pampered hipster-yuppie “from” gentrified Brooklyn becomes “the hot shit” among anyone outside of that same yupster circle is the day that pigs fly. Your neighborhoods are nothing but a huge joke, a punchline for the normal working people of this city. 95% of this country doesn’t want to look like your corny asses. I don’t see the American public suddenly worshipping Gilbert Gottfried-voiced, black-eyeframed and neckbearded yupsters. So go back to the drawing board and try again, because world yupster domination ain’t happening this time Jeremiah.

          • “this country doesn’t want to look like your corny asses. I don’t see the American public suddenly worshipping Gilbert Gottfried-voiced, black-eyeframed and neckbearded yupsters.”

            Oh but on the contrary, clearly enough people do exactly THAT…otherwise you wouldn’t be ranting and raving, and frothing at the mouth against “hipsters” 10X a day!

            It’s fascinating you keep missing the point, but then again, it’s no surprise coming from a jarhead like yourself. Maybe I’ll do all you idiots a favor and spell them all out once again.

            1. Nobody that you call “hipster” considers themselves to be a hipster.

            2. It might be a HUGE shock to you but the people you call “hipsters” DON’T actually think they look unique or think their styles are ground breaking in any way.

            3. The people you call “hipster” look like that because the “hipster” clothing that they wear is easily accessible in any mainstream clothing store/outlet (i.e. Gap, Levis, Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, etc, etc, etc). Again…hipsterism has reached the mainstream, and for better or worse, it’s simply the reality.

            4. All your criticisms about “hipsters” being marketing lemmings is irrelevant and pointless because the people you call “hipsters” simply don’t care, and again, don’t consider themselves to be “unique” when they wear clothing from mainstream clothing stores/outlets.

            5. Using your criteria, you can pretty much call anyone who isn’t a low class “native” Brooklynite like yourself a “hipster”. Therefore your all-encompassing blanket labeling of pretty much any educated, white collar transplant of NYC a “hipster”, only makes you look like a resentful, have-not, anti-intellectual, low-class, social reject.

            6. It’s not really about “hipsters” as it is more about class.

            7. Gentrification is an inevitable consequence of our economic system. It has always happened, it will continue to happen..

            8. You are fighting a losing and pointless battle, and making yourselves look like bigger idiots in the process.

          • “7. Gentrification is an inevitable consequence of our economic system. It has always happened”

            You’re a moron. What you’re saying is so God damned ignorant and stupid, I feel like I’m debating with a retard. But what else would one expect from a thirty-year-old, 90lb self-proclaimed “vampire” from Toronto with a perpetual Asian-dick insecurity complex.

            “8. You are fighting a losing and pointless battle, and making yourselves look like bigger idiots in the process.”

            I’m not losing shit–last time I checked my building’s value is now somewhere around $3.5 mil thanks to you lemmings. And to think, I only have one–my fellow native Park Slope boy (who just got out of Rikers no less) owns five the same size as mine, all fully paid for back when Park Slope was just a normal neighborhood. My other boy took a buyout from his landlord to leave his rent-controlled apartment and used that money to put a nice big down payment on a beautiful condo in Bay Ridge. So you see, the only two options for you inbreds are: 1) you stay the fuck out of our neighborhoods; or 2) you insist on coming into our neighborhoods and we’ll rob you blind. So while we may be angry about your presence, at the end of the day we win either way. There’s no way a suburban yupster transplant can outsmart a Brooklyn native. Never in a million years.

          • I think we’ve just established that you’re totally full of shit. If you’re REALLY making millions off of “hipsters”, then you wouldn’t be ranting about “hipsters” every single day, all over the internet in the way that you do…and then boast how they increase your property values to make you rich. And yes, we all know you DO indeed rant all day about “hipsters” all over the internet and on various random blogs, thanks to Google, in which we find pages and pages of your rants just like this.

            It’s clear from patterns in your rants that it’s not about gentrification, or even really about “hipsters” in the end. There’s simply something wrong with you psychologically. You’re just envious of anyone who has healthy and active social life because you have something missing in your life. You cry bloody “hipster” at any educated, white collar NYC transplant as a scapegoat for your frustrations because you need to find a way, any way, to make yourself feel more important and better than someone else…anyone else!

            We see through your act. You’re full of it. Go back to the army and do something productive with yourself.

