What the…….Couch surfing???

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this website. A girl e-mails me this link to a site called couchsurfing.org and explains it’s a site where you can find a strangers couch to sleep on while you are traveling. She told me she used to live with a roommate who decided to get into this hipster activity and had to move out after there was practically an unshowered filthy hipster nomad on their couch every night. So I’m about to click the link thinking this is just some little site promoting an unknown passing fad. Holy shit, when I saw the amount of douchebags on there my eyes almost fell out of my head. This is a world wide site with a couple million of mostly hipster scum sleeping on and offering couches. Of course, mostly everyone’s occupation is artist, musician, thinker, dreamer, film maker, assistant, wanderer.

Some of these peoples profiles list like 40 -50 testimonials of others that have slept on their couches giving great reviews of how nice they were and what great hosts they are. How the fuck can you let 40 different bed bug bitten, smelly bastard strangers into your home? Also, how do all these people have time to travel the world sleeping on couches all in the name of ‘meeting new people and spreading good vibes’? Don’t they have jobs? How do they support themselves? Now I know who those people are on the subways with those massive backpacks the size of Rhode Island and those vapid inbred looks on their faces that always bump into me and step on my feet. In Brooklyn, there or over a thousand couches being offered. I guarantee you they are all on one zipcode.

Link- COUCHSURFING.ORG

And the pussification continues…

Who the fuck has tea parties in woodworking shops in Brooklyn? Yep, only a hipster is capable of this. Who played in their tree house on their Wisconsin cul-de-sac street until they were 18, led a Leave it to Beaver lifestyle and seven years later magically becomes a tea connoisseur who eats sardine and butter sandwiches in Brooklyn? You were right again, a hipster.

Just look at these pretentious, phony pieces of shit letting the world know via the New York Times how cool they think they are.

Link- NEW YORK TIMES – A MEN’S TEA PARTY

 Hey look, I like tea, sardines, cheeses, and whatever else they have on that table, but will I grow a beard, put on a scarf, sit in a woodworking shop and have a tea party and invite the NYT to come record my pseudo-bohemian activities??? I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE THESE PEOPLE.

Here is another tea party in Brooklyn from last summer. Look at these grown adults still acting like fucking teenagers. Are you kidding me? You’re like 30 years old and you’re dressing goth having a picnic in a cemetary? Notice how none of those people are Brooklynites. Have you also noticed that any attention getting scheme done in Brooklyn that you see on Youtube or whatever is never done by Brooklynites? These narcissistic parasites are destroying Brooklyn with every tick of the clock.

Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw a Twizzler with a moustache wearing his satelite sized sun glasses under ground waiting for the train. So I caved in his cheekbone with a right hook, tied his dick to the third rail and watched his balls explode like popcorn kernals. End of story.

Bedford and Emmons? Huh?

Isn’t it funny that hipsters seemingly love New York, especially Brooklyn and especially Bedford Avenue? Yet not one ironic pussy in Williamsburg, Greenpoint or Bushwick has any idea where this intersection is. I guess they don’t know any part of Brooklyn that lacks pretentious music venues, galleries, dive bars, and restaurants. Yeah, what’s the point of dressing and acting normal and actually visiting other parts of this great city and blending in with and respecting the locals? That kind of behavior is too expected for these transplanted pieces of shit. Acting like a quirky and zany clown is what they prefer to do no matter how old they are when they arrive here. Every once in a while I imagine some scrawny, trend sucking, attention starved, pseudo creative type just panting like a fucking dog back in WiscoMichiKota waiting for the day he can come to Brooklyn and act like all the people he sees on blogs, Youtube, television, and magazines. You fucking nasally, naive, gentrifying cum stains.

Two naive girls make Williamsburg documentary.

So these two girls, who I wouldn’t call hipsters and look like they’re not from NYC either seem to be fascinated by Williamsburg. (Although I would bang that Indian girl) They do make some hipster jokes through out the video but all in all they seem like they would move there in a heartbeat. I’ll leave it up to you to tear it apart in the comment section but I would like to point out a couple of things.

1) The bald guy in the beer store that when asked what kind of musician he is he says ‘I play the computer’ LOL. Also he says, in nasal tone of course, ‘yaaa, I moved here 10 years ago, that’s when this area was becoming gentrified’. NO SHIT FUCK-O! You were the cause!

2) I love when they all of a sudden jump to Keyspan Park/Cyclones Stadium and you don’t see one hipster of course. Why? Because hipsters are allergic to sports and anything south of Park Slope.

Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw Team Ohio climbing over each others shoulders just to get into Whole Foods to spend their part-time production assistant pay checks on mythical organic food. So I knocked them down like bowling pins with a frozen turkey, painted them green and mixed them into the string bean section. End of story.

He’s everywhere!!!

Thanks to Bill for following Matt Grossest around Park Slope and secretly taking these pictures of him.

Today’s hipster beating.

Today, I saw a couple of emaciated busboys from Oregon doing yoga in the park. So I tied their beards together and beat the fuck out of them as the native Brooklynite pigeons and squirrels cheered me on. End of story.

All I can think of when I see this hipsters face.

Move your stroller tank you hipster geek.

Thanks to the comments section and everybody who emailed me this link.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/02/brooklyn.babies.in.bars/index.html?hpt=C1

 This is actually an old issue. I had a post about it on my old site a couple of years ago but it’s still obviously a problem. These sheepish hipster parents still can’t get the need to be noticed out of their blood, even as parents. So they take their bratty little Sasha’s and Tyler’s to bars and sip on Stella’s as they talk through their noses about blogs, organic bean sprouts, and how they can fix problems in their neighborhood. Just look at this idiot pose for a barstool over his head moment.

Someone in my comment section said it best…‘What’s he drinking – locally bottled $15 “spring water”? No surprise his baby is half-Asian. Look at that fucking vapid, creepy grin on his punchable face as he stares into space. There is something seriously wrong with these hatched nerd aliens. What happened to our city?’ HAHAHAAAA, I almost pissed on myself.

Look, I can understand once or twice in a baby or childs life that if you’re going to the store or the park with your kid and you happen to pass a bar with some friends in it to go in, say hello and maybe have a drink and leave. However, these cocksuckers make rituals out of this behavior. It’s all about creating their ‘new Brooklyn’. This carbon copied duplicate of the nasal invasion is a writer for the NYT and writer/editor for blog called Dadwagon.com, a blog where 4 writers talk about this wild and crazy concept of being a father. Read their comments section, it’s funny and read this douche Matt’s comments as he defends his right to bring his baby to bars. He says things like ‘What I don’t understand is how people think that simply by saying “I don’t like it” that that somehow justifies a baseless prejudice. What if I said “I don’t want black/gay/straight/tall people, so the bar should ban them”? How is that different from what you’re saying?‘

I can visualize these packs of hipster parents sitting in these bars with their babies and getting annoyed and making complaints when regular drinkers are cursing, getting rowdy or going out for cigarettes. God that irritates me.  You self entitled bitches. Can’t you see how wrong you are? You mean to tell me that you can pay some of the highest rents in the country, but you can’t afford to pay a babysitter for a couple of hours? Sure you can but it’s all about exposure for you. About showing off your $500 stroller tank and that your spoiled brat is a genius because they know the difference between red and blue.

These are the kind of people the NYT hires. One day, I hope some real Brooklynite cracks you in that inbred ridiculous face of yours.