Hipster wife hunting dot fucking com???

Holy shit. Am I dreaming or imagining that I just found this ridiculous website? They are showcasing talentless, granny dress, mindless, poseur girls as if they are some kind of trophies and expecting hipster guys to drool over them. There’s not much on that site yet so you can go through it pretty quickly and read the answers these Raggedy Ann’s are giving to questions like ‘What makes you a good hipster wife?’ and ‘What do you look for in a hipster guy?’

LINK- www.hipsterwifehunting.com

I think the most sickening thing on that site is their latest post titled “A Brooklyn Love Story”. How can it be a Brooklyn love story when the two people were raised in abandoned gas stations on Highway 49 in fucking Montana? It’s about Tucker and Emily, two members of the ear piercing trio called Total Slacker. The band is described, (by the bed-headed, celery armed, hummus spreading, wanna-be New Yorker oxygen thief blogger, of course) as ‘doing peachy’, ‘blowing up faster than a can of Diet Coke in a microwave’ and ‘rising to the top of the indie music scene’. After listening to 5 seconds of their music below, you’d probably rather light an M-80 in your ear.

 I also hate the opening line of the post… ‘Love stories often seem like an oxymoron here in Brooklyn. In the borough of industrial wasteland, it appears the only love its residents have is with rye whiskey and Kurt Vonnegut.’ Only a clueless, naive transplant that has never left the zipcode he arrived to would say that. So anyway, as promised I bring you the band, the love story, the Brooklynites….. Total Slacker.

50 thoughts on “Hipster wife hunting dot fucking com???

  1. That guys face…HIS FUCKING FACE! OH GOD I WANT TO SMASH IT IN!!! He looks like aspergers from the 80′s…aka hipster today.

  2. The best part about that site is that it is unmoderated and you can post comments. See ya there……..

    • I just gave pasty Tucker and Emily there a nice Brooklyn working-class welcome in their comments section, compliments of the DieHipster commenters.

      • “‘In the borough of industrial wasteland, it appears the only love its residents have is with rye whiskey and Kurt Vonnegut.’

        Hey you fucking transplanted inbreds–NEWS FLASH–the majority of Brooklyn’s “residents” (as opposed to its unfortunate long-term tourists like you) are nothing like you. They are normal unpretentious working people who have real jobs, do real things, and live real lives–as opposed to your two-dimensional, parentally-funded, suburban-inspired, Peter Pan bullshit.

        All this idiotic uninspired so-called “art” you inbreds are “creating” with Daddy Suburban-bucks’ 401k money is about as significant as a toddler’s finger-painting. So, why don’t you take your spoiled, pasty, ugly rent-inflating asses back to the shitty suburban 7-11 parking lots and shopping malls where you belong and leave Brooklyn to us grown-ups. God knows this borough won’t be missing out on anything with you gone.”

      • Are you sure it posted? I can’t find it. Can you give a link?

  3. look at the nicknames of all the pin-ups. hilarity

  4. fuck these assholes and their ‘refined’ taste (for garbage). I mean, are you kidding me with that band? And their story…it gives you the creeps and the cold-shivers. Blech!

    Are these people for real with that crap? This is some sort of put on, right?

    Again…Brooklyn…I extend to you sympathies.

  5. Sympathies to Brooklyn from Washington DC.

    I do have some native Brooklyn family members on my mother’s side of the family.

    I do not communicate with them very often.

    My mother did mention to me that recently several of them left Brooklyn and moved far far far away from New York City.

    I think most of them are living in Florida now.

  6. the violent, immediate reaction of the first post…priceless.

    i mean, reading the story…it makes you want to puke worse. ‘vapid’ doesn’t begin to describe it…maybe ‘gut-churning’.

    all-in-all, this is pussification taken to levels seldom seen…

  7. From:

    http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/blog-hipster-wife-hunting/

    “Hipster Wife Hunting seems to be part of a new trend focused on chasing wives rather than banging sluts. This might be because the “DIE HIPSTER SCUM” thing has been exposed as grumpy old people yelling at kids who aren’t listening. Is this the end of hipster hating and slut loving? Both of those things seem so old.”

    • streetbonersandtvcarnage.com

      Another hipster defending piece of shit website from Trey Cock-A-Suck-O/Carles and his hipsterfuckoff butt-buddies.

      Name sounds soooo original too.

      • My god! What is next, hipster polygamists?

        • Dude, that trend is already on the downswing. It’s so bad with the hipsters trying to pretend that fucking anything that moves is an exalted state of being that they use the term “polysaturated” to describe when they don’t have anything other than fucking going on.

    • There it goes again, the perpetual “Anyone who hates hipsters is old and jealous” myth. I can’t begin to express how difficult it is for me to wrap my mind around this rationale when on any given trip to Bedford or 7th Aves, the vast majority of shitsters lolling around are obviously OLDER than me or any of the other hipster-haters I know.

      I’ve always been under the impression that the reason why people like me and my friends hate shitsters is because they skip into our communities like ugly overgrown high schoolers, raise the rents beyond the reach (or willingness-to-pay) of most normal working people with their suburban parents’ money, and if that weren’t enough, to add insult to injury, they then proceed to act as though those of us who were here pre-Wonder Bread invasion don’t belong in our OWN neighborhoods.

