Fishing for hipsters.

                          

As you may already know, Fishing For Hipsters is when I place a lure on Craigslist Personals of a typical hipster transplant girl living in Brooklyn looking for a hipster guy. Sure enough, I get a bunch of responses from these ‘artists, musicians, and creative type guys’ who think they’ve found their filthy soulmate.

Here was my fake post:

Oh Zany Boy??? Where art thou??? – 28 (Billyburg)


Date: 2010-02-20, 1:40PM EST


 

To the potential quirky zany artsy boy that I may find…..this weekend I want:

to ride bikes
to talk about books
to eat something ive never eaten
to get drunk
to go to a flea market
to see a live show
to get a new tattoo
to drink tea and listen to vinyl

Can you dig it? My name is Charlotte, I’m 28, an artist, originally from Illinois, moved to Brooklyn last year. Tell me about you and lets do this.

  • Location: Billyburg

Here were just some of the word for word responses:

______________________________________________________________

I wish I still had my bike, it got stolen outside of the Brooklyn library.  This summer might be time for a new one.
Right now I’m reading Chuck Klosterman’s Eating the Dinosaur.  Interesting philosophy comparing Kurt Cobain to David Koresh.
I bake and ice cakes at a bakery in Manhattan, I’m sure I could whip something together you’ve never eaten.
Brooklyn Flea?
Cage the Elephant is playing next week, that would be a pretty kick ass show to see.
My next tattoo is going to be the little girl in the pink dress from the cover of Animal Collective’s Feels.
Ween just re-released all their records so I can finally buy The Mollusk without spending $150.

Best,
Josh

____________________________________________________________

Hey Charlotte
I am kinda bored here at the record store I work at so I am lurking around on criag’s list.
My name is Brandon. I am 27. Been out here from LA about two and a half years.
It was finally warm enough for me to ride my bike yesterday, but it had flat and I was sad.
I go to a lot of shows. Play in a few as well. (got one friday)
Drink a good amount of beer.
Am an avid thrift store and flea market digger.
I don’t drink tea but have a good size record collection.

What brought you out here from Illinois?
Brandon

______________________________________________________________

i am 25…
i am 6’2″…
i like coffee…alot…maybe a little too much…or not enough…
i like doing ken kens…
i am a smart ass…
i like all sorts of music(yes, i know, who the fuck doesn’t?) from shoegazer and hardcore to instrumental indie and jazz
i have a degree in neuroscience and do research with underprivileged or “at risk” populations as we are supposed to call it in academia…
i was an editorial intern at SPIN…
i am apparently not capitalizing my I’s…
i busted my knee playing rugby…
i used to play guitarron in a mariachi band (and flute occaionally…and yes, I know you are a mariachi aficionado and will clearly retort that flute is not a mariachi instrument, we doubled the strings)…
i overuse ellipses…
I love my nephews(most of whom are half asian…why do i mention this?…i guess i must be racist)…
I slipped in an I instead of i there…
Here are an assortment of pictures, with my various stages of facial hair…except for the ill conceived period of the white trash stache…i spared you that… 

______________________________________________________________

Hi, there. You seem to have peaked my interest. A bit a about me, I’m 30, a whisky connoisseur, I’m back in school for graphic design, live in Williamsburg, love geeky things like vintage ghettoblasters and calculator watches. Musically I’m all over the map but lately I’ve been on a classic country binge. I  have a great sense of humor and have an opinion on almost anything!
Oh and I ride a bike and I love it!

137 thoughts on “Fishing for hipsters.

  1. Side splitting! Thank gods your ad is fake, the thought of hipsters breeding is just nightmarish to me.

    Keep up the good work.

    PS Have y0u considered beating a hipster for thinking they invented David Bowie? Because it was really us oldsters who did.

  2. I LOLed when I scrolled down to the bottom of the first one and saw this:

    Best,
    Josh

    Hahahahahaha……

  3. If lemon laws ever extended to educational institutions, we’d have to track down the schools from which these three geniuses graduated and nuke them from orbit. How the hell do you spend that much time in college (as well as work as an editorial intern at Spin) and still write like a third-grader?

    • “You seem to have **peaked** my interest”

      • Yeah, I noticed that too. Definitely a Freudian slip indicating how much that yupturd wants to get laid, but in the end can’t. They’re all so pathetic! Don’t they realize that women (female yupturds don’t count) will not fall for that kind of crap? Oh wait, they’re brain damaged, never mind.

        And don’t get me started on the other yupturd with that stupid book comparing Cobain to Koresh, talking about it as if it were some profound work of revelation! It’s like were living in the 21st century version of the Dark Ages! I want to murder every last one of these yupturd fucks!

  4. These lemming dipshits are so fucking predictable and their nasal descriptions of themselves always reek of desperation to appear to be soooo cultured and witty and not the worthless ignorant losers that they are. The worst part of it is their age. 27? 30? They fucking sound like bratty self-centered 13 year olds.

  5. If I ever see a pasty hipster walking around with a ghettoblaster I will vintagely take them back to 1989 and smash the fucking thing to pieces with my game used Yankees bat.