          • Where did I say I “was making millions” off of yupsters? I said my property was now worth upwards of $3.5 mil thanks to them. Do you understand the difference? Apparently that liberal arts degree didn’t require much reading comprehension, huh clown?

            For every time I rant about Brooklyn yupster transplants on the internet, you post another ten times lauding them when you’re not even from here, or living here. So now who’s the one with the problem. The only difference between me and the other normal, yupster-hating Park Slope people I grew up with is the fact that I use this as my way of venting my hatred for the pretentious fucks that threw a dart at a map of NYC and decided that “Park Slope” was suddenly their mecca. So in the sense that I use the internet as my pressure valve, yeah I am a bit strange. With that said, based on your photos and blog, I can wholeheartedly ASSURE you… PROMISE you.. GUARANTEE you.. that I have got you BEATEN in every facet of life. Everything. Of course you’ll just dismiss that as me “lying” because I’m “jealous,” and that’s perfectly ok. I honestly don’t think you could handle it if you knew the truth. Whoever’s been lying to you all these years and telling you that you were cool and/or good looking (probably your parents) did a damned good job, because you’re completely out of touch with reality. In the real world I could seriously make you cry without even laying a finger on you. Your shit is just that lame and ripe for abuse.

            Finally, how the fuck can I be angry at “educated, white collar” people when I have a professional post-graduate degree and am white collar myself? Not to mention, when the fuck did ubiquitous Park Slope yupster jobs like “production assistant” or “barista” become white collar anyway. You know nothing whatsoever about what goes on in my neighborhood (or Brooklyn, for that matter). I understand that Toronto is one of the blandest and most boring fucking cities on the planet (I’ve been there) but find another way to fill the gap. Start a yupster movement up there and convince all Brooklyn-transplanted inbreds to come up and join you. Then you’ll really be on to something cool.

          • “Go back to the army and do something productive with yourself.”

            The 30-fucking-year-old self-proclaimed vampire pin dick Stevie’s PARENTALLY FUNDED “healthy social life” is the imaginary world of a loft dwelling trust fund she-male playing dress up all day like a little girl, making cringe-worthy videos of smoking electric cigarettes and giggling, and OBSESSIVELY stalking Diehipster and PS=YT NON-STOP while wishing he was a real man in this real world. Hahahahaha – real productive. How much salary do vampires make these days?

            http://diehipster.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/the-ultimate-lonely-247-internet-using-hipster-troll-exposed/

            I’ll get back to you later Stevie, I got a real job to go to.

          • I’m bored enough to give you an answer to your little list there, Yourstruely

            1-Who exactly would they need to admit being a hipster to? It’s not like they acknowledge New Yorkers exist and only stick with each other. We’re apparently pests in the way of their “creative community developments”

            3-Total bullshit. I don’t dress like a hipster. In fact, no one in my neighborhood does and yet they still shop in those stores. I wouldn’t even go by clothes. It’s their personality. The minute they open their mouths give them away. And if anything if you want to go by looks—the ugly glasses and hair. I’ve never seen so many people purposely make themselves uglier than they are. Real New York women try hard to look good, not homeless.

            4-Your point is redundant.

            5 and 6-Could you be anymore condescending? You should probably stop looking in the mirror when coming up with your replies.

            8-You’re the same as every other butt hurt hipster that comes onto a site full of people who hate your guts. You can’t stand the fact that in the perfect paradise you people have made that there are people out there in your “community” that fucking loathe you. You’re technically the village idiot for even trying to defend hipsters on a site call DIE HIPSTER.

          • That’s an awful lot of writing for someone to say the same moon eyed horseshit as every other hipster supporter, ever. Your whole argument hinges on the assertion that hipsters don’t exist, just because you say they don’t. Of course no one is going to admit they are a hipster. Do you think anyone admits to being bourgeois? But you wouldn’t deny that the bourgeois exist, right? That would totally disappoint your really cool socialist professor that taught your freshman Human Diversity class.

            You, however, bring a special kind of facepalminess to this broken-down argument. You simultaneously refute the existence of hipsters and admit the existence of hipsters to argue that hipsters aren’t marketing lemmings.
            Marketers wouldn’t market to a demographic that doesn’t exist, so you’re wrong on both counts.

            I don’t have to be a Brooklyn native to hate hipsters. I don’t live in Brooklyn or even near New York state but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t step out onto my porch and see some cock wrinkle dressed like the ghost of Avril Lavigne talking conspicuously loud about needing to score some coke.