      But hey.. maybe I’m just nuts.

      • That’s exactly why I fucking despise these disrespectful, attention-seeking 30-year-old Peter Pans. As long as these spoiled, pompous, good-for-nothing asswipes keep infesting my family’s neighborhood the hate will not die. We’re surrounded by lemmings, clowns trying to outdo each other for attention. What kind of respectable, hard working, intelligent adult has the time and money to waste away like these transplanted, fund-living, childish nasal shitbags? The hate will not die – and I wish nothing but the worse for all of them.

  8. Whenever I hear some lame-o hipster band, I always think of this Itchy and Scratchy show.

    Sorry. It’s the best quality I could find.

  9. This has GOT to be a put-on. Either that, or the hipsters are starting to eat their own.

  10. “After listening to 5 seconds of their music below, you’d probably rather light an M-80 in your ear”

    Feel good that I made it to 1 min in.

  11. They are mentally retarded and should be prevented from procreating by any means necessary.

    Just wait for their big interview in Rolling Stone where they reveal their major influences:

    Nutter Butters, Chuck Mangione, Michael Franks, Bob James, and Kenny G

  12. I have been a fan of this site for a while, but this Hipster Wifey website’s first line bothered me so much I had to respond. I also advocate to not draw attention to similar sites in the futere. It simply increases their hits and the only thing they want is ATTENTION, so lets NOT GIVE THEM ANY. PS=YT’s response seemed to have been deleted, so I toned down my response a little to:

    “An industrial wasteland”? Seriously? Actually, Brooklyn is a thriving city of 3 million people from all races, ethnicities, religions, and classes. Raising families, going to school and work, and living their lives like normal Americans. Opposed to the hipster way of life which appears to “be artistic”, slum it, drink PBR, and wear clothes that appear to have been scavenged from the dumpster behind Pathmark*. Normal people move to Brooklyn from all over the world to make a better life for them and their families, not to dump on the locals and be ironic.

    *Pathmark is a supermarket that normal people frequent to buy food at affordable prices.

  13. Dear God! Their shitty excuse for music is so mindnumbingly idiotic… I despair for the world’s future! :(

  14. speaking of music has anyone seen that ac transit bus fight video on the web lately…i know it has nothing to do with anything related but apparantly that hipster looking girl with her headpphones in the video is getting recognition on the internet aswell as a fanbase…here’s a link ..if it’s not allowed you can delete it..

    http://www.amberlamps.co.cc/

    • Also here’s another bus fight that I think is fuckin funny….not related to hipsters, but you will still laugh:

      Fuck you!

      • i remember seeing this video, it’s kinda funny how that asian lady starts using kicks in the fight :-).but what im suprised is about that girl amberlamps she seems so calmed troughout the whole incident like if nothing is happening the guy is bleeding alot and she doesnt seem worried or give a care .ive had my own share of experinces seeing fights on the train and i dont really care either but ive never seen a girl like that so calm..

        • Im not sure *why* this is important.

          • Youre right ;-)
            i guess since it was posted almost everywhere on the web, i decided to talk about it.

          • Sorry, onibk, what I meant was that I don’t get why people are into Amber. I was way more into the agro-grandpa. He was on angel dust.

            Admit, Amber was totally oblivious…maybe she was really into her Total Slacker playlist :)

          • Observation 1: In most of the videos I’ve seen the one that says, Im gonna kick your ass, etc. is always the one who can’t fight! Both of those dudes fight like girls.

            Observation 2: Look at those people they’re just sitting there too.

            Observation 3: What kinda dumb-ass gets right in the middle of a fight like that stupid chick with the yellow back pack?

          • Yea
            the angry grandpa is actually a star on the internet before, he was the guy who got tasered by the cops during a baseball game.there is a video of it somewhere, i’ll check it out

          • Here it is , this is the same guy from the bus fight video, superstar this guy would make stick figure hipsters wet their pants.

          • Those people saying, “Take it easy on him” had no idea that grandpa can rip the tires off a bus with his teeth and pull a newspaper stand out of solid concrete!

  15. If there’s a good side to this site, it’s that we can all make sure that the Joshes and Megans get some good parenting advice as they’re spewing out crotchdroppings that’ll be as self-obsessed as they are: “Are You Raising A Douchebag?”

    I bring this up because if you thought that hipsters with pets were bad, just imagine the insanity when they start spawning. Hipster parents don’t just want to be their kid’s best friend: they become parents in the first place because they want to have something in their lives “that will love me unconditionally”. In reality, they’re breeding for the same reason they’re marrying: they see everyone else getting special treatment and presents for having a kid and figure “I can get in on that action, too!”

  16. This can’t real.

  17. Just looking at that idiots thrift-shop, pink sweater gives me phantom bed-bugs.

    I gotta snap a picture of this hipster on my block who deliberately tries to look like “Where’s Waldo”.

  18. hipsters always sound dissatisfied…

    …what with that nasal tone, the complaints, the pissing-and-moaning and over-done fawning…the drone, as they go on and on, long after you phased them out of consciouness, and all you hear is an irritating buzz, like a mosquito you want to smash…and there is Zack Nasalbucks III, ‘artist’…

    i have to give it you there in brooklyn…you are tolerant folks.

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