  6. I wanna see what bachelor #3 looks like.

  7. That’s pretty pathetic. And you accuse me of pretending to be someone else! Of course if someone were to pose as a native Brooklynite in a CL personals ad, you’d probably get a bunch of idiotic responses from guys as well. As someone who appeals to the lowest of the low, by advertising this blog on the Rants and Raves section (full of the biggest idiots on the planet), you should know enough about the CL demographic by now. And of course this is exactly way, despite this blog being around for years, you always have the same half dozen followers like…some inbred Brooklyn clubhouse, saying the same thing day after day over and over. There are plenty of sites that make fun of hipsters, that are much more relevent, clever, and witty. But clearly you want to appeal to this special-ed “native” Brooklyn wanna-be tough-guy demographic….and through all these years, there are only 12 fans. Good job!

    • And you appear to be diehipster’s #1 fan! What a loser.

      • Look in the mirror!

        • I think it’s time to say BYE to Steve. I’ve shut off all of his other names he used except “NATIVE” which i’m not sure is him, we should see that name appear shortly after I block Steve.

          You see Steve, I’d love to have you and a couple of hipsters pop in here and try to explain things like. Why scarfs in the summer? Why music that sounds like pure non melodic noise? Why ball crushing jeans on men? Why no real jobs? Etc, etc, etc….. I probably wouldnt block them. But all you do is repeat the SAME EXACT two sentences over and over. It’s getting very LAM, I mean lame. I guess all you have left now is scanning Craigslist day and night searching for the word hipster and replying with your copy and paste.

          Everybody say BYE BYE to Steve/Trey, the Edward ScissorHand, talentless booblehead!

          • Who know which hipster identity he will steal for the next round of trolling

          • Shit, I’m going to miss him. Ol’ Steve was like a Pearl Jam album given life and form and a trust fund.

          • Jeremy……

          • Loser steve is exactly what other hipsters are, unoriginal and uncreative pseudo artist, after reading the same paragraphs he always writes it becomes to get get boring because he can not come up with anything new. what’s so sad about this puny troll is that he spends all his life scouting this website and others and has gone so low to even create fake accounts . Steve will always be the sad pathetic loser he is, no matter how old he gets, i just hope this pumpkin head is neutered., cause it would be sad if he has offsrping running around.
            good riddance sad pathetic little troll

    • You need help Stevie. You should contact a mental health professional before you hurt yourself.

      • or at the very lease, be barred from Ikea. I saw his pics. Sheesh. Must everything this person consumes (or touches) be cardboard crap?

        • Sometimes I go to Redhook to see a friend & we walk around over there. I couldn’t believe it when he told me that IKEA was a hipster destination for dining and entertainment!!!! They actually go there to HANG OUT!!!

    • Steve, Steve, Steve,,,,,

      My God! I thought you would have gotten the message by now:

      TROLLING THE INTERNET ISN’T COOL!!!!

      Now, please go back to ass-fucking your she-male wife!

  8. I notice most of these hipsters don’t have full-time jobs while the one with the neuroscience degree is wasting his life when he could be actually HELPING people

    • He’s probably just got a bachelor’s = pretty fucking useless in research arena.

      • Either that, or he took one class and realized “Math is HARD”. Of course, that’s unfair: he could be exactly what he describes, having come within a semester of graduation and then freaking out over the realization that he’ll have to be an adult. (A quick question: how many of you have overheard financial arguments between two hipsters that highlighted the whine “I don’t want to be the grown-up!” yet? If you haven’t heard it, don’t worry. You will.)

  9. Bachelor No. 1:
    ————————————————————–
    “Right now I’m reading Chuck Klosterman’s Eating the Dinosaur. Interesting philosophy comparing Kurt Cobain to David Koresh.”
    ————————————————————–
    There’s a classic NYPress article about Klosterman from the immortal Mark Ames.
    ————————————————————–
    The Flip-Flop King
    The All-Annoying eye of Chuck Klosterman.
    By Mark Ames

    Klosterman is, quite simply and almost literally, an ass. His soft, saggy face bears a disturbing resemblance to a 50-year-old man’s failing, hairless back end. His tiny, red mouth is a sphincter twisting to a pained close 40 seconds after taking a brutal pounding from Peter North. To round it out, he has a mop of ironically uncombed, dyed-yellow hair and thick-rimmed glasses that look like they were placed on the ass as a frat prank, like a wig and sunglasses thrown on an old jack-o-lantern.

    Full Article here:
    http://www.nypress.com/article-8054-the-flip-flop-king.html

    • I don’t know why but on first glance I thought I read ” cloistered almost exclusively in his ass.” Actually pretty appropriate place for a hipster.

    • Wow! Don’t get me started on this Klosterman fuck, I really can’t get past a few sentences of anything he writes…too irritating. But, I wouldn’t put much stock in the NY Press either. They are the worst suckiest hipsters who rag on hipsters. And, the article was sucky, written by a pissed off self-hating hipster in exile (Moscow).

      Klosterman seems to be a pillar of mentally-retarded hipster turd culture. He’s telling all those stupid-ass Josh and Megans that its ok to be mayonaise cool. He is probably single-handedly responsible for America’s Cultural Leap Backward.

    • Now that’s a review. I don’t mean in any sense of actually learning anything about the book being reviewed. We instead learn a lot about the reviewer: a pathetic bottom-of-the-class English or journalism major who managed to rimjob his way into the spot he has today, but whose memory of equally untalented writers who went further than he did is as long as his dick is short.

