Fishing for hipsters.

                          

Fishing for Hipsters is when I put a fake Craigslist post up and basically reel in a pathetic wanna-be, then post their replies on here for everyone to see what kind of parasites have taken up precious living space in Brooklyn.

Here was my post:

Run naked in the snow with me? – 29 (Billyburg/The Shwick)

 
 



Date: 2009-12-20, 8:44AM EST

 
 



I can’t believe the snowfall amount! It reminds of of back home in Minnesota. I’m a 29 y.o. female. Into anything vintage, artsy, indie. I work as a part time production assistant and part time dog walker/sitter. I’m also working on a project with a two friends in Detroit and Philly to create a 3-way art exchange program where young adults can swap apartments in those 3 cities and explore artisitc opportunities and try to spread some culture in urban environments. Looking to maybe meet up today with creative type guy into the same things I am. We can even play in the snow! I think I was kidding about running naked? Or was I ? Ha Ha. We can go to my friends art bar afterwards and have some of her famous Hot Rum Cocoa to warm things up. I’ve only met one guy from craigslist last year when I just moved to Brooklyn, he was kind of boring, worked as an EMS tech or something and we had nothing in common. Please only respond if you live in the Williamsburg;/Bushwick area. Please don’t just send a pic and say something like “hi baby”. I will not respond to that. Tell me about you, your hobbies, your goals, where you grew up, etc, etc…Waiting to hear from you!
 
Love , Sadie
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Here were a couple of actual word for word responses :

Detroit, RoboCop, Philly, Rocky, Bushwick???

Well, I suppose we’re gonna have to make a movie then, I’m racking my brain, and I can’t think of one.  I mean, Coney yeah, but Bushwick.  Oh, shit wait, Serpico is in Williamsburg.  Lets re-stage Serpico in the snow, you know, snow deals, and then we can have a snow ball fight like a shoot out, but don’t whiteface me. 

‘Hi baby’, this don’t make much sense.  I just woke up, time to make some coffee and eat some hummus.  Then write, on art, and then…? What you do?

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Next Fuckster:

Hope I’m not too late!
Just got back from flap-jack extravaganza at my good mate’s flat and am preparing mentally for the Dizzy Fizz Holiday Puncheon tonight.  If we meet far enough in advance of 7pm I could theoretically get you onto the guestlist… assuming you’d want to join in the festivities.
My apartment is known affectionately as “The Wormhole for Wayward Minnesota Souls” and I am involved in the USBGNY bartender exchange program.  I work as a writer and spirits educator more than anything, but have been known to pull a shift or two behind the stick.  Spreading artistic culture in urban environments is what I do.  I have recently teamed with an AMAZING artist as her NY agent, see her work here:
www._ _ _ _ _ _ _.com
While not technically in either Bushwick or Williamsburg, I am on the southern border of both, and as a cyclist, can be pretty much anywhere in a jiffy.  Going to your friend’s art bar for Hot Rum Cocoa sounds like a perfect outing to follow pancakes and buff snow running, and a perfect preface to the punch party!
Really?  You wouldn’t respond if I said “hi baby”?  Even a “hi baby” from me would have communicated how much your post resonated.  I’ll tell you all about me, my hobbies, goals, where I grew up, etc when we meet.
Wait no more,

JP

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 Next Douche:
 
 Hi, 

I’m xxxxxxx, 28 years old and live in Brooklyn.

I’m a  live sound engineer and tour manager. I tour with silly little bands around the world for a living.I fancy delicious worldly cuisine, the cooking of delicious worldly cuisine, different music, dogs, traveling, and falconing.Sometimes I have a beard, sometimes I don’t. I like lots of music and film…I just moved to Williamsburg from Austin, TX.

Its snowy and wintery and I just want to and hang out.

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 So there’s my catch for the day. I usually get more ridiculous responses from these space wasting, wanna be intellectuals. Well I guess it’s time for coffee and hummus, the breakfast of champion transplants.

 

21 thoughts on “Fishing for hipsters.

  1. I love these posts!

    “I just woke up, time to make some coffee and eat some hummus. Then write, on art, and then…?”

    God I love to hate these people.

    • God forbid I grew up in a completely UNcool place like Minnesota and not pre-hipster Williamsburg/Bushwick area my entire life and so that I can say with authority that some stranger on the internet is a douche because they are lonely in a big and unfamiliar city. BORING. Killing hipsters is a great idea but this is plain lazy.

      • Nothing wrong with being “lonely in a big and unfamiliar city.” It’s when your journey here to the big lonely city is funded by your parents back in the ‘burbs and thus raises us normal people’s cost of living, and when you channel those feelings of loneliness and insecurity into an act of elitism and pseudo-intellectualism that we get angry. Hope this helps, dick.

        • Yes it’s true that hipsters are willing to pay more for apartments with their parents money but where should they go in your perfect hipster-free world Adolph? Instead of being a creepy hipster fisherman you might take a moment to consider your own pseudo-intellectualism and reeking elitism. What qualifies you and those you claim to represent to be the “normal” ones? Whatever it is, it’s turned you into a creepy internet predator, do your parents know?

          • That Anthony is such a quisling , squishy, pomo, four flusher apologist for hipsters .