            The hate isn’t about class either. A large percentage of kids grew up middle class in America’s suburbs, but only a relatively small percentage of those kids subscribe to the prepackaged, liberal guilt, hipster bullshit lifestyle. You’re using the same passive-aggressive, guilt trip tactics that all you scumbags deploy when trying to change the subject – make the issue seem much broader and more nefarious than it is.

            Gentrification is not an “inevitable consequence of our economic system.” It is a consequence of greedy, bored fucks that think they’re going to improve an area just by being in it. And it is always a complete surprise to you trendwhores that there is resistance by the long-time residents who don’t agree that the mere fact that you’re there is their consolation prize as they’re shown the door.

            We may be fighting a losing battle (time will tell) but it is hardly pointless. So shut your cock holster and go back to updating your Twitter about the super rad one-man jug band subway busker you saw today.

          • those jersey shore kids aren’t even fully italian. just another bunch of wannabees. they give italians a bad name.

          • About half of them are full Italian. And coming from a guy who went to high school with about 150 of Bensonhurst’s finest during B-hurst’s heyday, I have to say that the Jersey Shore kids are toned down compared to true BK/SI/NJ cugines and cugettes.

        • If hipsterism is the mainstream, then hipsters aren’t cool. Pretending you are an artist and dressing like you don’t have a check from mommy and daddy in the pocket of your ugly tight jeans makes you about as interesting as someone who shops at the Gap, watches American Idol, reads USA Today and eats at McDonalds since you are just following the herd. How nice for you. Enjoy your safe, boring life hipster.

        • And you know the nice part? In your never-ending quest to be cooler than everybody else, you’ll eat your own. Here’s to skinny jeans and those ridiculous Mad Max boots of yours becoming just as irrelevant and mocked as wide ties and polyester disco shirts.

  23. i think thats your friend Steve…somethings reeks of familiarity (sp?) i even noticed he commented right after DH on that black sun gazette article spewing the same shit he was saying on this site 2 years ago, verbatim. can we say STALKER??

    • that was directed at both youlose and yourfave

      • Yep, it definitely sounds like him. It’s the same rap he’s been letting loose since he was in junior high, when the anime club would beat the shit out of him and steal his lunch money for being such a geek. “I’ll show you! I’m going to be famous for cutting-and-pasting to blogs that make fun of me! You’ll rue the day you didn’t let me be Dungeon Master!”

  24. Yes, everybody Stevie just got her hormone shot and she’s real testy today….

  25. Stevie is just mad because his junk is too small to tuck between his pasty toothpick legs.

  26. Bad news… they already have.

    Saw two near avenue L last weekend. Both on those “gear-fixed-bicycles”. One had a bushy afro but was white, and wearing a shirt saying Weekender Vampires. Probably some obscure midwest sports team. Long extremely skinny jeans.

    The other was hispaniasian or some sort with a mop hair and plaid shirt he maybe stole from a lumber camp.

    I dunno what they’re doing this far south. No doubt a reconnaisance squad of some sort. Scouting for what, I dunno. Cheaper rents to infest? Shops? Food?

    Then the white guy rode up to me and asked how much is a room around this place. And how much for a 2 bedroom apt. I just said I don’t know, and he rode off after thanking me.No thank you.

    We better build a wall where that red line is and put sentries like Checkpoint Charlie. They are coming.

  27. i swear to god all fucking mighty if one more of these gangly self-righteous pricks crosses into flatbush im gonna start throwing molotovs into their tofu shops and sock boutiques.

  28. Let’s draw a red line at Greenpoint too.

    The Williamsburg hipsters have invaded and now it may be too late.

    There’s a fucking cafe on the corner next to the chicken place that has 8 DOLLAR “ARTISAN” ICE CREAM. What, is it hand-carved our of marble by Michelangelo? Too many people with too much disposable income. Yuppies with crappier clothes. Hippies that don’t really care about anyone else.

    There’s a tattoo parlor down the street, a “vintage” clothing shop and a used book store that have popped up overnight. These businesses aren’t being started by people that worked all their lives. I smell a lot of Wall Street money being borrowed from Mom and Dad.

    The old Polish veteran’s hall on my street is destined to become hipster co-ops and I think the church too.

    I get a snooty looks from these hipsters as they peruse this “charming” Polish neighborhood. Fuck you, hipsters.

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