      I used to know a pedantic prick of an editor here in Dallas who had the same hate-on for Elizabeth Wurtzel: not for rational reasons, such as the fact that she probably could write better if she threw cats at her typewriter, but because she got a semi-nude photo spread in British GQ and he was relegated to being editor of the Dallas Observer. He acted just like ol’ Steve Lam, too: he kept raving and drooling about the other writers who were keeping him from his destiny, but when he got as good as he gave, he ran away and took a job with another publication because the big meanies hurt.

      That said, considering some of the allegations made in this review, I’m amazed that Klosterman didn’t sue for libel, as the child molester comments alone would make a good case. I suspect that it’s because (a) a review like this, in a venue like this, was beneath his radar, and (b) he was probably too busy wiping his ass with $100 bills and laughing and pointing at his fans to notice.

  10. ” I’m 30, a whisky connoisseur, I’m back in school for graphic design, live in Williamsburg, love geeky things like vintage ghettoblasters and calculator watches.”
    Ugh…UGHHHGLKAJSL:KDJAL:KSDJ:LKAJD
    FUCK!

  11. “I love my nephews(most of whom are half asian…why do i mention this?…i guess i must be racist)…”

    Oh hipsters and their irony.

  12. Dear Josh, “My next tattoo is going to be the little girl in the pink dress from the cover of Animal Collective’s Feels.”-OMGGGGG. are you effing kidding me???
    Dear Bachelor # 2, “Am an avid thrift store and flea market digger.” wtf!!! did you have to use the word “avid” & “digger” kill me now!!!!!
    Bach 3, “I slipped in an I instead of i there…” WTF. did you have to point that out as a separate “interesting fact” about your self & do I care that you “overuse ellipses”-NOOO
    and finally Bach 4, I know your response was brief, but it was prob the most annoying. You are 30! and going back to school for graphic design!! and are a whiskey connoisseur–who do you think you are Charles, Bukowski?
    which brings to me to my final pts: 1. I hate how so many hipsters have turned bukowski into a hipster God (check out steve lam’s pics he labels something bukowski or something), yet CB represents the working class man!!! ugh 2. I hate when these douches use unnecessary adjectives & adverbs to sound smart/witty!!!! & 3. I repeat, Ayn Rand & Animal Collective, UGHHHHad;klsjfa;sldjkf;sdas;dfklj oh & Joanna Newsom as;klfja;lsdfjk!!

  13. “my favorite animal is the seahorse, but I don’t think I’d want to be a seahorse b/c they look so sad. so I’d probably want to be a real horse.”

    Joanna Newsom-a hipster fave.

    • You really *had* to show us that didn’t you…..

      Observation 1: Harp music sounded good.

      Observation 2: She’s trying waaaay to hard to be Bjork.

      Observation 3: She is mentally retarded.

  14. Good god!

    They’re *all* mentally retarded…

    HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO THE WORDS “mentally retarded” APPEAR ON THIS SITE????

    I am running out of adjectives for mentally retarded!!!

  15. hipster criticizing hipster, but I like this quote: “He’s leading the gentrification of alternative culture to its most destructive stage yet…” true that

  16. Another nasal hipster-yuppie author that the yupster inbreds swoon over is some douchebag “Dave Eggers.”

    Not too long ago, Eggers opened up this stupid fucking store in–surprise!–Park Slope called the “Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co.,” which is supposed to be a front for some charity.

    http://www.superherosupplies.com/

    Maybe I’m crazy, but I fail to understand how a “charity” that sells “x-ray glasses” and “cans of gravity” can be fiscally effective when it’s in a space that must charge upwards of $8k/mo for rent. But then again, it all makes perfect sense–it’s obvious that the primary purpose behind this “charity” is not to provide maximum support for its cause and work toward a substantive goal, but rather to be “zany” and “funny” and to serve as a time-and-money-wasting vehicle for all involved–including its hyper-gentrifier patrons, coming in to buy “particle guns” with their parents suburban 401k gentrification money. Fucking scumbags.

  17. Dude. Seriously get a life. You were bordering on pathetic and now you are officially there. You hate “hipsters” so much that you dedicate your life to them. You are kinda like the idiots that go to gay peoples funerals who died of aids because you hate them so much. You are just a closet hipster LOL!

    • You sound like a real mayonaise eater, there Josh.

    • “You are kinda like the idiots that go to gay peoples funerals who died of aids because you hate them so much. You are just a closet hipster LOL!”

      Actually, no, those “idiots” you speak of were actually your neighbors back in Pennsyltucky: the Westboro Baptist Church. They are the same sort of inbred hayseed you are, Jeb. They’re probably your relatives. So stop playing that old tired yupster schtick–AKA trying to cover up your small-town biased racist/homophobic hillbilly roots by pretending like WE, the Brooklyn natives, are the closed-minded ones (when everyone knows that hipster-yuppie transplants are pretty much the most racist/homophobic people on earth).

      Brooklyn used to be one of the most diverse places on earth before you paste-white freaks decided to converge upon it like an army of albino cockroaches. Idiot.

  18. Mayonaisse eater? I killed Josh? Is that your little moniker? Your a clown and you are probably the loser who runs this site. Let me sit around and make up fake adds on craigslist so I can entertain my pathetic self. You are a monumental loser and it makes me laugh that your life revolves around those you supposedly hate. The bottom line is that mostly “hipsters” check out this site and you are just giving them free press. Example: the band “Total Slacker” probably got a gazillion hits on their myspace page because of you. I listened to them and think they are pretty good and have an awesome name. I would totally check them out at a show. Keep up the good work. And the toughguy stuff is all a fantasy. You guys are all closet fairies and you know it. LOL

    • Yeah right Josh…..