            If hipsters want to form little refuges for themselves in suburbia and stay put there, and *stop* encroaching on other cities…keep that spoiled , anglo-saxon , bourgeous subculture to themselves instead of eroding authentic communities , then they should have at it .

            Those MTV generation / Nintendo generation, fast talking, four flushing relativists should stay in the suburbs that were settled by their yuppie predecessors and forerunners long ago . The Lifetime channel watching yuppie soccer moms and dads and the hipster vermin can stay in the communities, that were lousy from the get go, and stop ruining Brooklyn and stay the heck out of whatever quaint communities might be left in my home state : Florida …

            If they want someplace to reminisce about how they loved buying machine made tye dye clothes at Woodstock 94, or how much they love some ballyhooed, goofy-ass hipster movie like ‘Rushmore’ or ‘I Heart Hucabees’ , or tap their feet to Alanis Morrisette, quote lines from Pop Up Video, and prattle on about how “existential” it was to have sex with their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend right after breaking up with them …while drinking latte …then they can do it back in their suburban garage …NOT where there are people who want *none* of that trendy horses—t !

  2. … i think it’s kinda gay to post as a 29/yr old female to “see what kind of responses you get”.. sure uh huh.. anyway i will at least congratulate you on being one step closer to realizing and accepting your lifestyle preference..

    • Don’t worry Diktor. I’ll switch it up next time and fish for female shitsters as a male.

    • Naah! I’ve done it plenty of times as a prank.

      Gay or not, it’s fucking hilarious to see the sad lonely freaks who reply on Craigslist.

      Usually I pose as an 18yo female student (using a stolen image from MySpace), looking for guys between 21-35. What I get is so laughable it’s really really sad. All of them are over 36 (even guys over 70). None of them come close to what was asked for.
      Funnier still, they are all on either AOL (didn’t know anyone still used AOL) or their work email with a warning to be used for company business only and that mails are monitored.
      Then come the dick pix. About every 10th one sends a dick pic. Seriously, I should start a gay porn site “dicksofcraigslist.com” if it hasn’t been done already.
      After that, it’s the stupid “We were made for each other” crap and the godawful poetry. Pink “comic sans” fonts to sound sensitive.
      Then there was the time I was named Rebecca and working in the Astor Place Starfucks until 8pm. I just hope no Rebecca worked in Starfucks that day.

      • Hey Hipsterminator,

        Can you post these replies that you get somewhere so we can read them?? please please

      • No I won’t. Because if I did, I would have to remove all the email addresses or get in legal trouble and, quite frankly, I couldn’t be bothered.

        Try it yourself sometime. Use a hotmail or yahoo address and see what happens. There’s about 100 men for each woman on CL. If you advertise as a man, you won’t get anything. You can be the ugliest hag in the world and you will still get bombarded with dick pix like hell.

        I leave the gays/lesbians alone. Straight guys are the most laughs. And, since most hipster guys are pathetic and can’t get laid anyway, you should get a bunch of them too.

      • Dark.

    • Wait, could that be some thinly-veiled, homegrown suburban homophobia showing through this yupster, “viktor’s,” carefully-created yupster persona?

      Nahhhhh.. Everyone knows that Brooklyn yupster transplants are the most “open-minded” and “diverse” people around–according to themselves!

  3. this has got to be the gayest site i have ever seen/ did someone dump you for a kid in skinny jeans or is this just some coke enduced anger? Good plan buddy, spend your time /energy focusing on things you hate, i’m sure that will help you fill better inside. xoxo

    • Maybe we should better spend our time being a grown man who skateboards around on Bedford Ave or 7th Ave on weekday afternoons while wearing a Wild America beard and Peruvian hat with the pom-pom on top like you guys do. That would be way cooler and more constructive, huh?

  4. You guys are seriously a bigger joke than the hipsters. You admit to posting fake stories about “hipsters” up on Craig’s List, and then you come on here to give each other high fives about how you just posted fake stories about hipsters on CL. If you haven’t noticed, nobody cares about “hipsters” anymore.

  5. If you want to see some real tough hipsters in action, check out the Copenhagen “riots”. Seriously, I’ve never seen such pussy protesters in my life. Being beaten by rubber pencils while saying “I AM PEACEFUL. I DID NOTHING”.

    Hey bitch, contact me and I’ll show you some real riots by real pissed-off people.

  6. I think it’s hilarious what they do. I mean, c’mon the replies he got are so funny.

  7. I love how the “next fuckster” say he’s “involved in the USBGNY bartender exchange program” like everyone should know what USBGNY stands for! hilariousness.

    • It’s, like, the newest raddest band that, like, only a true hipster (who’s not really a hipster) would, like, even know about. They, like, performed, like, concerts in, like, Scott’s parents’ house in, like, Buttcrack Montana and only, like, truly hip people, like, came to the concert.

      I hear they want to, like, cover for Awesoma Bin Radin when he comes to Billyburg.

    • That’s just the thing with yupsters, they think that everyone else cares about everything they do. That’s what happens when kids are raised by idiot doting upper middle class suburban parents who coo and coddle and congratulate their kids for every pathetic little “accomplishment” they manage, like learning how to play the kazoo.

  8. And it figures that the third guy moved up there from Austin. Austin is where you end up if you’re too geeky for Portland, Oregon, and lower than that I can’t get.

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