      This is SO you.

      • “You are kinda like the idiots that go to gay peoples funerals who died of aids because you hate them so much”

        What? Did some tough guy ruin your dad’s funeral?

    • If you look at the hits to this site (including your dumb pasty ass), it’s evidently “entertaining” a whole lot more people than just the poster alone.

      Besides, even if it is “only hipsters” who check this site, then all the better for us. We want them to know how much real Brooklynites hate them, what Brooklynites say about them when we’re together in groups, and how unwelcome they are in our hometown.

      As for us being “fantasy tough guys”–I know it’s hard for someone of your degree of coddled upbringing and sheltered existence to understand that there could be such a thing as a man who is capable of taking care of himself alone in an unprotected urban environment, but that’s how we grew up back when Williamsburg and Park Slope were still Brooklyn, not too long ago. Of course, even if we were the “fake” tough guys that you claim, that would be better than the type of guy who pushes women in front of him when he is physically threatened–i.e., a yupster transplant.

      And of course you think “Total Slacker” is an awesome name for a band–being a “total slacker” has enabled you parentally-backed hayseeds to live the most pampered lives imaginable. Isn’t about time for your weekly allowance direct deposit to come through, Schnookums?

      • Pussy boy do you see my name? Home grown hipster. I am from Queens and do not come from out of state. Im the home grown hipster. My parents are broke and I work like a mule. Park slope we all know you are just the person running this site using a different name, just as you did in your pathetic craigslist add. You must have your blackberry hooked up to notify you of a reply to these posts. And don,t threaten me. the truth is in the street I would break your jaw your jaw and put you on the ground quick. I’m from Corona Queens not some pussy ass hood like park slope. Park slope used to be a tough neighborhood? When was that. I like “hipster” bands so I must be a hipster. Im more street than you could ever imagine. Dont get punched in the face pussy.

        • “I like “hipster” bands so I must be a hipster.”

          You’ve self-identified as a fucking hipster. Don’t blame us for labeling you.

          “I am from Queens and do not come from out of state”
          “I’m from Corona Queens not some pussy ass hood like park slope”

          Queens is for queenas. And, if you do come from NYC, then you are truly fucking pitiful if you identify with midwestern ass-clown transplant mayonaise eaters.

        • “Let me sit around and make up fake adds on craigslist so I can entertain my pathetic self.”

          What are you bachelor no. 3?

        • You are from Queens–so the fuck what? Growing up in this city there were also kids around Brooklyn (and especially Queens) who never left their houses except to go to school and clarinet practice. They stayed locked behind closed doors by their native-yup mommies the rest of the time, because of the fear that kids like me would prey on you. Needless to say, if you’re walking around now calling yourself “home grown hipster” (LOL) you were one of those kids. Because no fucking kid who grew up on these streets, pre-yuppification, that I ever heard of, decided to run off and join the yupster transplant circus like you are proclaiming that you did.

          If your parents are really “broke” and you “work like a mule” like you claim you do, you still wouldn’t be able to afford to live the hipster-yuppie transplant lifestyle. Oh let me guess–you must have one of those funny, mysterious “creative” jobs we keep hearing about, that pay $80k/wk for only 30 minutes of work a day to allow you plenty of time to skit down Bedford and 7th Aves on your banana skateboard.

          And finally, you would “break my jaw”? Oh man, I seriously PRAY for the day some hipster-yuppie marshmallow like you would DARE look at me twice on the train, street, etc. No joke, I literally fantasize about it and mentally lay in wait for the day that it occurs. But–surprise, surprise–it never does. No matter how much I stare, sneer or make comments out loud, pampered little shits like you don’t dare make a peep when you’re around people like me. You just put your head down and keep walking. Just like you did when we were growing up. Because you know, despite how much this city has gentrified, there are still people like me out there who remember how things used to be, and who are more than happy to remind you if you step out of your place.

          You want to talk shit about my neighborhood? Why don’t you ask anyone who has half a fucking clue about what South Park Slope was like back up until the late 90s. We used to eat motherfuckers like you for breakfast. Ask about NAB, 7AB, FAB, PSB, NSK, the 9th and 7th crew. And then go ahead and tell them that’s all pussy like you just told me. If they are really from this neighborhood, you will find out real fast.

        • The funny thing is I have several friends from Corona. I’m gonna make a point to mention that some half-retarded cornball named “home grown hipster” is going around on the internet repping their hood as a hipster-breeding habitat and calling ME a pussy because I said hipsters are corny. I can hear their laughter now.

        • You’re full of shit. I grew up in Corona and no “home grown hipster” or hipster of any sort would ever have survived on the streets. There aren’t any hipsters there tough guy. Pick some other neighborhood to pretend to be from and stop embarassing mine you asswipe.

        • Whether or not you are native to Queens is of no concern to me. If you’re a hipster then GET THE FUCK OUT OF QUEENS!

    • I think we found NATIVE
      you were right diehipster.

  19. Pumpkinhead!

  20. “And don,t threaten me. the truth is in the street I would break your jaw your jaw and put you on the ground quick. I’m from Corona Queens not some pussy ass hood like park slope.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • Kinda funny that some twig calling himself a “hipster” would make a threat like that, right. Unreal..

      • PS=YT
        remember a true hipster would never admit being a hipster, that’s a big no,no in their little world, i think this is just another of those little trolls that roams around here, it’s probably that pumpkin sized head steve lam, his head is so huge it makes up 2/3 of his body weight

        • Good point, that is a requisite part of being a yupster inbred (i.e., claiming vehemently that there is no such thing as yupsters). I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Bobblehead is somehow involved.

          • he more like is
            Im not sure if seen this video but it’s been youtube for a while now, they ask a few hipster lookin people if they consider themselves hipsters

          • Edit: he more likely is, i wouldnt be surpised
            Im not sure if seen this video but it’s been youtube for a while now, they ask a few hipster lookin people if they consider themselves hipsters

          • She might be a self-denying hipster, but I will give the chick banging on Scientologists some credit. “I know my personality.” was a pretty damn funny response.

  21. you know, for being so ‘supposedly’ well-read and culturally ‘in-tune’ and all that grand crap…

    these assrags are really fucking predictable…they all ‘work in a record store’ (or the ‘hip’ equivalent’); they have ‘quirky’ interests (aka the kid in ‘American Beauty’ or ‘Paper Moon’); they are ‘whiskey experts’ and into ‘vintage-bullshit’…

    I mean, how long does it take a person to realize how predictable their ‘pose’ is? It’s right out the ‘Assrag Users Manual’…

    It’s my opinion, which is very well proved by ‘Fishing For Hipsters’, hipster dudes are socially maadjusted ‘losers’ who can’t get laid and got into this ‘hipster’ shit to get some tail…

    but that ain’t working out, either….

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    The real kicker….they believe their own hype, or try to. They seem to have no clue that people see right through that crap in about 2 seconds….

    What can you expect from kids raised on TV and ritalin…

    • Why the fuck should Josh get mad about this fake CL ad, especially when all the responses were total poseur bullshit.

      • ugh. I bet they are all fat guys stuffed into skinny pants. this became attractive…when?

        • But, skinny guys in skinny jeans look like chicks.

          “this became attractive…when?”

          About the same time as Megans started trying to rock their toothless grandpa’s galoshes from back on the farm. REally *that* is the ugliest shit I’ve ever seen! Its as if they are expecting the great flood (but only from the knees down).

          • Hahaha I live in the country and I wear those boots for real because it’s muddy. I was in San Francisco and saw a bunch of women wearing a modified version of my rubber boots and I thought it was kind of stupid.

          • Especially when they wear a nice skirt and then those ridiculous galoshes HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

            Megan wear.

  22. and by ‘kids’ I mean 30+ year-olds with crippling emotional and psychological arrested development…

    • Judging by their reply to the ad you can clearly tell these are deperate guys. it’s so pathetic the way they present themselves. one funny part is the guy with the stolen bike, Really what the hell was he gonna do, take her out at night to cruise the city in the back of his fixie bike?

  23. baby pac, again you put it perfectly. succint. perfect. my sentiments exactly. thank you. thank you! as a female, I see right through these douches as soon as they pull the “this is my list of interests & ‘vintage’ accessories” fake self-deprecating eccentric nasal-bored tone bullshit. it is all, just like josh/taylor’s trailer experiment, a plot to get laid. dr. freud, don’t you agree?

    • I’m with you there. Confirming non-conformists. This type has been around for generations. What’s annoying about these guys is there are so damn many of them — that and they all dress like blind homeless gutter-punks. I mean, they give blind homeless gutter-punks a bad name. At least blind homeless gutter-punks are polite.

  24. LEAVE NEW YORK

    It will never be what it was. Let the hipsters infest the city until there’s a critical mass and the city implodes. It’ll rebuild itself afterwards, or not.

    I left. Where to? I moved back to the Old World to a country with a low cost of living and a high quality of life, which includes: egalitarianism, a marked absence of puritanism, real food, real Art, no disgusting cut-throat money-grubbing job competitiveness, and bicycle lanes on the sidewalks that cover and link up every major city. I’m forgetting something… oh yeah, and no hipsters!!!

    People came to America to live better lives. I left for the same reason.

    Why do I read this blog? Because I get a kick out of it! Just like you do, Josh, when you pretend to enjoy the hipster canon of low culture… I mean when you enjoy being a conformist bitch and feeling special and accepted all at once, it must give you a nice fuzzy feeling inside, hehe.

    I await the day when I can return to New York and forget you, troves of Joshes, like you were all some bad dream.

    And in case no one asked me, fuck off.

    END OF RANT

    • Well in all fairness to what you just said…

      SADLY AT THIS POINT IT IS ACTUALLY MORE HIP NOT TO BE IN NEW YORK AND TO BE AS FAR AWAY FROM NEW YORK AS POSSIBLE

      As for me I eventually see myself leaving DC for Puerto Rico.

      Thursday, February 25, 2010 9:30 AM

      Weather for San Juan, Puerto Rico
      80°F | °C
      Current: Partly Cloudy
      Wind: SE at 5 mph
      Humidity: 71%

      • Hell, I agree with you. The best thing about being in Dallas is the incessant whining from the Joshes and Megans about how “Oh, I’d NEVER live in Dallas! That place is just so unfriendly and conservative!” In other words, unless you’re an SMU trust fund brat, or one of those Plano teenage junkies whose parents had them only because all of the other couples on the block were spitting out crotchdroppings, this is a city that doesn’t tolerate free-range Soylent Green. And we like it that way.

      • Sorry ex-B, but Im no cool chaser.

        I live waaaaaaaaay the fuck out in Brooklyn, I work at a shitty ghetto hopsital in Brooklyn and guess what? NO HIPSTERS. *The real shit* is simply off the hipster radar.

        And yeah, I’ve traveled all over. NYC, hipsters and all, is still the best. The rest of the US is either retarded or backward, racist, christian fundamentalist, facists. And, don’t get me started on other countries……

        *The Real Shit* = hard work, high achievement, literacy, intelligence, compassion, honesty and creativity. It has never come exclusively in a white, bourgeois package.

        Ever spend time in Prospect Park (and not the fucking park slope side either) in the summer? See the poets, painters or musicians from Haiti, Africa, America and Latin America? Or just hang out there and talk? It is completely true that (what mainstream media recognizes as) culture (white, bourgeois) has taken a dip, but Id say this is true globally. It is the natural ebb and flow of things. It is the down time before something new comes along. I really don’t see how moving out of US will change it.

        Hipsters = <2% (my guess) of NYC, we just get bombarded with tooooo much of their shit. No real New Yorker is threatened by them because we've seen these assholes come and go for generations. If they have what it takes, cool. If not see ya! Plus here, there are worlds within worlds. You're missing out if you think NYC is exclusively about white, bourgeois hipsters!

        Im sticking with NYC because I love her. Im here for *the real shit*, not the hipster shit.

        Now, with respect to gentrification. Yes, that shit sucks and it can ruin all the good stuff that *is* here. But, there has always been these tensions and we have survived it and worse. Good people getting displaced for yuppie morons is a crying shame. I don't know what can be done, but abandoning NYC is not an option.

        • (Sorry to those of you who live in other parts of US, but Im fucking scared of Texas and suburban Washington DC like Manassas, VA, etc.)

          • Not calling you guys retarded TTR or E33K.

          • No offense taken. I’ve lived here most of my life, and you should hear me go on a tear about the worst parts of it. Besides, the good outweighs the bad, most of the time, just like anywhere else. I guess that’s why I’m not a hipster: instead of packing up and leaving the moment things get tough, I’d rather stay here and fix things that need fixing.

        • That’s a really good example about Prospect Park man. Personally, I like to frame the situation as a comparison between summer weekends vs. summer weekdays on the shit Park Slope side of the park.

          On summer weekends you see black, Caribbean, Puerto Rican and Mexican families having barbecues with burgers and hot dogs, playing wiffle ball and football, kids playing tag, girls with hula hoops and jump ropes, good music playing, people dancing and laughing, and everyone having a genuine, unpretentious good time.

          Meanwhile, on summer weekDAYS, you see nothing but pasty albino hipster-yuppie transplant scum, glowing sickly white in the sun, sitting around having pretentious “picnics” with red wine, pretending to have intellectual conversations in their bored nasal voices, ugly girls with their pasty muffin-tops showing beneath their dirty ironic t-shirts, half-heartedly playing frisbee. You also see inbred yupster black-framed eyeglass-wearing “tour guides” giving their visiting suburban parents tours of the park, given the vast knowledge they’ve attained since moving to Park Slope three months earlier. In general, the entire vibe around the park is one of lifelessness, phoniness, and the feeling that everything is just one big rehearsed act.

          Now, you don’t see any of the people of color in the park on the weekdays because they’re all at work (which is not an issue for the yupster transplants), and of course you NEVER see the yupsters around when the people of color are in the park, because, as we all know, yupsters have an complete aversion to being around anyone who is not white. In addition, the yupsters complain incessantly about the barbecuers, using racist code language like “loud hip hop and salsa music” and “people who ride loud motorcycles.” It’s totally obvious that the yupster transplants won’t be happy until NYC has become an apartheid state.

          • Word!

            For now, the yups stay mainly up in the Park Slope side and are scared to go down by Coney Island Ave side, but they do creep that way. Also, I did see a fucking reject from America’s Next Top model wandering around on Parkside.

            “In addition, the yupsters complain incessantly about the barbecuers, using racist code language like “loud hip hop and salsa music” and “people who ride loud motorcycles”

            I am totally mystified when the white yups come into *our* neighborhoods and demand that we stop living our lives and turn into THEM.

  25. “No joke, I literally fantasize about it and mentally lay in wait for the day that it occurs”

    Your obsessed with hipsters. Pretty sad. Internet thugs. So Scary. OOOOOhh so tough. What a pathetic existence you live. You pretend you are woman on craigslist. How else do you pretend your a woman? Do you dress up in drag and fantasize there too. You actually pretended you were a woman to get resposnes from men on craigslist and you are calling me a mayonaise eater? That is extremely, extremely gay, but you know that because you are a closet fag and everyone knows that. Have a nice life hating others. You really hate your self you little pussy.

    • High School just let out.

    • No you fucking traitor, Im the one who made the fake craigslist ad. You really see it as gay? Are you not smart enough to see I’m trying to get these wanna be new yorker ironic hipster fucks to say exactly what we would predict them to say. You’re just mad because I easily expose these overgrown rent raising teens and you want to be one. That’s what really bothers you, you home grown homo. Go listen to your nails on chalkboard indie music you fuckin traitor.

    • Hey Home Grown Hipster! Go fuck yourself you yuppie diaper doper baby rent raising turdburglar!

    • Steve, is that you again? Got yourself a new sock puppet persona?
      It’s easy to tell you are NOT from Corona or a New Yorker at all because you’re trying waaaayy too hard and just come off as a caricature. Just like the rest of the nasally hipster transplants wannabes. LAME!

      Your “tough guy” threats just make you look like a bitchy little drama queen having a hissy fit. Nobody who grew up on the street acts like that.
      Are you done embarassing yourself yet?

      BTW, You forgot to add how jealous we are of your fulfilling, active, happy social life, blah, blah, blah…

    • The article is about 50,000 words too long, from a once-famed writer who has been beating the same drum for the last twenty years, but we have the same situation out here: http://www.dallasobserver.com/2010-02-25/news/lord-love-a-developer/

      The sad part? Yes, this garbage happens everywhere, but some areas tend to be resistant. Oak Cliff used to be resistant, because everyone saw exactly what happened when the yupsters saw what “the cool kids” were doing and decided that they needed to move in. In another ten or fifteen years, after they’ve stripped anything of value from the place, they’ll move on, and it’s the folks who remain who’ll spend years cleaning up the mess.

      • nyt articles are ALWAYS 50,000 words too long. why can’t these nyt journalists. just end when things need to be ended.

    • I saw that article too.

      “…….steroidal gentrification and the pervasive hunger of the upper middle class for ever more homogenous neighborhoods…”

      Welcome to Brooklyn.

  26. Die Hipster: You and park slope are both probably sitting around in drag sitting on butplugs making up fake adds to try to lure straight guys on Craigslist. You fucking fruitcakes. What a bunch of losers. Get a life pussies.

    • You’ve got nothing “home grown” and are starting to look real pathetic – very Stevelike. Where’s that hipster wit? You’d think an authentic NYC-born hipster would represent. Most homophobes as yourself carry suppressed homosexual desires. Too bad you have to fight it and deny yourself true happiness.

  27. what are you the hipster o’doyle?

    if you’re gonna defend the hipster cause one-handedly like not steve lame-o, I’d suggest using something other than pussy-bullying, nonsensical, homophobic lingo.

    • His skinny jeans and oh so tight hooker g-string have stifled HGH’s thought processes.

      BTW, wow PS=YT someon’e got a real hard on for you. I guess its love.

  28. Geez, it’s gettin’ stoopid in here!

  29. http://bushwickbk.com/2009/11/16/bushwick-chic-its-all-about-the-shoes/

    asd;lkfja;kjs! look at the “bushwick chic” section. I just want to vomit all over it. every girl is a waitress or “artist” from the effing midwest or “from Paris” & I just want to scream. something new please! this is so sad & pathetic. also, the words these bushwick yupsters use are ridiculous. a;skdfj;alksjdf;lkajsdf;lkajsdf!

  30. and to reiterate, self-proclaimed artists!!!! a;sldkfja;lskdjfk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • The digital age has flooded us with the worst of the worst. Nowadays everyone is a “musician” or “photo journalist” or “film producer”. Between their coddled upbringing and creative software to produce and network, every pasty nasal pseudo-intellectual yupster in the country, backed by parental funds and a pat on the back can be media “superstars”. It sure beats a real job or any meaningful contribution to society. It once took hard work, sacrifice and something called talent to be able to make it.

    • “steroidal gentrification and the pervasive hunger of the upper middle class for ever more homogenous neighborhoods…”

  31. Remember these fuckbags….

  32. I have always told myself that eventually one of these days I will by a one way airline ticket to Puerto Rico and never come back.

    Now that a large percentage of the Northeast is turning into nothing but a bunch of gentrified pussified bullshit the time seems just about right for me to get the fuck out of here.

    I will eventually come back to visit my remaining friends and family but only during the summer months.

    Besides this past winter I have had to shovel over 50+ inches of snow and that shit was not fun at all.

    Below is the weather forecast for San Juan for the rest of this week thru the weekend.

    Thu 79°F | 78°F

    Fri 80°F | 76°F

    Sat 79°F | 76°F

    Sun 81°F | 78°F

    I can wear Knicks jerseys every single day of the year over there if I want.

    • here’s another gem — a hipster transplant “fashion designer” blog: http://www.keikolynn.blogspot.com/

      oh and her “store” is here:

      http://www.postlapsaria.com/store.html

      what I wanna know is

      (a) why is she 25 and dressing like she’s 3?

      (b) have her mom and dad (who presumably are financing this venture) seen what their little precious snowflake is doing with their HELOC cash?

      (c) who’s buying this horrible shit?

      damn those clothes are UGLY. I mean hell, I love vintage fashion and style. A too-short calico potato sack does not an attractive outfit make.

      • “sponsor” her? What is she a fucking stripper/prostitute?

      • How about getting a real job first in the industry, learn the trade, improve your skills, work hard and eventually fund your own fucking venture. That’s how life works. This spoiled and talentless wannabe fashion designer is looking for handouts to cover what her parents can’t.

  33. exactly. and these clothing items are fugly. it’s just plain mimicry with these self-proclaimed parentally funded “designers”. why do these 25 + hipster girls insist on being pre-pubescently thin & sporting lolita like clothing? oh, I know, it represents their reluctance to grow up & become adults!!

    • I love that chick’s tattoos. Yeah, right, a giant-ass tattoo on your torso. Let’s see what that’s going to look like in 10 years. Doesn’t matter how cocaine-thin you stay, your flesh travels south as you get older.

      I got a friend who’s a tattoo artist. She’s getting kind of burnt out and is thinking about what to do next. I suggested she learn tattoo removal. There will be a huge market for that within the next five years, mark my words.

      • To find out WHY she poses herself with the 1) “I’ve got a dick up my ass” or 2) “WHo’s seen my brain” expression, I went to her website and found this :

        “- I was born severely pigeon toed. I wore corrective shoes/braces with a bar between them. I’m still pigeon toed but it’s nowhere near what it used to be. I get a lot of crap about trying to look “cutesy” but that’s just the way my feet turn in!

        - Barely anyone calls me Keiko. It’s mostly Keiks, Baby Keiks, Panda, Unicorn or Keiko Lynn. There are several others but those are the main ones. Dave always called me Face. I thought that was pretty funny.

        - I’m 1/4 Japanese.

        - My aversion to cursing is more of an obsession than a distaste. I wish I could bring myself to say the eff word every once in awhile, just for the sake of letting out aggression. I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s weird.

        - My dad is in prison until 2020. I still haven’t visited him but I actually, finally tried (and failed). He’s been there most of my life.

        - To me, there is nothing better than swimming on horseback. That is when I’m the happiest you will ever see me.

        - I didn’t wear a stitch of makeup until college. I also didn’t wear dresses. My, how things have changed!

        - At 25, I’m the second oldest of four girls. I also have a step-sister, but no brothers.

        - If I had to pick a theme song for my life, it would be The Prize Fighter by The Velvet Teen. It’s such a magical song.

        - When I’m tired, I fiddle with my upper lip. See the second picture? Kind of like that.

        - I know only two languages: English and American Sign Language. ?tnuoc taht seoD .tsohg ni klat osla nca I

        - I’m Agnostic, pro-choice and a registered Democrat. I’m also 100% for same sex marriage and equal rights for all. I’m not a straight ticket voter and I take politics very seriously.

        - Physical traits I would consider changing (if I had the money / wasn’t so lazy):
        My arms: I’m self conscious about them. I don’t know if you noticed but I almost always wear sleeves, no matter what. My ex called them “lunch lady arms” and that pretty much sealed the deal. I’ll get over it when I get off my lazy butt and tone them! But I’m so laaaazy.
        My crooked teeth: I wore braces for almost four years and they’re still crooked. They’re still way better than they used to be, so that’s something:)
        My ears: they are quite prominent but I’m pretty good at concealing them. I call one of them my Colbert ear. I love him, so I guess it’s not that bad.

        -Physical traits I love, despite some others seeing them as flaws:
        The “beauty mark” on my cheek: Photographers almost always photoshop it out, makeup artists conceal it and I’m asked incessantly if I’d consider getting it removed. Sorry guys, I kind of love it. As long as it’s not cancerous (I’ve had it checked), it’s staying.
        Being pigeon toed: It’s a trademark.
        My nose: I wanted to punch the few people who told me I should get a nose job.
        The gigantic scar on the back of my head: I used to hate it but now I like it. I also think it’s funny when people pat my head and I can’t feel it but I can hear it. I giggle about it a lot.

        -I’ve never spent more than $50 on a single item in my closet. The $50 purchase? My vintage, purple thigh high boots.

        -My current measurements (I just took them) 35-27-38. Height, 5’7″. Shoe size, 9. I don’t weigh myself anymore. What’s the point?”

        God god! TMI! (but, curiousity killed the cat and all, I guess *I* asked for it)……………………

        She seems to be emotionally arrested at 13. WHY ARE THEY ALL LIKE THAT? Is *THAT* their aesthetic, an infantilized, stuipid-ass?????? All those clothes look like all the other clothes from the shitty boutiques in Nolita = some shit stolen out of the kids department of Bloomingdales.

        WHY????????????

        • She’s probably a sweet girl. A little clueless, but sweet-enough I guess..

          but good god, from reading the above it really sounds like she wasn’t allowed to grow up. I blame her parents (step-parents, grandparents, whatever). They have done her no favors.

          When I was 25, I was working 50+ hours a week and going to school full-time. I had to pay most of my own bills and had the very sobering experience of having to deal with a sick parent. I had to learn how to grow up. Not fun, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

          • “When I was 25, I was working 50+ hours a week and going to school full-time. I had to pay most of my own bills and had the very sobering experience of having to deal with a sick parent. I had to learn how to grow up. Not fun, but you gotta do what you gotta do”

            Word. I don’t think she’s actually like that. Having a father in prison obviously is a *bad* experience. It seems like she’s trying WAY too hard to adopt this stupid little girl pose. ITs really NOT SEXY at all. BUT WHY DO THEY ALL ACT LIKE THIS??

  34. I get a kick out of the whiskey connoisseur who states, “i have an opinion on almost anything”! This si the problem with these douches–they have no boundaries on their egos. How can any one man have an opinion on anything. Even the Dalai Lama gets stumped once in a while. Do you think His Holiness has an opinion on the Wii game A Boy and His Blob? Or whether Paul Mitchell or Wella makes the best volumizing hair spray? God, I hate hipsters.

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